WIBU to change cats now I know that it's a different sex?

[stonecold85]

We have reserved a cat from a breeder (ready in a few weeks) and had the perfect name, etc. picked out.

We have had pictures sent to us since birth.

Have just been told that it's actually a girl! DS wanted a boy cat (we have a girl cat and DD thinks of it as hers - she has been done though so no problems there).

Now we can't think of a name and DS is miserable. She has said we can change it to a different puppy as she has 2 that are waiting to be reserved.

We've had pictures of her since birth though and it's a bit mean, isn't it?

Therefore no longer technically male or female.. Nonsense. Sexual organs are just an expression of what is in the DNA. You could tell the sex of an animal from a single cell.

I think this is a good lesson for your son. He'll love the cat when it comes and realise that it's sex is irrelevant. That it doesn't have to be of the same sex as him to be friend.

I'm slightly suspicious of this 'mistake' - my vet told me it's much easier to find homes for male kittens. Now, I think that was because of the relative cost of spaying/neutering and so maybe doesn't apply to people buying them from breeders, but I suspect it may turn out that there are no male kittens left to have.

If it's not at home with you yet I don't see the problem. Personally all the nicest cats I've known have been neutered toms (whereas with dogs I prefer bitches) so I'd want a tom if I ever get another cat.

If the kitten had been with you a few weeks then I would think differently, as you and your son probably would.

YANBU - If I were in your position I would ask swap for a boy cat (which you wanted)

My neighbour has a huge, mean, fightin' bitin' scarfaced tomcat. Called Lucy

Years ago I acquired 3 male kittens - one was grey and we called him Earl. Earl turned out to be a girl so became Early. Don't think the cat minded .
My experience with cats would suggest that generally boy cats are significantly friendlier than girl cats. Regardless of that, to suggest that they are the same after being done is nonsense.

Yabu. We had a kitten once we thought was a girl. Turned out when he went for his first injections she was a he. He kept the same name.

Naturally your situation is different but I don't think it's mean of the breeder to say no purely because you have a name that doesn't suit the cats gender.

Is the breeder registered? If not I would be concerned about buying a kitten that isn't registered. You don't know if the parents are HCM clear or any condition for that matter. I'm saying this not to be cruel, but I had a thread in the litter tray earlier this year when I lost my ragdoll (unregistered) to HCM. I was heartbroken and still not over it. But I was very wrong not to do my research into pedigree cats and backstreet breeders. I've since bought a pedigree ragdoll kitten who is health tested.
What breed is the cat?

So you liked the pics and was ready to have the cat until you were told its not the right sex?
I think yabu.
What does it matter?
When i was younger I went to get a pet that i wanted a certain sex, when i got there the ones they had out were the opposite of what i was going to buy.
I came home with the different sex.
I chose a new name.
It doesn't matter.
Your child can keep the name if its that important:

But you'd come home with the pet Kali. The OP hasn't. In fact it doesn't even sound like they've physically met the kittens yet, they've just seen pics.

If you name a female kitten a male name it won't go unnoticed, it will be remarked upon with amusement at every vet visit. Just ask for pics of the two male kittens and your DS can choose which he wants of the three.

Someone needs to tell Ludo that male cats are not affectionate

I would also be more suspicious that its something to do with her having more demand for a certain sex/colour rather than a genuine sexing mistake. Unless we're talking "breeder" in very loose terms (ie inexperienced). Breeders start to get twitchy when kittens start to reach 9weeks and have not been sold, she may have had lots of demand for one sex and risk being left with a lot of the other.

As other posters have said, it's not like rejecting a kitten that you actually own or has bonded into your family, plus presumably you sought out this breeder, this litter and this kitten because you wanted a certain fit in your family. Presumably you are spending a lot of money for the pet you wanted and wanted everything to be right. Tbh I think the name thing is neither here nor there.

If it has to be the cat in the photos then you will have to accept a female instead. Your other options are enquiring if she has a different (male) kitten.... Or walk away and find another breeder. Particularly if any alarm bells are ringing about this breeder's trustworthiness (defo get kitten health checked as soon as you collect it) most breeders offer a 4wk insurance voucher and evidence of flea/worming plus often vaccs and microchip as well.

JemimaLovesHamble yes i came home with it, but id never met it until that day.
Id even seen pics like the op, yet i came back with a different one.
The op has pics of this cat and presumably loved it up until this moment was my point.

YABU for using a breeder. Take a walk around any of the animal shelters in this country to see all of the unwanted cats desperately in need of homes. But no, you go ahead and buy your living, breathing, feeling, 'possesion'. And continue teaching your kids the importance of valuing living creatures

I think you should think about which sex would fit in better with your family. In my experience, even neutered, girl cats are less relaxed than boy cats.

Don't see the problem with changing before you have got at all.

Do see the problem with a breeder who can't sex the animals properly.

My neighbour has a huge, mean, fightin' bitin' scarfaced tomcat. Called Lucy
Probably short for Lucifer

Telling that it's the same names being downright nasty from thread to thread.

YABVU to call a kitten a puppy. It is a kitten.
Apart from that, I don't know what the problem is, either take the female kitten you have reserved or take one of the others. The breeder will have photos of the other from birth and could send you these photos so you have pictures of your kitten as a baby.
Have you even visited these kittens to get to know their personalities?
Why can't you visit them with your DS and let the kitten choose you? ie. a kitten who comes to you and wants to play with you and is interested in getting to know you.

I agree that YABU going to a breeder when there's a huge cat problem and the shelters are literally bursting at the seams with cats, including kittens.

I think you're also BU giving a kitten to a child who clearly isn't old enough to really appreciate it and actually, hasn't bonded with THAT kitten at all.

I'm sorry to write that this all smacks of entitlement to me and I would question whether this is a good thing to teach a child.

I think it's probably good that this has happened as it's given you the opportunity to take advice and re-think the situation.

If your son is unhappy about her being female - how will he cope if she turns out to have some health problems, or a disability, or simply doesn't bond with him?

I think you should cancel the deal as it's obviously not feeling good for you at the moment.

catsoclock is right in all points. Using a breeder when there are so many homeless animals always makes me sick. Get a stuffed toy cat. That way it can’t dissapoint anyone.

YABU to post about puppies that are actually kittens.

Quick question: by 'kitten', do you actually mean 'horse'? Just checking..,

Why not just have the kitten or 'puppy' you have chosen unless you are planning to breed from them which is another matter entirely?

But what sort of shitty breeder can't sex kittens?

As others have said, it can be difficult to sex tiny kittens. It becomes more obvious as they grow.

True story. I have a friend who breeds cats. Some years ago she kept back a pretty tortie from a litter, with the intention of breeding from her. Kitten was entered in a cat show. By this time kitten was about 16 weeks old and goodness only knows how many people had looked at it. All was going well until my DH said it was a boy...

No-one had looked too closely at its rear end, because as we all know, torties are always female, aren't they.

Breeder had to get a vet certificate confirming presence of testicles before his pedigree registration could be changed. (The computer couldn't cope with him being described as "tortie" though) She did keep him, and did try to breed him, but he proved to be infertile.

Tortie males are not unheard of in this breed/line, and there are several random occurrences in other pedigree breeds too.