WIBU to change cats now I know that it's a different sex?

[stonecold85]

We have reserved a cat from a breeder (ready in a few weeks) and had the perfect name, etc. picked out.

We have had pictures sent to us since birth.

Have just been told that it's actually a girl! DS wanted a boy cat (we have a girl cat and DD thinks of it as hers - she has been done though so no problems there).

Now we can't think of a name and DS is miserable. She has said we can change it to a different puppy as she has 2 that are waiting to be reserved.

We've had pictures of her since birth though and it's a bit mean, isn't it?

an understand the upset. It’s not your but your DS. Can you ask him what he wants to do. Girl cat that he’s seen photos of or a boy cat that he hasn’t. Takes it out of your hands

^^This sounds like the best thing to do. He may find he's bonded with the new kitten and doesn't want to get to know another one, even virtually.

And he can keep the name he's chosen, even if it's Fred, Eric or Felix and she would be in good company, whose female, but called Felix as they initially assumed she was male, not that it matters. Cats don't care.

www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-leeds-35532884

OP, I somewhat know where you’re coming from. I reserved a female Burmese kitten from a breeder. I wanted a female as, from my experience, females tend to be gentler and more affectionate. Anyway, the breeder delivered the kitten to my house and went back home - she lived about 3 drive hours away. I was cuddling the kitten and discovered, in fact, she was a boy. I rang the breeder - “Are you sure?” says she. “Well, he has a fine set of testicles, so fairly sure!”

She had to do a 3 hour return trip to deliver my girl, who, after all, I had paid a good deal of money for.

What strange responses you are getting from some people OP! The kitten doesn't know you yet so has formed no attachment. You are free to pick whichever feels right to you and your child.

What strange responses you are getting from some people OP! The kitten doesn't know you yet so has formed no attachment. You are free to pick whichever feels right to you and your child.

ridiculous responses here, the kitten has no idea she has been picked, it won't make any difference to her, the OP is not returning a kitten that they have already met and begun to know and who has adjusted to a family, how can it be disgusting to pick a different one from the same litter? in my opinion it is much more responsible to make sure they pick a kitten that will fit in with the family well and be well-loved, if the OP's DS was hoping for a boy and had got attached to that idea, why not? I am sure the girl will find a loving home, too

I don't think female cats are gentler or more affectionate, quite the opposite in my experience.

Most of the boy cats we've had have been big cuddly Mummy's boy babies and the girls aloof, distant and slightly violent if you accidentally piss them off.

I really don't understand why you're getting a bashing here, apart from the fact that you posted in AIBU and that's the stock reaction from some posters, regardless of actual content.

Yes, change the kitten to a male one (although I'd consider changing the breeder too, if they can't tell the difference!) If it's that important to your DS that he has a boy cat, then do it. You might be intellectually attached to the one you thought you were getting, but the cat couldn't care less if it still hasn't left its current home, so get a boy one instead.

I don't think it's a problem (although I'm surprised nobody has yet weighed in on the evil of breeders when there are so many animals needing homes).

FWIW we have a cat called Whitey, who isn't white [named by a 4 year old], which always raises an eyebrow at the vet. No harm will be done if you decide to keep her and give her a boys name.

I have 2 boy and 2 girl cats, 1 boy is a big old softie, the second is young and after an adolescent bitey phase is now turning into a big old softie. I have one girl who is very timid and another who particularly enjoys biting small children. The boys tolerate the house bunny well.

a neutered animal has no sex organs. Therefore no longer technically male or female.

That's ridiculous, there are still clear differences in behaviour

Most of the boy cats we've had have been big cuddly Mummy's boy babies and the girls aloof, distant and slightly violent if you accidentally piss them off.

Girls are usually more aloof, yes, but they need more time and effort put in to form a close bond as they take longer to trust you. If you do that, in my experience they are much more loyal than male cats, who will be affectionate with almost everyone. To me, the relationship I have with my female cats is really special The females often have one person who is their favourite as well.

This is true GreenTea. One of my girl cats follows me everywhere.

That said, I got woken up at 7am by 3 of the cats and the rabbit breaking into my room to demand breakfast in a mass protest. The rest cleared off afterwards but she came back to sleep next to me.

What a batshit thread

That’s why I said ‘in my experience’ Barbara. Maybe I’ve been unlucky, but all the male cats my family have owned have had issues of some kind - aggression, aloofness, etc. - whereas the females have been lovely. I recognise that not everyone’s experiences are the same though.

Lol at the idea of a cat's vagina being removed when spaying.

I think it's perfectly fine to switch cats. Its not mean, the kitten won't know.

I don't understand why you would change it... it's a cat... their gender us literally what's between their legs. Nothing more. Youve spent this whole time getting images /building a connection and now want to swap cos of genitals is mad. ..

People, they don't have the cat yet. They just want to switch their choice before they buy it. No cats feelings will be harmed in the process,

Sure, go ahead. Boy cats tend to be nicer (to me at least ) than girl cats anyway. Since it will be DS his cat, he should choose.

They haven't got a connection with the kitten! Not as far as the kitten is concerned anyway. It's a very one-sided, meaningless connection at best!

I got woken up at 7am by 3 of the cats and the rabbit breaking into my room to demand breakfast in a mass protest. The rest cleared off afterwards but she came back to sleep next to me.

That made me laugh imagining them all bursting in and demanding food! The joy of being a pet owner Sounds similar to my house! Sometimes as soon as I sit down I am covered in cats, I love it though.

Cat breeding is a horrible thing. There are so many unwanted cats waiting in shelters around the country and people have to go and buy cats designed to their own specifications. I despair.

Have you spoken to the breeder OP and asked why the 'pup' is a different sex? Is there a boy for you to have?

Can you it take the girl and give her the planned name?

As an aside, I would be incredibly worried about a breeder who cannot sex kittens!!!

Your biggest mistake was only a few words in. You said 'breeder'.

I'm a huge support of adopt not shop but hey, it's up to you and I see nothing wrong in 'swapping kittens' especially as he/she is not even home with you yet.

YANBU to want the sex you had chosen, however I don't suspect it matters much.
Just ring the breeder and say you want to swap to a female, I bet DS won't even notice.

YABU to call them pups though, it's hardly an effort to say kitten

OK so what would you have done had you got your kitten and 3 months later found it was a girl?

I assume you are getting it 'done' so what really is the difference? Cats often have names that apply more to the opposite sex because you can't always tell when they are little.

I've know a male Poppy and a female Stan Lee (kittens, not to be confused with the children's names thread)

Its not about disrupting the kitten, because the kitten is still at the breeders, it doesnt give a shit.

Its more about your attitude, which is really sad. Most people just get a cat by picking up a stray, being given a kitten from a neighbours litter, or by going to a rescue. As an example, me, I went to this rescue woman's house and my eyes just locked with M. I knew I needed to take her home. I didnt care whether she was male or female because they're all neutered anyway.

I think its really bad that you're raising your kids to give this much of a shit. Of course ita fun to "pick" a gender but they shouldnt really care. I also think its weird you named her without actually having been around her. And thirdly I ALSO think its weird you've gone to a breeder. I can understand it a little more for a dog where personality is key. A cat lives its own life pretty much - it doesnt need to be selected for personality type and there are shit loads in shelters.

So basically youve chosen a cat based on your specific aesthetic preferences and are now discarding the cat you have built a mental.connection with over the past few months based on its gender, which is soon to be removed anyway.

You are being unreasonable. A cat isnt an interior design feature or accessory. You're teaching your kids that animals are objects.

Go to shelters, peoplre. There are so many sad little souls out there living in cages. As i say, dogs are slightly different, especially for first time owners with no experience.

I've never know a male cat to be affectionate. I have always found girls far nicer to be around.
Anyway-Op you don't sound much like a genuine animal lover and you are teaching you ds to be a vacuous about animal owner as you are.
When you redecorate will you get a new set of 'pups' to match the paintwork?

I cant believe you are assuming it's gender.