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Original poster

WIBU to change cats now I know that it's a different sex?

157 replies

stonecold85 · 03/10/2017 01:54

We have reserved a cat from a breeder (ready in a few weeks) and had the perfect name, etc. picked out.

We have had pictures sent to us since birth.

Have just been told that it's actually a girl! DS wanted a boy cat (we have a girl cat and DD thinks of it as hers - she has been done though so no problems there).

Now we can't think of a name and DS is miserable. She has said we can change it to a different puppy as she has 2 that are waiting to be reserved.

We've had pictures of her since birth though and it's a bit mean, isn't it?

OP posts:
ProperLavs · 03/10/2017 07:04

I had to get my kittens from a breeder as round her you are vetted to within an inch of your life if you want to 'adopt' and if you live in a rented as I do they won't even look at you. it's a bloody stupid policy and means I went to a breeder.

ProperLavs · 03/10/2017 07:05

Please excuse typos!

cherrycola2004 · 03/10/2017 07:05

You can always ask the breeder if she has a boy available then shouldn’t be a problem. Have you visited them?

I hate breeders who send pics from birth, anything can happen in that time and could disappoint/upset the new family if something happens.

Also make sure they are at least 13 weeks old and fully vaccinated with all papers if this is a pedigree kitten.

splendidisolation · 03/10/2017 07:07

@ProperLavs

Its weird because my male was very cute and affectionate until about a year and then he just retained all gis curiosity and love of life but doesnt really give a shit when I stroke him anymore. Whereas my female snuggles up all the time!

ProperLavs · 03/10/2017 07:17

splendid ime male cats like a bit of affection which they wake you up for at about 4 am. The rest of the time they run off when you try and stroke them. I currently have one of each. Of course my experience is limited considering the handful of males I have owned and the squillions that exist!

ZanyMobster · 03/10/2017 07:22

We have just got Kittens, boy and a girl according to the vet. Had a check up the day they were coming to us and turns out they are both boys. To us they were still our kittens so we still had them. They are from a rescue and rehoming place so I just wouldn't have said no but the lady was worried we might. It took a while to not refer to him as she and we had a very girly name which we have shortened so it is not much different.

It makes no difference IMO as they're cats but talk to your DS first to see what he says.

strongasmeringue · 03/10/2017 07:23

Isn't the point that the child has been bonding via photos of what he thought was his cats from when it was tiny? Now he has no photos of his cat as a baby. Unless of course the other cat had also been having his/her photo taken and the breeder could send the photos through in a job lot.

Ellisandra · 03/10/2017 07:25

When we were kids, my father brought us up to say "loilies" to mean toilet - "I need to go to the loilies".

Even as a small child I was able to work out that in a friend's home I should "where is the toilet, please?"

FFS with "puppies". Confused

Weird attention seeking thread.

ittakes2 · 03/10/2017 07:31

We bought a male and a female kittens from a breeder. We had only gone to buy one kitten and my daughter wanted a female but my hubby fell in love with the male as he was a very tiny, timid and shy kitten - shaking with fright and my hubby felt sorry for him. Fast forward two years and the male is a whopping 7 kilo lion-like creature like his dad and too heavy for the kids to pick up and the female is a petite 3 kilo princess. We adore both of them but if you wanted a female kitten I don't think you should feel bad about deciding to wait for a female kitten as you will have this cat for life.

SpartaTheGreat · 03/10/2017 07:31

Since you don't already have the kitten I don't see the problem in swapping the girl cat for the boy. That being said I think if you can you should get a boy from the litter for your son.......and also get the girl cat you've been getting photos of for yourself Wink . You clearly want her too.......Grin

SquirrelPlantedBeech · 03/10/2017 07:31
Glitterball
HeteronormativeHaybales · 03/10/2017 07:32

Agree, strange thread. As you haven't got the cat yet, no actual problem in swapping, IMO. But what odd and slightly disturbing language - 'change cats', 'ready in a few weeks'. It does make it sound as if you think of the cat rather as an object. Couldn't imagine applying such language to my two very ordinary, common-or-garden, rescue moggies.

contrary13 · 03/10/2017 07:34

Years ago, my parents had a tom-cat called Tinkerbell.

When they bought him, they were sold "a long-haired queen"... he turned out to be a short-haired tom, whose name was chosen by my then 2-year old DD. By the time it became glaringly obvious "she" was a "he", it didn't matter about his name, because we were all used to it (and various shortenings - Tinks, mainly). More importantly, it suited him. Yes, my father was a little embarrassed the first couple of times he took the cat to the vets, but... after that, he didn't mind, because he doted on the cat.

Ten years ago, my family had a tom-cat whose name was male but which was shortened to a name more commonly reserved for women/girls. Think 'Copacabana'. He was registered with his "proper" name at the vets and on his paperwork, but would only answer to his Barry Manilow inspired name (and no; I'm not a fan) and when he unfortunately died a few years later (bladder stone which went undetected until it was too late to save him), the people at the cremation place we use all thought he was a queen because of the fact we wanted his nickname/the name he'd answer to (although he knew when his "proper" name was used he was in trouble) on his urn. But "Lola" was his name as far as he was concerned, so...

So yes. You are being a little unreasonable to be picking an animal purely on the basis of "having the perfect name" and it not fitting that gender. But at the same time, you're not being unreasonable to want to give your son a tom-cat instead of a queen.

However. We had three tom-cats and one queen (all neutered as kittens) up until last year, when she died. Out of all four of those cats, the one whom my son adored and who returned that devotion ten-fold... wasn't the tom-cat who was meant to be his, but the queen who was meant to be his sister's. It is possible for little boys to be loved by queens and barely tolerated by toms, you know...

Branleuse · 03/10/2017 07:35

No harm in changing. I prefer boy cats as i think they tend to be more affectionate. Girl cats are fine as kittens, but when they become adults theyre more standoffish and they just wanna be out hunting. Boy cats are usually homebodies in my experience, so id definitely Change

Lenl · 03/10/2017 07:36

People get so crazy about pets on here. They always have to be The Best Most Moral Pet Owners. I think also several people haven't read the actual post where it says you don't have the cat yet. Of course it's fine to change. Pick the sex you want. It would be different if you already had the cat, but you don't, so it's fine.

cornerstoned · 03/10/2017 07:37

weird thread. gender disappointment with a cat.

either call the cat by the boy name or drop the cat, get yourself to a rescue and get a boy kitten from there. rescues are full of kittens now. now need to go via breeder.

it can be rather hard to tell the sex of a kitten after birth. if you just reserve another male newborn, you risk the same issue again.

FakePlasticTeaLeaves · 03/10/2017 07:41

If you get your cat neutered it ‘won’t be anything’.

This comment makes me feel really ill. How horrible.

Anyways OP, it's much better to have a cat that your family all want and love than one that might be deemed as 'second best', so I would get a different kitten if that is truly what your DS would like. I'd just ask him.

GetOffTheTableMabel · 03/10/2017 07:43

The neutering operation is quite different for male and female kittens. Females need to have a large section ion want f fur on their side shaved, will often have external stitches (which other cats in the household can lick, nibble, damage etc). It is a more significant procedure for female cats & it is fine to ask a breeder for a different kitten. They are supposedly a professional.

CatastropheKate · 03/10/2017 07:44

Wow, and to think I wondered where 'crazy cat lady' came from ?

OP, just choose the kitten most suited to your family. Ignore the rest of the crazies. Kitten is still with mother, change your mind 1000 times before, to make sure you never change your mind after.

Ameliablue · 03/10/2017 07:47

Some ridiculous responses. You haven't got the kitten yet and you'd asked for a boy so of course you can ask for a different one now you've found out is a girl.

splendidisolation · 03/10/2017 07:48

@CatastropheKate

Sorry for trying to encourage people to see animals as sentient beings as opposed to accessories.

5rivers7hills · 03/10/2017 07:53

I've never know a male cat to be affectionate

Tell that to my boy who spent the night sleeping around my neck/head purring. And spent yesterday evening sitting on my lap purring.

This thread is batshit. There is probably more variance in personality cat to cat than male to female.

That said f you want a boy cat OP ask the breeder if there is a male you can have.

I picked a boy because I like a good big solid cat to cuddle and males are on average bigger than females. He’s a darling.

MidniteScribbler · 03/10/2017 07:53

And thirdly I ALSO think its weird you've gone to a breeder. I can understand it a little more for a dog where personality is key. A cat lives its own life pretty much - it doesnt need to be selected for personality type and there are shit loads in shelters.

Working on the assumption that the OP is going to a reputable and registered breeder, not a backyarder, then there is nothing wrong with healthy, well bred cats and dogs being bred. I am a pedigree dog breeder, and I went to a pedigree cat breeder to buy my kitten. I wanted a specific breed, I wanted to know where it came from, the health background, and how it had been raised.

Don't confuse irresponsible owners who don't desex their animals with pedigree breeders who are maintaining breeds.

ifonly4 · 03/10/2017 07:56

OP, I guess the breeder would have no problem with you changing the kitten.

I know your DS will initially be disappointed if you keep the girl, but a lesson can be learned in that animals are not dispensable, she will still be his kitten and the one everyone has been looking forward to. You often hear of pets with a name which is the wrong gender (as it's easy to make a mistake), so you could still use the name.

The only reason I'd change the kitten at this stage would be on personality and it was causing me any doubts who it'd get on with my current cat.

tabulahrasa · 03/10/2017 08:09

If you want a boy and there is one, get a boy...

But what sort of shitty breeder can't sex kittens?

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