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Original poster

Friend kissed husband/husband kissed friend

166 replies

Fliptopdustbinlid · 02/10/2017 08:02

Not really sure where to start, but here goes, a little bit of background context, we are a group of friends, couples and all have children, been friends for a number of years etc, been with DH for 17 years, married for 8.

All friends are married and have children, all in good relationships.

Went out on Friday nights for dinner and drinks, had a few drinks and then for dinner in a local restaurant, girls sat together and blokes sat together, but my DH ended up sitting next to friend A (ill call her) who then sat opposite friend B.

All was going well and no problems, when all of a sudden- and i dont know how it came about that DH kissed friend A, proper smacker on the lips when friend A's DH went to the toilet, kinda in a laughy-funny way, but then did it again before he got back! All in front of me, although i was right at the end of the table so i am not sure how the conversation went beforehand, or if it was some kind of dare, but that what happened.

After the meal we went for more drinks (and was no way drunk at all) but friend B was a little flirty, nothing much, but a bit flirty. Friend A and her DH ended up going home early, but didnt even say bye to me as a few of us were then up dancing, but she and her DH went home.

We then stayed for a bit longer, but when we left DH then walked up the road holding friend B's hand! not for too long, but still happened.

Once home, i let rip at DH asking what the heck he was playing at, and he said it was nothing and i was taking it all out of context and it was just nothing, and i kiss the blokes sometimes, which is not true at all, apart from kissing to say bye, (which is cheek) not just sat in a restaurant having a meal, id no way just turn to one of them to kiss them! and then walk off holding one of their hands!

He did seem remorseful and i said how would you have felt if id done that!

I ended up sleeping in DS room as they were with their auntie, but i didnt sleep too well, and i have felt rubbish the whole weekend, DH apologised all day on the Sat, i just feel really down about it all.

OP posts:
MerryMarigold · 02/10/2017 12:14

It's not something that 'just happened' if it coincidentally happened whilst friend A's dh was in the toilet. Good timing.

And holding hands with Friend B would have me seething. Totally seething. Drunk or not.

miraclebabyplease · 02/10/2017 12:15

I may have missed this but what type of kiss was it? Although, either way, it feels like there was little respect shown for you that night.

MerryMarigold · 02/10/2017 12:17

miracle, a big smacker on the lips. Twice. Not a snog, but not a cheek kiss either. (which in itself would be a bit weird unless saying goodbye/ hello). It was in the middle of a meal kiss on the lips.

nousername123 · 02/10/2017 12:20

If that was my partner, friend A wouldn't have made it home 👊🏻 and partner would be sleeping outside. How did you carry on the rest of the night? I would have immediately said something or done something. That is so disrespectful! He's clearly seeing how far he can push and what he can get away with! Even as a joke, this is not acceptable!x

stolemyusername · 02/10/2017 12:21

Op I think you’re delusional if you believe your friends believe that you have the ‘perfect relationship’, they witnessed your husbands behaviour over the weekend and the fact that you did nothing.

That’s not a perfect relationship by any shitty standard.

rightnowimpissed · 02/10/2017 12:21

If hes so willing to do this infront of you, well omg what would he do behind our back, nasty git

gillybeanz · 02/10/2017 12:36

Gosh this sounds like behaviour you'd expect from a group of teens not grown ups.
However, you do sound like a bunch of swingers or even 1950's couples where the wives are separated from the husbands.
It just all sounds a bit weird, sorry OP

iloveruby · 02/10/2017 12:39

"If that was my partner, friend A wouldn't have made it home" - how dignified Hmm

InsomniacAnonymous · 02/10/2017 12:40

Zoenichole158 "If that was my partner, friend A wouldn't have made it home 👊🏻 "

Really? Shock

MadamePomfrey · 02/10/2017 12:48

’All friends are married and have children, all in good relationships.’.
I’m sure that’s what they are wanting you to think/ leading you to believe but in my experience people in good relationships don’t kiss another person while their partner is in the loo.

Friend A she isn’t a friend! She didn’t say anything to stop it and I’m guessing hasn’t been in contact since no apologies or anything?

Totally agrees with pp that your friends don’t think you have a ‘perfect relationship’ after the weekend I also find it a little off why none of these good friends have been in touch to check up on you since this?

The think with Friend b wouldn’t have bothered me on it’s own but with everything else it’s very odd!

You need to find out what happened so talk to others who were closer then you can decide what to do. I would probably withdraw from the group a bit just meet up with individuals you trust! As for dh it would depend a bit on how it happened but I would make it clear he is on his last chance if he ever disrespects you like that again he is out! And I’m a pessimist but I would start to make sure I was prepared financially ect to do that!

nousername123 · 02/10/2017 12:58

In my defence I'm severely hormonal as I'm 23 weeks pregnant. No I wouldn't result to violence (not worth my job) but she wouldn't have gotten away with it, her husband would definitely have been told and I would have confronted her there and then! She is also to blame, she's supposed to be OPs friend!

CorbynsBumFlannel · 02/10/2017 13:36

Your dh has no respect for you or you’re relationship to do that. And to do it right in front of you knowing you would tolerate it shows who calls the shots. Also the fact that you aren’t confident enough to just ask him what’s the hell he was playing at - even privately.
You describing your relationship as good makes me wonder what on earth previous relationships must have been like for comparison.
Get rid op. This isn’t what a good relationship looks like.

Huskylover1 · 02/10/2017 13:47

But there isn't ANY context, that would make this OK. I have no idea what you think he could say, to make this acceptable.

He sounds exactly like my ExH.

If he is doing this in plain sight, what do you think he's doing when he is out without you?

Personally, I'd stop asking him about it. Move in to the spare room. have a good think about why you are looking for a "reason" when there could never be a good reason. At your first opportunity, get in to his phone/e-mails etc and have a good look. Although somehow, I'm guessing he doesn't leave his phone lying about.

I would also text/call the husband of both friends and ask if they were aware of what happened. I mean, why do A and B, just walk away from this?

Also, how are you ever going to enjoy a night out with this crowd again?

Gemini69 · 02/10/2017 14:31

my Text to friend A and friend B would a curt short.... FUCK OFF Flowers

MyBrilliantDisguise · 02/10/2017 14:35

Where were you when your husband was holding hands with B? Walking behind? On your own? Why didn't you say something at the time?

Birdsgottafly · 02/10/2017 14:54

I'd have to speak about it with Friend A and her DH and Friend B alone.

Otherwise I wouldn't get passed it.

You've been treated like a dickhead, whilst Friend A has treated her DH with the respect(ish) of not doing it in front of him and you're DH has decided that your presence was irrelevant.

I couldn't gloss over this.

Roomster101 · 02/10/2017 15:09

If it was something & nothing i dont want to lose DH or our friends, it 'may' have been a joke, but i guess until i ask i wont know.

If it was something and nothing or a joke he would have done it in front of A's DH rather than waiting until he was in the toilet.

honeyrider · 02/10/2017 15:13

He's not telling the full truth, initially he said you were taking it out of context then when he's had time to concoct an excuse he says he was drunk and cannot remember so if he cannot remember how can he say you're taking it out of context.

Schmoozer · 02/10/2017 15:21

Wow.
I behaved like your DH when I was much younger, had too much to drink, and was unhappy in a relationship
I was fishing - flirting with people in the hope they would give me a way out, rescue me, I didn't want to leave and be single
Obviously my behaviour was stupid
As is your DH's ......

Katedotness1963 · 02/10/2017 15:21

I'd text friend A and say what the hell was that the other night?

BeatriceBeaudelaire · 02/10/2017 15:27

I don’t think it’s akin to cheating in this context .... but it’s certainly fucking rude and idiotic. He tried for a joke and it was shit. He needs to apologise.

Motoko · 02/10/2017 16:41

Tell him to explain the context to A's DH. Bet he won't.

WhoWants2Know · 02/10/2017 16:57

I agree with pp who said she'd be texting to ask "wtf?", but I'd be texting B the same. If they were just playing then they need to have their cards marked so they don't go there again.

Thinkingofausername1 · 02/10/2017 17:06

I would have not accepted this and probably been quite confrontational; in front of everyone. You need to talk to him and ask what he is playing at.

PumpernickleInaWarehouse · 02/10/2017 17:08

Please just ask someone outright. Its not that hard op!

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