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Original poster

Friend kissed husband/husband kissed friend

166 replies

Fliptopdustbinlid · 02/10/2017 08:02

Not really sure where to start, but here goes, a little bit of background context, we are a group of friends, couples and all have children, been friends for a number of years etc, been with DH for 17 years, married for 8.

All friends are married and have children, all in good relationships.

Went out on Friday nights for dinner and drinks, had a few drinks and then for dinner in a local restaurant, girls sat together and blokes sat together, but my DH ended up sitting next to friend A (ill call her) who then sat opposite friend B.

All was going well and no problems, when all of a sudden- and i dont know how it came about that DH kissed friend A, proper smacker on the lips when friend A's DH went to the toilet, kinda in a laughy-funny way, but then did it again before he got back! All in front of me, although i was right at the end of the table so i am not sure how the conversation went beforehand, or if it was some kind of dare, but that what happened.

After the meal we went for more drinks (and was no way drunk at all) but friend B was a little flirty, nothing much, but a bit flirty. Friend A and her DH ended up going home early, but didnt even say bye to me as a few of us were then up dancing, but she and her DH went home.

We then stayed for a bit longer, but when we left DH then walked up the road holding friend B's hand! not for too long, but still happened.

Once home, i let rip at DH asking what the heck he was playing at, and he said it was nothing and i was taking it all out of context and it was just nothing, and i kiss the blokes sometimes, which is not true at all, apart from kissing to say bye, (which is cheek) not just sat in a restaurant having a meal, id no way just turn to one of them to kiss them! and then walk off holding one of their hands!

He did seem remorseful and i said how would you have felt if id done that!

I ended up sleeping in DS room as they were with their auntie, but i didnt sleep too well, and i have felt rubbish the whole weekend, DH apologised all day on the Sat, i just feel really down about it all.

OP posts:
Shakirasma · 02/10/2017 08:44

I wouldn't think anything is going on between your DH and your friends beyond silly messing about.

However it is hugely disrespectful towards you and their husbands and crosses the line of acceptable behaviour between friends.

I'm not surprised you are angry. I think your DH needs to grow the hell up, as do your so called friends.

Miserylovescompany2 · 02/10/2017 08:46

I'd be very interested to know the context? Because, it's just disrespectful to the other partner. The leaving early without a goodbye could well have been because of this.

Ask her and ask your DH to explain?

if he's doing this in plain sight, what's he doing out of sight

ChicRock · 02/10/2017 08:46

I'm not sure how anyone can take "out of context" their husband kissing another woman full on the lips right in front of their face, twice?

There is no "context" that makes it ok, is there? What context would people be like "oh yeah ok, cool". Confused

VegasJuice · 02/10/2017 08:46

I'm in a polyamourous marriage and this would still be inexcusable. Talk to your husband, ask the questions you want to ask. It was disrespectful.

ChicRock · 02/10/2017 08:48

The fact he deliberately waited till A's husband went to the loo tells me he knew exactly how out of order he was.

ShatnersWig · 02/10/2017 08:50

Even putting the kissing aside, I'd be fuming over the holding hands. Sorry, but unless the other person is going through some really horrible shit, you just don't do that.

If the boundaries are that bad that holding hands is seen as OK, then the kissing just takes it to a WHOLE other level.

MrsOverTheRoad · 02/10/2017 08:50

I think it's a shocking thing to do and I can't work out why you carried the evening on!

I'd have been up and out of that restaurant like a bullet!

Original poster
Fliptopdustbinlid · 02/10/2017 08:53

I really wish it wasnt for real guilty, but sadly it is.

Friend A's DH didnt see what happened as he was in the toilet, but i am sure he wouldnt be happy if he did

OP posts:
MrsOverTheRoad · 02/10/2017 08:55

But why did you carry on the evening as normal OP? That will tell us a lot about your relationship.

Poshindevon · 02/10/2017 08:55

I would also speak to the woman who kissed your husband and ask her why this happened. Your husband is disrespectful but it also unnaceptable behaviour from these women.

I could not have kept my mouth shut if this happened in front of me.

Original poster
Fliptopdustbinlid · 02/10/2017 08:55

I actually dont know why i continued the evening if i am honest, after the meal i should have just left

OP posts:
Shakirasma · 02/10/2017 08:55

The fact he deliberately waited till A's husband went to the loo tells me he knew exactly how out of order he was.

Exactly, but he has so little respect for you that he would do it right in front of your face!

happypoobum · 02/10/2017 08:55

You say DH spent all Saturday apologising but you still don't know the context? I don't really understand this.

It sounds like you have major communication issues.

I would go ballistic about this, but I would have done when it happened. Have you spoken to your "friends" about it?

ems137 · 02/10/2017 08:57

What do you mean when you say "I need to find a way to ask him about the context"? If it was my DH I'd have asked him outright there and then? Why are you beating round the bush?

I would be furious and would have said something there and then or at least the moment we were alone together. I wouldn't have left the conversation until I was in receipt of all the answers to be honest.

Sugarpiehoneyeye · 02/10/2017 08:57

Don't be frightened of upsetting the apple art OP, your DH is a joke !
Have it out with him. Tell him to explain himself, before you explain to 'A's husband.😡

Perfectly1mperfect · 02/10/2017 08:58

Just ask him what the hell happened. You said he apologised, did that not include explaining how it happened ? Have you asked him what led up to the kisses and hand holding ?

MrsOverTheRoad · 02/10/2017 08:59

Are you scared of him?

Kittykat93 · 02/10/2017 09:01

I wouldn't have been able to just carry on the night if my dp did this to me. It shows massive disrespect and just general twattiness!!!!

You have a right to be absolutely furious and demand answers - don't let him being 'remorseful' make you just brush it under the carpet or he will behave like this in the future.

Teddy7878 · 02/10/2017 09:04

As soon as I saw them kiss I would have called over asking what they were doing

Roomster101 · 02/10/2017 09:07

He sounds like a total twat. Given what you have said, I think I would be more concerned about the interaction with friend B than friend A as I think it possible that he was trying to make B jealous by kissing A.

PerfectlyPooPoo · 02/10/2017 09:09

I think your dh has a crush on friend A and 'jokingly' took it too far.

Why the feck haven't you asked more questions from him?!

PerfectlyPooPoo · 02/10/2017 09:11

Oh Roomster might have a point. Friend A saw your dh kiss friend B and then was trying to down-play it by kissing her? As in see, friends can kiss and it be harmless type bullshit.

Mummyoflittledragon · 02/10/2017 09:13

I don't know how the hell I ended up snogging someone fugly guy blind drunk as a student. It also happened a couple of times when I was with dh ( I was a student when I met him). Nothing sexual. I stopped drinking so much and it never happened again. This was a very long time ago btw pre kids etc. I hardly touch a drop now. Alcohol turns me into a very amorous person, I imagine. Other people get violent. I don't like the affects of alcohol.

I'm not trying to say what your dh did is exusable as I struggle to understand why I did what I did. I certainly didn't want to sleep with these men. I think you need to have a frank and proper talk about what happened.

I've grown up a lot since then. I have a lot better boundaries these days. Sounds like he needs to grow up and get some good boundaries.

Thiscantreallybehappening · 02/10/2017 09:15

OP, you should have called over and asked what they were doing.

What was the reaction from the other "friends" around the table? presumably it was awkward. Did Friend B's DH see her holding hands with your DH?

I think you have a problem, by what you are saying you can't even put it down to too much drink.

Your DH has no respect for you and I'm sorry but Friend A and B are not your friends. This is a totally unacceptable way for any of them to behave. Can you have some quiet time today and look back on other social occasions with this group and see if you can remember any flirting, comments etc because the fact they they were so familiar with your DH would possibly indicate that something has gone on before.

YellowFlower201 · 02/10/2017 09:19

How are you feeling about this OP?
Why not ask your friends if you're not getting info out of him?

Or tell him that will be the next step.

You're not 'making a scene' by telling your husband to stop kissing other women in front of you OP. It's ok for him to make a scene but not you? Your friends must have seen.

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