To make them pay?

[SpecialKt]

Dd is having a meal out with around 15 friends x they're all aged between 14 & 16 . Aibu to make them pay for their own meals or do I pay since it's dds meal ?

I've paid for birthday meals out before but that wasn't for 15 teenagers !

I still don't understand. Is the thing they are wishing your DD luck for happening on mufti day?

Sorry , what I mean is that she was so worried about what to wear that she didn't go into school , she isn't normally fussed about clothes. I'm starting to wonder if these girls are good friends

DD doesn't even have to be the one who takes the rap for this, it is easy to say 'Mum won't pay', then it's your fault. I am sure you can handle it! No way would I be paying for a meal they had arranged.

certainly not by the way you're describing things OP... I'd be inclined to pull the plug on the whole thing x

Maybe she was worried that it would be her 'friends' picking on her about clothes

Oooo! Is your 15 yo the one from xfactor!?

Ah I get it now. It does seem like they are a bit cheeky but only two of them have suggested they aren't expecting to pay, so there may be some nice ones too. But it wouldn't hurt to discuss these red flags with your DD in a non-critical way. It sounds like she's got a good head on her shoulders and can stand up for herself but she's still young and it's always good to keep the lines of communication open.

I must organise a meal for one of my mates on these terms. I quite fancy a free night out

No-one has 15 "good friends" OP?

Sounds like something is going on here? Is your DD trying to impress people? Or is someone (usually a queen bee type and a few lackies) taking the piss?

Definitely not on x-factor, I can't stand that show ! She's 14 .

That's exactly what I mean Maryz . She hasn't got a solid circle of friends, kind of just hangs about with a few different groups.

Where does the being so worried about what to wear that she actually missed school (why did you let her do that?) tie into the good luck thing? Is it happening at school?

Turn it around. Contact Cheekymare's mum worried about Cheekymare spending too much.

"Dear Cheekmareparent,

I heard Cheekymare is organising a meal for YoungSpecialkt. This is really sweet of her, but the meal is £20 and she is inviting 15! I would rather Cheekymare didn't spend £300 on this meal. I will of course pay the £20 for YoungSpecialkt.

Perhaps have a quiet word with Cheekymare to ask her to tell the other girls to pay themselves?

Best wishes Specialkt."

The OP is worried there is a "Mean girls" situation going on.

Yes , I have spoken to her before about having a small circle of close friends.

It ties in because it's making me wonder if she feels the need to impress these girls or that these girls are using Dd for a meal and judging the way she looks / the things she does. I didn't exactly let her have the day off. She was in tears,got ready in her new clothes and then started to stress herself out to the point where she cried for 2 hours

In all seriousness OP- I also wonder if its a mean girls/queen bee situation, and your dd is being used?

If that was the response when she asked who was paying, it certainly doesn't sound like a nice group of friends. How could they 'put in the effort' to organise something for HER to pay for! I really feel for your dd here - put your foot down on this one.

It sounds very much as if your daughter is trying to buy friendship with these girls and hasn't been clear about this in the hope that something with materialise with regard to paying for it all.

These aren't adults with grown up brains and responsibilities, they're just kids and not very considerate ones at that. Poor daughter. I would ask her exactly what she told these girls and then tell your daughter to post on the group that you've laid down the law, either everybody pays for themselves/speaks to their parents to pay - or you'll just have something at home as other posters have already suggested.

This just doesn't sound nice at all. I think they are taking your DD for a bit of a ride if I'm honest. It sounds like a pretty unkind way to treat her and not like they are doing a nice thing at all.

Very, very cheeky! You definitely shouldn't pay for all of them, as you didn't have anything to do with organising it. It appeared to be a lovely idea, but now it seems like they're looking for a free night out at your expense.

DD should just say, 'Thank you, but my mum won't be prepared to pay for all of you, and why do you think I have so much spending money? We'll all have to pay for ourselves.'

I know I'm biased as she's my daughter but I don't think she's told them that I'll pay. She knows how hard things are for me financially at the moment as I've had to make her cut back on some of her hobbies . She felt to bad the other day when I took her and her dsis clothes shopping

If she is trying to impress friends, it does seem likely that she has hinted you would pay if they organised it.

It woukd explain the messages they sent earlier.

I think you need to have a chat with her and find out whats going on.