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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To make them pay?

173 replies

SpecialKt · 01/10/2017 14:48

Dd is having a meal out with around 15 friends x they're all aged between 14 & 16 . Aibu to make them pay for their own meals or do I pay since it's dds meal ?

I've paid for birthday meals out before but that wasn't for 15 teenagers !

OP posts:
Original poster
SpecialKt · 01/10/2017 15:38

No we're not moving away nor is it her birthday. Not sure if saying what is it Dd needs luck for will out me.

Dd has messaged this to the chat 'it's really nice of you all to think of me but my mum can't afford to pay for us all and she didn't organise it. I thought we were all going to pay for our own meal??'

OP posts:
Iamagreyhoundhearmeroar · 01/10/2017 15:39

I think your dd is telling you porkies... The only way that sounds remotely credible is if she did the inviting Hmm
She's either confused or is trying to pull a fast one.

Iamagreyhoundhearmeroar · 01/10/2017 15:40

How will it out you? Is something happening to your dd that has never happened before to anyone ever? Ffs...

Shadow666 · 01/10/2017 15:40

Good! It needs nipping in the bud.

I don't think you need to say what the occasion is. It doesn't really matter.

bellaboo101 · 01/10/2017 15:40

That's a perfect response from you DD!

Maybe the friend came across wrong! Maybe they do intend to pay for their own and thought your daughter wanted them to pay for her too?

scootinFun · 01/10/2017 15:41

Wow! She needs to text back and say 'lol, I don't have £150. We each need to pay or come to mine for pizzas'

Saidie008 · 01/10/2017 15:42

This is very cheeky. How much are they expecting you/daughter to stump up? Gorgosparta has it spot on. Let them know as early as possible that you won't be paying. I've never come across something like this before. If I organise/suggest something for my son and his friends, I pay but if they organise something amongst themselves, they pay. ...with perhaps a little contribution thrown their way. If your daughter's friends have organised something for her, shouldn't they all be doing a whip round and paying her share as well? Isn't that how it works?

Original poster
SpecialKt · 01/10/2017 15:42

I've seen the group chat from the start . Girl A added a bunch of girls and said 'who's up for a good luck meal for xxxx on the xxxx ?' Then they all replied saying yes or no, the 5 who couldn't come got deleted from the chat and that made 15 of them .

Then the rest on the conversation is them talking about where they want to eat and what they're going to wear up until today when Dd told me and then asked on the chat about paying .

OP posts:
Aeroflotgirl · 01/10/2017 15:43

Good on your dd. It needs sorting out now.

longestlurkerever · 01/10/2017 15:43

Good for your DD setting the boundaries in a polite but assertive way. She will go far. As for her mates - I can see them being the subject of a fair few CF threads in years to come!

Maryz · 01/10/2017 15:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
SpecialKt · 01/10/2017 15:44

Dd kicked up a fuss about what she was going to wear for mufti day , I thought it was her just wanting to fit in and a bit of a wobble in confidence but this is making me wonder if there's more to it Hmm

OP posts:
MyBrilliantDisguise · 01/10/2017 15:44

I think the first one to mention the meal should be the one to pay! Do you have her mum's phone number?

Aeroflotgirl · 01/10/2017 15:44

Teens are not very good with practicalities, so good on your dd for reminding them about who is paying.

Gemini69 · 01/10/2017 15:45

doesn't matter who did the inviting.. you pay for your own meal ... Flowers

stop the shenanigans now OP..

bellaboo101 · 01/10/2017 15:45

It's probably not a massive issue that needs 'sorting out' I wouldn't blow it out of proportion after all it is a nice thing for them to do, just clearly clarify that you're not paying

Gorgosparta · 01/10/2017 15:46

But that doesnt mean your dd has spoke about payment not on the chat.

Or hinted that you might pay before someone started the chat about it.

Eithee she has hinted/said (even if it was in passing or a joke) or her friends are cheeky fuckers who arent really good friends.

Gorgosparta · 01/10/2017 15:46

Wtf is mufti day?

KinkyFruits · 01/10/2017 15:47

What's the connection to mufti day?

Original poster
SpecialKt · 01/10/2017 15:47

It's what we call a non uniform day round here

OP posts:
Rufustherenegadereindeer1 · 01/10/2017 15:47

Dd went out for a birthday meal the other day

It was arranged by the birthday girl and made very clear that they all had to pay for themselves

Dd only took a small amount of money...when i said about starters and desserts she said that the other girls had to pay for themselves out of their own money so couldn't afford it

longestlurkerever · 01/10/2017 15:47

Mufti = own clothes/non uniform. These are always a big deal to teens though OP, I wouldn't necessarily read too much into that

Original poster
SpecialKt · 01/10/2017 15:48

She was worried about not having the right clothes and being picked on for it

OP posts:
KinkyFruits · 01/10/2017 15:48

As far as I'm aware, mufti day is when they are allowed to wear regular clothes (non-uniform) to school. But maybe OP is referring to something different since I can't see what it has to do with who pays for this meal......???

Gorgosparta · 01/10/2017 15:48

Mufti = own clothes/non uniform

Thank you. Never heard it called that.

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