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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

No my house is not Downton Abbey and you are taking the piss!

194 replies

Cubanito · 30/09/2017 10:57

A friend of mine is moving overseas for 2 years on Monday. She is following her DH due to his job relocation. She's not thrilled about it because she has had to give up her job, but the money was too good to turn down. Her DH has already gone a couple of weeks back and she has been organising getting things shipped out and the house ready for rental. Since yesterday she has been staying with us with her 5 year old son. I was happy to help her out.

Yesterday I picked up her son (7) from school before getting my own 7 year old from her school. My friend was supervising cleaners etc in her house. He son is not really one for boundaries e.g. he just opens cupboards in our house and helps himself to biscuits. Anyway, my friend came back at 6.30, DH also came home a bit early and I made lasagne for everyone (we have 3 DC). Apparently her son only eats pesto pasta so I made that for him. Then he was refusing to sit at the table and wanted to eat in the living room to watch TV. My friend said (loudly), "No you can't eat in the living room at Downton Abbey." Hmm Anyway, I let it go but then she let him run off upstairs and not eat anything. DH was Hmm but said nothing. I found it very rude tbh. Then she was drinking wine while I was clearing up. If it was the other way round, I would have helped. At 9pm she asked if her son could could have toast.

There were shenanigans in the night because her son was up at 4.30, downstairs with the TV on. I get that he might be unsettled by the move. I took him back bed (sharing with my DS who is 9), but he got up again so I left him to it. This morning he appeared to have eaten most of a box of Cherrios (dry) and made a mess in the sofa. My kids are not allowed to eat in the living room.

I made a cooked breakfast for everyone which we ate while her son was in the back garden, kicking bushes. DH was not looking massively impressed but said nothing. At about 10am, my friend left to go and finish off at her house. As she was leaving she said this to her son - "Be good today because you're going to the museum with Don Draper" (DH has offered to take the kids to the Science Museum). I asked her what she meant and she said I really should watch Netflix (she always takes the piss that I don't know who is who on TV). So I googled this name and it's a character from a show about an office and who has serial affairs with all the women in the office! What the hell does she mean by that?

I feel like she lets her son run riot and she is taking the piss out of me in my own home. I'm doing dinner for mutual friends tonight as a kind of "farewell", but I kind of feel as if I'm fuming. AIBU or should I just let it go as she's at a tricky time with the move?

OP posts:
MakeItRain · 01/10/2017 09:38

She's obviously very unhappy about her choices and is reacting by making digs at you in a vain attempt to make herself feel better.

I would take your children out somewhere in the next half hour. Pop your head round the door and tell her she needs to get up for her son as you're all going out. If she asks you to have him just say you can't today and go. She might be feeling miserable but there's no excuse for rudeness.

If you wanted to you could tell her she seems really unhappy and resentful of you, and tell her to think carefully about her choices and make sure she has other options if it doesn't work out for her. But really I think you'd be better off gritting your teeth and waving her off with a big sigh tomorrow.

DottyBlue2 · 01/10/2017 09:44

Have you bought the champagne for tomorrow night for when she's gone?

LazyDailyMailJournos · 01/10/2017 09:54

Yes absolutely tell her that she needs to take her child with her. She is massively taking the piss - using you as a hotel and an unpaid childminder at the same time.

smellybeanpole · 01/10/2017 09:59

Wow. My temperature kept rising while reading about this woman. I know a couple of woman exactly like her and your family resembles mine in our ways of bringing up our children. I try to keep my distance from these people. But also I have had to tell them to their face that I don't appreciate their rude comments however jokingly they meant it as. Good job in keeping your cool btw.

DO3271 · 01/10/2017 10:18

Definitely stand your ground and tell her to take her son today. What the hell is she doing at the house that takes so long? I have cleaned to military standard, gardened and packed in 3 days (only cos I had to mind but it is possible)

DO3271 · 01/10/2017 10:20

I just re-read about the supervising cleaners, that surely doesn't take 11 hours a day? Sounds like she is just escaping her child.

aaaaargghhhhelpme · 01/10/2017 10:23

Well done op. I'm very impressed with your reserve. Nearly there.

Second the idea of getting a fuck off bottle of champagne to open after she goes Wine

Appuskidu · 01/10/2017 10:25

She sounds like a horrific friend-please don't let her treat you like this.

SchadenfreudePersonified · 01/10/2017 10:27

Grow some flaps and woman up op

Tea coming down my nose at this Fishface - I'm laughing so much that the dog has hidden behind the settee! Grin

scootinFun · 01/10/2017 10:28

How did it go?

Babymamamama · 01/10/2017 10:33

You are really patient to have put up with her antics for this long. She is getting away with whatever she can. After she leaves you probably won't hear from her again as she clearly resents you until she needs somewhere to stay on a return visit. At that point that would be a NO.

Ts27 · 01/10/2017 10:41

Glad you're putting your foot down! Her behaviour is so disrespectful to you and your husband. She is due to leave tomorrow, so I don't know if a confrontation is necessary. If she was staying for a few weeks then definately! If I were you, I would just give as good as she does. If she makes comments like 'don't you feel you've wasted your life...' laugh and say what like you? It's easy to judge others but it's hard to see when you are doing it too! Keep it casual like she does. Oh and the best part- book a trip to visit her abroad.. and get your revenge 😃

Cubanito · 01/10/2017 10:59

Another friend of hers is driving down today and they're all going out for lunch!!! Thank god for that. I think she might sense she has pushed things. Her son was helping himself from the cupboards and DH kind of clicked his fingers at him and said "out of there". So she saw that. At least we'll get some space this pm. She has hinted she wants DH to get some more stuff out of her house, but I didn't really answer her. She had him unblocking her drains the other week. I cant imagine what else there is to do in that house or what is still there. DH needs a day off as he's away my with work as of tomorrow, so I'm not getting into it. Thanks for helping me stay sane!

OP posts:
eddielizzard · 01/10/2017 13:30

i reckon she wasn't spending all day sorting out her house, but enjoying a bit of child-free time. absolutely don't have her ds today. and your dh sounds like a keeper.

GreekGod · 01/10/2017 17:29

She sounds awful and extremely ungrateful. I feel sorry for your poor DS having to share a room with her kid. She also sounds like a freeloader. I would aim to cut ties now that she is overseas - a perfect opportunity to cut her off.

Don Draper is gorgeous (apart from the womanising of course but it is only TV). I really miss that show. Matthew Weiner in my view is a brilliant writer. I think it was said out of jealousy.

Wontbedoingthatanytimesoon · 01/10/2017 17:31

Get rid of her she's rude you don't need this.

Can I come stay at downton it sounds fab I'll help wash up 🤗

Mummyoflittledragon · 01/10/2017 17:35

Double edged sword that going out to lunch. She's going without you so a plus. But hasn't even bothered to take you out as a thank you.

Mummyoflittledragon · 01/10/2017 17:36

I'm confused. Hasn't the house been packed up and gone on the removal truck? She's had cleaners in. So what on earth can be in the house?

KnowsStuff · 01/10/2017 17:37

She is taking advantage of your kindness
Also undermining your authority with your children , house rules etc

Hortonlovesahoo · 01/10/2017 17:43

What happened today OP? Has she been back? Did her DS wake up early?

HelenaJustina · 01/10/2017 17:48

Just be really careful cuban I let a friend, her DH and their 1yr old stay with us for a few days before they relocated overseas, they were CF too! And we’d got on fairly well upcti that point...

Then when they had some leave, she booked their flights back and then contacted me to tell me which dates they would be coming to stay! —like a tool I rolled over twice, don’t be a tool like me!—

Cubanito · 01/10/2017 18:01

Thankyou for getting me to see the humour in this. I must get into Netflix and watch this Dan Draper character.
She came back today at 3.30 and DH went to get the last of her bags (yes I know). We were having a cup of tea and she was saying she can't believe she's actually going etc. She did say DH has been very good to get her stuff. I told her I had googled the tv character and what did she mean yesterday? She seemed like she couldn't remember or was embarrassed, but she said, something like, "oh you know what he's like" and then she said she thinks he's hilarious how he's "trained" the kids to shake hands with people and turn the TV off if visitors come into the room, that kind of thing. I just told her well that's how he is and she said "fair enough", but still a bit sarcastically.
Some of the comments in here have made me laugh and feel less wound up so thanks again. It's strange when you think you know someone well but then see their true colours in a way.

OP posts:
Appuskidu · 01/10/2017 18:03

She is being a bitch! When is she leaving?

Cubanito · 01/10/2017 18:04

Mummy - The house has been cleaned, painted and repaired to within an inch of its life and some retiming in the bathrooms. She gets super- involved and stressed by that kind of thing.

OP posts:
Cubanito · 01/10/2017 18:07

I'm ordering Thai tonight and she has not offered to get it. Not that I would let her, but still Confused

OP posts:
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