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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

No my house is not Downton Abbey and you are taking the piss!

194 replies

Cubanito · 30/09/2017 10:57

A friend of mine is moving overseas for 2 years on Monday. She is following her DH due to his job relocation. She's not thrilled about it because she has had to give up her job, but the money was too good to turn down. Her DH has already gone a couple of weeks back and she has been organising getting things shipped out and the house ready for rental. Since yesterday she has been staying with us with her 5 year old son. I was happy to help her out.

Yesterday I picked up her son (7) from school before getting my own 7 year old from her school. My friend was supervising cleaners etc in her house. He son is not really one for boundaries e.g. he just opens cupboards in our house and helps himself to biscuits. Anyway, my friend came back at 6.30, DH also came home a bit early and I made lasagne for everyone (we have 3 DC). Apparently her son only eats pesto pasta so I made that for him. Then he was refusing to sit at the table and wanted to eat in the living room to watch TV. My friend said (loudly), "No you can't eat in the living room at Downton Abbey." Hmm Anyway, I let it go but then she let him run off upstairs and not eat anything. DH was Hmm but said nothing. I found it very rude tbh. Then she was drinking wine while I was clearing up. If it was the other way round, I would have helped. At 9pm she asked if her son could could have toast.

There were shenanigans in the night because her son was up at 4.30, downstairs with the TV on. I get that he might be unsettled by the move. I took him back bed (sharing with my DS who is 9), but he got up again so I left him to it. This morning he appeared to have eaten most of a box of Cherrios (dry) and made a mess in the sofa. My kids are not allowed to eat in the living room.

I made a cooked breakfast for everyone which we ate while her son was in the back garden, kicking bushes. DH was not looking massively impressed but said nothing. At about 10am, my friend left to go and finish off at her house. As she was leaving she said this to her son - "Be good today because you're going to the museum with Don Draper" (DH has offered to take the kids to the Science Museum). I asked her what she meant and she said I really should watch Netflix (she always takes the piss that I don't know who is who on TV). So I googled this name and it's a character from a show about an office and who has serial affairs with all the women in the office! What the hell does she mean by that?

I feel like she lets her son run riot and she is taking the piss out of me in my own home. I'm doing dinner for mutual friends tonight as a kind of "farewell", but I kind of feel as if I'm fuming. AIBU or should I just let it go as she's at a tricky time with the move?

OP posts:
SchadenfreudePersonified · 30/09/2017 13:04

Maybe it's because your DH looks like Don Draper? My God, I hope he does as he's ridiculously delicious.

That's what I wondered wildbhoysmama.

OP - Don Draper is tall, dark and knicker-wittingly gorgeous! Does this sound like your DH?

Don't know what she might mean by the "Downton Abbey" crab - unless you have a valet.

fairyofallthings · 30/09/2017 13:05

and you call this person a friend? I'd cut the ties once she has moved and explain why.

BonjourMeDarlin · 30/09/2017 13:05

Tell her it’s great she watches these tv programmes she’s on about but you only watch documentaries about getting away with murder . . .

SchadenfreudePersonified · 30/09/2017 13:06
  • knicker-wettingly, not knicker-wittingly

Bugger off Autocorrect. This is a private conversation.

Wishingandwaiting · 30/09/2017 13:10

Op you being incredibly kind and generous.

Presumably you once really liked this woman?

Original poster
Cubanito · 30/09/2017 13:11

A few weeks ago we were out for a drink and she did actually ask me if I felt as if I had wasted my life because I am an educated woman so why should I do everyone else's shit! I know that sounds like a rude thing to say, but at the time, I didn't really take offence because I'm fine with my lifestyle. She said my life has been enabling DH to be successful. I thought maybe she was reacting about having to leave her job and projecting onto me?

OP posts:
SchadenfreudePersonified · 30/09/2017 13:11

Bonjour

Grin Grin Grin

TakeMe2Insanity · 30/09/2017 13:18

After every thing you've said I'd have a supermarket crisis and just say that you are going out for dinner. It is early enough to let everyone know and end up in Pizza Hut as no where else had room.

rookiemere · 30/09/2017 13:19

Sounds incredibly irritating.

You could try having a little fun with it. So if she says the Don Draper thing again " Oh that's an odd thing to say - why would you call my husband Don Draper?" and for the Downton Abbey " Oh that's an odd thing to say - why would you call my house Downton Abbey?. Is it because we eat at the dinner table ?". All with a deadpan face and not a hint of a smile.

Do stand up for yourself for the rest of the visit. Ask her what she's making for dinner, or if you've already got plans, leave the table when finished and say brightly "Your turn to clean up tonight " and run away before she can stop you. Make her clean up any messes her DS makes. She asks for toast for her DS - tell her "Sure, the bread's in the kitchen, can you clean up after him and make sure he eats in the kitchen"
She sounds like a total CF. Mocking you whilst enjoying your considerable hospitality.

LeninaCrowne · 30/09/2017 13:20

I suggest when they come back here on holidays, you have a good reason why they can't stay with you again!

fullofhope03 · 30/09/2017 13:22

She sounds an absolute joy -Not. Thank God she's leaving soon.
Re the Don Draper comment - You could say something like, "Yes, he is a handsome devil isn't he? Is that what you mean?"
Her child sounds bloody horrendous, but it's not his fault poor thing - She's doing him no favours by allowing him to behave in this way - and in someone elses house too Angry
Never have her to stay again. You sound far too kind and caring to have a so called 'friend' like this. Flowers Gin

gybegirl · 30/09/2017 13:25

I think some people can seem a bit bitter about the fact that a woman's life choices are different to their own. Mine are the same as yours it would appear. We are a happy family and I really don't need outside validation to know that the choices made were right for me.

We also have set standards at our house. I just (nicely at first) tell guest kids when they do stupid stuff like stand on chairs at dinner time or try and watch age inappropriate stuff on TV that it's not done in this house. They don't do it again once they know you're serious.

She needs the same treatment unfortunately. I'd definitely call her out on it.

DJBaggySmalls · 30/09/2017 13:26

Dont ask her what she means by her comments, theres no need for any in depth discussion as she knows what she's doing. She must be deeply unhappy and jealous, but there's no excuse for her to be such a lousy parent.
Stand up to her, tell her not to be so silly, tell her she is welcome to stay in a hotel, and dont have her back.

PoppyPopcorn · 30/09/2017 13:27

Cheeky cow. I have a friend like that - thinks it's totally unreasonable that i don't let kids eat in my car as hers is like a cross between a corner shop and a skip. Don't care what she thinks tbh - my car, my rules. And those rules apply when I'm giving her kids a lift too.

KERALA1 · 30/09/2017 13:33

Exactly lakie.

She is super jealous and living at close quarters with you demonstrates her own inadequacies so she lashes out and sticks the knife in. She is a bitch. No tips as don't know what I would do either

Allthebestnamesareused · 30/09/2017 13:38

We had "friends" (2 couples) who always gave digs about me being a SAHM and one day one of the husband's toasted the other 2 wives for having successfully gone back to work/set up a small business and being great Mums. Yes, I do applaud them for their choices , but this was done in such a pointed manner and was said whilst looking at me with a definite head tilt. So I stood up and toasted my DH saying "And here's to my lovely DH who earns more than all of you so I don't have to!" Not my finest hour but they did shut up!

LazyDailyMailJournos · 30/09/2017 13:38

In your shoes I would be telling her to pack her shit and take her son and fuck off to a hotel, because she seems to be mistaking your home as one - and if that's the case then she can bloody well pay for staff to be at her beck and call. She's being incredibly rude and does not sound like much of a friend TBH.

Gemini69 · 30/09/2017 13:39

damn.. you wake up with Don Draper.. I'm jealous OP.. I suspect your friend is too...

she's hard work... but it IS your Home Lady... you have a voice.. so use it.. what's the worst that can happen.. she leaves taking the golden child with her.. hell that's no loss.. Flowers

Gemini69 · 30/09/2017 13:39

damn.. you wake up with Don Draper.. I'm jealous OP.. I suspect your friend is too...

she's hard work... but it IS your Home Lady... you have a voice.. so use it.. what's the worst that can happen.. she leaves taking the golden child with her.. hell that's no loss.. Flowers

SilverDragonfly1 · 30/09/2017 13:41

Time for the tv to have a strategic breakdown. No more reason for her child to eat in the living room or come downstairs at night.

You can double down on this one by saying 'I'm sorry the television has given up the ghost, friend. I know what a total telly addict you are!'

Anecdoche · 30/09/2017 13:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Goshthatwentwell · 30/09/2017 13:59

She'll be gone soon. It's quite stressful living in someone else's house and even more so if they have lots of house rules.

You both knew what you were getting into. You should both just moan to your respective friends - get it out your system and move forward knowing that's the last time you'll have to put up with each other.

mamatobabes · 30/09/2017 14:05

The Downton Abbey comment is because she thinks your rules and standards are 'posh' compared to her (or add another word - uptight/old fashioned etc). How rude. Nothing wrong with good manners. She seems to think that by expecting guests
to behave nicely and politely that you have ideas above your station.

Don Draper - I doubt she's insinuating affairs, based on her other comment and what she said to her child I could assume she means that your DH is stern/strict/won't stand for his shit!

I'd be asking her and Damien to leave. She sounds like a total knob.

LazyDailyMailJournos · 30/09/2017 16:41

It's quite stressful living in someone else's house and even more so if they have lots of house rules

So stressful that you make rude comments about their husband, never shift off your arse to even put a plate in the sink and letting your kid run riot at 4:30am? Hmm

OP's parenting approach may be different and more strict, but part and parcel of being a guest in someone's home - which this woman is, for free - is respecting how they do things. If the woman was really worried about being stressed, then perhaps she should have taken herself off to a hotel instead? But I don't think she sounds remotely stressed - instead she sounds utterly thoughtless with the hide of a fucking rhino

MissEliza · 30/09/2017 16:42

She sounds horrible. How did you become such good friends without realising this?

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