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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

No my house is not Downton Abbey and you are taking the piss!

194 replies

Cubanito · 30/09/2017 10:57

A friend of mine is moving overseas for 2 years on Monday. She is following her DH due to his job relocation. She's not thrilled about it because she has had to give up her job, but the money was too good to turn down. Her DH has already gone a couple of weeks back and she has been organising getting things shipped out and the house ready for rental. Since yesterday she has been staying with us with her 5 year old son. I was happy to help her out.

Yesterday I picked up her son (7) from school before getting my own 7 year old from her school. My friend was supervising cleaners etc in her house. He son is not really one for boundaries e.g. he just opens cupboards in our house and helps himself to biscuits. Anyway, my friend came back at 6.30, DH also came home a bit early and I made lasagne for everyone (we have 3 DC). Apparently her son only eats pesto pasta so I made that for him. Then he was refusing to sit at the table and wanted to eat in the living room to watch TV. My friend said (loudly), "No you can't eat in the living room at Downton Abbey." Hmm Anyway, I let it go but then she let him run off upstairs and not eat anything. DH was Hmm but said nothing. I found it very rude tbh. Then she was drinking wine while I was clearing up. If it was the other way round, I would have helped. At 9pm she asked if her son could could have toast.

There were shenanigans in the night because her son was up at 4.30, downstairs with the TV on. I get that he might be unsettled by the move. I took him back bed (sharing with my DS who is 9), but he got up again so I left him to it. This morning he appeared to have eaten most of a box of Cherrios (dry) and made a mess in the sofa. My kids are not allowed to eat in the living room.

I made a cooked breakfast for everyone which we ate while her son was in the back garden, kicking bushes. DH was not looking massively impressed but said nothing. At about 10am, my friend left to go and finish off at her house. As she was leaving she said this to her son - "Be good today because you're going to the museum with Don Draper" (DH has offered to take the kids to the Science Museum). I asked her what she meant and she said I really should watch Netflix (she always takes the piss that I don't know who is who on TV). So I googled this name and it's a character from a show about an office and who has serial affairs with all the women in the office! What the hell does she mean by that?

I feel like she lets her son run riot and she is taking the piss out of me in my own home. I'm doing dinner for mutual friends tonight as a kind of "farewell", but I kind of feel as if I'm fuming. AIBU or should I just let it go as she's at a tricky time with the move?

OP posts:
Original poster
Cubanito · 30/09/2017 12:14

Yes it could well be stress. I do see that, especially with a child. She is going Monday.

OP posts:
Original poster
Cubanito · 30/09/2017 12:15

It's to US. Her DH has already started the new role.

OP posts:
AlternativeTentacle · 30/09/2017 12:18

Yes it could well be stress.

Really?

What did she say to you when someone else shouted at you for her child's behaviour?

abigailgabble · 30/09/2017 12:19

what a rude cow! does she think she is being clever/funny? i can only imagine that is how she justifies it. is she one of those "no offence" "it's just my sense of humour" rudd people ?

Gasp0deTheW0nderD0g · 30/09/2017 12:20

She may well be stressed but that's no excuse for rudeness. You are doing her a big favour. She should be falling over herself to express her gratitude and to keep her obnoxious child in check.

Mummyoflittledragon · 30/09/2017 12:20

She sounds very disorganised btw. Why do you need to supervise cleaners the whole time? She also sounds as if she has boundary issues. I don't approve of the way her dh is some of the time. He's a nice guy and he wouldn't be for me. I'd not say stuff unless prompted by her complaining about something.

onalongsabbatical · 30/09/2017 12:21

You've been nothing but kind and hospitable to this friend. She's been universally rude and un-caring. Seriously, you're being used. Her child got up in the night and you were the one who got up and saw to him? Bloody hell! Moving house doesn't give her an excuse to use you like this, especially without showing any kind of appreciation or gratitude.

Mummyoflittledragon · 30/09/2017 12:22

Oops seem to have deleted a sentence there. It should read:

I have a friend. I don't approve of the way her dh is.....

fc301 · 30/09/2017 12:25

If your DH has 'wound her up' just by being himself in his own home (whilst hosting her) then that is very much HER problem.

ShellyBoobs · 30/09/2017 12:30

I'm a bit Hmm at the number of people on here who say things like, 'just ignore her comments'.

Cheeky fuckers are cheeky fuckers because they get away with it since so many people are happy to act the doormat for them (not saying that's you, OP).

This woman is a cheeky fucker and there is nothing at all wrong with telling her so. If that upsets her, tough. Why care if a CF is upset about being identified as such?

Original poster
Cubanito · 30/09/2017 12:34

Abigail - yes she can be a bit as you describe. Over the years, if we're out, she'll kind of make digs at DH in a kind of "take me as I am" kind of way, but he doesn't really rise to it.
I have no idea why she needs to be in her house all day. She can get quite anxious about certain things, house or work related, but then totally blasé about other things. I remember once her son peed all over a fabric dining chair in our house and she just left without offering to clean it at all. Another time he crayoned the wall and she just took him home.

OP posts:
Appuskidu · 30/09/2017 12:36

I'm struggling to see any redeeming qualities that make her a good friend?

KurriKurri · 30/09/2017 12:41

I wouldn't be making her son separate meals - just point her in the direction of the pasta and the pesto and say 'I expect he only likes it the way you make it'
Leave the dishes to her as someone else suggested.
Tell her son he;s not to get up in the night again and put the TV on as it woke everyone up.
I'd keep using the phrase 'it's very rude' when she says 'downton abbey or Don Draper' say 'why do you say that? it's very rude' etc.

Some people are awful guests - mentally count down the days until she leaves to keep yoruself sane.

Santawontbelong · 30/09/2017 12:43

Maybe refer to her dh as Onslo and her as Mrs Bucket?!
Can't beat em join em. .

Spadequeen · 30/09/2017 12:47

My god there is no way I would put up with this until Monday. She sounds horrific. I don't give a shiney shit how stressed she is, you do not treat other peoples home like that or take advantage of people's generosity.

I'm afraid I would have to say something.

Phineyj · 30/09/2017 12:47

Crikey, eating at the table or not, you are way more laid back than me. I would have ditched her after the peeing on the chair/café incidents! Or on behalf of DH after snide digs at him.

I think it is quite funny that she has insulted you (Downton Abbey/Don Draper) in ways that you could interpret as complimentary. I'd just be thinking 'yes! my home is like a stately and my husband is as good looking as a famous actor, I win', if I were you.

AnnieAnoniMouse · 30/09/2017 12:48

She's definitely being rude & wouldn't win any parenting awards, but try to let it go. You've been friends a long time & it's only 48 hours before she has to go to the US, when she really doesn't want to. She's probably stressed, tired & upset at going.

I'd tell DH it's perfectly fine if he wants to go out tonight or 'work' upstairs with beer, snacks & the TV so he doesn't have to put up with her & you two can have a 'girlie night' watch a film, chat, drink some wine & relax.

Promise yourself & DH that you will never have them to stay again no matter what.

fuzzywuzzy · 30/09/2017 12:48

Her son peed on your furnishings and drew on your walls and she did nothing...

She constantly makes digs at your DH

She's rude about you being a SAHM

And then you happily put her and her son up?

Can you see why she takes the piss?

Mummyoflittledragon · 30/09/2017 12:49

He pee'd on the furniture and drew in the walls and she just left you to it. Well there you have it. She has no respect for you or your things. Had you said this before, I wouldn't have just said stress etc.

theEagleIsLost · 30/09/2017 12:50

Tell her you find her comments rude - there is no point being all British and quietly seething and hoping they'll know what is wrong.

Tell the child off as well - I've had to do that with a friend's child start with a mild we don’t do that here - then get progressively firmer. I found it worked.

Asking what she means – isn’t the same as stating “I found that comment very rude”.

AnnieAnoniMouse · 30/09/2017 12:51

I've just read your last post.

Why on earth, after those things, did you think having them stay was going to be any different than it is?

theEagleIsLost · 30/09/2017 12:53

If I was at her house I would at least put my dishes in the sink and not just leave everything on the table and swan off.

Have you made any commnets to indicate you expect her to clean up and wash up?

Or out right tell her - oi clean up time - or you stack the plates and put them over by the sink followed by I'll wash you dry.

Allthebestnamesareused · 30/09/2017 12:59

I think she is using the Don Draper reference to belittle you as a SAHM. MadMen was set in the early 60s and his wife was a stay st home Stepford type wife with clean house and perfect children (initially - should watch Mad Men if you haven't seen it).

With the reference to Downton Abbey she is clearly slagging off what she perceives to be the perfect house and you as the perfect wife.

I'd be livid and asking her to find alternative accommodation (especially if her son is allowed to behave in the way he does)! What a bitch!

LakieLady · 30/09/2017 12:59

She's probably taking the piss out of you, your family and your home because she's twigged that she lets her son get away with murder and is a slack parent. Imo, people who have low standards try and justify it to themselves by regarding those who have higher standards as posh, old-fashioned or just generally uptight.

Original poster
Cubanito · 30/09/2017 13:01

Her DS was quite demanding as a pre-schooler. This is when the peeing on the chair incident, etc happened. There were about 5 or so mums who used to hang out and our DC used to play together. DD has seen less of him since they went to different schools and I suppose they kind of forget things as they grow up, but this weekend had reminded me!

OP posts: