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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

No my house is not Downton Abbey and you are taking the piss!

194 replies

Cubanito · 30/09/2017 10:57

A friend of mine is moving overseas for 2 years on Monday. She is following her DH due to his job relocation. She's not thrilled about it because she has had to give up her job, but the money was too good to turn down. Her DH has already gone a couple of weeks back and she has been organising getting things shipped out and the house ready for rental. Since yesterday she has been staying with us with her 5 year old son. I was happy to help her out.

Yesterday I picked up her son (7) from school before getting my own 7 year old from her school. My friend was supervising cleaners etc in her house. He son is not really one for boundaries e.g. he just opens cupboards in our house and helps himself to biscuits. Anyway, my friend came back at 6.30, DH also came home a bit early and I made lasagne for everyone (we have 3 DC). Apparently her son only eats pesto pasta so I made that for him. Then he was refusing to sit at the table and wanted to eat in the living room to watch TV. My friend said (loudly), "No you can't eat in the living room at Downton Abbey." Hmm Anyway, I let it go but then she let him run off upstairs and not eat anything. DH was Hmm but said nothing. I found it very rude tbh. Then she was drinking wine while I was clearing up. If it was the other way round, I would have helped. At 9pm she asked if her son could could have toast.

There were shenanigans in the night because her son was up at 4.30, downstairs with the TV on. I get that he might be unsettled by the move. I took him back bed (sharing with my DS who is 9), but he got up again so I left him to it. This morning he appeared to have eaten most of a box of Cherrios (dry) and made a mess in the sofa. My kids are not allowed to eat in the living room.

I made a cooked breakfast for everyone which we ate while her son was in the back garden, kicking bushes. DH was not looking massively impressed but said nothing. At about 10am, my friend left to go and finish off at her house. As she was leaving she said this to her son - "Be good today because you're going to the museum with Don Draper" (DH has offered to take the kids to the Science Museum). I asked her what she meant and she said I really should watch Netflix (she always takes the piss that I don't know who is who on TV). So I googled this name and it's a character from a show about an office and who has serial affairs with all the women in the office! What the hell does she mean by that?

I feel like she lets her son run riot and she is taking the piss out of me in my own home. I'm doing dinner for mutual friends tonight as a kind of "farewell", but I kind of feel as if I'm fuming. AIBU or should I just let it go as she's at a tricky time with the move?

OP posts:
Butterymuffin · 30/09/2017 16:47

**

Next time she makes any such reference, tilt your head and say 'Yes, I suppose you're more in the Denise Royle camp, aren't you?'

Ttbb · 30/09/2017 16:56

This is hilarious! It's a thousand times funnier because the only references she makes are television references! Thank god she's moving overseas!

pinkyredrose · 30/09/2017 16:57

Hopefully you'll be visiting them in the states and make sure not to lift a finger while you're there. And leave a mess.

LittleBearPad · 30/09/2017 17:12

Silly cow.

If ask her to explain what she means.

Two more days!

DartmoorDoughnut · 30/09/2017 17:26

CF houseguest!

Original poster
Cubanito · 30/09/2017 18:13

Thankyou for all the advice. She is still not back Confused, but apparently on her way. I have friends (mutual) coming over at 7.30! Feeling a bit calmer than earlier, but will see how it goes.

OP posts:
Wauden · 30/09/2017 18:18

Leach.

Willow2017 · 30/09/2017 18:28

Find your tongue and shut that shit down right now.

Tell her her behaviour is not the behaviour of a friend and if she is going to stay she needs to get off her arse and help out you are not her unpaid skivvy.

Tell her her kid shapes up and she makes sure he does or they both ship out.

She really isnt a friend she is just using you, no friend would do that kind of stuff when someone is doing them a huge favour.

And ask her to explain her 'Downton Abbey' and the other tv reference and watch her squirm while you tell her stopping her kid spill food all over your sofa isnt 'posh' its just good manners, if she wants to live in a pigsty thats her business but she isnt doing in your house. Also your Dh is nothing like the character on tv and how dare she insinuate he was?

Grade A CF, you will be well rid when she emigrates.

Hortonlovesahoo · 30/09/2017 18:29

I'd be telling her son before he goes to bed what the rules of the house are for early wake ups and eating. Set down the rules and if the mum says anything just say: my house, my rules. If you don't like it, there's plenty of hotels you can pay for.

I think she's a real CF

Sandycarrots · 30/09/2017 18:32

Accept hospitality then you accept the host's house rules. She is being horribly rude and her ds is learning to behave in the same way poor lad. No way would a child of mine either think it ok to open other people's cupboards, not sit down at the table to eat when someone has not only gone to the trouble of cooking for them but has made them a separate meal, or turn on the TV in the middle of the night (particularly when it's not your home). That poor lad Sad. She is actually teaching him how to be inconsiderate. I would grin and bear it for one more night op (get a take out - don't go to any more trouble) and then let the friendship cool.

RosyPony · 30/09/2017 18:37

Bollock the child and the parent, your house, your rules. As a 7 year old in someone else's house I'd never have done those things (unless led by the friend I was staying with, in which case yes I can remember 6am cartoons as child!). As a parent I'd be mortified if my child had been so rude. Age 5 and below maybe but at 7 they should know better.

MistressDeeCee · 30/09/2017 18:41

She's a nasty, disrespectful idiot. & is training her son to be. People like that get away with it because unfortunately people like you, instead of pulling them up and/or telling them to piss off out of it, will turn over & over in their mind 'should I say anything or not/what will she say if I say this or that?' & now you're going to host a dinner for her whilst she no doubt makes mocking, barbed comments about you, your home, your man throughout. Keeping the peace for what, exactly? In your shoes I wouldn't boil her an egg. It's be bye bye to her and her rude son (learned from his DM, no doubt), and I wouldn't be giving a fuck what she thought about it either. Life's too short to have even a day of it wasted by actively having people around that upset your spirit

RestingBitchFaced · 30/09/2017 18:42

Unplug the TVs and hide the remotes before you go to bed. Tell her DC he is not to come downstairs before everyone is up. Ask her to help you cook/wash up etc and pick her up on it if she makes any other comments. Sounds like a nightmare, bet you can't wait until Monday! Grin

HeebieJeebies456 · 30/09/2017 18:56

I can see why she continually takes the piss out of you, your dh and your home - YOU LET HER!

Have you no backbone?
Are both you and your dh incapable of saying 'no' to this child and telling her to sort her attitude out?
You're even doing ALL the childcare for her whilst she is allegedly at home 'sorting things out'.
For all you know she's off visiting friends/family to say her goodbyes.

There's nothing stopping her staying in her own house on a blow up bed until they leave....or a bnb/hotel.

She sounds massively jealous and resentful of your life and is projecting her own shit onto you.....and you keep making excuses for her and taking it.
You do realise she will forget you as soon as she's moved?
If she keeps in touch it will only be to use you for accommodation/childcare when she visits.

I suggest you have it all out with her tonight - you've been a doormat for far too long.

SchadenfreudePersonified · 30/09/2017 18:56

here's to my lovely DH who earns more than all of you so I don't have to!" Not my finest hour but they did shut up!

Sweet! Wink

strongasmeringue · 30/09/2017 19:08

I have no idea why she needs to be in her house all day. She can get quite anxious about certain things, house or work related, but then totally blasé about other things. I remember once her son peed all over a fabric dining chair in our house and she just left without offering to clean it at all. Another time he crayoned the wall and she just took him home.

Blasé because it wasn't her dining chair or her wall Hmm.

Jux · 30/09/2017 20:16

I think her son should be in with her, not with your ds disturbing him. If the child gets up and wakes you, then you take him into her so she can deal with him.

Tell her to wash up/clean up after you've made dinner. Just hand her the marigolds.

Ask her what her plans are for tomorrow, and then say something about her ds which shows that he will ge with her and not with you. If she wants you to do child care for her, at least make her ask for it.

emmyrose2000 · 01/10/2017 02:20

Why on EARTH did you let her stay with you when you knew what she and her son were like? They're vile.

Stop being a doormat (and in your own home to boot!) and kick them out now!

Sweetpea55 · 01/10/2017 02:25

She is one rude fucker.. When us she leaving?

Mummyoflittledragon · 01/10/2017 06:05

Let me get this straight. You baby sat her 7 yo all day again, organised a leaving do for her at your house and she didn't bother to come back and help do the prep. Did she even turn up on time? What a CF.

maddiemostmerry · 01/10/2017 06:26

Have they gone yet?

Wave them off with a cheery "Bye Horrid Henry, off you go with Mummy, Waynetta Slob."

If friend looks upset just say "Thought you loved a TV analogy."

greentea4me · 01/10/2017 06:35

How was the party last night OP?

Fishface77 · 01/10/2017 08:30

If your husband posted on here about his wife's friend being rude and disrespectful and his wife not saying anything, we'd tell him he had a DW problem.
Grow some flaps and woman up op.

Tell her she's a rude obnoxious bitch and you never want to see her or her devils spawn child again.
Above is said somewhat Light heartedly!

Or do what I would and think it's only 1 day. Fuck it and keep your mouth shut but never allow this again.

Original poster
Cubanito · 01/10/2017 09:14

She came back last night just before 7pm and five more friends came about half an hour later! To be honest, if it was just her I would have ordered takeaway, but the other friends have all had me/ us over for dinner so this is the only reason I made the effort to cook. She didn't even come in with a bottle of wine!! I can't understand because usually she would at least do that. The other thing is, we wouldn't have taken any cash from her obviously, but if someone was taking one of my kids out for the day, I would give them some money.
It was a good night. No more TV references, but there were a few comments from her about how boring staying at home is going to be (even though 2 others there do just that)! Her son didn't settle until 9.30, so she was up and down. DH had to say something to him in the end.

I think she's planning to go to the house again today, but she's not up yet. DH has gone for a run and I think it may be a long one! He told me to take no notice because she is all over the place. I've decided I'm not having her son all day today because my kids have homework etc. If she's going to the house she'll need to take him. DH says just tell her straight and so will have to because he will if I don't.

OP posts:
Mummyoflittledragon · 01/10/2017 09:24

She sounds massively resentful of the whole situation. If she doesn't want to go that much, it isn't a good idea to go abroad as her dh could prevent her from returning if the move fails. I think she's being forced into it but isn't adult enough to stand up for herself so is acting pa. your dh is right. Be the adult as arguing with her will only make the situation worse.

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