to think not everyone has "the girls", goes out for "girly chats" etc

[CaptainWarbeck]

It does my head in and I don't know why. One of my friends is always referring to 'the girls' when she talks about her mates, and when we go for coffee together she gushes about us having such a good 'girly catch up'.

What makes it so 'girly' other than us just both being female?! I have just as good in-depth chats with male friends and I also just have a bunch of different pals who I see at different times, rather than a select group of female friends who go out on the town together as 'the girls' - usually while their boyfriends/husbands have a 'lads night out'.

Why does this annoy me so much!!

Is there a difference between "Going out with the girls" and "Check with the girls in the Finance office" or a male manager greeting his team by saying "Good morning, girls"

Worst I’ve had recently is someone’s dp messing on their phone while they have (female) company. Til a man turns up, then he will talk. Won’t talk to the “girls” though, despite there being no talk of periods, babies or fashion.

... rude.

I don’t like “girls” for adults full stop
But used by a female is infinitely more reasonable than used by a male.

Another friends dp “I don’t wanna stay here and listen to girl talk all night”. Wtf do you think we talk about?!
(The men I know here are no less sexist than the women)

Do you discuss the same topics with make friends as girl friends? Doubtful. Men and women are different

Can't bear it and I think it's all about infantilising women and not taking them seriously. Also feel deeply suspicious of grown women who love to refer to themselves and be referred to as "girls"! What is wrong with being a woman? It's an adult word whereas "girl" is adolescent! One of the problems is that women don't have the same language as men. Think about it - we have "ladies and gentlemen" "boys and girls" "men and women" but then men have "blokes/guys/fellas/lads/chaps". What is there for women?

I know a group of grown ass women who refer to themselves as "the princesses" all the time. It makes me

Often on here, people talk about having a 'girlie day out' with their daughter. Why don't they just have a day out?
I'm with you, OP. I hate it.

We have girls coffee each week. We are in our late 50s/60s and all jeans, jumpers, no nail varnish or much makeup etc. We are not 'girly' but somehow 'the girls' has just stuck as a group title over the years. It's a bit daft but harmless I guess.

I never use it, my friends don't use it. I don't really care if someone wants to though.

I don't hang around with a bunch of people this days anyway...it tends to be two or three good friends, so I just saying 'meeting up with X&Y.'

Isn't that the point of a " girls" night out- you are all female and going to behave the way you did 20 years ago ie less mature?
Otherwise if it's just catching up with friends that's what you call it.

l love nights out with my girlfriends there doesnt have to be a penis in the mix to make it interesting having a drink and a laugh. All this scorn of women is tedious..a woman saying girls night out...so what?

Lilifer - you are beyond funny.

Still laughing at "non-binary night out".

Copyright the phrase!

There are perhaps lots of women reading this who would love the chance to go out with a group of other women but don't know any (and couldn't care less if they're called girls or not).

I don't like it either. I've never been one for using phrases such as "girly chats" ,"girly catch ups", "girls night out". It sounds a bit twee and cringey.

I'm quite introverted so the thought of going out "with the girls" does bore me. I'd rather go out with my oh.
I do like meeting up with friends individually but don't like being out in groups. A girly spa weekend with about 5 other women for example is my idea of hell. A relaxing trip with one friend might be nice but I would not make a big deal about it being a girly catch up or anything, and the whole girly group thing just makes me

NRTFT but I'm with you OP. The whole 'girly' thing really makes me cringe. My in-laws, who I really love very much btw, have all been brainwashed into this... regularly have to plan girly days out, nights In, nights out and I can't bear it. I have to think up excuses to get out of them.

The nights in are the worst - they all HAVE to wear childish cutesy themed pyjamas, drink hot chocolates, watch cheesy chick flicks (Grease, Dirty Dancing, Pretty Woman) or teen flicks (Harry Potter/Twilight), giggling over fancying Patrick Swayze/John Travolta etc... these are women in their 40s & 50s having a tweens sleepover.

Or they go on girly shopping trips gushing over handbags and nail polish and discussing in great depth the new lipstick shade at the expensive designer counter in Debenhams.

It's not me. This stereotypical 'girly' shit is actual torture. I go occasionally to please them, as I've offended them in the past by not joining in the girly events. But I loathe it.

My mum go's "out with the girls" 😫 Cringe

Talk about over-thinking things. What's wrong with "girls night out". Haven't people got anything more important to talk about....like err... how fast does paint dry......

Why are you reading this then?

I like quite a lot of the 'girly' things but I don't refer to them as that - it depends who it is really... In the past it has often meant doing stuff or behaving in an expected way that isn't something I'm down with... Not bothered if other people are but I don't like this 'rules' feel to it.

I don't do "girls night out" stuff either, most of my friend groups are mixed, if it is all women I don't see that the conversation is different, although I'm not particularly "girlie" and neither are my female friends. I find the idea that we all giggle and have girlie drinks and have girlie conversations really weird, but then I don't understand men who say they're "really" women, like we're a different species like pandas or something. They're probably after girlie nights out.
I'm not a "laydee" either.

Gin is much better than prosecco, I prefer schwepps tonic though (full fat) find the pricy fever tree stuff a bit bland.

I am going to be 56 in a few weeks. I have learned to enjoy "girly" moments/events with dd or friends. At our age, my friends and I have been through heart break (children, spouses, parents, friends, even pets!) mortgages, health issues, financial surprises that made me almost vomit, we have experienced life, death, violence and infertility as well as disheartening politics and crazy strangers.

"Girly" things like lunches, lipsticks, movies or car trips are moments when we can drop our cares and kind of play/pretend for a bit.

It may not make sense and I am not sure why it offends, but frankly, a couple of hours of forgetting life's cares and responsibilities is a bit girlish in the true sense, for me; I can be carefree and pretend that a lipstick color is of primary importance. It is exactly bc we are not girls that we enjoy girly times. Life is often drudgery, sanity requires escape.
BTW, I attended a banquet with couples/parents as dh was out of town. My dd's friend's mother was also single. The three couples were happy to exclude us; and when the men began discussing a field that I had experience in, I was "eye rolled" by wives and ignored by their dp's. It is not comfortable to be single with couples even at an event for school.

Love my girls and all "girly" things, can't imagine why you'd heap scorn on other women in that way! My female friendships are the most meaningful and important to me.

I don't think anyone is heaping scorn on female friendships. It's been said in many ways throughout the thread how valuable it is to many women.

But it's the infantilizing, patronising terms used to describe it that trivialise women and the value that investing time in such friendships can bring.

I volunteer with a community group that feeds the homeless - that was started by "two girls who..." - apparently I have been the only one to question the wording and mention that it might put people off being involved. We do have children involved which is great but they do not go out alone with the meals and I take real issue with the implication that that might be ok.