to think not everyone has "the girls", goes out for "girly chats" etc

[CaptainWarbeck]

It does my head in and I don't know why. One of my friends is always referring to 'the girls' when she talks about her mates, and when we go for coffee together she gushes about us having such a good 'girly catch up'.

What makes it so 'girly' other than us just both being female?! I have just as good in-depth chats with male friends and I also just have a bunch of different pals who I see at different times, rather than a select group of female friends who go out on the town together as 'the girls' - usually while their boyfriends/husbands have a 'lads night out'.

Why does this annoy me so much!!

Many of my female friends belong to different groups of 'girly mates'
I've never gone for the girly thing. Individually they are all great but for some reason, when together in groups they turn into giggling, screeching nutcases, totally different to when they are on their own. Apparently, it's fun.
I stopped going out with them in groups because I really didn't enjoy it.

Now that's something that winds me up @stubbornstains.

Sleeping, farting, pissing etc in Italy for x amount of time doesn't put you on a culture pedestal.

I remember prosecco growing up in the 80s, we were allowed a sip of it at parties because it was cheap. Same for cava, Buck's Fizz and babycham.

I have one or two friends who post photos of 'girlie nights out' with their other friend groups regularly on FB. From what I can make out it seems to involve getting overly dressed up in almost matching dresses to go to a restaurant that is nice but probably doesn't merit that level of dress, drinking 15 bottles of prosecco and gushing all evening about how 'gorgeous' or 'fabulous' they all look and what good 'mummies' they are. When those friends come out with us they wear (nice) jeans and talk about normal day to day stuff. One of them said to me the other week that she likes talking to me because she doesn't go home worrying about whether I've misinterpreted what she said and taken offence. having never been interested in the 'girlie' nights out I find that comment probably tells me all I need to know about them

Your friend is a right basic bitch

Disagree I don't feel the need to patronise other women for using the term girls and I don't allow anyone to patronise or infantilise me.

I love the company of men/lads and women/girls and use all of those terms and I am 50.

Awful lot of patronising and 'I am far to clever for girls nights' on here though.

We really don't need men to divide us do we! Pretty good job being done on here.

more just insecure I think Robotic but those other friends obviously make her feel inadequate. It's a shame.

Does she expect everyone to talk about periods, sex, motherhood, or any female related conversations? If not, we do we call it girl chat(or however you want it to be called) can it just be hanging out with friends?

I am not usually open about this sort of thing except a few close friends and family.

I love going out with my female pals-it happens about once a year.
But I have never been out with the girls or had a girly night in. As for couples nights out...I would rather pull off my own toenails.

when grown women refer to themselves as girls they are buying into an infantilisation of women - I think that's true too of when men call themselves 'boys/lads' but that's less important because by and large men are not regarded as foolish/incompetent/trivial etc etc so the odd jocular 'lads' night out' carries less weight. I think it also speaks to society's (mostly men's) dismissal of older women, we become invisible and many can't face that- so lets waste ££££ on products to make ourselves look younger and have girly chats about it.
It's nothing at all to do with valuing women and their company- for years I have worked in female dominated environments and socialised predominantly with women, but I would never even jokingly call myself a 'girl'

When I got a new car, a friend said she hoped I'd been for 'lots of girly spins'. Why? Just why?

That's. That's. That's, I mean what the fuck does that even mean?

Op yanbu though I do appreciate a meet up with just women's friends. It's different, and I'm more open about children, relationships, sex etc. "Girly" is just a hideous word. Even for actual children.

No Joey that's a ridiculous assumption and not what I was implying, more that certainly for some people I know 'girlie night out' seems to imply a specific type of night out, and I don't want to do that- not because I think I'm too clever, more because I don't want to waste money I'd rather spend elsewhere on getting trashed with women who actually don't really seem to like each other gushing together. When my friends and I go out (all women/girls- though in our 40s and 50s so I wouldn't personally use the term girls) we just say 'going out' and have a drink/chat and do actually like each other.

But if groups of women like to refer to themselves as girls what's the harm.

I don't do the girls spa days thing either but I have friends who do and they are neither giggly, idiotic or thick.

The tone here is a bit patronising of other women I think.

If groups of women like to dress up and go out dancing and call it a girls night out so bloody what.

Hate play date and date night though.

We really don't need men to divide us do we! Pretty good job being done on here. wink

THere's nothing to divide. Women aren't all the same because they happen to have vaginas. I can have an opinion on what I perceive as the infantilisation of women because it affects me.

I am not to clever for a girl's night out. I am too old for a girl's night out- what with being an adult woman.

Hate play date and date night though.

Oh for goodness sake my mil used to go to a craft group all aged 70 + and they referred to themselves as the girls.

None can infantilise you unless you allow them to.

This drives me crazy espceciallt hearing if from women of a certain age, let's say 40 plus who should know better. They aren't girls, and haven't been for quite a while so find it cringe worthy to hear oh I'm off for another night out with the girls, I'm off for a cheeky coffee with the girls etc. It's ridiculous Liz

Of course women arnt all the same but some posts are patronising as in drinking prosecco and 'giggling screeching nut cases'

None can infantilise you unless you allow them to.

This is about perception. It doesn't make you actual child, no.

But if I use sexist, racist, homophobic, disabkist language it does affect those group.. even if they don't "let it". That's ridiculous

You do know that women don't actually have to like all other women or approve of the way all other women behave, don't you?

There is a stereotype of women that affects women. The idea that they are unserious, silly and a bit airheady affects women.

Another phrase which can be very irritating is 'chick flicks'. Some of them are very good though.

I'm trying to find this awful meme that was going around on fB a while back. It was like "I'm a woman, I pull the door when I'm supposed to push. I can't park. But I wear my heart on my sleeve and I'm a good friend"

This is what all that girly nonsense reminds me of.

Anyway couldn't find it. Did find this instead and it makes me very happy.