Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Thoughts on being a functioning heroin addict?

359 replies

marthaedensnumberplease · 29/09/2017 19:11

I have a friend - she is a mum of 3 kids with quite a large age gap between them:17,10,4. She "told" me tonight (I put 'told' in commas as it was the end-point of a long convo) that she has been smoking heroin since she has been a parent (she's 37 now) but only doing it once a fortnight, slash every 3 weeks, plus only smoking, never injecting. I have literally been round to this woman's house twice a week for the last five years for a bloody nice dinner .....and never guessed.

She has a very good job, a clean house, kids are lovely. She reckons there ARE people like her.

I think she said stuff like "never have guessed", "not like one thinks" as I bemusedly left.

She has the kind of life - relationship with kids, relationship with DH, success in jobs etc that I would envy. She said that "smoking the occasional bag privately" makes her feel better and able to be who she is

I don't even have an aibu. Just wondering if I'm being a shit with the judgements I previously had until today.

OP posts:
Original poster
marthaedensnumberplease · 30/09/2017 14:02

Oh and my first ever cookie to people who said this was a heroin pushing thread. If you are that easily led stay off the internet! Biscuit

OP posts:
Pengggwn · 30/09/2017 14:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BakedBeans47 · 30/09/2017 14:05

I don’t think SS would necesssrily take the kids off her as others have said there are sadly lots of kids living with parents who abuse drugs. But I do think they should at least know that there are children at risk.

Mymomsbetterthanyomom · 30/09/2017 14:13

There is no such thing as a "recreational "heroin" use.Either you are an addict or you aren't. Quite simple really!

Papafran · 30/09/2017 14:57

Hmmmm it would have screwed with my head hugely to find out as a child that that my mum was a heroin user. Even if you don't call SS, I would urge you to encourage her to get help. She will only have revealed the tip of the iceberg of her 'recreational use'.

LurkingHusband · 30/09/2017 15:06

In the 1960s, doctors were able to prescribe heroin, so users had access to clean medicine, and were able to function with no problem.

Then it was made illegal, and the usage and addiction skyrocketed.

Dancinggoat · 30/09/2017 15:10

She may be functioning fine using it but if she took it whilst pregnant she is beyond lucky that her children have not been affected. It can cause developmental delay , mental health issues I later life and the child can also be born addicted.
She is selfish and deluded to think she is functioning whilst using.

Dumbo412 · 30/09/2017 15:34

OP- I believe that you are doing whatever is best. It doesn't do her children any good for you to call SS and bring all that stress into their lives.
Keeping an eye out is the best thing that you can do for them, if anything goes awry I'm sure you'll get the help that's needed for the kids. It isn't all going to go downhill dramatically I'm sure.

But please do try to get her to engage with addiction services (out of the area if she is worried, embarrassed) to engage doesn't necessarily mean she's making steps to stop, or that she has a problem, but they will be the best people to ensure that when she is using, that she is doing so in the very safest way possible. Harm reduction is something they also help with, it can't hurt, especially as they can give Naloxone kits- which can reverse an overdose.

KrytensNanobots · 30/09/2017 16:05

No. Fucking. WAY would I be friends anymore, that'd be the end for me. Where are the 4 and 10 year old when she's supposedly taking heroin? Why are there so many people on this thread OK with that?
Peaches Geldof springs to mind.
It's heroin, not exactly a glass of chardonnay or a cigarette.
So many people on here normalising/justifying it, it's not acceptable to be taking heroin when you've kids about even if in your own head you think it is.
As for SS not being interested like someone said? I think they'd be very interested.

KrytensNanobots · 30/09/2017 16:11

Class A dealers are not Boy Scouts! they r serious people to be involved with when u have DCs Is it just me??? please tell me I'm not alone in thinking this is a big deal!?? and to b concerned for DCs and confused with some of the posts on here?????

Not just you, way, some of the replies on here are unbelievable.
With little kids about, it most certainly IS a big deal and SS would be very interested.
Where are the kids when she's smoking it? Where's her drug stash kept? Who does she deal with to get it? I mean, you don't just go down to your local Tesco for a packet, do you. Hmm
Dangerous. Kids in the scenario definitely worrying.

RedForFilth · 30/09/2017 16:12

There were loads of recreational heroin users in the 90s when pills were a big thing. Doesn't mean she's an addict.
However, she's risking her life each time and therefore potentially leaving her kids without a mother. I used to use drugs (not heroin but other class As. Now I have my son it wouldn't cross my mind. That stuff should stay in the past once you have responsibilities.

notgivingin789 · 30/09/2017 16:14

Not just you way, me also. I assume the people who are pro heroin are the ones who are using it themselves..... they probably feel defensive.

Bubblebubblepop · 30/09/2017 16:14

OP. I wouldn't dream of shopping a friend to SS under the circumstances (when I knew them to be well cared for) so I dont blame you. Don't be bullied by people who know nothing of the situation.

QuiteLikely5 · 30/09/2017 16:18

If you do nothing could you live with yourself if something happens to her?

She needs a wake up call. She told you because maybe she wants you to use with her ?

Once every three weeks? Nah she was just testing you

SongforSal · 30/09/2017 16:26

Many years ago when my daughter was a toddler, we were visiting a family member, when my lovely DD toddled over holding a bag of extasy pills. To say I hit the proverbial fucking roof is an understatement. Never saw the family member for years after.

Simply put, her children are in danger of either consuming it, or finding their mum unconscious or dead.

There's nothing normal about this. You're friend needs help.

KrytensNanobots · 30/09/2017 16:28

OP. I wouldn't dream of shopping a friend to SS under the circumstances (when I knew them to be well cared for) so I dont blame you

How do you know that they are, though? Just because they for example looked well dressed when you see them, you don;t know that she's in fully capable mode when she's taking illegal drugs and in charge of them.

KrytensNanobots · 30/09/2017 16:35

I can't see SS doing anything and it will cause More harm than good . What benefit will it achieve other than a friendship lost? As I can guarantee they won't take the kids away ! Far better to educate yourself then keep a closer eye and have a word with her and steer her towards rehab as appropriate. The wheels will come off eventually

How are the first and last bits of your post that I highlighted in anyway comaprable? Talk about a contradiction.
What help will it do? There's KIDS in the mix - you're saying the wheels will come off eventually. All the more reason to get her the help she obviously needs, surely? Before the kids suffer if they're not already.

x2boys · 30/09/2017 16:45

Why would ou tell a friend anyway I'm.not doubting you op but there is a lot of stigma attached to heroin use and from my experience of someone close to me being an addict ,dealers seemed to be on the periphery of society its acceptable to have a few glasses of wine in the evening or even the odd joint but I can't see most people being ok with someone smoking heroin no matter how casual.

Bubblebubblepop · 30/09/2017 16:51

Krytens I don't know for sure whether any child who presents as cared for really is. However when I know and trust people that influences my view.

Ploppie4 · 30/09/2017 16:52

Can you really trust that she's telling the truth? Maybe she's using more regularly then shes willing to admit to. Was testing the water with you with the once every fortnight use.

It's not a recreational drug. It would make me question our relationship and her ethos.

KrytensNanobots · 30/09/2017 17:05

Can you really trust that she's telling the truth? Maybe she's using more regularly then shes willing to admit to. Was testing the water with you with the once every fortnight use.

Yes to that. Usually you'll find that people tell you the bare minimum as to what they're really having.
For example "I have a couple of glasses of wine on a night" could quite easily be " I open a bottle a night and then carry on until it's all gone."

Eolian · 30/09/2017 17:15

I can understand why you don't want to report her, OP, but imagine how you'd feel if something happened to those children (or to your friend while the children were in the house) and you were the only person she'd told and therefore the only person who could have done anything about it.

Bubblebubblepop · 30/09/2017 17:18

But the chances are much higher she'll "report" and nothing would happen.

So say she's already done the reporting? What would you advice be then?

I have a long held suspicion that there is no other advice on MN.

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 30/09/2017 17:19

Posters on MN have great faith in SS imo.

Pengggwn · 30/09/2017 17:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.