Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Thoughts on being a functioning heroin addict?

359 replies

marthaedensnumberplease · 29/09/2017 19:11

I have a friend - she is a mum of 3 kids with quite a large age gap between them:17,10,4. She "told" me tonight (I put 'told' in commas as it was the end-point of a long convo) that she has been smoking heroin since she has been a parent (she's 37 now) but only doing it once a fortnight, slash every 3 weeks, plus only smoking, never injecting. I have literally been round to this woman's house twice a week for the last five years for a bloody nice dinner .....and never guessed.

She has a very good job, a clean house, kids are lovely. She reckons there ARE people like her.

I think she said stuff like "never have guessed", "not like one thinks" as I bemusedly left.

She has the kind of life - relationship with kids, relationship with DH, success in jobs etc that I would envy. She said that "smoking the occasional bag privately" makes her feel better and able to be who she is

I don't even have an aibu. Just wondering if I'm being a shit with the judgements I previously had until today.

OP posts:
Pawpainting · 30/09/2017 02:53

There was an interesting study on why patients who receive it as part of pain management, even over prolonged periods, after operations etc don't become addicted to it or crave it after they leave the hospital/stop taking it.

They do become addicted to it. That's why the medication has to be tapered off and not just stopped suddenly. They will go into withdrawal if they do.

Obviously some people never think of taking anything again but I think that America's current opioid epidemic shows that many do. Most of those people started out on prescribed painkillers and ended p drug addicts.

emmyrose2000 · 30/09/2017 02:58

I'd call SS. She's endangering her childrens' welfare.

Then I'd drop this druggie like a hot potato.

BertieBotts · 30/09/2017 03:03

Migraleve, Nineties, YY, I'm not sure what this idea of "Call Social Services" is intended to achieve.

Being taken into care is shit for kids. They only do it as a last resort when the home life of the children is several magnitudes worse. They can't just go around removing children over fears of "who the parents might be interacting with". They are far too busy and overstretched for that.

Of course, she should not use for the sake of her children, but it's not a social services issue either.

HappyLollipop · 30/09/2017 03:31

I've never heard of a recreational heroin user before! I know people who are recreational drug users but it's usually cannabis, cocaine, MDMA and other less addictive drugs. Heroin is an opaite it doesn't get anymore addictive than that, hell its pretty much the reason most sane people keep as far away from that stuff as possible! I seriously doubt that your friend could smoke that stuff as often as she does and not become reliant on it that's pretty much physically impossible, she's probably told you because she knows she's an addict I wouldn't be surprised if she was taking it everyday just to appear somewhat 'functioning' because if she didn't have it everyone would know.

Pengggwn · 30/09/2017 06:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Papafran · 30/09/2017 06:26

Um Migraleve you do know that SS don't just remove children into care, right? They can offer various other support functions for a parent struggling with drugs. I think they would be concerned about a 'recreational heroin user' and even if they may not remove the kids, I think they would monitor. I have worked in child protection on the legal side- intervention does not just happen when the family is living in a festering hell-hole. That is as much a misconception as the idea that SS will remove kids at the slightest hint of drugs.

However, this woman does need help. Most people who smoke it will inject and if she does that, she risks overdosing. Also, she does not know how pure the stuff she is buying is. It is likely that she is minimising the nature of her use because heroin is highly addictive. I think she needs some help and support managing to come off the drug safely.

WhooooAmI24601 · 30/09/2017 06:38

Of course, she should not use for the sake of her children, but it's not a social services issue either.

BertieBotts Of course it is an issue for SS. I teach a Reception class in a little quiet village school but in my NQT year (at another school) a child presented me one morning with what what quite clearly drug-taking equipment from their school rucksack. It was absolutely an issue we bounced straight over to SS.

She might like to think she functions. But she's putting her DCs in danger when she chooses to smoke heroin. She's not putting their needs and safety first when she makes that decision. Which calls into question her ability to parent well, because she may not be addicted in the same way a full-time junkie is but there are Class A drugs in her body, in her home, near her DC.

Migraleve · 30/09/2017 06:38

Umm papa yes I do know. I work in this area. I was just trying to echo someone else’s point that he magical ‘phone SS’ doesn’t actually prevent a child from being exposed to this!

Papafran · 30/09/2017 06:47

OK, but it can help prevent future exposure because a referral means the mother can get some help with drug rehabilitation. I do not agree with the 'SS would not be interested'. Yes, they would be interested that a parent with care of small children was regularly taking heroin and would hopefully see through the claim that it's recreational only. That does not mean that they would apply for a care order to remove the children.

Migraleve · 30/09/2017 07:03

No you are right, it doesn’t mean that. But there are so many families out there living with this addiction who are known to SS who get no help whatsoever. Unless there is a reason (which is never just using) then actually there will be no intervention.

OhBondageUpYours · 30/09/2017 07:46

I wouldn't end a good friendship over this and if she's got her shit together I see no point talking to SS. If that changes though, and you now have a better insight into why her life might start to fall apart, get on to them straight away. Same as you would do if she developed alcoholism.

Very interesting study OP, do read: www.drugslibrary.stir.ac.uk/documents/occasionaluse.pdf

1DAD2KIDS · 30/09/2017 07:58

I wouldn't say she's an addict, thanks. If she was an addict the heroin would have taken everything away from her already. The worry is what if one day (maybe if she was going through a tough spell) the heroin getting the better of her and she becomes an addict. A potential time bomb (even after all these years of recreational use)?

MagdalenLaundry · 30/09/2017 08:05

SS don't remove children because their parents are addicts
They remove them because of abuse or neglect. They know there are lots of users with children

Tallysan · 30/09/2017 08:14

I wouldn't say she's an addict, thanks. If she was an addict the heroin would have taken everything away from her already.

1DAD, this isn't so. My mother was certainly an addict but it didn't take everything away from her. But she had to has to use everyday, was sick if she didn't, and continues to crave it even though she is no longer physically addicted. Because she didn't lose everything, she wouldn't be an addict in your eyes?

I also think there are levels of addiction. She now has a can of beer (or 2 or 3) everyday. She feels this isn't a problem for her. But sometimes she has her first one at 10.30am and really struggles not to have one at all...

Whether or not something is an addiction isn't defined by how much their life goes down the pan.

If you are a user/close to someone who is and are trying say there isn't an addiction problem because life is still running, I'm sorry.

TammySwansonTwo · 30/09/2017 08:15

I use morphine every day. For medical reasons, I might add. But I'm absolutely not addicted - i cut my dose down by 90% when I was pregnant without any medical help and the only difficulty I had was the additional pain, but over time my tolerance level adjusted. I have no reason to doubt that others can also take opiates and not become addicted.

StorminaBcup · 30/09/2017 08:26

What has losing everything got to do with addiction? Look at the Tetrapak heir and his wife (if you mean from the losing everything from a possessions POV).

I think perhaps that people are more accepting of drug use when it is mixed with money. The wealthier you are the more it is accepted as 'recreational' and decadent rather than addiction and illegal.

Waytootiredtosleep · 30/09/2017 08:39

Yes it is a social services issue. Social services are there to support not just to remove children. They need to be aware (may already b aware, but need to be if not) so mum can be offered any support she might need.

It is highly highly highly unlikely that life is all fine and roses for OPs friend. I mean, what would happen and how would she function if she couldn't use? Also- what drove her to take heroin in the first place. It's unlikely that life was chugging along really well when one day she just thought, 'mmm I know, I think for no reason at all I'll just get myself a bag of heroin' !!!!!!!

There will have been other circumstances around this - someone offered her some, who? Why? What was she on before? What made heroin appeal to her at the time with 3 dc's in toe. What is her DP's role in all this? What's he up to??? anything, nothing??

So may unknowns, but definitely a whole lot more under the surface and social services will b able to look out for the welfare of the dcs and support mum in accessing support for her addiction (when she wakes up to realise that's what it is)

bumblingbovine49 · 30/09/2017 08:42

I believe her. My mother used to smoke. She smoked 1- 2 cigarettes a day about 2-4 times a week for years and years. Sometimes she didn't smoke for weeks and months at a time , then she might have 1-2 a day far a few days then none.

She said she just had one when she fancied on which was really not that often. I know it isn't quite the same but nicotine is considered very addictive, anr she definitely was not addicted to cigarettes. My dad on the other hand really was, he was a 30 a day smoker.

I think it is possible to take (maybe only smoke) heroin and function well in life and not be an "addict" as in having mess up your life.

Waytootiredtosleep · 30/09/2017 08:50

Heroin is completely different to cigarettes!!!!!

I am still really struggling with this thread and all the apparantly pro- (or at least not anti) Heroin views on here!!!! IT IS A SERIOUS big time CLASS A drug that has massive consequences. Class A dealers are not Boy Scouts! they r serious people to be involved with when u have DCs

Is it just me??? please tell me I'm not alone in thinking this is a big deal!?? and to b concerned for DCs and confused with some of the posts on here?????

1DAD2KIDS · 30/09/2017 08:52

Because serious heroine addiction so often steals everthing from the addict. It completely trashes people's lives.

Tallysan · 30/09/2017 09:05

It can, but it can be a serious addiction without you losing everything was my point. I think we're probably on the same page really 1DAD, her addiction certainly had a very negative effect on lots of areas of her life (and mine) she just managed to continue functioning such that most people would have been unaware.

Maryz · 30/09/2017 09:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

stopfuckingshoutingatme · 30/09/2017 09:12

I can't see SS doing anything and it will cause More harm than good . What benefit will it achieve other than a friendship lost? As I can guarantee they won't take the kids away !

Far better to educate yourself then keep a closer eye and have a word with her and steer her towards rehab as appropriate

The wheels will come off eventually

The knee jerk reaction to drugs on here is curious given we live next door to alcoholism day on day

Elendon · 30/09/2017 09:20

I've had medicinal heroin for pain relief post surgery. To be honest I didn't like it (it was injected into me rather than the button delivery - which is useless in my opinion). It made me feel nauseous and gave me hallucinations.

I wouldn't see this person's usage as a problem just yet, but as others have said, if something disastrous happened it may lead to greater usage and problems.

And I can't see ss doing anything about it. If the children are well cared for, there isn't a problem.

Keep an eye on her. She's obviously a good friend and I would ask her why she has chosen to tell you this.

Waytootiredtosleep · 30/09/2017 09:21

Good to know I'm not alone MaryZ, was starting to lose faith in the world ....