Is it normal for parents to give kids deposit?

[splendidisolation]

Just wondering what's "normal".

Re parents giving adult kids money for deposit on a house.

I read this a lot on MN and it kind of surprised me.

Is this the norm?

Do they give all the deposit?

Even if they're not minted?

Your experiences/thoughts please!

House prices in most parts of the U.K. Are ridiculously high and loads of people can't get on the housing ladder until late in their 30s.

It is entirely understandable that if parents can afford to help their kids do it a bit sooner, they will. Of course it's not fair that some get this help and others don't, but it's simply another example of people having different amounts of wealth so being able to afford different stuff - in the same way some parents take their kids on expensive holidays or pay for school fees or driving lessons and others cannot afford to do any of this. And yes, helping kids onto the ladder does exacerbate the divide between the haves and the have nots, becaus rose with property see it rise in value and leave those without apeven further behind.

It's not fair, but it's entirely understandable parents want to help their kids.
I understand this far more than an attitude of 'I didn't get help, so I won't be helping my kids, they will have to do it themselves' - just seems odd and a determination to keep kids in the same position as yourself and to suffer any difficulties you faced yourself. Why not help if you can? Of course, don't drive yourself into debt over it or help if you can't, but if you can without too much effect on yourself, why not help them - isn't helping your kids a key role of being a parent?!?

Often in the threads about private education,map rents decide a better use of the money would be to save it for a house deposit.

Personally, if when the time comes I can give my DC £20k or something towards a deposit, I will be very pleased. I would get more pleasure from that than from an extra few expensive holidays. However, I wouldn't be giving it if it meant I would be in poverty in retirement. I am looking to financially plan now so I might be able to give them something - putting away the child benefit each month -should create about £15k by the time we stop getting it. It's a start.

My parents gave me my deposit for my first flat and we are hoping to do the same for our kids.

My parents gave me a large chunk of money (£20k) for a deposit 11 years ago so I could buy a one-bed flat in London. I was renting and working in London and I never would have been able to save the deposit cash (although at that point you could have got a 100% mortgage).

I wouldn't call them wealthy, more comfortable but they both always worked full time in professional jobs (teacher, engineer) and were extremely sensible and good at future planning with their money (had savings plans set to mature at key times etc).

They also helped me with uni but back then there were no course fees. It's a totally different world now.

I am eternally grateful to them for that. They gave the same amount to my sister too which helped her family move to a bigger house.

They thought it was a much wiser use of their savings than waiting until they died and us having it as inheritance.

We save for our kids and I hope we can do the same and help them, should they wish to purchase a property.

Ours paid our deposit and everyone I know had theirs paid by parents. There's just no chance the people I know on a typical wage up North would be able to save enough! And our parents were of the generation who made a lot of money on their house and have good pensions etc.

Ours never had it to give us.

FIL was a miner. Hardly swimming in cash and investments. My parents are better off but have always lived fairly hand to mouth and my dad had to retire very early due to ill health.

All my friends that own houses have all either had inhertence or been given money by their parents for their deposit.

I don't own and never will bar winning the lottery, my parents don't have the money to give me even part of a deposit and with renting and childcare etc. we don't have the spare money to save.

I would love to be able to help out my ds when he's older though. Not sure how likely that will be though.

I think my mum paid my sister's deposit of around £20k. She bought her a car at one point too, the idea of all of this being to have her inheritance early while she needs it. I presume my sister and her boyfriend put something towards it but am not sure how much. I don't think my dad gave anything, at least not a substantial sum like that. My mum isn't particularly rich (salary before retiring was maybe £32k and she inherited a bit of money from her parents but not very much).

She would have helped me out if I'd needed it although I would have used my savings as well.

DH wants to have a large amount saved up so we can help out children out with deposits if necessary.

It's not about personal responsibility and lack of ambition, it's now luck depending on when you were born.

So true sinister. I think it's also worth pointing out that luck and advantage don't begin and end with help towards house deposits. I wonder how many people who are so adamantly against this have had other advantages that just don't count in their minds? Because I was born in what would be termed a disadvantaged working class area where schools had little aspiration for their students in terms of getting a third level education or professional qualifications.

I'm sure plenty of people who "stood on their own two feet" had advantages such as a far better education, better housing growing up, parents who could assist them through university, pay for extra curricular activities, tutoring, take them travelling to practice their French and so on and so on. We had very little growing up and university wasn't an option for me so I didn't exactly step into a well paid job.

Some people insist that only the elite can afford to help their children but it's not true. For mine and most of my friends parents they struggled raising their own DCs and wanted to help make life a little easier when they got to a point where they could afford to. It doesn't mean we're all on the pigs back!

Nothing from my Dad (all I have). Paid for own wedding (not an expensive day) and managed to get a mortgage with DH. He didn't get any help either though.
I stayed at home through Uni as couldn't afford to move away. Paid digs of a third of everything I earned to my Dad (he needed it and I had three jobs). DH stayed at home till late 20s and didn't pay digs really.
I hope to have some sort of lump sum to give my two children when older I hope they'll use if for a deposit. I'm thinking ahead with their bedrooms which though small, if clever, they can stay in even as young adults. I'll encourage them to stay here as long as they want to, to save for a deposit.
Also about to start a pension off for both them. Only £20 pcm each but I want them to know (even when their OAPs) that we've done the best we can for them for all their lives.

If I can afford it when the time comes, and the circumstances suggest helping out is a good idea, then I will, if I can't then I won't. Seems fairly straightforward!

In my case, my parents lent me £10k when I bought a first property in the year 2000.
It allowed me to buy a 2 bed rather than 1 bed place and to have a £20k deposit which was 25% of value.
It was a loan and I had a year with no repayments so I could set up the property, then paid £100 per month. After about 4 years, they wrote the loan off.

£10k now doesn't sound so much, but it made a big difference to me then. It was important to them that it started as a loan, because they wanted me to appreciate the value of money etc etc. I couldn't get that £10k as part of my mortgage because I didn't earn enough, but I could easily pay £100 per month as I let my spare room for £300 per month. Wouldn't have had a spare room without that £10k.
They could have afforded to give me more. However, they gave me what I needed and what allowed me to do it and fund most of it myself.

My DH was left £20k as a gift ina grandparents will at a similar time (before we were together). Rather than leave all the cash to their 60 year old children, his grandparents left £20k to each grandchild. This formed the basis or the total amount of all of their deposits as all of them were in their mid 20s. What a great gift!

Not everyone can afford to do it, but for those who can, I think the pleasure of seeing the effect of those loans or gifts is absolutely huge, as well as the impact on those kids lives. I'd rather have that than another extension or luxury cruise. However, I wouldn't extend my own mortgage or make myself live on baked beans in retirement in order to do it. And I think people who honestly say they can't afford to help are better to do that than to drive themselves into poverty.

And I agree that families help each other in all kids of ways and at different times. It won't be too long until my parents become frail and need more time and care. I would hope to give them that when and if they need it.

People's needs vary. Some kids need financial help (most) but some don't. Some elderly parents need care, but some don't. Some kids or parents need emotional or mental support, some don't. I think that as families,r egardless of our ages, we just look to help each other when needs arise and as far as we can. Some people have greater needs and some people have greater capacity to help. We can all do what we can - no more, but no less either.

What I do think is normal when you have children is to view them as part of your family even when they're grown up, in the sense of treating them is very much like treating yourself.

But looking on the other side of the coin, also perfectly natural to accept that they, like yourself, can only have things within certain limits. I don't feel bad that dd will have to take out a student loan. But I'm looking forward to visiting her tomorrow and bringing some bits and bobs because treating her is like treating myself or dh: it's a pleasure.

I expect her to be a responsible and non-grabby adult, just like I expect myself to be a responsible and non-grabby adult. But if I can have something nice that makes my life easier without getting me into debt, then I wouldn't be holding back because I'm thinking "my mum never had this so why would I deserve it?"

And that's pretty well how I'd feel about dd too.

Btw my MIL and FIL based their comfortable pensions and MIL's nursing home fees on having inherited 3 houses in London from their parents. Dh and I won't be getting a similar inheritance. So does that mean they should have refused it because the next generation wouldn't be getting it? The previous generation were grateful for any help going- why shouldn't our children's generation be?

Sci

thats really sweet! I have wondered about a pension too, we couldnt put much in it now but it will add up if started this early.

The way I see it my DC did not ask to be brought into this world and what a world it is, full of pain, illness, un expected trials.

These things will still affect my DC there is nothing i can do to prevent them, no amount of money shields people from them either.

In middle/low earning family if we can help our DC I hope we can, as much as we can and help them.
Unless your handing over mansions, with monthly handouts - your DC will have to work, scrimp and save anyway!

I couldn't live with myself if say one DD got cancer at 40 and had a tough 10 years years working herself into the ground - when I could have eased that burden a little but chose not too for any reasons mentioned on this thread! I couldn't live with myself. Sometimes a heart attack or brush with death puts peoples priorities into sharp relief.

People always matter the most, people come first not cash.

BTW I was watching the Richard Burton Diaries the other day and his nephew came on to say Rich brought all the family a house and by this gesture lifed them all from working class to middle class and paid them all a checque in august and December.

The way I see it thats one whole loads of people he lifted out of poverty who probably dont need welfare now.

"If you were Adkin this question 30 years ago, maybe people could say it's about independence. "

30 years ago we had 100% Mortgages, they would only lend three times your income and didn't always take into account the Woman's, though.

We bought our second house in 1984 and only had to scrape together £1000, which was doable, even if it took two years. Employment was rubbish, though.

"BTW I was watching the Richard Burton Diaries the other day and his nephew came on to say Rich brought all the family a house and by this gesture lifed them all from working class to middle class and paid them all a checque in august and December.
The way I see it thats one whole loads of people he lifted out of poverty who probably dont need welfare now."

I know that Wayne Rooney has done the same.

I think that all of people I know who own their homes have had financial help from their parents. Either a deposit or letting them live rent free for a period. Many have had help with weddings and childcare too. Dp and I have had no help at all and I'm getting a bit sick of hearing 'I just couldn't imagine renting at our age' and 'can't your parents given you some money?'!

I agree that it's a pleasure to help my DC, when I am able to, whatever their age.

My parents were very good with money and very interested in saving and stashing it away. That benefitted us when they lent me money for a deposit.

I am taking the attitude now, that Inwant to get a balance in my finances. I too save for the future and want a secure retirement. However, I also spend now too and will be willing to give to my children. I take pleasure in paying school fees because I am giving them opportunities. I will take pleasure in paying for driving lessons and music lessons. I will be happy to pay towards their living expenses at uni to reduce their debts when leaving. When the time comes, if I can afford to, I will help them get in the housing ladder. All of this will give me great pleasure and I think greater pleasure than in my retirement having more cruises and whatever.

I know I am lucky to be able to both Save something for the future for myself and for my kids and to be able to spend now too. I am very grateful for the position I find myself in. And I'm looking to get a balance in terms of living in the here and now and the future..

Has he.. Imagine if every wealthy relative did that.

INDubious, I can see how galling it must be to see people getting property because their parents can give them loans and yours can't.

We are in a very unfair world and i think the gap between the haves and have nots is definitely widening. Wealth generates income and wealth which is passed down to the next generation, widening the gap.

Personally, regarding property, I think that If I couldn't buy, Insould seriously consider moving to an area where I could. I understand this isn't always easy and is very complex. I think that a number of people could do this if owning property really is the priority. I know it would mean other sacrifices, but for some it would be worth it and might be the chance to break this cycle of being a have or have not which is generational. Might not be palatable or popular, but for some people it might be the answer.

It's not galling to see for me Chocolate, I'm usually pretty happy for them tbh, it's the judging of me and dp for still renting that pissed me off! Our parents probably could lend us some money, or at least dp's could as they have given/lent his brothers a lot over the years, but we'll get there in the end I think so I'd rather do it ourselves. It's just that some friends will say 'We just couldn't possibly rent' that's annoying when I'm just thinking well, if your parents hadn't given you £20k and 3 days free childcare you might have to!

I didn't get a deposit from my DPs I saved for several years, working full time plus in a bar evenings/weekends. I bought as a single person and it was tough, especially when the interest rate went up to 15%. I rented out my bedroom (I slept in the living room) for a year to help financially. I know a lot of people these days think years ago we had it easy but I worked my guts out to to be able to afford to buy.

Of my friends, I'd say it's roughly 50/50.

Dh and I had saved 10 percent for our house. My in-laws came to look at it, loved it, went off and discussed with my parents. Then we all went out for lunch and they gave us around 40 percent of the price between them (my parents are well off, Dh's are rich so it wasn't a 50/50 split).

The house didn't have a proper kitchen and the electrics needed redoing plus we had limited furniture so we paid for those and then put the rest down as the deposit.

It wasn't expected or asked for but it helped a lot. Both my parents and my in-laws believe they are better off helping now whilst we have young children rather than leaving it until they die. We would hope to do the same for Ds and yes, I realise we are lucky.

In my experience it is not the norm. Within my circle of friends, dh and I are the only couple who have had help from our parents when it came to buying property. As a result our monthly mortgage payments are comparatively smaller than those of our closest friends, with ours being approx £650 per month and most friend's being upwards of £1000, for similar sized properties in the same area. This disparity is due to us having a lower loan to value ratio and the rising house prices in the area leading to others having to save for longer to reach a minimum deposit, therefore buying later.

Dh and I are very grateful for the financial support that we had. We choose to maximise the benefit it has given us by overpaying on our mortgage instead of buying fancy things. The benefit to us will be that our mortgage is likely to be paid off earlier than it would have been otherwise and that we will be able to help our own children out in turn when they choose to buy.

I do agree Splendid, it isn't fair.