Is it normal for parents to give kids deposit?

[splendidisolation]

Just wondering what's "normal".

Re parents giving adult kids money for deposit on a house.

I read this a lot on MN and it kind of surprised me.

Is this the norm?

Do they give all the deposit?

Even if they're not minted?

Your experiences/thoughts please!

My deposit was £45k. In laws loaned us £10. £5k gift from my dad. Would have been impossible without them. I have a toddler and I'm already saving for his deposit. I'd ideally like to be able to pay half when the time comes. With house prices being what they are family help is vital.

I don't think that's overly generous. I know people who have bought their kids houses outright and grandparents who pay school fees.

If i could afford it I would! but not just hand it on a plate or even let them know I was doing it.

If they were living with me I would take some rent/keep money from them each month, but put it away, so I could later give it back to them. In no way letting them know this would be coming back to them. If they've then also saved up themselves on top of that then even better for them, more money saved!

Yep.

And we take great pride in having the biggest, most expensive house out of the lot of them, my parents included. Bwa ha ha. It took a long time and a lot of hard work but we did it by ourselves.

I will help my children if I can, but there’s no way I’d help two at the expense of one. It has left a mark.

KityGlitr
Most people who got gifts don't actually expect anything from their family, and being quite successful anyway, have always been pushed by their family. It doesn't exclude help.

You seem to think that a cash gift from your parents mean you lose your independence, your work ethic, your self respect. If the kids have been raised, it absolutely doesn't!

It's not just house deposit, I know (very successful) people who set up their business or their firm because their parents gave a cash injection at the start. It helped, the parents have never had any involvement whatsoever in the business!, they worked ridiculously hard for things to take over.

I cannot understand why a parent would be happy to see their kids struggling when they could help. You don't do the work for them, you don't remove their drive, you help. It's also sad if there are conditions attached. A gift is a gift.

I wasn't given a deposit, nor did parents pay for our wedding and I bought my own car when I was 17.
My children will be treated the same. They want it, they work for it. Like I had to and my parents had to.

My parents didn't give me any money towards my first property. But they let me live at home and pay very reduced rent for a few years after uni so I could just save. I believe DH's parents may have helped out a little with him and his brother's first place. Both sets of parents have been generous with offering to pay for random things unsolicited. We would never dream of asking though!

I don't see it as grabby if that's the norm within the family and extended family. All of my husbands cousins have been helped alot more than us, some been bought houses outright. It's what the parents were afforded so it's not unusual. My mother in law could have helped alot more but didn't want to.

Just bought our second house and there's no way we'd have been able to buy without family help. I don't know anyone under 40 (apart from a few hedge fund manager types) who bought without family help. These are people in good, steady well paid professional jobs - it just shows how utterly ridiculous and unsustainable house prices are these days.

My parents gave both my sister and I money for part of our deposits, 10x the amount they gave us for our weddings. My poor parents probably weren't expecting us to get married and buy houses within a few months of each other 😂😂

As far as they are concerned they had the money and it's a wise investment.

People do what they like, we didn't expect money from my parents, they'd always hinted that we would get money towards a deposit but it was never expected nor was it a deal breaker in buying our houses. We will probably give our children money towards a deposit if they can show they are responsible and can save of their own volition.

Well, I could not have bought my first house without a hefty contribution to the deposit from my parents.

Then dh and I would not have been able to buy this house without a hefty contribution from his parents -they had a holiday home which they sold and split the profit between him and his brothers.

My dad's view on this is that he'd much rather give me an "advance" on my inheritance rather than risk it getting spent on care for him when older or it being subject to inheritance tax at some point.

Most people I know got some help.

Aim to be able to help my kids in a similar fashion but uni tuition fees might be more of a priority by then.

Realise I'm very lucky.

I don't think it's unusual - about half of my friends/family have been given help from parents. My parents wouldn't be able to afford it (they are on benefits) and DH's parents didn't need to as he earns well enough not to need it. We will probably buy a house outright for our dcs as we can afford it and it makes for sensible tax planning.

DH and I got a contribution towards a deposit.

In our circles, some help is normal and common, but certainly not expected.

In my case, DF felt getting on the ladder was important and I was mortgage ready when the crash hit, so seemed a sensible time to buy (and having just sold that house, it was!) so wanted to give me a leg up. In DHs case, his grandparents had a savings account they'd had since he was a baby and gave him that, with the express instruction it was to be spent on something meaningful (house, wedding, possibly a car).

It would have taken us a few years more to save up what they gave us.

*@CocoPuffsinGodMode

Damn right im resentful! Why wouldn't I be! This means its a complete fucking lottery from birth, worse than in education.
It means house prices and deposit demands are hugely inflated because people can afford shit loads more than what they really could if they were doing it off their own backs.
Its one of the biggest threats to social mobility there is.

And yes I do think theres something wrong about contributing to thay reversal of social mobility via child benefits, because those benefits are meant to be there to help you feed and clothe your child. Who cares if you go without holidays because you choose to save it?
The fact is you're taking the benefits with one hand, and then taking again with the other, by giving your kid a leg up the property ladder that forces the ladder even higher for those without the help.*

But if people stopped helping their children with deposits, would that change the situation? Much of people's wealth is built on rising house prices. Nobody politically wants to touch something that would cause a correction of the housing market. Reducing tax incentives for landlords has affected the housing market which is probably a good thing, but I doubt anyone would go further.

It is unfair, but it's not individuals that create the unfair. I think your anger is misdirected slightly.

We bought age 35 having previously accepted that being self employed and low waged meant we weren't going to be able to raise a deposit in time to be eligible for a mortgage. Then my mum inherited money, some of which she offered to me towards a deposit. I didn't expect it but it made things seem so much more possible. We sorted out our finances to make buying viable. Then my partners dad announced he was happy to support us with some inheritance now where it could do some use.

Not everyone has this option. That makes the system deeply unfair and it's reinforced by the new affordability rules on mortgages, house prices and treating property as investment rather than dwelling. We benefitted from the advantage of inherited wealth.

But from our parents point of view, they had access to funds which they didn't need and could make a genuine difference to us now rather than in 20-35 years time when we would inherit from them.

To put numbers on it, we used a broker because self employed. We would have struggled to get a mortgage over £85k and wanted to keep repayments affordable. As it was, we borrowed £72k over 20 years and had a gifted deposit of £24k. We probably also have an unfair advantage of living in a northern city where buying a house for £96k is possible.

Sadly I think it is now normal. I say sadly because parents shouldn't have to do this and children shouldn't need it, that fact the do says nothing about laziness/generosity of parents/children these days it's just down to the economic times we live in and house prices. This situation will do nothing to close social inequalities if your best chance of owning your own house rests on your parents financial position.

That's the other point- my husband is an Architect and I was well paid professional pre kids. We couldn't afford, we've only just bought a house. It is in an expensive area but my Dad was incredulous about the size of the place and the cost and the fact that even with professional jobs we needed help. My husband's family all owned property in expensive parts of North London and could afford those areas on the salary of a Doctor and Dentist etc.

Mum and Dad had held my inheritance from my grandparents (because I was fucking awful with money and they were right to do so) until I was nearly 30 and had escaped an abusive marriage and was desperately in need for some security for DS1 and myself. So I was able to buy our current home, which I am incredibly grateful for and do not take for granted for a second.

Mum died in June and left a significant legacy for me and for DP, which will enable us to buy a bigger home in a nicer area, better schools for the kids. It was completely unexpected (we never asked for details of her will, and frankly weren’t expecting anything because it’s not our money, it was hers) and we are well aware of how fortunate financially this makes us.

That said, I’d give every fucking bit of it back to still have my Mum, it’s not “free” money, the highest price has already been paid for it. I know she wanted us and the kids to move from where we are and give the kids more opportunities in a better area, and she’s made sure we can do that, which I am very, very grateful for.

As a better alternative to the social inequality problem than getting resentful: community share housing is worth exploring. I have a small amount of inherited money in shares with this organisation, in the hope that I will be helping other low income people who don't have access to family money to find affordable homes leedscommunityhomes.org.uk

My parents definitely didn't get any help from their own DPs, my mum's DM was a widow and my dad's DPs never had anything to give. Coming from a background where he saw his DM struggle to pay off his school uniform a shilling a week and count out the pennies for his tram fare, then had to work during the day to afford to go to night school for his A Levels, he was determined that he'd have more for his own children. We didn't get all the shiny shite that my friends got growing up, he held onto his cash knowing it would be more use to us later.

I never expected, asked for or received any help with my first house purchase, I was with my ex, we were both working, and it was the mid 90s, the huge detached house we bought was less than 80K and we got a 100% mortgage. 12 years ago things had changed a lot, I was then on my own and the 2 bed terrace I bought wasn't much less than the house I'd walked out of (in his name, we weren't married - no equity for me ... thereby hangs a lesson!). I didn't earn enough to buy anything that didn't need a lot of work, so, rather than see me 'giving my money away' in rent. My dad gave me the deposit (bearing in mind, where I live the price of a flat in London will buy you the whole town!), it wasn't expected by me, he doesn't expect it back, he's done the same for my siblings, helping them when they've needed it, as he says it will all come to us eventually and he'd rather see us smiling now than struggling until he dies.

I hope to do the same for my DS one day, dad never lets me forget where he came from and has never let me become the entitled brat, expecting to wake up to a brand new car on my 17th birthday, or made me feel like I'm not loved because we didn't have a week in Spain every year and he definitely wouldn't have shelled out for an extravagant wedding (he did insist on paying for the meal and bar bill at my tiny Register Office one though) . He instilled the message that you work for what you get, but you also look after the ones you love, generosity when it's really needed rather than just for show.

That actually made me well up a bit typing it! My lovely dad and not so lovely hormones.

I think it's quite common with my parents generation (I'm 38, parents in 60's). When I finished uni my dad gave me a desposit to buy a house and same for my sister a few years later. Lots of friends have had similar. We earn similar money to what my parents did but won't be able to afford to do that when our children are that age. Maybe some towards but definitely not the hefty £15k I got.

It means house prices and deposit demands are hugely inflated because people can afford shit loads more than what they really could if they were doing it off their own backs.

Out of curiosity splendidisolation, if I can afford to give part of deposit they need to my kids, but chose not to. What do you expect me to with the cash?

We didn't give our children money specifically for deposits but we did have them living at home on a low rent basis to save their own deposits. We did pay for dd's wedding as neither ds is married.

We are so grateful that dd got married last year as there are some lovely pictures of her mil at the wedding and mil died suddenly last week but because we paid for the wedding they could get married sooner and mil was there.

If you were Adkin this question 30 years ago, maybe people could say it's about independence. But you have to be wearing massive Daily Mail blinkers to not see that the goal post have been so dramatically moved that they have left the pitch. House prices in relation to salaries are off the scale, those who bought when they were cheaper are privileged compared to many left struggling to pay rents which exceed monthly mortgage payments, effectively locking them out of the housing market. It's not about personal responsibility and lack of ambition, it's now luck depending on when you were born.

My mum bought her council house in the early 90's at a ridiculous discount. She was a single mother working in admin on a low income, this would be impossible now. When my Nan died she passed on her share of the inheritance to me, so I could have a deposit. I intend to do exactly the same for my DS and DSS if I inherit from my mum, hopefully not for a long long time.

badgers what your Dad said is very true. My SIL is very ill. Paying off her mortgage gave her peace of mind that her housing is sorted. DH got so much out of helping his sister when she needed it.

I think this is something that has changed hugely in the last 15 years and has contributed to the ever increasing circles of house prices (only contributed, i know its much more complex!).

When my friends were all graduates in London in the late 90's/early 00s it certainly wasn't the norm to get help from parents. One friend had a lottery win, another an inheritance but generally we all saved, got bonuses, gradually higher paying jobs etc, but prices were alot more affordable.

5-10 years later there is absolutely no way we could have done that on our salaries but at the same time a whole generation of parents/grandparents benefitted hugely from their property value increasing and were able to free up cash so its all stayed in circulation. Great for some but desperately unfair for those locked out of that cycle because their parents don't have that type of equity to pass on.

I don't think we'll be able to help our children as we live in a comfortable house in outer London but can't see us wanting to live out our years in a tiny flat or moving to the country so we can free up the cash.