Angry angry angry

[Sounbelievablydull]

Dd and her boyfriend live with us- they are both mid twenties- supposidly saving for their own place.
We charge minimal rent £100 pm each ( London) that includes everything food toiletries etc
They help out a bit not much cook dinner once a week
Other than that that not much else
This evening dd has flounced into the room where I'm watching to brandishing her boyfriends shirt complaining that I have somehow washed it inadequately so it has strange stains on it
She later came back in to show me that I'd washed it with a pen in a jacket of hers which had leaked
She's furious his shirt is ruined by me! And she will now have to buy him another to replace it- message is I should - I think??
yes I did go and get washing from their room because if I don't it piles up into a stinking pile
I also do their ironing - I feel really angry and am awaiting the onslaught of advice telling me what an idiot I am bring it on

My DSS age 25 lives with us. We don't charge him rent, although he does pay for his train ticket to work which is expensive from here.

He does his own washing. Generally when he runs out of clothes. I have learnt to keep the door shut to his bedroom!

Sounds like you've got the message, OP. Boundaries are needed. That includes you btw - it's not OK to go into their room and take their dirty clothes for washing, but I think you know that. It's time to start treating them like adults.

Tell them to find alternative accommodation. Haven't read the full thread but it's time they moved out. If I had this level of complaints from two people who are getting an extremely good deal by anyone's standards I'd tell them to go. I wouldn't argue the rights and wrongs. I'd just say out. It's not really doing them that much good to enable them to become so entitled.

You are losing money because the food bills for two adults will be more than 100 pounds a month. You charge 100 pounds a month rent.
Do not do their washing/ironing at all.
Do not do their washing up either.
Do not tidy after them.
Don't make them tea, coffee or wipe their entitled arses at all.

I know its tough with little money but many of us have done this and at the least you get a healthy respect for money.

Please give us an update some time!
I'm sure you can do it!

Blimey my dd only works part time and pays £100 per month. I do her washing if I'm doing mine and ask for hers otherwise she does her own. She eats at work 4 nights a week so only eats at nose and then. Buys all her own toiletries and takes care of the pets. I don't even do my OH washing after he was rude to me

They need to grow the fuck up.

Leave the washing, they'll soon bring it out when they have nothing to wear.

Ungrateful kids.

Surely £100 a month each won't even pay the community charge/Council Tax

You will never escape critism such as you have had as long as you are being basically a slave to to your daughter and her partner. Both either move out or to protect the treasured clothing of partner then he can move out though for £25 a week for rent, electricity, good and all the other services you provide I rather suspect you won't hear any complaints from him about the shirt. Give them both a time limit for living with you and stop being so servile to them.

As someone who paid the same to my mother and moved out at 24 now 31 I helped with washing, changed beds, cleaned etc and still felt guilty like I was taking the p**s. Maybe they don't take your generosity into consideration. If you were my mum I would be extremely grateful and try to show it.

Tell them to try and survive somewhere else for £200 quid and see how the atmosphere changes. Don’t let them walk over you OP

You are allowing her to carry on however she wants you doing her washing/ironing. I would stop if I were you. If you don't want to - then I would say be prepared for her behaviour to worsen towards you

Is there any news OP?

I have my elderly father and son with special needs living with me. So I work part time and am a cater so claim HB.When my married son split up with his wife and also moved in the local authority expects him to contribute at least £80 per week to the rent and that doesn't include anything for other bills! He does all his own laundry and cooking too.

I've told mine if they want to stay on at home whilst working it will be expected they tip up half their salary. I'm expecting that I would pay it into a savings account towards them getting a deposit on a house or flat of their own. I would also expect them to help around the house and to speak to me civilly.

My DH and I currently live with my parents whilst we save for a mortgage. We only pay £350 a month which includes bills except food.

We do our own cooking and washing. My mums amazing and if I have a load in the machine and I'm at work she hangs it up for me.

We help out cutting the grass etc. or whatever needs doing, and it's useful for Mum when they go away which is fairly often as we sort out their dog cat and horses. We're saving loads and it's made a huge difference to us.

I'll suprise my parents with flowers or chocolate sometimes and sometimes cook supper for everyone too (it generally is easiest we do it separately due to timing)

So it can work with clear ground rules.

You need to be firm

Actually, having thought about this quite a lot over the last couple of days, I would not say anything myself. I think your dh should now do a bit of parenting and talk to dd.

He should tell her how ungrateful she and her bf are, how much you are doing for them, and that they should be pulling their weight like adults. He should also suggest that an apology and reparation be made.

I hope that then dd and bf would apologise to you, at which point you can introduce new ground rules gently but firmly.

Thing is a child is forever and this is OP's daughter.Everyone giving fierce advice to throw them out are big stuff behind their keyboards.

If it were me I would be doing the washing as well.A house can soon start smelling from dirty clothes,wet towels and bedding not done regularly.

The male would never have moved in here either,but it is not my reality and it is done now.

You need to sit them both down and explain what a good deal they are getting. I have 2 mid-20s DC still at home, they would love to move but can't afford. They pay £450.pm between them. I had to explain to my son why it was so much. I cannot afford to run this place on my wage (when they do move I will have to downsize we are in this situation due to circumstances beyond my control) I told him at their ages it is not board but a fair share of most of the bills. I do however do all their washing because it suits me to. They buy their own personal toiletries and some food. Your daughter needs to loose the attitude and be more grateful.

Did you have that chat Op? What was the result

Evening all,
Here's the update, I calmed down so no longer "angry angry angry!!"
The ink stains were vanquished on a hot wash and a liberal application odpf stain devils ( they are marvellous)
Dd voluntarily apologised for her rant/ behaviour and treated us all to a lovely Chinese on Friday night. I know small potatoes!!
I still plan to have a word alongside dh but as someone else said we both love having the young people around and I expect they'll be gone one way or another soon enough.
I'm going to ensure a more equal division of chores and be less of a martyre but I think I need to be clear with them what my expectations are- all your advice has really helped with this.
I am especially grateful to those who emphasised with the tensions that exist between being a parent and being a pushover.
Happy to update when I have had "the talk"

Nice update, OP!

Glad things sound calmer

Sometimes these things can be a good time to re evaluate things/