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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To go out with someone who doesn’t pay maintenance?

138 replies

IfyouseeRitaMoreno · 27/09/2017 19:48

On account of their DC being abroad and the mother never asked for it.

That’s it really. I don’t know many details (and am too weedy to ask) other than he keeps in touch online but it makes me feel a bit uncomfortable as having been on the other end.

OP posts:
MyBrilliantDisguise · 27/09/2017 19:49

No - no excuses, get rid. "She never asked for it" - that's disgraceful.

Tilapia · 27/09/2017 19:50

He doesn't sound like a keeper.

greendale17 · 27/09/2017 19:50

No chance

NameChanger22 · 27/09/2017 19:51

No, get rid.

stella23 · 27/09/2017 19:52

Well he could always put the money in an account for when they are older, bet he doesn't though

shivermytimbers · 27/09/2017 19:52

Get out now. Then you can meet someone who a) can talk openly about themselves and who you feel comfortable to ask questions of and b) isn't a crap dad

ChicRock · 27/09/2017 19:52

It's bloody shameful and the fact that he's not even embarrassed to tell you he doesn't financially support his own child should tell you all you need to know about this utter gobshite.

Breezy1985 · 27/09/2017 19:52

I couldn't. No excuse is good enough for me.

CardsforKittens · 27/09/2017 19:53

I wouldn't. It says quite a bit about his attitude to his responsibilities.

PinkHeart5913 · 27/09/2017 19:54

I couldn't be with a man that didn't support his children financially & emotionally. As a parent I just can't imagine treating my child that way.

existentialmoment · 27/09/2017 19:55

I wouldn't. But I suppose women do go out with that kind of twat man.

BitchQueen90 · 27/09/2017 19:56

Yes, YABU.

Who cares if they live abroad/mother didn't ask for it. He should bloody do it off his own back!

DJBaggySmalls · 27/09/2017 19:57

Ugh no.

  1. Why wouldn't he set up a trust find for when his kids are older?
  2. Thats the kind of thing someone being denied access would say as a cover.
MrsPicklesonSmythe · 27/09/2017 19:58

Yuck. Nothing more unattractive than a tight wad or a crap father and this bloke is both.

More likely the mother knew she'd never get any support from him so buggered off to give them a better life herself.

Osolea · 27/09/2017 19:58

Does he pay a lot in travel and/or accommodation to visit his child, or fly the child over to stay with him? Is he on a low income?

GrowThroughWhatYouGoThrough · 27/09/2017 20:00

I suppose it depends on the circumstances. Has she refused to take money off him? Do they have an agreement I.e he pays for schooling/School trips etc. Does he put money in an account for dc?

Sodaface · 27/09/2017 20:00

He's a waster, get shot of him

Peachypie83 · 27/09/2017 20:01

I do but he has his child three nights a week and pays for all clothes and shoes and school trips etc

In your described circumstances I would certainly think twice

timeisnotaline · 27/09/2017 20:02

No no no and no. The child/children didn't have to ask their mother to look after them , he didn't ask her to look after them, she is because they are her children. I wouldn't give a fuck that no one asked him. Get out, and tell everyone why.

NoCryLilSoftSoft · 27/09/2017 20:04

On account of their DC being abroad and the mother never asked for it.

Oh, I didn't realise everything was free abroad. who asked their mother to support them? Did they send her an invitation?

IgnoreMeEveryOtherReindeerDoes · 27/09/2017 20:05

Agree get rid otherwise you could end up in the same boat of a parent that thinks it's ok to not support their offsprings

KH369 · 27/09/2017 20:07

Just because he doesn't pay maintenance doesn't mean hes a crap dad etc. Maybe she doesn't want/need his money? But at the end of the day, its nothing to do with you OP in all honesty - its his child, his life, his choice. Don't get involved or jump to far out conclusions when you haven't even spoke to him about it. My partner does pay for his children from his previous - however we have a joint account so 9/10 times its me transferring the money and me who gets harassed by the mother if its a day late. If i could go back, I'd have never even brought up the subject of joint account and never agreed to be the go-between for my partner and his ex just because she's decided she won speak directly to him now she has a new fella. My advice - speak to him and get the facts, then stay well out of it. His not paying shouldn't affect your relationship until a valid reason appears (i.e he tells you he just doesn't want to pay as opposed to he cant afford)

headintheproverbial · 27/09/2017 20:09

I grew up with a father abroad after divorce. There were never any formal arrangements in place but he contributed financially to my mother until I left home (and helped me at uni).

It's no excuse that they are abroad unless there are extenuating circumstances (can't really think what they might be!)

AnyFucker · 27/09/2017 20:10

Your standards are very low

stitchglitched · 27/09/2017 20:12

I wouldn't date someone like this if he offered