To go out with someone who doesn’t pay maintenance?

[IfyouseeRitaMoreno]

On account of their DC being abroad and the mother never asked for it.

That’s it really. I don’t know many details (and am too weedy to ask) other than he keeps in touch online but it makes me feel a bit uncomfortable as having been on the other end.

If you do choose to stay with this person OP, maybe look at ensuring you never end up pregnant with his dc. He's showing you exactly the kind of (non) father he will be.

the opinions are getting mixed -what? are you struggling to differentiate between the wide range of comments ? They pretty much range from 'don't date him' and 'don't date him he's a tosser of a deadbeat dad' . It must be very difficult for you to work out the overwhelming majority opinion here.

He's no good; and there's a chance he's worse than that and lying about it.
What if he is barred contact for serious reasons?

A. I still can't figure out why ex's new wife doesn't mind that he sends not a penny in support for his dc's although he seems to have plenty of money for cigarettes, alcohol and drugs. I can't imagine what he's saying to her to justify his behavior.

Ok, imo... tgere is more to being a parent than money.

Being present amd available to children is massively important. So is having good food on the table, a non stressed resident parent and the occasional treat.

So; if mum is ably providing, happy with their lot and was the one to move away then it's possibly ok for dad to use his contribution to be a present and available parent. Regular visits, phone calls, home country visits in long holidays and so on.

If he's substituting skype for contact and pocketing the cash however....

I wouldn't touch a man like thatat with someone else's. Mean and selfish with his own child, who are you in the face of that?He will turn his back on you sooner or later.

This says so much about his integrity and none of it is good. Ltb

I'm more curious why you are even considering dating this man? To willfully deny your children money is disgusting. You really need to raise your standards and read this thread again, hardly anyone suggested getting more facts. It's a very obvious choice to not date someone who treats his children this way.

Another red flag for me is that you are too scared to ask for more information in case it starts an argument. In a healthy relationship you should be able to have open and honest conversations and debate things without feeling scared.

Option B, probably followed by A. But worth finding out I think. Just so you leave with no regrets.

His side of the story is not necessarily the full picture.

Another red flag for me is that you are too scared to ask for more information in case it starts an argument

Oh that’s just because we’ve only been out a few times. Not had any deep conversations and still being polite.

But seriously you’re right. I know it really. I think part of it is that I’ve been single for so long and although I’m really happy like that part of me was overly flattered at the attention.

You'd be happy if your employer paid late? Would your various creditors be happy if you paid late?

Because if the ex-wife has a problem with it, it's her ex-partner she should be yelling at, not her ex-partner's new partner.