Was I a bitch?

[ModernFamily2017]

NC as this is identifying

Last night a girl I used to work with on posted on FB something along the lines of:

'It makes me so angry when I hear parents complaining about their children! They need to realise how lucky they are and think of those of us who can't have any children and would do anything to be in their shoes'

I don't know why but it really annoyed me, I hated the 'judgyness' of if so I commented

I said something along the lines of: 'Being a parent is bloody hard work and I don't know anyone who hasn't complained about their children at one point or another. It doesn't mean we love them any less. I know it's horrible for women who can't have children but that doesn't give you the right to judge those who can. It's hard enough raising a child without people judging you all the time.

She then deleted her post and I felt a small victory but also pretty bad I just hate sweeping statements like that!

WIBU

Sorry I'm confused - are these said to the children or just about them?

I've thought several of them myself and said them to my partner and my PND friends.

I imagine my lovely mum probably said quite similar things about me!!

Look at my kids being so greedy! You're so greedy you better eat everything on that plate. (My friend to her kids).

That's the only thing on your list I would judge someone for, as she said it to them and it's a messed up attitude about food.

Can empathise with both P.O.V
Adoption is a noble and valid way of becoming a parent if own fertility is an issue.

I think that a lot of this is missing the point. The OP was very unkind in my view. The person commenting was probably upset and venting. I doubt that she in the cold light of day believes that parents have no right to express frustration. The fact that she withdrew her comment rather than getting into a bun-fight suggests as much. She was finding things hard and saying so, there was no need to kick her whilst down.

Brand I don't think many of those (if any) are 'monstrous' unless they are actually said to the child.

Both myself and a large number of my friends have young children and have heard many of these. I have said something along the lines of "everyone elses baby sleeps, why did I get the one that doesn't" after multiple bad nights, I don't love DD any less and she really was a miracle child but that doesn't make it any less hard and discussing with people who understand sometimes makes you feel a little better. To describe those mothers as monsters is a bit ridiculous.

Parenting is a relationship. You can't be perfect at it. Rightly or wrongly, they do push you to the limit sometimes because they aren't yet socialised like adults and you often have other external factors to consider such as work, finances and marital relationships.

So, yes, while they aren't responsible for your feelings and you shouldn't personalise their behaviour, it doesn't harm them at all to teach them that it impacts on others. It benefits them in the long run and helps them have good relationships. I agree words like brat aren't always helpful but to me it would signify that the parent needed support not judgment

If we escalate from brat to Fucker or Cunt how does that sit with you?

The parent or parents would need parenting classes. If you are or me or who ever else is the friend to x parent wouldn't it be nice to give them a hand.

Brand

You can be as sanctimonious as you want. I can imagine when I was a teenager my mum wished I was out of the house many a time. Don't blame her!!

I'm round hers now, with my little boy whom I adore and have also often thought "will you SLEEP you little sod". I have not said it to him. But I do reserve the right to think it. It does not make me a bad Mum. Nor does it make me ungrateful.

Also your comments about PND demonstrate a total lack of awareness. It's a mental illness. The thoughts and feelings are not a choice.

Can't imagine you'd tell someone with cancer it was having a bad effect on their children and to just get up and get on with it.

And irl I don't know a single parent at all who hasn't admitted to saying or thinking at least one thing on your list of "monstrous" things to think.

I'm not really sure what you're asking me

I don't believe in the concept of having to feel "grateful" full stop. The belief that you absolutely must is a huge contributor to women experiencing PND.

I do believe some parents are abusive. Which is a different issue.

I can only say that me thinking "I wish my PITA child would sleep" in no way means I don't love him or would send him back etc

Which you'd think was obvious really but do call SS if you think otherwise.

I just asked her and she said, and I quote:

"Oh god yes, getting a life of my own back was fantastic"

❤️❤️❤️❤️ my mum. Good for her. I'm one of four and she has been bloody amazing.

I don't believe in the concept of having to feel "grateful" full stop. The belief that you absolutely must is a huge contributor to women experiencing PND

I couldn't agree with you more. I didn't experience PND but with my first child for long time I struggled in silence thinking I must be doing something wrong because everyone else seemed to be enjoying their babies much more than I was.

We don't have to be grateful and empathatic 24/7. There will always be someone worse off in any situation we aren't constantly grateful for everything we have.

She clearly was struggeling and you kicked her when she was down. You are a horrible person. I am glad that I don't know you. You should try to have some empathy.