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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Was I a bitch?

505 replies

ModernFamily2017 · 27/09/2017 09:37

NC as this is identifying

Last night a girl I used to work with on posted on FB something along the lines of:

'It makes me so angry when I hear parents complaining about their children! They need to realise how lucky they are and think of those of us who can't have any children and would do anything to be in their shoes'

I don't know why but it really annoyed me, I hated the 'judgyness' of if so I commented Blush

I said something along the lines of: 'Being a parent is bloody hard work and I don't know anyone who hasn't complained about their children at one point or another. It doesn't mean we love them any less. I know it's horrible for women who can't have children but that doesn't give you the right to judge those who can. It's hard enough raising a child without people judging you all the time.

She then deleted her post and I felt a small victory but also pretty bad Blush I just hate sweeping statements like that!

WIBU

OP posts:
Original poster
ModernFamily2017 · 29/09/2017 07:40

described the woman as a girl who spends her weekends out getting hammered

I did not describe the girl like this at all, I said that's what her FB posts were about. I was pointing out her usual posts are about going out and getting wrecked, making the one in question seem to be attention seeking and fishing for likes.

OP posts:
Sassyk · 29/09/2017 07:43

Sorry you come across as nasty and bitchy. She wasn't judging you and she is allowed to vent, just don't respond.
Having struggled with infertility myself and having a good friend coming to terms that she may never have a child, it is utterly heart wrenching. You had no need to respond. You should apologise, PND or not.

Worriedaboutboy · 29/09/2017 07:49

You were bang out of order. FULL STOP.

eulmh · 29/09/2017 07:58

I once put a comment about people commenting on how big my bump was and a woman commented on how I should feel lucky to have a bump as she can't. That wasn't even my point... I had no issue whatsoever with my bump it was people thinking it was ok to look and me and make comments. But her one comment made me feel really bad. Parenting is bloody hard work and actually the way you feel is not being unreasonable but I'm more passive aggressive and I just unfollow these sorts of comments. She's clearly having her own problems and may have had a failed ivf attempts that day and took it out on somebody who was struggling to deal with parenting too.... both sets of people were dealing with their own issues. I try to avoid
Inflammatory things on fb to be honest as they tend to escalate a lot more quickly than in real life

Original poster
ModernFamily2017 · 29/09/2017 08:06

Can I just clarify that I'm 99% sure she isn't or hasn't even started trying for children. She is younger than me, never had a boyfriend and updates her FB a few times a day about her life.

So no I don't believe she's had any failed IVF attempts etc.

OP posts:
Wheresmytaco · 29/09/2017 08:09

How can you be 99% certain about someone you clearly don't even know that well? Although even if that post was in support of her sister that may be why she deleted it so you she didn't see your bulkshit

Original poster
ModernFamily2017 · 29/09/2017 08:14

No I don't know her well, but when someone lives their life through fb and updates it multiple times through the day, you get a good idea of their life.

OP posts:
Bluntness100 · 29/09/2017 08:15

Can I just clarify that I'm 99% sure she isn't or hasn't even started trying for children. She is younger than me, never had a boyfriend and updates her FB a few times a day about her life

Jeez, now you’re saying she’s so attention seeking she’s falsely claiming infertility for the attention?

Bloody hell. You know that people can know they are infertile from a very very early age, due to anything from child hood illnesses through to birth defects.

What the hell is wrong with you? Your posts are so judgemental and horrible.

ModernFamily2017 · 29/09/2017 08:19

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Bluntness100 · 29/09/2017 08:22

Can I just clarify that I'm 99% sure she isn't or hasn't even started trying for children. She is younger than me, never had a boyfriend and updates her FB a few times a day about her life

Where the fuck have I said that

Right there.

ShatnersWig · 29/09/2017 08:24

We're only engaging for entertainment value now, aren't we, to see just how awful the OP can continually make herself sound.

Original poster
ModernFamily2017 · 29/09/2017 08:25

Can you not read? That's says I don't think she's had IVF not that I don't believe she's infertile.

OP posts:
Wheresmytaco · 29/09/2017 08:26

Yes, you don't need a failed ivf attempt to know you're infertile. Endometriosis and pcos etc other anomalies can be found before ttc

Wheresmytaco · 29/09/2017 08:27

No you said she hasn't started trying for children.

Like infertility is only an issue if you try and fail.

If you're infertike and want children, you don't "try" for them. You just know you can't have them

Original poster
ModernFamily2017 · 29/09/2017 08:28

Wheresmytaco Yes I know. My post was responding to someone who suggested a failed IVF attempt. I have not once said she's not infertile. Just that she hasn't actively tried for children yet so no IVF or other treatment yet.

OP posts:
Original poster
ModernFamily2017 · 29/09/2017 08:30

Don't people diagnosed with such things as POS try for children?
You're taking and twisting my post out of context.

OP posts:
BillBrysonsBeard · 29/09/2017 08:32

Both of you were knobs. You cancelled each other out Grin

craigglen · 29/09/2017 08:32

You asked if you were a bitch and most people have agreed that you were. I'm not sure why you keep trying to come back and justify yourself. I for one won't be changing my mind.

Original poster
ModernFamily2017 · 29/09/2017 08:35

I'm not justifying myself, people are making suggestions and I'm responding. I don't think what I said was awful, not in the slightest. I do agree maybe a message would have been better but I still stand by my opinion.

OP posts:
ShatnersWig · 29/09/2017 08:37

SO WHY THE FUCK DID YOU BOTHER ASKING IN THE FIRST PLACE? And if you are so sure you're in the right, why the fuck have you spend pages and pages trying to justify yourself with the 95% of people who think you were at least unreasonable if not a bitch in the first place but who all now think you're a total bitch based on all your other responses?

But thanks for keeping us entertained.

Original poster
ModernFamily2017 · 29/09/2017 08:42

Because it's interesting to hear other people's perspectives. Just because you ask for people's opinions doesn't mean you have to/should change your own!

OP posts:
Original poster
ModernFamily2017 · 29/09/2017 08:42

You're welcome for the entertainment.

OP posts:
Bluntness100 · 29/09/2017 08:46

I don’t really understand this. Why did you say you felt pretty bad in your op if you feel your attack on her was completely justified?

Eveforever · 29/09/2017 08:50

I've changed my mind, I don't think you're a bitch. I now think you're an intolerable bitch. Please stop posting, you're not entertaining, you are fucking annoying and the worse thing is you don't seem to be able to recognise it.

EarlGreyT · 29/09/2017 08:54

now you’re saying she’s so attention seeking she’s falsely claiming infertility for the attention?

Where the fuck have I said that? One poster suggested she may have had a failed ivf attempt that day that is why I posted that comment. Stop trying to twist my words. Now whose the bitch?

No one is twisting your words. You've basically said that here:

Yes this girl may be infertile but honestly I see it as an attention seeking post for some likes. Scrolling through her fb, she's a young girl who's usual posts are about getting wrecked on the weekend.. Definitely no regrets now!

And here:
Can I just clarify that I'm 99% sure she isn't or hasn't even started trying for children. She is younger than me, never had a boyfriend and updates her FB a few times a day about her life.

So no I don't believe she's had any failed IVF attempts etc.

You're sounding really nasty. This "girl" if she isn't suffering with infertility certainly has one think you're totally devoid of and that's empathy.