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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Was I a bitch?

505 replies

ModernFamily2017 · 27/09/2017 09:37

NC as this is identifying

Last night a girl I used to work with on posted on FB something along the lines of:

'It makes me so angry when I hear parents complaining about their children! They need to realise how lucky they are and think of those of us who can't have any children and would do anything to be in their shoes'

I don't know why but it really annoyed me, I hated the 'judgyness' of if so I commented Blush

I said something along the lines of: 'Being a parent is bloody hard work and I don't know anyone who hasn't complained about their children at one point or another. It doesn't mean we love them any less. I know it's horrible for women who can't have children but that doesn't give you the right to judge those who can. It's hard enough raising a child without people judging you all the time.

She then deleted her post and I felt a small victory but also pretty bad Blush I just hate sweeping statements like that!

WIBU

OP posts:
SherbrookeFosterer · 29/09/2017 08:55

I wouldn't call you a b**ch, but I would suck this up.

I suspect she has had some bad news from the doctor and still struggling with it.

EarlGreyT · 29/09/2017 08:55

*thing not think

Original poster
ModernFamily2017 · 29/09/2017 08:59

I felt bad as she removed it, even if she realised what she'd said, I didn't post to deliberately upset her, just to give someone else's perspective.

Eve This is a thread I started so I will continue to post what I want. If you don't like it, stop coming back for more!

OP posts:
Ducknose · 29/09/2017 09:09

I feel quite sorry for you now. You asked if you acted like a bitch and you've received your answer loud and clear.
The truth is, you feel absolutely rotten about what you did, for all that woman's family and friends to see and for all yours, so you came here for reassurance. You haven't got that so have now gone into defence mode.
I think you need to admit your mistake, apologise profusely then consider it a lesson learned.

Eveforever · 29/09/2017 09:11

Well you seemed happy when you got your friend to take down her post down from her own FB page, indeed, you felt that was a victory. Can you see the hypocrisy? You seem to lacking in empathy.

Original poster
ModernFamily2017 · 29/09/2017 09:16

Eve and you're back again. Funny that!

I don't feel rotten for anything but thanks for your attempt at being a psychologist!

OP posts:
JonSnowsWife · 29/09/2017 09:17

Don't people diagnosed with such things as POS try for children?

PCOS, and yes they do. I was still told I couldn't have any. I was still lucky enough to have two that sometimes do my bloody head in.

I still would never post anything like that on my friends status simply because they've offended me.

Seriously my 11yo acts more grown up.

JonSnowsWife · 29/09/2017 09:19

Eve and you're back again. Funny that!

Mumsnet is a public forum. Anyone can post on it, and disagree with you too. Even if the OP don't like the comments.

Bit like facebook... Hmm

Eveforever · 29/09/2017 09:22

I'm sorry is the only opinion that counts your own? If so your post was a complete waste of time. Calling you a hypocrite isn't trying to bei a psychologist. Are you just trying to troll people now?

Bluntness100 · 29/09/2017 09:25

Actually it’s interesting, considering 95% of people on here believe you were a total bitch to a woman struggling with her infertility simply so you could petty point score, then it stands to reason the same proportion of Facebook friends, both hers and yours, will read your response and feel the same way.

It’s a rare person indeed who doesn’t give a shit that nearly everyone thinks they are a bitch. And based on your responses, I don’t think you are that rare person, I think you care very much indeed that you outed yourself and portrayed yourself in this manner.

Was it really worth that small moment to feel that petty victory over her?

MrsWhatToDo · 29/09/2017 09:27

Ducknose I think you are right.
OP obviously knows that she overreacted and assumed she knew exactly what tone/expression went with the girls post. When in reality the girl probably put the post there for the people that know her better to comment on.
OP took it personally due to her own insecurities and is now making herself sound like a b*tch because she's defensive.
OP Flowers for you (I know PND is hard) and Flowers for the girl (whatever her reason for posting she made a valid point too)

Original poster
ModernFamily2017 · 29/09/2017 09:33

Please stop posting, you're not entertaining, you are fucking annoying

Whose telling who what to do eve?

The psychologist remark was aimed at Duck

If I cared about what people thought of my opinion, I wouldn't have posted it publically on Facebook. I'm not prepared to post something I wouldn't say in person.

OP posts:
Original poster
ModernFamily2017 · 29/09/2017 09:33

MrsWhatToDo You are very kind!

OP posts:
SteppingOnToes · 29/09/2017 09:43

I felt bad as she removed it, even if she realised what she'd said.

As I said before - she probably blocked you or put you on restricted so you can't see her posts. Ha ha you're vain enough to believe she has seen your light!!

Original poster
ModernFamily2017 · 29/09/2017 09:50

SteppingOnToes She's still coming up on my newsfeed so I don't think she has...

OP posts:
TiggerSnooze · 29/09/2017 09:54

I do think it's important that people realise that it's damaging to expect parents to always feel grateful - it makes it difficult for parents who are struggling to seek help. So I would probably have said something too.
However, I do think your comment could have been more sensitively worded - and I would personally never have posted it publicly (maybe a PM).

Zippydoodah · 29/09/2017 09:54

How old are you children, ModernFamily? I'm sure this makes a difference to how you are feeling about this. Mine are older - one 8 year old and a teenager. If I'd had an under 3, I'd have felt a bit upset by her Facebook posting because it's a hard age and it's relatively new. I would probably not personalise it now as I would have done then and seen it as something she was trying to thrash out for herself.

Ducknose · 29/09/2017 10:22

@ModernFamily2017 I don't know why you felt the need for the psychologist quip. I was trying to justify your attitude on here. Maybe you are just a nasty person then.

Liadain · 29/09/2017 10:24

It's actually amazing seeing how much worse OP makes herself sound with every post!

She's gone from someone who made a thoughtless comment as her feelings were hurt, to an out and out bitch constantly trying to put down yer one on this thread...

Kisathecat · 29/09/2017 10:24

Oh come on the venom on here is truly ott! Proves that we all need a vent sometimes maybe that is the real issue we spend far too much energy on not upsetting people. It has to be said, people without children can be very insensitive to people who have children mainly because they haven't got a clue what it's really like. Only yesterday I had to hold my tongue to some shitty comments from a person who can't have children and doesn't regret her decision blah blah blah because I do understand that she will never understand what it is to be a mum. And I'm sure that we've all been there a few times. So I think we should forgive the OP this one.

Rocketbuddies · 29/09/2017 10:29

I think you are getting unfairly grilled here OP.

Do you never moan about a bad nights sleep (as you are so grateful you have a bed at all)
Or never complain about your DH as many are struggling alone?

No one walks through life so infinitely grateful for everything they have and never complains for fear of those who have it worse than us.

Toomanykidsandtired · 29/09/2017 10:34

I struggled with infertility for 5 very long years and its really bloody tough seeing parents moaning about their kids. I'm now a parent and whilst its really hard, you shouldn't be moaning about them. You are so lucky to have them and yes you were a bitch. Walk a mile in her shoes before you open your mouth. If she's lucky enough to walk in yours she will appreciate every moment (well, maybe not every single moment, but most of them!).

Katie2017 · 29/09/2017 10:39

toomanykidsandtired-aren't you moaning about your kids just a bit in your own username?

DemonBaby · 29/09/2017 10:44

I'm now a parent and whilst its really hard, you shouldn't be moaning about them.

Nonsense.

Rocketbuddies · 29/09/2017 10:57

But yet your username is toomanykidsandtired how hypocritical.