Dear drfostersbra
You wrote these words
I cook, DH washes up.
I didn't cook last night and he did. Then I washed up straight after.
Sorry I meant Sunday night he cooked and I washed up.
The dishwasher would be the same he wouldn't loads it
It's Wednesday. You got Sunday confused with Tuesday!
Yeah it's laughable how often he and I have this argument. At the end of the argument he promises to wash up if I cook Ibknow in going to cook only for me for four days.
Erm, but he cooked last night, or Sunday night.
I've just gone full banshee on him and put all of the washing up in his studio all over his recording desks, floor and instruments.
Telling shouting at him that he's not keeping his side of the deal he's a fucking lazy child and I should find someone who is able to be a fucking adult.
That isn't normal. It sounds like you're not very well OP.
Urgh he goes a bit mumbly makes it about me, Inimitate his teenagerish stance and voice.
That makes you rather worse than him. How do you think that imitating and mocking him could give you the moral high ground? I wonder how old you are. Do you love one another?
No. This is about him and his refusal to keep his side of the bargain. Not me and how I leave the kitchen when I cook.
It doesn't sound like he's refused to do anything. But I am struggling to believe that you're completely innocent in all this.
Yes he washed up as soon as he got in with no complaints he had to go on a dirty washing up hunt in his studio.
So what's the problem?
I feel mean and want to apologise for calling him a twat, pushing him out of the way when he was trying to cluck me from dumping it all in his studio and shouting my head if at him but I also want to come up with a solution.
You need to start by defining the problem.
He's been lovely all evening. But I feel concerned about my temper. I don't want DD growing up around arguments like that
It sounds like your DH will cook and wash up when necessary, but you put him down no matter what he does. It's you who trashed the car and the studio, while all he seems to have done is miss his schedule.
I think any of my friends would think my response was disproportionate.
That's very telling
Why should I allow someone/ anyone to take the loss out of me? I'm a teacher so although I work a 2 day week, I really work a three day week with all the planning and marking I squeeze in in the evenings and middle of the night.
I'm puzzled by this. He shouldn't be taking advantage of you, but I'm not at all clear that he is. Whether you work two or three days each week is irrelevant; why can't you cook and wash for the days when he's at work, and share it over the weekend?
We have an agreement and he didn't stick to it. He was fully sheepish last night thiough.
You sound triumphant. That's wrong. I doubt if either of you really mean to skip their responsibilities.
I hate being pushed to fury but then I must take responsibility for my own anger and not put it on him
Yes, your anger is your own, and expressing it isn't often a good way to resolve disagreements.
I'm not apologising and I haven't
If you think that you have done anything wrong then it will always help to say so. An apology usually helps but isn't essential.