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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To put all of yesterday's washing up on DH's car bonnet

377 replies

drfostersbra · 26/09/2017 06:07

I cook, DH washes up. Well that's the agreement that we come to every few months after a huge row when I ask why he has decided not to wash up again.

If there's one thing that pushes my buttons, it's coming downstairs in the morning after cooking a lovely meal the night before and finding stinking dirty washing up.

I'm at home all day with our very mobile baby today and there's no side board space to prepare food and a bad smell that I have to sit with all day.

Bastard.
So would I be U to put it all in on his car bonnet so he will need to move it before he starts his day (as I will have to do)
It annoys me that it's always good for a few months then he leaves it for one night, I let it go, 2 nights I think 'oh he must be tired I'll do it', 3 nights hmm he's slacking. 4 nights arggggh!

OP posts:
flowergrrl77 · 27/09/2017 18:45

You could have been talking about my DH!

Thankfully now some of the children are old enough to empty/fill the dishwasher.

Good luck getting through the next few years!

TakeAnadin · 27/09/2017 18:48

Ergh I hate men who don't do the agreed job. Worst was the husbeast, stinker.I have a nice flatmate now, ahh the relief.
Yes he's still a man but it's nice, I get to share all the hard work and we help each other.
Much better'n being married.
I think your husband is bloody horrid doing that when you have a little 'un x

SpaghettiAndMeatballs · 27/09/2017 18:48

Whilst l understand your frustration as you have agreed tasks, l would feel it unfair for him to always do this task after a day at work, surely spending time with your little baby is what he should be doing?

If it's a 2 minute job she could be doing instead of complaining about it, then why can't he bloody do it? Why is it for her to take time out of caring for their baby to do it, but not for him?

They have a deal. One cooks, one washes up. It's not unreasonable to expect people to stick to a deal.

Every time I see something like this, it's just yet another partner saying 'screw you, my time is more important than yours' and it's not acceptable.

Fabulousdahlink · 27/09/2017 18:48

A second hand dishwasher is £40. Fitting it is a £40 handyman job. Tops.
Tell him this behaviour really upsets you and you've found a solution for under £100. He will be happy ( because it will make you happy) and his washing up tome is minimised( he still needs to load and unload mind).
Men think differently about this stuff..and it isnt worth having a major row for something that can be easily sorted for little money. Save your energy for your little one..and both of you can enjoy the extra time it saves him at the sink doing something fun altogether with your family.

Minifootballteam · 27/09/2017 18:50

I have (more than once) left the washing up until there is not a clean plate, mug, pan,fork in the house. Then binned the entire lot if it still wasn't done. I'm a mother, I'm not a skivvy.

Btw, hubby at the time didn't work.

SunshineLollipopsRainbows25 · 27/09/2017 18:54

my OH does FA does my head in and had enough lazy F

Dutch1e · 27/09/2017 19:00

Men think differently about this stuff

And will continue to do so as long as this attitude lives

Ropsleybunny · 27/09/2017 19:02

I can't believe I've come back to this thread and people are still thinking the OP should do the washing up because she's at home. SHE ALSO WORKS! READ THE THREAD!!!!!

As for get a dishwasher, YOU'RE MISSING THE POINT!!!!!

Ropsleybunny · 27/09/2017 19:03

Men think differently is total bollocks.

expatinscotland · 27/09/2017 19:04

'A second hand dishwasher is £40. Fitting it is a £40 handyman job. Tops.
Tell him this behaviour really upsets you and you've found a solution for under £100. He will be happy ( because it will make you happy) and his washing up tome is minimised( he still needs to load and unload mind).
Men think differently about this stuff..and it isnt worth having a major row for something that can be easily sorted for little money. '

Some people do not have the space for one! And now, I cannot move the fridge out. The way the kitchen is laid out there is no way to plumb one in unless we lose the washing machine. Many places don't have space for a dishwasher.

More importantly, it's not the OP's job to sort out! He wants to find a solution to being a lazy fucker, HE can find a dishwasher and someone to plumb it in.

BULLSHIT 'men think differently' about housework, some sexists ones just think they're above lifework, that's all. Women who think this is true get all the sexist pricks going, hey, maybe they enjoy skivvying after someone who thinks they're too good for lifework.

She has told him, over and over, how upset it makes her. He doesn't give a shit, because he thinks that's her role as the Little Woman.

cherish123 · 27/09/2017 19:10

He is being incredibly lazy and I would make a point. I depends whether you are at work or not. If you are - leave it. If you are not working you should do it - it would be childish not to.

Ropsleybunny · 27/09/2017 19:16

She does work, doesn't anyone read these threads? I'm starting to get thread rage 😡

Diamondangel8 · 27/09/2017 19:16

Just tell him until he does the dishes he's on a sex ban. I'm sure the dishes will get done pretty sharpish!

SunshineLollipopsRainbows25 · 27/09/2017 19:30

expatinscotland
Laziness can kill love stone dead.
it's killing mine, and he wonders why..

SunshineLollipopsRainbows25 · 27/09/2017 19:32

BULLSHIT'men think differently' about housework

mine apparently "doesn't give it brain space"

if I hear him say it one more time I think I'm going to blow!!

ohtheholidays · 27/09/2017 19:37

YANBU but your DH is!

My DH cooks and I wash up,dry up and put it all away and I'm disabled and in constant pain and we have 5DC so there's 7 of us so I'd love to know what valid reason your husband has?

PickAChew · 27/09/2017 19:37

Guess what, MrTurtle I hate washing up, to. Just as much as I hate cleaning the loo or wiping toothpaste grot out of the bathroom sink.

But guess what? I don't have a strop about it because it needs doing. Your husband has you well trained to let him off the grown up work or else he'll behave like a toddler until you give in.

aspoonfulofyourownmedicine · 27/09/2017 19:40

My DH does this. He also leaves washing everywhere, ironing piled up on the sofas...... he's a nightmare to live with. My biggest bugbear is not wiping up spilled tea off the benches!

Recently he went to work without his work uniform tshirt. I asked why when he came home and he said, 'well they're all in the ironing basket, I couldn't find one in my wardrobe'.......... That'll be because the ironing fairy hasn't been to do the ironing AND put your clothes away for you #lazytwat

Micksee15 · 27/09/2017 19:52

after a good few years of marriage and knowing exactly what you mean, here's what I do.....
I do it all! see when it comes the time when you're unwell or away for some reason and they have fek all to wear to eat, then they realise what you do.
every day I just smile and do it, sometimes I even leave my make up off to look shattered and ill and still work like a horse, they do notice "subtle" more than they like to admit

Maireadplastic · 27/09/2017 19:52

I hate dishwashers. Smelly cupboards.

Honeybeee · 27/09/2017 19:54

Drfoster, definitely on your side here and know exactly how you feel. Haven't read all posts so sorry if this has been said before. You work bloody hard all day everyday , I d hate the dirty dishes too and a dishwasher is hardly the answer-why should you organise buying and installing on top of everything else? Don't do his washing and/or ironing- he'll soon get the message when he's no clean boxers. Just an idea, or is there something else you do for him that he would miss? I guess you've had a frank discussion about this ? No resolution so you make new rules, can you go and stay with family or friends for more than a couple of days so he really will appreciate everything he's missing?
AngryAngry Cake Hbee x

HoneyBeeMum1 · 27/09/2017 20:14

For goodness sake, why can't you do the washing up while your poor husband is at work? It's not much to ask while you are at home all day.

It doesn't sound like he is the lazy one.

He might not bother coming home at all one day. If that bothers you, just do the washing up and make a bit of effort when he comes home.

There are plenty of people on here who will wind you up into taking petty revenge, but they will be little comfort to your broken family.

A warm and comfortable home environment will make you and your family far happier than petty squabbles.

pinkstripeycat · 27/09/2017 20:18

My DH uses pans and doesn't wash up. I leave the pans and he eventually uses all the pans until there are no clean pans left. Then he washes up the one pan he wants, uses it and then puts it back with the rest of the dirty pans. I don't cook for him anymore unless it's a family roast that I'll be cooking for me and DCs anyway. He moans about it but STILL doesn't get why I won't cook for him (despite me obviously spelling it out). If I say the kitchen smells he says no it doesn't. If I say I'm sad he says no you're not. Can't win

LuckLuckLUCK · 27/09/2017 20:19

SHE WORKS PART TIME

HE WORKS PART TIME

READ THE FUCKING THREAD!!!!!!!!!

CSUK · 27/09/2017 20:22

Weighing in for the beat up Dads here - She and I BOTH worked full time, not long after he was born. She was always too tired to see to little man, to cook, wash up or anything. The ONLY times I thought F--- it and left washing up, was when she barked at me to do it and pissed off to bed early. So I have to ask, do you notice what he really does? I might be a rare kind, but this kind of immediate conviction of lazy men really affects those that do bother and do care!