To put all of yesterday's washing up on DH's car bonnet

[drfostersbra]

I cook, DH washes up. Well that's the agreement that we come to every few months after a huge row when I ask why he has decided not to wash up again.

If there's one thing that pushes my buttons, it's coming downstairs in the morning after cooking a lovely meal the night before and finding stinking dirty washing up.

I'm at home all day with our very mobile baby today and there's no side board space to prepare food and a bad smell that I have to sit with all day.

Bastard.
So would I be U to put it all in on his car bonnet so he will need to move it before he starts his day (as I will have to do)
It annoys me that it's always good for a few months then he leaves it for one night, I let it go, 2 nights I think 'oh he must be tired I'll do it', 3 nights hmm he's slacking. 4 nights arggggh!

[timeisnotaline]

I think you should try not to use physical violence, agree that's not a good look. But otherwise it is not disroportionate, and it role models to your children to demand fairness in a relationship. I have exploded over hanging up bath towels after bathing our son - but it's not one event I'm exploding at. He's 2. It's every instance in the nearly 700 baths he has had which dh has done. If he has not bothered, thereby saying time can pick up the towel several hundred times, I am allowed to be raging.

[istilllovefriends]

Bugger on the bonnet - on the front seat.....

[bsbabas]

I don't do any of my partners washing up he had three friends living with him and I did all of it. Did my back in. I won't do any washing up but I try not to complain when it's not done all the time but he rarely lets it get messy anymore and I do lots of other stuff as well. He also does all the cooking but we don't eat that often trying not to put anymore weight on

[Leapfrog44]

Yup I'd totally do that. I also throw things out the window if they're left lying round or leave sweary post it notes pointing out things left undone.

Gotta get through to them somehow.

[Minaktinga]

It doesn't show good communication to dump it all on his car. I'm too tired to wash up at night and wouldn't expect to be told off like some child if I didn't. (He cooks, I wash up).

Just don't do the washing up.

[exaltedwombat]

Does day-old washing-up smell THAT bad? What were you cooking? My week-old sink full is quite innocuous.

[woosey35]

Sorry to say but I think this is petty. Surely just do it?! You're at home so just do it?! The time you've spent ranting about it, it could be done and you could be sat with a cuppa......

[dontcallmethatyoucunt]

Early on when I moved in with my now DH, I cooked on a Sunday eveningwith a terrible hangover Lovely meal, whole trout, lots of veg etc. I then left for work and was travelling. When I got back on Wed it was all STILL in the sink.

As I threw the plates at him which cost quite a bit from our deposit and shoutedscreamed 'do you think I'm some sort of wanker?' He got the message that it was totally unacceptable. If he packed my bags for me at that point, I'd have happily gone. I am a team player, but I ain't carry deadwood and I'm happy playing on my own too.

Don't bloody accept being treated badly.

[LuckLuckLUCK]

Petty? Petty?!!!!

I get full on rage just at someone suggesting this is petty. No it is not fucking petty!

A row about washing up was the first time I knew with certainty that I wanted to divorce my ex. I knew that the person I was when we got together would have laughed at the very idea that I would put up with that shit.

[Dragongirl10]

Whilst l understand your frustration as you have agreed tasks, l would feel it unfair for him to always do this task after a day at work, surely spending time with your little baby is what he should be doing?

Maybe l am in the minority, but when l was at home all domestic tasks and house maintenance fell to me, despite 2 Dcs under 2....my Dh did very long hours at work. I did long hours at home it felt fair.

If this is a real bugbear for you buy a dishwasher and loading it will take barely 3 minutes after dinner..

[1DAD2KIDS]

There is three of us in our household. I normally hand wash the dishes every second day. No point hand washing a few items every day. I don't get upset if there is a bit of a pile, its doing no harm and it will get washed at some point. Likewise I just let mother nature dry the dishes on the drying rack and put them away the day after. Sometime the dishes come straight off the drying board once dry and straight back into action (saves ware and tear on the cupboard doors I suppose).

[StormTreader]

"Surely just do it?! You're at home so just do it?!"

And then do it every day. Every day for the rest of your life, just do it while hes sat on the sofa with his feet up. Maybe take him in a cuppa once youre finished as well, it doesnt take long to boil a kettle after all. While the kettle was on, you can mop the floor, its only a quick run round after all.....

[LuckLuckLUCK]

Dragongirl10 IT HAS BEEN POINTED OUT NUMEROUS TIMES ON THIS THREAD THAT THEY BOTH WORK!!!!!!!!

[expatinscotland]

I'd go out with guys, and if their room, flat or car was a pit, I dumped them then and there. Not interested in dating slatterns in adulthood and the only thing that should have to be trained is a toddler on the pot or a puppy or new personnel on a job. Lifework is not rocket science. A lot of friends where shocked, but he was so cute/funny/creative/etc but I found this type of person was usually too fucking lazy to take care of himself in other aspects of life and that to me was just a total turnoff. No one taught me how to clean a toilet or boil an egg or chivvy me get my ass to work on time and in a presentable fashion so I could keep my job to pay my rent, it's not hard to learn. I hammer it home to DD to dump lazy arses. Laziness can kill love stone dead.

[Lunde]

@Dragongirl - have you totally missed the fact that OP works?

[expatinscotland]

In MN land, every fucker lives in a place with a kitchen large enough for a dishwasher and the money to afford one. It blows my mind. We haven't got space for even a tabletop one and those ones cost a bomb as it is. It's always trotted out as a means to enable a lazy arse to get out of doing even more lifework.

[janeaustensworstnightmare]

"In MN land, every fucker lives in a place with a kitchen large enough for a dishwasher"

INCORRECT! I live in a house with a tiny kitchen 180cm long and wide enough only for one rank of cupboards. I moved the fridge under the stairs so I could have a dishwasher. IT IS WORTH IT.

OP's partner has a studio in the house with recording desks and instruments in it. I'm guessing they can afford a dishwasher, hence the suggestion earlier in the thread that she flog some of his musical kit to pay for one!

With you on the fact that her DH still has to pull his weight, though.

[Kiwi31]

I totally agree with you

[MrTurtleLikesKisses]

My husband doesn't cook. Ever. He also dislikes washing up (we actually have a dishwasher now, he doesn't really load:unload that either). We both work full time and both take packed lunches to work. He doesn't like making the sandwiches so I almost always do it (I told him to do it last night so I could wash my hair, and he tried to get out of it but eventually did it).
The things is, he hates doing all that stuff and after countless arguments about it I've realised that it's not worth getting upset over. I do it now and I don't mind because I like it when the kitchen side is clear and he's never going to get into cooking and really none of it matters because there's so much other stuff that he does do.
You can't change people, you can only decide if you want to live with that for the rest of your life.

[cookie4640]

Oooh I'm a bit like this! It's the grill pan with us that's an issue. I leave it clean, every time I go to use it again it's full of fucking fat! Really gets on my tits so I've taken to chucking out on the grass and leaving it there! I also said I was going to smash the pots on the step every time he left them on the worktop and NOT IN THE DISHWASHER. I haven't had to smash any 😂. We've only lived together 3 months, gotta get it sorted right from the start or I know I'll be running around like a maid for the rest of my married life! So no you ANBU. Do it, prepare for a row and never back down! 😁

[dontcallmethatyoucunt]

ve taken to chucking out on the grass and leaving it there

Nice move

[disconnecteddrifter]

I have a similar problem but he does tidy, cook and load the dishwasher and seems to genuinely want to avoid an argument, if not be helpful BUT...

The food is disgusting so the kids can't eat it, the tidying makes more mess - think dirty germ infested cloth saturated with water slipped over sides and he loads the dishwasher with dinners in the plate. The worst is cereal. So I get home and have to unload, soak all dishes and then wash them up. Every day I beg him to not put mashed potato or cereal in there and just leave if bit he claims to have not noticed and promisss to not do it again. I fucking hate him. I work a 79 hr wwwk and get home and sort his mess out and am unable to spend time with kids. What should I do?

[yodelehoho]

DrFostersbra - actually it's *you're not your!! So put that in your washing up bowl and stir it

*as in your snidey comment to Charlotte

[AMBMUM]

Hi drfostersbra
Everyone has different kinds of babies so the argument that if you are at home all day and can therefore do the washing up as you have time doesn't really add up...sometimes a baby sleeps all day, sometimes the baby is unsettled all day!! Perhaps a different approach is needed. How about a phone call at lunchtime to see how the day is going? If it's not going well all round perhaps DH can bring food home with him? If he's had a bad day too you could both be relaxed! Try to take each day as it comes...rules are meant to be broken😉😉

[Sarahrellyboo1987]

I once posted the washing up to his house (we don't live together)...and he got his mum round to do it!!