Friend is pissed off with me, WIBU to correct her?

[teenytinypontypine]

It is a breastfeeding one, sorry.

Group of 4 of us female friends out for lunch. I have an almost three y o who I breastfed for 13 months and FWIW it was fucking agony wasn't easy for the first couple of months but I stuck it out and am pleased I did. Other friend "A" has a 5 month old who is FF. I don't care a jot. Feed your baby however you like.

Other two ladies are both currently pregnant, due within a few weeks of each other around Xmas time, and over lunch conversation turns to feeding.

Friend A says she really wanted to bf but couldn't. She said her milk didn't come in because she had an elcs, so baby was starving and unhappy and she had to give up. "How long did you try for?" asks pregnant friend - answer: 18 hours. Cue sympathetic tutting from pregnant friends about how hard that must have been.

So, I sort of couldn't help myself but explain that your milk usually doesn't come in at birth, but more usually a few days later. And that newborn stomachs are v little and hardly take any filling at all. And that newborns physiologically are prepared for mum's milk not coming in for a few days so usually do just fine. Oh and that people having a section usually can bf. And yes, I know there are some circumstances where these things aren't true, but in the main this is what happens.

"A" got visibly riled - reporting that her baby was much happier as soon as she got a bottle. I gave her a big grin and said that's fine and clearly she is a happy, growing little girl and doing perfectly well on formula. But I told her I thought it was only fair to point out to pregnant friends some basic facts about bf. Especially as I am a fucking doctor.

Basically, she feels that by correcting or questioning her version of events I am judging her for not trying for longer. On the contrary, I couldn't give a flying fuck what she does wrt feeding, but I do care that she is spreading misinformation to pregnant friends. I have a duty as a bloody doctor to not just sit by and let someone's opinion stand as fact when I know evidence to the contrary.

So WIBU to correct her like that? Should I have just nodded and smiled and caught my two pregnant friends later to give them a more balanced view?

But she wasn’t giving a. Lecture on breast feeding or presenting her experience as what happens to every woman, she was presenting what her personal experience was and there was nothing infactual about what she said in regards to herself. Her milk hadn’t come through at that stage, she tried for best part of a day and her baby was hungry.

Your friends will not be idiots who take her experience as some form of gospel it happens to every woman, so yes I think you were being condescending to all of them and in addition wronged her. It’s her birth and feeding story, let her have it.

Learntofly you're very ummm... dramatic.

Op I think you were being a bit rude. especially using your 'I'm a doctor' line.' You know yourself you were out of line as you said 'I couldn't help myself'

You have no idea if your friend being unable to breast feed has affected her. She chose at the time to do what was best for her baby. Her baby was hungry and needed milk which she was unable to get from her breast so she gave formula.

Just because she leaked milk did not mean she could breast feed by the way. I leaked for months before I had dd1. If I heard a baby cry I'd be soaking. Leaked for months after the birth too. But I could not breast feed. I tried all positions, breast feeding nurse tried. Dd1 was latched correctly but nothing came when she sucked.
Tried hand and electric pumps. But nothing was happening.
After 5 days and a jaundiced starving baby, I turned to formula which was the best thing for Dd.

I really hope you have a better bedside manner with your patients than you appear to have with your friend. Just because your a 'doctor' it does not mean you know everything.

I also think I've been very lucky in that I've not witnessed any of this ff vs bf debate in real life. My NCT group was a combo or bf/ff & mixed. I bf/expressed for around 6 months & then moved to formula & have never received negative comments about my choices.

Leartofly just because you might have issues over what I'm assuming is your failure to BF doesn't change facts. So get over yourself.

All these poor beleaguered formula feeders. You would hardly know that that are a massive majority and that we live in a country where ff is the norm, would you?

Well this all went a bit dramatic didn’t it

You were perfectly reasonable OP. If your friend doesn't like reailty, then they can return to their constructed fantasy.

Maybe if there were more midwives and breastfeeding specialists in hospitals to help new mothers more people might actually get it right. There is nothing worse than having a baby being knackered from birth and not being in the right position. I tried with all 3 of mine however it just wasn’t to be but maybe if there was more support in those first precious days things could’ve been different. Instead I’ve been subjected to underhand comments from family members being cunty just so they can look down on me and judge, where I draw the line is when one told my child I didn’t love them enough to breastfeed them
Op I’m puzzled if you saw your friend 3 dats after birth and knew her milk was in why didn’t you be a dr then and offer support with breastfeeding?

Oooh wash that mouth out learnttofly

Don't delete her MN ! It will annoy her even more and I'd like to see what she comes out with next

learntofly
Just calm down will you. I appreciate you've shared your personal reasons on this thread but using the language you're using towards the OP is utterly deplorable. Chill out ffs.

Bloody hell learntoflyagain

Think a bit too much vino collapso has been taken in the learningtofly household

Better out than in

I am sure OP can take it on the chin. I am
Sure she has seen worse

All these poor beleaguered formula feeders. You would hardly know that that are a massive majority and that we live in a country where ff is the norm, would you?

This.

" I have an almost three y o who I breastfed for 13 months and FWIW it was fucking agony wasn't easy for the first couple of months"

Seriously...you were doing it all wrong if you were in fucking agony for 2 months.

Oh special Dr one.

I am also a HCP of over a decades experienced. OP are you an OBGYN? In those 12 years my official training on supporting a bf mother (or bf at all) was nil. All I knew was advice from my midwife / lactation consultant / Internet research. So I would be careful about presenting your advice from the position of 'doctor' unless that is your particular specialty. Especially as people will put a lot of store in what you you say when you may have no more 'training' than them.

Honestly, I would have peppered my comments with lots of 'normally', 'usually', etc. to be able to both give the correct advice and not undermine my friend. So, YWNBU in telling the truth, but YW a bit U in how you told it.