Regale me with Cheeky Fucker stories

[TellMeItsNotTrue]

I'm stuck in bed feeling ill, bored and pissed off with the whole situation, AIBU to ask you to entertain me with your tales of CFs?

BTW daily fail and other websites/newspapers can fuck off, my fee for this piece of journalism is 2 million pounds and a takeaway pizza, non-negotiable so if you don't agree to those terms then kindly FTFOTFOSM

The only one I can think of at the moment is last year when a neighbour knocked at our house, we get on great with most of our neighbours but this one looks down her nose at everyone and keeps herself to herself. She told me that I needed to make sure I was home the following day I asked why and was told I needed to be in for the delivery wasn't my birthday and didn't have anything ordered so I asked what was being delivered and how did she know "oh it's not for YOU tinkly laugh no, its from laura Ashley you see" still none the wiser I ask who it's for then and why do I have to be in "well because they said it will be tomorrow and I have appointments! I will be getting my hair done and of course my nails, so I've told them to deliver it here" she then walked off leaving me with my jaw on the floor. I made sure I was out the following day and just put the we missed you card through her door when I got home, not spoken a word to me since, but that isn't unusual for her anyway

I think I was actually a cf at work a few weeks back. Unintentionally! A group of the team went for bacon sarnies but didn't tell everyone (4 of us missed out but only beca we weren't at our desks so no malice). One of the directors (who'd been missed out) kindly offered to get the rest of us bacon rolls. I said oooh yes please and thanked her a lot. They cost £1. With hindsight I think I misunderstood and should have paid her - I think she was offering to physically get them rather than pay (although still not sure and she's not been in on a Friday for me to repay the favour). 😳

Poisoning how did you refrain from headbutting her?

So far, my suggestion of setting a mouse trap in the empty tin has been rejected as a bit extreme.

Just put in the receipt for the biscuits .

Have a few stories as my mother was very gullible for a looong time. The first one happened in the 90s, we were at an event were second hand items were being sold off for charity. My uncle was helping running this, so we all spread out, met up with cousins and looked at stuff to spend pocket money on. As the day was coming to an end we met up at the parking lot, my mum proudly carrying a huge tv with my uncle assisting. "Look kids, got us a "new" tv!"- righto. " It's very high quality, comes from a very wealthy family who kindly donated it to us" my uncle follows up . Me and db 🤔. We get the huge tv into the backseat wedged between me and db and start in the 30 minute drive home> cue nosey preteens checking out the goods. We find gold! At the back there is papers, sales papers!!!! In a nice plastic pocket. "Mum, how much did you pay for this tv?" "why?" "Please, tell us how much you paid for it?" "A really good price! 100 pounds. Your uncle gave me a good price😊." We literally burst out laughing rather then cry (shock), the papers dated the tv to the mid 70s, cursing and raging. " Mum is tv is about 10 years older then us, uncle has fooled you as this tv isn't worth 10 pounds". It took her awhile to get over this stunt, it was b/w, and was in the fill less the å week later. Our revenge was to call him out and he was not allowed to sell my mum anything again. He did apologize, and is long forgiven but we were shocked he would do this to family.

I regularly go out for supper with a group of friends. We pay by each roughly calculating the amount we owe, and adding a bit for a tip. One of the group often says 'i'll pay by card as I need cash'; what i didn't realise until I saw the receipt one night is that she pays the exact bill amount, so is paying less for her food and the restaurant staff are not getting their tips.

When I had my eldest daughter, all of 29 years ago, our neighbour visited me in hospital and admired my lovely Mickey and Minnie maternity nightie. A few weeks later it went missing off the washing line, and surprise surprise, when she had her baby shortly after, she had an identical nightie! I could never prove it but I know the CF nicked it!

Not sure if this is CF or me being in the wrong but my car pooed on the grass in my neighbours garden, so she scooped it up and left it on my doorstep.
Wasn't my fault, cats go wherever they want a lot of the time

My cat not my car 🙈

Heartstring why should your neighbour put up with cat shit in her garden because you choose to have a cat?

EnormousDormouse I had a similar experience out with a group of girls for dinner. We had all paid by cash except for one person who paid her share by card. This is relevant because she had no reason to have any cash out at the table. The cash the rest of us put in left £20 and some small change as a tip, which the waiter had more than earned serving us that night. As I stood up to get past the woman that had paid by card, I noticed the corner of the £20 sticking out from under her handbag which she had placed in a very peculiar way on the table. I watched carefully as I walked out of the restaurant to join the others and looked back in through the window to watch her pocket the note in her bag. I didn't know her very well and didn't feel able to say something at the time, but spoke to another of the ladies about it afterwards and we then noticed a few other things go missing including one friend's purse on other occasions so now we don't put ourselves in the situation where she can do this to us again.

I have one from today....

I’ve come home to find the person whose just moved into their house have cut down my hedge.

Our back garden extends round the back of their house and another property. Their house is the second one on the right.

The hedge is on my land and wed planted it to get privacy from their houses.

They’ve cut it down by about 2 foot and worse, because it’s a shared boundary I now have a hedge that’s half one height and half another - it looks a bloody mess.

To put it right I’ll have to level it across the boundary reducing my privacy for not just new CFN but old NN.

Saving grace is that it’s winter so not going to be sat outside waving to to them whilst sitting outside.

I’ve done a very shit diagram as I knew I’d be asked! (H is my house, BG back garden, FG front garden, N neighbour). Bottom is the shape of my angry hedge.

I’m currently fuming and deciding what to do about it!

I think Heart you were not a cf as such but I certainly any blame her for giving it back.

My cf moment is when I met a woman at a hen do while staying at a friend's house in a very popular seaside town. She added me on Facebook and that was that. She was not from the town but further up north like me.

About a year later I get a random email from her saying "Hey Hun. It's been ages. Why don't I come and stay with the Kids. We can catch up xxx". I realised we had never discussed where I actually lived and she was assuming I lived in the popular town when in reality I lived in a grim industrial town nowhere near the sea. I played her at her own game and replied "That would so lovely hun. Let's do that. I live in Grimindustrialtown so much better for you too as it's closer. Can't wait to see you xxx".

Cf never replied and then deleted me. Cheeky freeloading bint was just expecting a free holiday. Oh I hope she is on here so she can see herself as the cf she is

HeartStrings - TBH we don't have cats, we don't want cats and everyday we have to clean other peoples cat poo out of our garden. If I could find whose cats they are it would be posted through the letterbox not just put on the door step.

it's really annoying as I have a dog and I pick up my dogs poo where ever we go, if I just let my dog out to shit in my neighbours garden and said my dog goes where it wants I'd get a fine. Fair?!! You are the CF!

Don't think we have enough parking in this thread, so the view out front we have. The Smart Car was there before the other one

Answered ad at work for car share. Met woman, she was a bit vague but said about half petrol money a week, pay on pay day. Pay day comes and she says "that's x please" not only was she expecting me to pay all her petrol money, more than my bus money,when I said I was changing my hours and it wouldn't work, she said she was banking on it to pay for her holiday.

Darth, if it's your hedge planted on your land she had no right to cut it - I think it's criminal damage? I'm just googling...

I love these threads!

I have one, many years ago when Sony playstations were new and not numbered I lent my friend mine. He was divorced and living in a bedsit and his dc were a bit bored at home when they stayed. I was clear that this was a loan until he saved to get his own.
Anyhow, few months later and I ask how he's getting along as I'd like my item back.
Reply, sorry you gave me it and I've sold it now
I was beyond angry but obviously couldn't do anything.

Second not sure if it's cheeky but absolutely disgusting.
Dh was poorly and ended up in London in hospital. I'd had a somewhat tough time the month he was hospitalised and consequently several friends offered me a lift to London to bring DH home.
A family member ended up driving me, grand I thought, paid £50 for petrol (I'm south East and only an hour away from London) as train would have been £35. Paid for his dinner (10) and chucked him some for his time.
So alls good. Month later I meet his wife. Chatting away and she tells me about how the police took car off them leaving them stranded. Of course I'm aghast and wondering what the heck!
Turns out he'd not paid his insurance for 5 months! And knowingly put me and my dc in his non mot car and basically put us at risk of being stranded in London or thereabouts while he's driving his illegal car!
The annoying part was he was bragging about how wife paid all the bills so his money was his to do what he wants and the money I paid him was paying for his darts that week......

There was another classic CF here that I really hope made it to classics thread. The OP lived in a popular seaside town. A CF 'mate' freeloaded off them for a free holiday for years and sucker OP put up with it. Until one time, the OP and her husband were taking the CFers to the ferry terminal and the OP noticed their teen daughter had swiped one of her gold bracelets, one given to her by her deceased mother, IIRC and was wearing it! The brat then had the cheek to get the strop when the OP told her to take off the bracelet and give it back (she inherited the pisstaking gene from her folks)! Believe it or not, the OP was still feeling guilty about refusing to host these CFs again!

1: our flats have a shared rubbish store in the car park, they fill up really quickly but there are only 6 flats so we manage. New lady moved in to a house on the OPPOSITE SIDE OF THE ROAD and has literally filled the bins with cardboard packages. 2: my parents neighbor wanted planning permission to build a little bungalow at the end of the garden, but there's no access. He wanted to knock through a 'back neighbors' driveway and garden. He was shocked when it was declined, 3: me and dh booked our reception on a beautiful barge. Strict numbers for health and safety reasons. Best man's gf (his plus one) decides she also needs a plus one. We reluctantly agreed (there's a backstory here but won't go into detail) which meant changing our reception venue. Our wedding day arrived and she didn't even show up.

@LapdanceShoeshine

Yes - it is criminal damage. I’m just chatting with DH what to do about it.

They only moved in recently. They might not be aware they have done anything wrong. I don’t necessarily want to go in all guns blazing (though I am cross) given they might be neighbours for years to come. They are quite a young couple, so might just be inexperience wrt to what they can do.

I’d have no problem with them trimming anything overhanging their garden but cutting down the hedge that sits the other side (our side) of the dividing fence is - more than a bit bloody cheeky!

Deciding whether to pop round for a chat or write a note to put through the door....

Darth that's criminal damage. Get them to pay for a fence.

Darth, I'd go round and tell them to leave your hedge alone in future. Then spend every nice day before winter, sitting in your garden and staring at them.

There is a fence already (again owned by us) then the hedge.

The land is sloped so they are higher than us iyswim.

The fence is about 5ft 6 on our side but about 4 ft on theirs because of this.

This is why we put in the hedge so it puts the boundary at just under 6ft their side so we all have privacy.

They’ve cut the hedge to the height of the fence. As such when sitting in their garden they have privacy - but standing up they can see right into our garden. We on the other hand can’t see into theirs because it’s on higher land.

I’d kind of understand (not agree with though) if it was an issue of light/sun - but that aspect is northwest facing so aside from looking into my garden I’m not sure what they gain.

We’ve decided to write a polite but firm letter explaining they shouldn’t have done this and that we now have to “rectify” the whole hedge. We will be saying if they do this again we will take the matter further and asking them to pay the costs of cutting back the rest of the hedge.

Pain-in-the-arse ex of a friend threw a wobble when DP and I adopted a pet. Said it was totally unreasonable of us because now they wouldn't be able to come and visit due to their allergies. Told a bunch of people behind our backs that we were being selfish for daring to bring an animal into our home. All this despite the fact that they only ever visited once in a blue moon. But no: we should have kept our house the way they wanted just in case they ever decided to grace us with their presence

Funnily enough, we don't speak to that person now (for a whole host of reasons) so they wouldn't have been receiving any invites anyway!

I had a reciprocal agreement with a friendly neighbour for several years whereby she walked my DD1 & DS1 to school each morning (allowing me to wait for DD2's school transport) and I walked her DS home 3 days a week and kept him for an hour (usually only 30 minutes by the time we walked home via the park or shop) to allow her to finish her work hours without using childcare.

CF-new-neighbour moved in and within a few weeks announced she'd like "in" on the arrangement. Stupidly we agreed because we thought if FN only had to do drop offs every other week then she could get into work earlier on those days and might be able to drop more hours at the CM as she was really struggling financially.

Within 6 weeks she'd left her DS with me until 6pm 5 times for 'unforseen emergencies'. She'd had all the kids late to school 3 times. Then she branded ME a CF for never taking a turn of the morning walks! She called a meeting to sort out the "flaws" in our arrangement and was furious when we refused to change it. She then reported me (I worked in school learning support v.part-time) for illegal childminding to the HT of the school I worked in. Luckily the arrangements were for less than 2 hours per day so didn't fall into needing registered. I could have lost my job (and my registration for running the playscheme) over her complaint otherwise.

She's never spoken to either of us since we said the arrangement wasn't working out and we were calling a halt to it. She won't even let her DS play with any of our kids.