Regale me with Cheeky Fucker stories

[TellMeItsNotTrue]

I'm stuck in bed feeling ill, bored and pissed off with the whole situation, AIBU to ask you to entertain me with your tales of CFs?

BTW daily fail and other websites/newspapers can fuck off, my fee for this piece of journalism is 2 million pounds and a takeaway pizza, non-negotiable so if you don't agree to those terms then kindly FTFOTFOSM

The only one I can think of at the moment is last year when a neighbour knocked at our house, we get on great with most of our neighbours but this one looks down her nose at everyone and keeps herself to herself. She told me that I needed to make sure I was home the following day I asked why and was told I needed to be in for the delivery wasn't my birthday and didn't have anything ordered so I asked what was being delivered and how did she know "oh it's not for YOU tinkly laugh no, its from laura Ashley you see" still none the wiser I ask who it's for then and why do I have to be in "well because they said it will be tomorrow and I have appointments! I will be getting my hair done and of course my nails, so I've told them to deliver it here" she then walked off leaving me with my jaw on the floor. I made sure I was out the following day and just put the we missed you card through her door when I got home, not spoken a word to me since, but that isn't unusual for her anyway

We'd just moved into our first flat, had no money at all. We used the local launderette as we couldn't afford to buy a washing machine.

Imagine our surprise when the neighbour downstairs rang up one morning to say our washing machine had flooded her flat and there was black mould on the wall and we'd have to pay for re-decoration.

We didn't pay.

Not sure if this qualifies as CF-ery or just a bit strange. DH has 2 brothers with familes. We & bil 1 share stuff between our families, e.g they gave us bunk beds, we gave adult niece lots of baby equipment, clothes etc. bil 2 has never taken part in this, which is fine. When i was pregnant with dc3, we needed a new backpack carrier for toddler dd. Was shopping with mil & saw one in 2nd hand shop that i was going to buy, mil says "don't worry bil2 has one that they don't need, i'll buy it from him for you." Months pass & no carrier, we say to mil that we're going to buy one as we're missing out on walks, she still says "no don't i'm getting bil2's" DC3 is born & we get together as a family; bil2 hands us a present from them & bil1's family. Open it, it's a baby carrier, looks lovely. I say "oh thank you, you bought us one." DH later explains bil2 didn't want to sell to mil as he could get £70 on ebay (he couldn't), so asked bil1 to contribute £35 (to their already owned carrier) & gave to us a present. Weird!

Can anyone link to some more of the classic ones please?

BananaShit Here you go - in particular look at Mexican House thief about a third of the way through ... it's a legend on here

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/mumsnet_classics/1735637-Have-you-ever-encountered-anyone-this-cheeky

Thanks! I have heard of the Mexican one I think but not sure I've ever actually read it. It's sort of one of those things you imbibe.

I have a couple of CF exes. One got fired after two months of dating, had no money yet would insist on still going out as he was 'bored'. Like a mug I would pay for his drinks and cigarettes all evening. I ditched him after another month and was told I was 'selfish'.

Another ex refused to get a job as he was 'training' to be a driving instructor before a relative 'gave' him their driving school. It fell to me and his mates to pay for everything. He saw nothing wrong with this. He would think nothing about going out for a meal in a big group and having me or one mate in particular paying for him including drinks. He couldn't afford a car and would sponge his mates cars then moan and swear at said mates when they hadn't left 'enough' petrol for him to 'go for a drive'. He threw a tantrum when his dad put one of his houses on the market as 'that's the one I wanted for my inheritance'. When I frequently called him out on his CF behaviour I would get a mouthful of abuse. He was horrible. To my shame I stayed with him close on two years and as far as I know he's still coasting through life at the age of 32 with no job (still hasn't qualified), no money, and freeloading off everyone.

Enjoyed reading these thinking gosh nothing like this has ever happened to me .......
until 5 minutes ago.

We are on holiday staying in self catering accommodation for a week. DH has gone off into town, I am having a lazy morning.
Whilst on the loo , just before jumping in the shower - with bathroom door wide open ( as there is no one else here) I suddenly hear a cheery " Good morning!" . CF manager or someone has just let themselves into our flat ! I spluttered can you come back later but I am furious , why should anyone just let themselves into the accommodation we have booked for privacy and peace for the week.
If there was an issue which I doubt - we have left our towels out this morning to dry a bit on our patio could it be that? . But even if there were an issue I would expect someone to ring the doorbell or knock, not walk in when I am having a private moment!

In a hotel there is usually a safe to put valuables in whilst away from your room. Here I expect the bloody front door to be sufficient security . I am bloody livid as you can probably tell!

Had my shower and going to get dressed and give manager a piece of my mind.

Lots of these CF threads should be retitled to Stingey Bastard. The audacity of some of these people
Absolute gold!

Just been reminded of another from my days working in the community

The annual gala day used to raise about £6000 and we invited local charities to bid for it, choosing two who got half each. We also tended to favour those who did a lot for themselves, rather than huge publicly funded concerns which could sometimes seem like pouring cash into a black hole

One of the helpers suggested "X" cancer centre, of which no one had heard, so we asked for a contact to find out more. Strangely, she refused and said absolutely everything had to be done through her

It didn't take much digging to discover that the "centre" wasn't a charity at all but a department of the local hospital where she herself worked

Possibly I was the CF in this scenario, possibly I wasn't. Feel free to cast your votes!

My DSis and I used to work evenings in the same restaurant. If we were both working the same night she would drive us to and from work, because she had passed her test and I hadn't. She didn't have her own car but would borrow our dad's. If I was working but she wasn't, one of the waiters would give me a lift. He was going my way anyway and insisted it was no trouble, but I always gave him money towards petrol. The arrangement seemed perfectly reasonable to me.

One Saturday morning I got a call from him to tell me that he needed a lift to the other side of town because his car was being fixed. Did I have the car and if so could I pick him up at 10?

I explained that no, I didn't have the car because my Dad was using it, and even if I did, I couldn't drive! He had a right strop on and made out that I was the CF because apparently I owed him five lifts and I shouldn't be taking favours if I can't reciprocate. He sulked about it for weeks and never gave me another lift - not that I would have accepted anyway once I knew there were strings attached.

No badgers you were not the CF. I hate the reciprocation of favours on a one for one basis (you were giving him cash anyway so it wasn't a favour). I think if you do something helpful for people then generally they will help you back in some way at some time but out of shared friendship and kindness, not because something specific is owed. My neighbour and I feed and check on each other's pets if either is away for longer than a day but I don't keep count and neither does she.

About 10 years ago my ex boyfriend and I were at the cinema. Due to us working unusual hours we were able to go to the cinema during the day during the week which was great.

We were seeing this one film and the cinema must have had about 10 people or so in the screen so you could pretty much sit anywhere you liked and have no one sit anywhere near you.

This woman comes and sits right next to my ex which we thought was a bit weird but ok it's a free world she might not want to loom like she was on her own.

About half an hour or so into the film she asks my ex if she could have some of his drink..... she then gave him the most disgusting look when he told her no

@MiracleCure, please tell us you didn't actually pay her?

I looked at her printed schedule and asked when she would be doing the school run. She replied that she didn't have time for school runs as she was about to take on a new job!

But what did YOU say to her cheeky fuckery?!

battlescar awful yesterday but picked up today Thankyou

Just catching up on these, jaw on the floor and head constantly shaking! I just don't get how entitled people can be!

I thought of another one, it was a family members birthday and we had sent a card with money in and called to sing happy birthday. At about 8pm the door went, we were surprised as we weren't expecting anyone. Opened the door to birthday boy, wife and 2 DC (3 & 4) obviously invite them in, surprised to see them. As soon as the DC step in the door they are going on about cake, looked at parents "oh we told them you had his birthday cake" WTF!!! It would have been bad enough if they told us to get one but it was 8pm and we had 2 young children all excited about daddy's birthday cake. I told them we obviously didn't have one, weren't expecting them etc "it doesn't have to be a birthday cake, just stick a candle in any cake for them" we didn't have so much as a cake bar. Made us out to be the bad guys disappointing the DC. In the end I said "don't be silly, why would daddy's cake be here? Daddy's cake must be in your house" ignored the daggers being sent my way and said they should probably get the DC hone to bed shouldn't they, and escorted them out. That was about 7 years ago and I still can't get over the cheek of it, it was just bizarre!

We’ve just bought a new house, Our first together (though we have lived in the flat DH bought before we met for the last six or seven years).

One of his colleagues has asked for a nosey round as her son went out with the daughter of the people we bought it from and she was never invited round. I wonder why

I have heaps of stories about a CF housemate from uni. We're still friends now and she's actually a lovely girl, just very oblivious about certain things. I'm very glad we don't live together any more!

She's one of those people who prides herself on being very laid back and casual and always talks about how happy she is to share everything she owns, but in reality what she really means is that she just wants to borrow your stuff all the time... and then if you refuse she does this whole 'oh but I thought we shared everything, I would have let you borrow mine!' routine and looks incredibly disappointed in you.

One particular example that sticks in my mind is when I'd lost about two stone and gone down a couple of dress sizes. I was ecstatic and treated myself to a fairly expensive pair of skinny jeans to celebrate. I came home and proudly showed my housemates my first ever pair of size 10 jeans and they were all very pleased for me (they were all much slimmer than me).

Just a few hours later we were all getting ready to go out for the evening and CF housemate was moaning that she had nothing to wear. I was helping her look through her clothes and pick something, but she didn't like anything she had and asked if she could borrow something of mine. So I took her into my room and she tried on a few things but still wasn't happy... then she asked 'I like those jeans you bought, can I borrow those?'

I was gobsmacked and said 'the ones I just bought today? Errrm well to be honest I'd rather you didn't, I haven't even worn them myself yet!'

She looked a little put out and muttered something about not thinking it would be a big deal, but didn't push it any further. I felt like I was being a bit oversensitive but all I could think was 'I know you can fit your tiny size 8 bum into my jeans but I don't need to see you parading around in them literally the day that I bought them!'

"My mum's boobs are much bigger than yours."

I was in a queue at a checkout. I had my arms full of stuff as all the baskets had gone. A lady asked me for the time; I said I couldn't tell her right now as I had my arms full and my phone was in my pocket. She said, "Take your time, I'll wait." So I put everything down on the floor, took my phone out of my pocket, and told her the time. She proceeded to watch me pick up all my things from the floor, and whilst I was doing that, slip in front of me in the queue. She then said, "Should have got a basket, eh!" and laughed at me.

Poisoning I don't generally encourage punching total strangers, but I think in those circumstances you would have been justified.

I live abroad and regularly get friends/family asking if they can come and stay. Absolutely not a problem.
My recently divorced friend (actually a relative that I'm not that close to and haven't spoken to in years) has hooked up with a new man and is in the infatuation stage. Said boyfriend sometimes works a couple of hours from where I live. CF asks if she can visit and stay with me for a week, nipping off in the middle for a mucky few nights. Not a problem. Oh but she'll be bringing her kids and leaving them with me erm no. We have never looked after each other's kids and I don't plan on taking her two on!