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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Regale me with Cheeky Fucker stories

858 replies

TellMeItsNotTrue · 24/09/2017 15:31

I'm stuck in bed feeling ill, bored and pissed off with the whole situation, AIBU to ask you to entertain me with your tales of CFs?

BTW daily fail and other websites/newspapers can fuck off, my fee for this piece of journalism is 2 million pounds and a takeaway pizza, non-negotiable so if you don't agree to those terms then kindly FTFOTFOSM

The only one I can think of at the moment is last year when a neighbour knocked at our house, we get on great with most of our neighbours but this one looks down her nose at everyone and keeps herself to herself. She told me that I needed to make sure I was home the following day Confused I asked why and was told I needed to be in for the delivery Hmm wasn't my birthday and didn't have anything ordered so I asked what was being delivered and how did she know "oh it's not for YOU tinkly laugh no, its from laura Ashley you see" still none the wiser I ask who it's for then and why do I have to be in "well because they said it will be tomorrow and I have appointments! I will be getting my hair done and of course my nails, so I've told them to deliver it here" she then walked off leaving me with my jaw on the floor. I made sure I was out the following day and just put the we missed you card through her door when I got home, not spoken a word to me since, but that isn't unusual for her anyway

OP posts:
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ArkAtEee · 25/07/2018 22:44

We used to live in an upper floor flat in an old terraced house with limited parking nearby. One of the neighbours in this house was a CF. One night I was walking home from work and noticed a neighbour in a nearby house shouting at said CF. She'd been parking her car on their drive and each of the tenants in the shared house had assumed it was another neighbour within the house Hmm

throwawayagain · 25/07/2018 22:49

I like this thread.

Not the best, but my company supply filtered water, fruit, tea and various coffee options.
I prefer a different coffee brand, so buy my own.
My coffee was labeled, but disappeared too fast.
One day I discovered a person from another area of the company decanting MY coffee into their jar.
I queried it, and was advised 'it's not fair that you get the nice coffee'!
I explained fully, but it was still deemed 'unfair'.
After that I put my naice coffee in the rubbish coffee jar, and vice versa.
They steal the rubbish coffee to this day!

9amTrain · 25/07/2018 23:26

My ex-house'mates' pushed me out after breaking the only agreement we made (of not practically moving their boyfriends in, they lied). They all agreed to me leaving and despite me looking for someone they took the choice of replacement out of my hands and picked someone they knew.

This person actually moved in, stayed a month, changed their mind and left.

Instead of holding the new person or themselves accountable, they came after me for rent and now I don't talk to any of them.

Morally speaking, why on earth should I be responsible? I didn't leave in secret. Someone took my place!

I've been fighting it for the past 8 months straight because the landlord turned out to be a backstabbing cunt as well as the tenants, even though they ALL agreed to the exchange and charged me a fee, which I paid.

Hmm

That's my story.

user1461609321 · 26/07/2018 00:06

Watching

bluetrampolines · 26/07/2018 00:38

Neighbour brought her baby to me to babysit whilst I was already looking after my own 3! babies. Only happened once.

secretselkie · 26/07/2018 21:25

I once had NDN’s who practically moved into my house while I was on holiday! (Couple in their 20’s). We had got on fine with them up till then and so had a key for each other’s homes ICE.

A friend, who had forgotten we were away, dropped round & caught them in the act 😱

They had prepaid gas & electricity meters that they were always complaining about the cost of, so I can only assume they decided to save some money that week by watching our TV, using our washing machine & dryer, our shower- and they even carried their washing up to my house to use our sink/hot water 🤬 Worst bit was my washing machine had an odd opening catch on the door & they broke it when they couldn’t get it open 😡.

And their excuse/reasoning for doing this? They claimed it was to keep our cat company as he was all on his own .. At that point we didn’t own a cat!.. they however had 4 of them in their own house 😵

Flamingo19 · 26/07/2018 21:33

An aquantaince, but by no means a ‘friend’ has messaged me to ask if me or my DH have any room in our suitcases for her fascinator for an upcoming wedding in Spain. Apparently if she adds on a suitcase it will be £100 so she’s asking around for spare room

cadburyegg · 26/07/2018 22:26

This is very outing but I don’t care that much.

When I was at 6th form I worked at a pet shop, a well known chain. One of my colleagues/friends, J, owned lots of animals - at least 10 rabbits, 10 hamsters, rats, etc etc. She apparently never had any money for food because she “spent it all on her pets”. She went on holiday and asked another colleague, S, to look after them. S begged some of us to help her as they hadn’t been cleaned out in a few days. We all went round early one morning before work. The rabbits hutches were crawling with maggots and there were about 10 rats in a small hamster cage. We sorted the rabbits out and clubbed together to buy more suitable housing for the rats.

J returned and was very defensive when S told her about it. She eventually repaid us for the cost of the cage. She moved shortly afterwards and the same group of us naturally ended up helping her move and one night after work, in the dark, we helped her put her rabbits up in more suitable accommodation than tiny hutches.

J never said thank you to us, instead sent me a bitchy txt message along the lines of “is my rabbits accommodation up to your standards now?” Accommodation that I had helped her set up.

Meanwhile, the assistant manager at the shop, T, had heard about it all and reported J to the rspca for failing to take proper care of her animals. J then accused me of reporting her. T wouldn’t own up that it was her and told me that she quite enjoyed me being the “suspect”.

J turned 21 the same month I turned 18. She had a big party that we all attended and bought presents for. She didn’t get me a card even.

J kept having “money problems” and asking me to lend her money. I refused, having learnt my lesson. One day we finished work at the same time and both went to Asda. She spent about £80 on dvds, clothes and junk food.

She moved out of the area about 2 years later. All of her animals had either died by then or she dropped off at a rescue centre on the way up. Sad Funnily enough, we haven’t kept in touch.

BottleOfJameson · 26/07/2018 22:33

@secretselkie Bloody hell! What did you do? I assume you got your key back and/or changed the locks. They should be in the CF olympics.

Assburgers · 26/07/2018 22:46

I once made my friend a meal & she loved it & asked for the recipe. I gave it to her. To thank me, she said she would make us it at her house. I said cool, I’ll bring the wine.

I’m on my way to her house & I get a text asking if I can pick up ingredients as she hadn’t had time. No worries, I get the ingredients.

I arrive at her house and she says she can’t remember the recipe, and asks me to talk her through it. Not a problem. I start helping to chop stuff while she faffs about.

Just then she remembers some work errands that need doing & has to nip out & do them. Fine, I get on with cooking.

She arrives home & we eat the meal I have bought & prepared & the wine I have also brought.

It’s only later when I’m walking home that I think.... wait.... what just happened Grin

Bramble71 · 26/07/2018 23:07

I used to share a lift to work with a colleague, who earned at least 3 times what I did) and give him some cash towards the petrol.

When I transferred to a different office, which happened to be the one that dealt with his pay, I found out that he was in receipt of a fuel allowance, which more than covered his entire weekly fuel bill, all along, yet he'd still taken my money! Greedy and cheeky.

He couldn't look me in the eye again whenever I saw him afterwards.

SoShinySoChrome · 26/07/2018 23:12

I don’t think the fascinator one is bad.

KittyHawke80 · 26/07/2018 23:27

No, the fascinator one has thrown me, too: unless she wants you to pick it up from her house 150 miles from yours, or undertake not to put anything else in the suitcase in case it gets crushed, it’s a completely reasonable request. -Putting to one side the fact that facinators were pretty passé twenty years ago, of course-.

Spellitforme · 26/07/2018 23:37

Someone who I don't know that well was recovering after an op. Agreed that I would pop in to keep her company. She sat telling me she didn't have many friends /family. Told me life story/some things she shouldn't have. She had ran out of milk so agreed to pop to the shop for her which was a bit of a walk. Returned and she kept me at the front door.Behind her in the kitchen was her friend who had come to do some cooking for her. Didn't introduce me didnt offer to pay for the milk. Hmm Dsil borrowed a travel alarm clock for a holiday from dh and when he asked dbil for it back said Oh but she likes that clock! and didn't give it back! CF! Its happened with quite a few things so he stopped lending. Used to be a cub leader and another cub leader used to buy the biscuits for them usu from her own pocket. Every week they seemed to be more eaten than had been given out in the break. Discovered that when the senior cub leaders ds came with her at any point he would raid the tin and she ket him! We didn't say anything but used to hide them so we soon stopped his game! He was a right cocky cf too!

cosyfireplace · 26/07/2018 23:44

I have a wedding one!

My own wedding which was very small, my DM kicked off because she wanted to invite her recently reconnected brother that she'd decide to talk to again after cutting him out for twenty years. She said I obviously had to as 'family is what counts' and 'otherwise she wouldn't know anyone' (she knew everyone) etc etc.

I said that's fine, yeah I haven't seen him since I was a kid but family is family. However she insisted I couldn't just invite him and his wife, I had to invite their three kids too (I could only invite 20 people, really tiny wedding) and to keep the peace I said ok fine I'll make it work.

Sent the invites, all going well, up until a holiday when DM spent time with them, had a big falling out and msgd me that I had to 'uninvite her ungrateful brother, his sour faced whore of a wife and those criminals I call cousins'.

I said no way lady, you wanted them, you uninvite them.

Apparently she texted him saying he couldn't come anymore and he said there's no way he would if she was there anyway, so they're back to being estranged and I still never saw that uncle again.

P.s the fall out had been because he'd already lent her over £5000 and she's asked for more and he said no. Total CF.

AllegedSaboteur · 26/07/2018 23:52

Friends brother is a massive CF

Has a child from a previous relationship and has recently started dating someone his little sisters age. (My Friend is a lot younger than me)

Dumps said child on his Mum and sister whenever he has contact, including overnights and his ex often does the same to them and they accept it like doormats.

Flashforward to last weekend, Friend was working 2 jobs ALL weekend. Late finishes early starts.

Brother and Girlfriend didn't want his DC there overnight and they don't have their own room and they wanted to shag.

They went to my friends mum house with DC kept the child up really late til they fell asleep out of knackeredness - then carried them up and dumped them in my friends bed Shock and then went home. She was still at work and had specifically responded to their texts telling them not to. They had obviously planned it in advance.

He wouldn't get away with it if she stood up to him a bit more and refused to give so much free childcare. What a CF though

cosyfireplace · 27/07/2018 00:03

Oh and another one!

At work recently I'd come up with a proposal to fix an issue that had been a problem for us for ages.

I sent it to my 'direct manager' to see if I could go ahead with it and the total CF copied the whole proposal, put it in a new email and sent it to our Head of Department saying she'd come up with this great idea and would get cosyfireplace to implement it.

I was almost full of rage when I found out except I found out because Head of Department emailed her back, CCd me in and said 'This is a great plan, thanks to Cosy for creating it and taking us through it at yesterday's meeting, it's officially approved'.

CF had missed the meeting (also a lazy CF) and didn't realise I'd raised the idea and was just after the green light to go ahead.

HoD winked at me when he left his office right after and I did have quite the grin going I must say.

EndOfEternity · 27/07/2018 00:39

Did a joint birthday party for 6yr old DD and school friend. As only 20 in class invited whole class. CFF sorted venue and activity, we sorted food and cake. All good but only found out during the party they’d invited all siblings and friends as well. Funnily enough we hadn’t brought food and plates for twice the number of kids we were expecting. Rather than make a scene (and upset party) we spent most of party running to local shops buying more.
No more joint parties were had as we hear we were ‘awful’ to work with Angry

Reaa · 27/07/2018 01:52

bought the food, bought the wine and did the cooking.

Sorry but I laughed at that one.

HattieAndHerBoy · 27/07/2018 02:44

I don’t think the fascinator one is bad

Im glad because I don't either.

mediumbrownmug · 27/07/2018 05:11

I have a few, but I'll start with this one as it's the funniest (and also the longest, sorry).

After DH and I married, we moved into an apartment with paper-thin walls. Our NDN, a college student with a penchant for partying, was pretty loud on a normal night (which had never bothered us). But when she woke us screaming bloody murder and banging on the walls one night at 3am, DH went around to check things were ok. We hadn't actually met her, but had seen her around and thought she looked normal enough.

Big mistake.

The first thing NDN did when she opened the door was scream something along the lines of "THANK GOD!", because apparently a spider had gotten in her apartment and that was the cause of all the blood-curdling screaming. She tried to pull DH (a huge, scary-looking man she'd never met) by the arm into her apartment in the middle of the night to "kill the spider for us." (Yes, "us". There were several other grown adults in the room, all somehow incapable of killing a spider.)

When DH politely declined hunting and killing a spider in a strange, drunken woman's apartment at 3am, and asked her about maybe keeping the screaming down just a bit instead, she got massively put out.

Now DH looks intimidating - he's basically a hairy giant with an enormous, dark beard - but he's a huge softie and absolutely hates confrontation, so he was incredibly nice and apologetic about it all. But drunken NDN got really angry and actually sent her BF to the door to "deal" with DH. BF was a meek, skinny and rather short guy who took one look at DH and obviously wanted no part of it. DH politely asked BF if they could maybe keep it down just a touch, and BF quite reasonably agreed. DH came back to bed.

Within minutes NDN is pounding repeatedly on our (shared) wall. HARD. We hear her shouting at the wall about how she's doing it on purpose to keep us up. DH sighs, goes back over, and says nicely that if they can't keep it down we'll have to call the police and we REALLY don't want to do that over a spider. NDN goes berserk, and threatens to call the police on us, shouting about how she KNOWS WHAT WE'RE TRYING TO DO, and she knows how "PEOPLE LIKE US" work because she's a PSYCH MAJOR. Hmm

Finally, she calms down and agrees, and DH and I go to bed.

The next morning she knocks on our door looking completely and utterly hungover. She issues a slurred apology and introduces herself for the first time, while admitting she has absolutely no idea what she did/said last night but she "definitely doesn't want to be RUDE, since we're neighbors," etc. Grin

mediumbrownmug · 27/07/2018 06:47

Another neighbor (same apartment) spoke to us twice the entire time we lived there. The first time was on the day he moved in. He literally said hi, then asked us for our WiFi password. We said no. He walked off and didn’t speak to us again until we moved out.

On moving day he came over to ask if he could have our parking space (which was against the lease, spaces were tied to unit rent). DH said no, as we didn’t have a space. (We didn’t.) He then asked for our bookshelf, “since we were leaving”, which we handed over in shocked silence. Never saw him again.

Flamingo19 · 27/07/2018 07:53

But it’s not just me she’s asking, I’ve only had the pleasure of being asked to take the fascinator. Shes not taking a suitcase at all and is asking everyone she knows to take various bits of her luggage out there for her, just to save £100.

bringincrazyback · 27/07/2018 08:28

A complete stranger once knocked on my door and asked if she could put some fish in my freezer until my neighbour (whom the fish was intended for) got home.

BadassUnicorn · 27/07/2018 08:35

This thread is too good. Doing a cheeky placemark.