Regale me with Cheeky Fucker stories

[TellMeItsNotTrue]

I'm stuck in bed feeling ill, bored and pissed off with the whole situation, AIBU to ask you to entertain me with your tales of CFs?

BTW daily fail and other websites/newspapers can fuck off, my fee for this piece of journalism is 2 million pounds and a takeaway pizza, non-negotiable so if you don't agree to those terms then kindly FTFOTFOSM

The only one I can think of at the moment is last year when a neighbour knocked at our house, we get on great with most of our neighbours but this one looks down her nose at everyone and keeps herself to herself. She told me that I needed to make sure I was home the following day I asked why and was told I needed to be in for the delivery wasn't my birthday and didn't have anything ordered so I asked what was being delivered and how did she know "oh it's not for YOU tinkly laugh no, its from laura Ashley you see" still none the wiser I ask who it's for then and why do I have to be in "well because they said it will be tomorrow and I have appointments! I will be getting my hair done and of course my nails, so I've told them to deliver it here" she then walked off leaving me with my jaw on the floor. I made sure I was out the following day and just put the we missed you card through her door when I got home, not spoken a word to me since, but that isn't unusual for her anyway

Not as exciting as earlier stories.... I was at home after being made redundant with 2 under 2 DC.
I live on a Close of 15 houses, I know most people on the street to say hello. One day I was going for a walk with the babies in the pram & I noticed there was a big sign taped to a house door. Walking past I can read the sign from the path

“Please deliver all parcels to Number X thank you”

Yes I live at number X & no one had asked me if I’d take their parcels just assumed I would & this neighbour was one I spoke to the least. I wouldn’t have minded so much if they had asked me before taping their cheeky sign to the door.
I made sure I had a super long walk so the deliveries came while I was out.

My DP and I are currently doing up a house and we tend to go to Ikea (a lot!). His DC comes along with us and his grandmother phones him (DP's EXMIL) every night and if DC says we are in ikea she then gives him a shopping list of things to get and of course DP has to pay for it as DC doesn't have any money. Wouldn't mind if it was once or twice but she's now given DP a list of things to get next time we go.

DP and DC were in a shop the other day, EXMIL rang up and said ohhh as you are in so and so can you just get me x y z and then drop them to my house (EXMIL lives a 5 minute walk away from this shop!)
DP "accidentally forgot" to get those things and left without getting them - she was NOT impressed

I have a friend who went back to work after maternity leave and her bf (child's father) charged her an hourly rate for looking after his daughter. He was unemployed and said that looking after the child would prevent him getting a job so he should be compensated...

Ausparent he would have been out the door in a bloody heartbeat !

I got married just over 10 years ago at a lovely hotel in the borders (Scotland).
It just so happened that a close relative of mine lived in the grounds of said hotel, completely by chance, amazing coincidence.
CF relative politely offered us the use of her cottage/garden for our reception but we had paid for the whole wedding package at the hotel, so declined graciously.
Unbeknownst to us, she decided to invite her friends to this “wedding reception” that she was throwing for us against our wishes...

Soooo, fastforward two months later to the big day, ceremony was amazing, dinner was lovely, my wife and I decide to go on a stroll around the grounds, our first as husband and wife!
A hundred yards from the hotel door my wife says, “That’s your (relative) with our wedding cake!”
“Don’t be so silly,” I replied, thinking there was a simple explanation for why she was disappearing down the lane toward her cottage with a tray!!!
We had a 3 tier cake. We were saving the top tier for our first borns christening, we had cut up the middle tier for the wedding reception to enjoy, and the third tier was for our more local party the next weekend for friends and rellys who couldn’t travel to our wedding.
My CF relative had taken the whole middle tier for “her” party!!!
I was , my wife was as you can imagine...
(Sorry for the lengthy post, I’m in a hospital waiting room with time to kill...)

.......I had to go and rescue what I could!!!

When I was in year 11 there was a girl in the same year who used to spend her dinner money on junk food and then at dinner time she would ask everyone if she could have their lunch.

I would be sat there eating one half of my sandwich and she would point at the other half of my sandwich and would ask if I was going to eat it she was like that with everyone.

Some people who were just too polite would let her have part of their lunch and she would eat it and then move onto the next person. She did this every single day.

When I was planning my 18th birthday party I invited about 15 people, all friends who I saw every day in sixthform/since highschool essentially. The party was in a huge heated marquee in our garden my mum rented out, so we could have a bit of a dance about towards the end of the night but for the first hour or so I had planned a paint your own pottery thing.
(pre-purchased all the mugs and materials etc)

Two days before the party I get a text from CF friend of one of my friend's boyfriends, so not even a direct friend of a friend, (still dunno who gave him my number) that said something along the lines of,

"Hi Slay, it's cheekyfucker. I heard you're having a party and we'll I haven't seen the gang in some time so I'm wondering if you can get me in? It's not a party without cheekyfucker!"

I seethed for a few hours before replying 'sorry who?' And he never replied. The party was a bit of a shambles in it's own right but that's another thread!

A friend was still reeling from being newly single. We arranged that I would go round to hers for a drink and a takeaway. When I got there she said “I hope you don’t mind, but since you’re here anyway could you babysit the kids? I’ve been invited out for dinner”. She gave me instructions for feeding the kids from the freezer and off she went!

camper

That’s awful behaviour towards a friend. I’d be most upset —livid—
I hope you were .

Fortunately I am not often the victim of a CF, but have experienced these annoying moments.

Friend in neighbouring area liked to try and use me as a child minding service when she had hospital appointments. Our home is very close. Perfect for city to look after a few of the children whilst you take the other for an appointment. Only happened once. Dc loved the play date, but it was just dressed up childcare.

Another...invited over for a play date. I arrive, am given coffee, and then asked to mind the children whilst she disappears to test drive a new car. Again, glorified childcare.

Ugh. Never again.

I have seen a few CF get their just desserts too, which is always satisfying. Friend, who has CF tendencies, arranged a play date between her kids and another friend. Nanny was in charge. It was 5 hours later that the mum finally arrived to collect her child. Only meant to be a couple hours. Friend was livid. I was secretly pleased.

@citychick Surely it's a friendly thing to do, look after a friend's children when they have a hospital appointment?

Not sure I would begrudge them that and label them a CF, especially as you say it only happened once anyway.

No, ancora, I wouldn’t begrudge them a play date or helping a friend.
I would however, be a bit annoyed when the only time one might see a friend is when they have a hospital appointment and they drop by with the kids then. That to me is bordering on CF territory. Very tiresome.

My brother gave me a sob story that his car had died and without a new one he would lose an opportunity to get a job. He knew I had to sell my beloved sporty from-when-I-was-single car because I was pregnant and DH and I needed one with a proper backseat for the car seat.

I ended up selling him my car for less than half its worth and felt good about helping him out until I found out he sold it immediately and pocketed the profit without telling me!

I then found out DB had been immediately selling everything he'd begged off me for the previous two years —furniture, used computer, etc.

We live upstairs; new tenant moved in downstairs. There's a shared rubbish area out back with room for two bins. When they moved in, their side was empty. They proceeded to fill OUR bin completely with all their moving-in trash.

When I told them (nicely) that they'd filled our bin and they needed to sort getting their own installed, they were angry about it but seemed to accept it.

Next day, our bin was still teeming with their trash. I had to talk to them again and let them know that they needed to take their trash out. She was outraged. "WHY?!?!" Well, because we have our own trash we need to dispose of, you CF!!!

I leant a friend a reference book related to a course we were doing. A couple of months later I asked for it back as I needed it. She apologized and said she’d lost it. I asked if she’d replace it but she said no, as she hadn’t lost it in purpose. So far so cf, but then a few months later still I was at her house and noticed the book on a shelf. Oh, I said, you found it! No, she said, it was so useful I bought my own copy. And I was too wussy to say anything, just 😮

We live in an upstairs flat, our downstairs neighbours are generally quiet, they're student age and we don't talk to them much. The garden has been split between the two flats, they have the front half and we have the back, there's a fence with a big gap dividing them so it's obvious it's two separate spaces (plus it's in the rental contract/deeds). We have a shed in our garden that was never locked and we keep our tools and mower in there, we'll always mow there grass because why not, we have a mower they don't, no problem.

One morning their parents have come to visit and decide to clear up their half of the garden. I see them take our mower out of our shed and start using it, along with our rake and broom etc. Since we always cut their grass I didn't mind so much them doing ours, though cheeky they didn't even ask!

I thought maybe they weren't aware the shed was ours (even though it's in our garden) since it's rented property. Later they knocked on my door and asked me if it was ok if they stored a couple of crates in the shed until they (their parents) could take it to the tip the following week, we didn't mind, a couple of crates for a week in a shed we don't go into much.

A week later the shit is still there, it was a massive bin liner with bedding, crates, an ironing board, other crap. We dumped it back in their garden and put a padlock on the shed.

This was in the summer, the stuff is still there now.

Also, they didn't even mow our grass! They did theirs and only a 3rd of ours. Cheeky buggers.

My friend called me and asked if she could come round today because she was ready to explode, obviously I said yes and stuck the kettle on. She arrived 10 minutes later with a CF story and said it's fine to put on here

2 weeks ago teenager from next door knocked, they know the neighbours to say hello to but that's about it. The girl asked if she could possibly use friends shower of a morning before school because they were getting their bathroom done. Friend could do without it as morning mad enough as it is, but knows what it's like being a teenage girl and didnt want anyone in school to say anything, so she agreed.

Friend and partner have been getting up earlier to use the bathroom (even if girl used first, they still would have had to get up earlier to let her in) and basically the mornings have been more chaotic and the girl hasn't even been bringing her own products, choosing friends expensive stuff over her partners cheaper stuff too (normal, not intended for men)

Friend realised last night that it's been two weeks, so she asked the teenager this morning what is happening with the bathroom and got a cheery "oh it's done, but dad said this works better because I'm not hogging the bathroom, plus it stops him moaning at me all the time about how long I'm in the shower for" and went in to the bathroom and shut the door while friend picked her jaw up off the floor

There were quite a few bottles of wine/boxes of chocolates/biscuits etc given as thank yous over the festive period at my last job. They were intended for the workers. We were going to number the gifts and each pull a number out of a hat to make it fair as to whom got what. However, loads of things disappeared but mainly all the wine. We all know it was the management team who took it, they swapped it and tried to give us lambrini instead! When we called them on it they tried to bollock us for lowering morale!!!

I’ve got a story and a half about my DM’s CFNDNs. She lives in a lovely old rented house with some barns that were converted by the owner some years back. A young family moved into one of them and she took the two young kids under her wing, taught them simple stuff like how to walk dogs, play in the snow, jump in puddles etc. Over the years she ends up doing school runs, having them over after school, over night stays at weekends and plenty of fun trips during school hols to places like safari park, etc. I’m already a bit 😑 because she ends up looking after them whilst she had my two girls (her own grandchildren) for the day and you never see these kids parents and they don’t appear to pay for a thing. I keep quiet because I assume that they’ve got some kind of arrangement that must make sense to them.
DM loans a horse for the little girl, teaches her riding, keeps it in her field and feeds it, etc.
Some time later, my DM catches her shitty partner in a clinch with the Mum of these kids. Massive row ensues, her shitty ex refuses to move out of the house and continues living there for at least another year till we can move him on. Shitty NDNs close ranks, pretend DM is making things up to cause trouble and ignore her. DM still misses the kids and says that if the shitty NDNs will pay £10 a week for the horse, their daughter can still ride it. They refuse, saying they never wanted the horse anyway. Ok, so she gives the horse back - and they go wild, whining that she’s upset their precious little girl!
I finally get involved as the situation is getting very nasty and it becomes extremely clear that they’ve been taking the absolute piss for years and, being so massively entitled, thought that they could continue freeloading despite the wife shagging DM’s partner (he’s a whole other story about massively CF behaviour). I have words with husband NDN and he tells me that he has no idea why my DM is no longer talking to him and being ‘so nasty’ as he hadn’t done anything! Also, his dear sweet wife wouldn’t be coming out to discuss it at any point because she was liable to get a bit aggressive....
The day they moved out, having finally worked out that the years of free childcare and using my DM’s house and fields as their own (thereby quadrupling the size of their house and pocket garden) had come to an end, was a very happy day indeed.
Nasty bunch of spiteful, entitled CFs.

FleeBee, I'd have taken the notice off their door!

I love reading these, the brass neck of some people!

My in laws are downright CF's. They will literally do anything to save a 1p or spend a little less and actually think bad of for spending a little extra on a better cut of meat or branded products, and it's not even like they are poor, in actual fact they are pretty well off, numerous holidays through the year etc. Here are a few I can think of from the top of my head.

1. I had just got married to their son and I have this incessant need to be liked by everyone around me, anyway, MIL and FIL were going on a month long transatlantic cruise and demanded £100 off each son and £100 from each DIL as their spending money because they didn't have any! I very nicely said 'erm no' and then was badmouthed by them for daring to say no to them! To my knowledge only one person (their son) out 8 paid.

2. going back inside a restaurant where they hadn't left a tip to complain they had accidentally paid 40p extra than they should have done!

3. IL's had planned to host a bbq in a field somewhere but 'apparently' the weather was not due to be that good so called us to see if we could host in our back yard, only couple to have a big enough garden. They said they had everything and all we would need to do was set up the BBQ. Anyway, on our way to get coal as we had ran out, DH called them to ask if they needed anything. They gave us a long list of salad items, meat, burgers, barms, drinks... basically everything! We really don't like spending time with IL's and this night ended up with us hosting and it costing us nearly £100. Apparently they wanted an excuse to come to our house and this is what they thought of!

4. Inviting random members of the family and giving them a tour of our house! Their answer when being asked what they are doing 'Well it's our son's house, and we just wanted to show them what it's like'.
   Well sorry I don't think Julie from two towns over whom I have never met before needs to see the insides of my underwear drawer! Which I know they looked through as all the doors and drawers were left half open! Once I actually had people round and they barged in, had a tour, and left. both myself ad my guests were just flabbergasted!

5. Constantly 'forgetting' to buy something of small value at dinner parties (which they insist in having for the whole family) and then ringing one of their sons to pick it up for them. For example, if they were making an indian, they would call the son who would be on his way and ask him to pick up chappatis. The first/second/third this time I thought it was a genuine mistake. I realised this is just what they do to reduce the cost for them and they know none of us are going to ask for a few quid back!

6. never ever cooking enough food, serving leftovers. For example, we were summoned to theirs last week for Sunday lunch. The extended family was invited so this time I thought there would be enough and didn't line my stomach with a snack beforehand, huge mistake! The whole family was there and we were all served with a tiny piece of meat, 1 potato each, you get the drift. In my defiance I took 2 potatoes and BIL was left without one! Usually myself and DH just roll our eyes and laugh about it, this time I was absolutely fuming! Getting hangrier and hangrier listening to MIL say oh the food must have been delicious as there are no leftovers and all the plates look clean. Well they would do as you fed us all a 5 years old's portion! Argh!!!

Well that was slightly carthartic, thanks!

Hugely outing, but MIL is a right cheeky fucker.

In our six years together, I have received one present for Christmas. We had just moved into our first home, and had an induction hob. She'd cleared out her loft, and her gift was a set of saucepans she hadn't wanted a few years ago. Anyway, they were aluminium and couldn't use them, but graciously accepted. A year ish later, I sold them on, because the box was bloody huge and I was sick of falling over it.

Then SIL moves out, and MIL demands the saucepans back she can give them to her!

MIL also made a huge song and dance of 'contributing' towards our wedding. After pissing off our bar staff for the day so badly the threatened to pull out a week before the wedding, she relented and paid £200 for wine for the tables. Wine I had said I hadn't wanted ... a million times. Anyway! She spends the entire wedding day telling everyone she paid for the WHOLE day, our guests then asking me, knowing his hard we had saved for a few years to pay for the day.

A few weeks later, my parents admit they paid on her behalf. And negotiated with the bar manager, otherwise they wouldn't have shown up!

The cheeky bitch also promised to help set up the day before, until she got a better offer to be on a bloody awful game show presented by Bradley Walsh she didn't even call to tell me, she just didn't show up. At least she didn't win and money.

I own a house and often rent rooms out to friends. CF friend came to live for a few months however we weren't compatible living together and she decided to move out (giving me no notice period) in May. September came and CF still had the house key and her old room full of her things. I wouldn't normally mind too much but we weren't on talking terms and CF was actively avoiding me. By October I decided I didn't want a room full of stuff owned by a person who no longer wanted to talk to me. I asked CF for the key back by the weekend and said she had that week to get her stuff out or I'd have to start letting her in myself.
She moved everything out by Friday