Regale me with Cheeky Fucker stories

[TellMeItsNotTrue]

I'm stuck in bed feeling ill, bored and pissed off with the whole situation, AIBU to ask you to entertain me with your tales of CFs?

BTW daily fail and other websites/newspapers can fuck off, my fee for this piece of journalism is 2 million pounds and a takeaway pizza, non-negotiable so if you don't agree to those terms then kindly FTFOTFOSM

The only one I can think of at the moment is last year when a neighbour knocked at our house, we get on great with most of our neighbours but this one looks down her nose at everyone and keeps herself to herself. She told me that I needed to make sure I was home the following day I asked why and was told I needed to be in for the delivery wasn't my birthday and didn't have anything ordered so I asked what was being delivered and how did she know "oh it's not for YOU tinkly laugh no, its from laura Ashley you see" still none the wiser I ask who it's for then and why do I have to be in "well because they said it will be tomorrow and I have appointments! I will be getting my hair done and of course my nails, so I've told them to deliver it here" she then walked off leaving me with my jaw on the floor. I made sure I was out the following day and just put the we missed you card through her door when I got home, not spoken a word to me since, but that isn't unusual for her anyway

Mine goes back a lot of years.

I bought my first house at the age of 22 ( different times, people, different times ). A friend of mine was having some problems with her landlord who was making unwanted sexual advances to her. I told my friend that if she found the situation too difficult and needed to escape she could come and stay at mine.

Less than two weeks later I got the call from my friend. I made good on my promise and she moved into my spare room.

She was unemployed and receiving housing benefit at the time. I was signing her book weekly to say I was receiving her housing benefit, and yet I never saw a penny. I look back on that with disbelief; I was so gullible but I was also very young.

She used to run the electric fire on three bars all day while I was at work. She also made many long distance phone calls to her boyfriend who was in Australia. It was a shame because we fell out about it and she had been a good friend. I still bake a malted chocolate cake using a recipe she gave me.

I regard her from down the years as a steep learning curve. Chalked down to experience.

I think it's hard to accept that people are just CF and it takes a long time, but once you see it you see nothing else when situations crop up with different people in the future. My family and friends would tell you that I'm more than generous (as much as I can be) including with time etc, but try to take advantage and you won't get anything from me again, I will still be civil but you won't take me for a mug

AIBU doesn't get deleted does it? Don't want to lose this, I've already read it twice!

I was in a café the other day, one where you pay at the counter, take your drink, and wait for food at your table. A family came in and sat straight down at a table whilst the queue built up (it was impossible not to realise that you ordered at the till). A waitress cleared the table next to them around 10 minutes later, and the woman said “finally! I’ll have a latte please, and it will be free because we’ve waited so long.” I was

Please say she did it give her the latte

Sorry that was meant to be please tell me she did not serve her the latte

When I moved into my house the previous owner had left a fold up bed type thing in one of the rooms. It’s not expensive, it kind of folded into 3 parts and could be a chair or a bed type thing. I didn’t want it and was doing tip runs so just took it there about a month after moving in. 3 months later the owners teenage daughter knocked on the door (I assume the mother was hiding in the car somewhere) and said she had a friend staying and did I still have that sofa bed?

Same family (previous owners) put I note through my door about a year after moving out to say they had accidentally ordered something online using my address (they forgot to change it.) fair enough it happens. I didn’t appreciate coming home to find a “Sorry you were out, parcel left at side of house behind gate” (gate is one of those iron bar gates) then to find they had obviously stalked the house and saw the parcel and went and got it themselves from behind my gate. They didn’t even leave a note to say they had taken the parcel.

6 months later I found a “sorry you were out” note from postman to find a package behind my plant pot in the daughters name. It was from new look so I took it back to new look and said they don’t live here and to remove my address from their account. The daughter had been sent countless debt collectors letters to my address and the last thing I wanted was for stuff to be delivered “accidentally “ to my address, come and collect it only to find she doesn’t pay for it and the debt collectors start saying it was delivered to my address...

I haven’t heard a word since..

Some people will read these and recognize themselves

Any more? I reckon I'm learning from these tales of entitled fuckery.

Hurty me too! I would love some more

I’ve never actually had a CF story to tell before but a few days ago my DH boss messaged him a picture of her new puppy. It was very cute and he sent the obligatory message back. She then messaged to ask if we could puppy sit as her and her DP were working. My DH is terminally ill and is unlikely to make it to Christmas. He is almost bedridden and I am caring for him plus our own dog. When he said we couldn’t puppy sit she didn’t reply.

Years ago when I was flat sharing one particular flat mate got himself a new girlfriend, all well and good. She started to spend more and more time at the flat, at first a few nights a week but that slowly increased to about five nights a week. When I suggested that maybe as a couple they should spend some time in her flat as well I was told without irony that our flat was nicer and her flat mates would object. She was very much an entitled princess and my mate seemed oblivious to her piss taking. She helped herself to our food and drink, clogged up the bathroom in the mornings and evenings often making us late for work, never tidied up after herself, tried to dictate what we could watch on tv and was generally a complete pain in the arse. She had a massive strop with me when I told her to fuck off when she demanded that X night was to be date night for her and BF and could the rest of the flat (3 of us) make ourselves scarce so they could be romantic. It came to a head when a massive phone bill came through with most of it being her making overseas calls to family and she refused to pay for her share. The bill issue was still unresolved when the spineless BF was then sent on a work trip for several days and despite him being away she still hung around the flat. By this stage we utterly loathed her so changed the locks when she was out, packed all her gear into a few boxes and told her to fuck off. The meltdown was epic as banged on the door to be let in. She was utterly toxic and a CF

About 30 years ago, just after I graduated, I temped over the summer before I started my “real” job. This was at an engineering firm which had been taken over by a French company, and I found out that people were fearful for their jobs (with good reason - the firm was closed less than a year later).

The permanent staff were quite resentful of the temps, and the atmosphere wasn’t great, but I was only there for a few weeks.

One of the main managers asked me to minute a meeting where some of the top bosses from the French holding company came over. What I didn’t realise was that he had found out that I spoke French, and I was basically expected to do a full interpretation gig in the meeting. He had the cheek to laugh and say that they had approached the local university for someone, but as it was £90 an hour, they decided to use me. I muddled through as best I could, but it was tough, with a lot of technical terms, and I struggled. I learned that I was expected to do three days of this, 7 hours a day (something that a professional interpreter would never do). Also, my doing this caused a lot of bad feeling with the permanent staff, who felt I was being given privileges.

As I was due to start my new job in a fortnight, I cut my losses and on leaving that day said, in French, to the top boss, that my manager could go fuck himself if he thought that a temp on £3.50 an hour was going to do a job with a going rate of £90 an hour, and that his company was a fucking cesspit anyway. I walked out on the job and never did find out if the guy explained to CF manager what I’d said.

OP this one will cheer you up and is like your original CF post.
Next door are extremely wealthy. They have a one year old and she already has a pony based at the H's family estate. The women is a bit odd and has spent her extended maternity leave globe trotting. She must have had more holidays than Coleen Rooney. Anyway we maintain reasonable relations for the sake of neighbourly relations.
Anyway I have recently had a v serious operation which they knew about. I was house bound for the first month and mobility remains v difficult especially getting up and down stairs. Well I feel like I am post office, it's probably been a parcel every two days in the last eight weeks. Some of them are huge.Delivery drivers have clocked that I am home and bang continuously until I make it down the stairs. Yesterday I had clocked that she was yet again away. House shut up again. I was bathing the kids with the lady who helps me (yes I'm that bad) and the door went again, driver shouting through door. I actually was expecting a parcel for me so went down and it was an enormous case of wine for her. I suddenly realised she knows I am in so just orders it and treats me as an amazon locker. I slammed the door in his face

@Washbasketsareus ignore Protectingmydaughter* ,they are clearly a CF themselves!

SouthEast I would have kept the wine and if she asked about it said 'But that was obviously a thank you for taking in all your other deliveries'
baffled stare

Southeastlondonmum something similar happened to my SIL, on maternity leave and next door had ordered a case of champagne to be delivered using her address (they'd graduated from using her address as a safe place). She promptly wrote a lovely thank you letter, thanking them for the lovely gift they'd sent her, but as she couldn't drink, she hoped they didn't mind that she'd donated them to a good cause. She didn't have to take in another parcel for them again.
My CF stories aren't as good - closest is a girl at Uni who hated living in halls so decided to move off campus in the first term, and expected my BF (her best friend) and me to move as well- paying a huge penalty for breaking housing contract to move into a mouldy cold house where she'd already claimed the biggest room (she did art so apparently needed the space to work). And my BF and I would share the smallest. I refused at which point she decided I was banned from the house.

I so should have kept the wine. I just haven't been drinking because of the op so wasn't thinking! I normally love
Oh and another parcel came this Arvo. I was doing physio in front of the tv but hid. The delivery driver knew I was there so we had a stand off with me not wanting to move and him not wanting to go because he knew I was there

Mine is nowhere near the level of some of these thankfully but I’ll add it anyway!!

DS have regular school discos and pick up is 3.30pm and they are back in their party clothes for 5pm for an hour long disco. Friend of DS who doesn’t drive saying to me it would be a right PITA for her as her DH was working. I agree to pick her child up at 4.50, drop at disco then collect again at 6pm and drop off home. Tell her I’ll be tight on time as I am going out myself but I’ll do it to help her out. End up walking the dog when I get home at 5.10 as no other time to fit it in. Rushing like mad and go to drop her child off and see her DHs car on the drive. He’s sat on the sofa with a cuppa clearly having been home for a while. Apparently it didn’t occur to them to offer to pick up whilst I am tearing around like a blue arsed fly

Nothing major just really annoyed me at the time.

ExP's sister decided for us that we were having her Dad's dogs (he had was in prison so couldn't have them himself) because her brother had cheated on his GF and had to move out - she'd broken up with him - and his exGf wouldn't keep the dogs. Sister was really angry with her for having the audacity to not want to keep HIS pets.

Anyway, it was 'inconvenient' for her to have them so we would have to. I said no. We had very limited space and two mental and obese dogs weren't going to make the situation any better. Also, my DC was at the point where he was grabbing anything and hadn't had any experience with dogs and these dogs had no experience with children. Not a brilliant combination.

She wouldn''t take no for an answer but eventually conceded and started texting the other brother about whether or not he'd be willing to have them. He agreed and was willing (bless him) to drive from Scotland to ours (Midlands) to collect the dogs if the cheating brother bought them up. Great.

She did try saying it was a pointless journey for the dogs and they should just live with us. She got a simple NO in response.

So, on the morning of the great dog exchange we got a message saying sorry you're going to have to come down to us (Reading) to collect the dogs and drive them back to yours because cheat brother doesn't want to get dog hair in his car. We were like no we're sorting lunch and Scotland brother will arrive while we'd be travelling to you. When asked why she couldn't bring the dogs up she responded she wanted a glass of wine. At 9am. Eventually the brother who had caused all of this decided he would risk dog hair in his car but made it clear he was not happy about it.

Best bit was the silly cow had had the dogs at hers in Leeds all week and had driven them down to Reading the night before for the first brother to drive them to us so the other could drive down from Scotland to collect them.

So glad I escaped that utter mess.

I have a CFN (who was once a colleague)
When we moved in we said she could use the washing line we put up when we weren't - she started getting up at the crack of dawn and filling it up every day!
Asked to used our tumble dryer because she 'doesn't like to use hers'
Used to phone in/go home sick then piss off out (leaving us in the shit and also knew she was out as her car would be gone till 10pm)
Me and two others took some old stock from work once almost at it's sell by date - CFN knocked on and said 'why didn't I get any?' Erm well because you'd skived off early again and there wasn't any more anyway. She was basically hinting at me halfing mine with her because it 'wasn't fair'

HunterOfStars I'm finding it hilarious that your mum came on here and shot you down! 😂😂😂
Tight cow over a bottle of free Diet Coke!

Always a good day when it starts with new posts on here

Forgot this particular cheeky fucker called round when we were making food - obviously was offered some. Finished hers as my DH was sitting down to his and asked him for another plateful. Actually expected him to get up from eating his own fucking food!
We haven't spoken really since I told her she was a cheeky fucking cunt

I think you need to reevaluate your use of the word bully sunshine