Regale me with Cheeky Fucker stories

[TellMeItsNotTrue]

I'm stuck in bed feeling ill, bored and pissed off with the whole situation, AIBU to ask you to entertain me with your tales of CFs?

BTW daily fail and other websites/newspapers can fuck off, my fee for this piece of journalism is 2 million pounds and a takeaway pizza, non-negotiable so if you don't agree to those terms then kindly FTFOTFOSM

The only one I can think of at the moment is last year when a neighbour knocked at our house, we get on great with most of our neighbours but this one looks down her nose at everyone and keeps herself to herself. She told me that I needed to make sure I was home the following day I asked why and was told I needed to be in for the delivery wasn't my birthday and didn't have anything ordered so I asked what was being delivered and how did she know "oh it's not for YOU tinkly laugh no, its from laura Ashley you see" still none the wiser I ask who it's for then and why do I have to be in "well because they said it will be tomorrow and I have appointments! I will be getting my hair done and of course my nails, so I've told them to deliver it here" she then walked off leaving me with my jaw on the floor. I made sure I was out the following day and just put the we missed you card through her door when I got home, not spoken a word to me since, but that isn't unusual for her anyway

Mnpeasantry no, not a spoof. My mum actually did force me to hand it over. I wouldn't now.

Just thought of another one, this was at my old address. I got in from work and one of neighbours knocked on my window and she was there with her dog and said "Oh you're back now, I knocked earlier and I got no answer. We've got no money and our nieces and nephews are coming over for the weekend and we need electric. I spoke to the upstairs neighbour and he gave me one measly pound". Neighbour in question was elderly and disabled.

I told her that I hadn't been to the cashpoint and she went on her way.

Next day, neighbour comes over again and asks to use my landline. I tell her that I don't have a landline. So she asks to borrow my phone, I knew that if I handed it over, I would never see it again so I said it was broken. She went off in a sulk.

30 minutes later she reappeared and asked if I had teabags as her brother was coming over and she had none. I told her no as I don't drink ordinary tea. She walks off.

An hour later, she reappears and I'm getting irritated as this is the 4th time in 2 days, this time she asks if I've been to the cashpoint and offers to setup internet banking on her laptop for me. I refuse as I didn't trust her. She then offers to go with me to the cashpoint. I say no. She then asks to borrow my card and she would go herself with my card. I tell her to go away and she starts pretending to cry. I close the window and blind.

I meant to add that I stupidly lent her money in the past and it was never paid back so that's why I didn't lend her my phone.

Hunter - "CFN I won't be lending you any more money or goods as you don't pay them back, so there's no point asking me. Good day to you."

Mind you, it sounds like she has the hide of a rhino - but four times in two days sounds like harrassment.

Happened this summer. I heard someone open the gate and my dog went ballistic. I go out to check and I see my NDN and her builder measuring my driveway.

I say hello and NDN says "oh, don't bother we have this sorted". I ask her to explain and she says that she is doing an extention to her property and they are 'taking' 3 feet of MY land. I stood there with my mouth open like an idiot when the builder asks if she has my permission and I say no this is the first I am hearing about this. NDN "Oh dear, you are confused. Your DH agreed to this and we have sorted it out." She assumed that my DH is not home. I yelled out for him to come out and he gave this woman a right old bollocking.

She has been telling everyone that we denied her children 'Light and air'.

HunterofStars I can't take anything you post seriously after that comment about paying for a coke with my own money whilst jumping in your parents car for a lift to the home they paid for to house you. And to reference such a 'cf story' from when you were 21? Wow.

Forgot about this one.

Old flat mate asked if we could host his girlfriends cocktail birthday party at our flat - no problem (I didn’t like her but it’s was his flat too).

He then gave every attendee the name of one alcoholic drink and one mixer to bring, but didn’t account for price so some people paid more for their alcohol than others paid for alcohol and mixer combined.

I was pissed off at being told to bring alcohol when I was paying in part for the flat, had loaned them my posh blender and was also helping provide food. Was I hell paying for alcohol too (student on limited finances).

Then on the night the pair of them fucked off to bed at about 11pm, leaving me and now DH to entertain/usher out their guests and start the tidy up.

To cap it all off they buggered off out the next morning without helping with the rest of the tidying.

Did you say anything to them Fairfax? That's terrible behaviour.

Paltry stuff compared to what I've been reading, but here goes...

1. Share house, early 20's. I was the main renter, had just sublet to two NZ girls (strangers) when I had to travel unexpectedly to help my Grandma overseas. Returned 2 weeks later. Happy to find house in a reasonable state, they seemed to have settled in well. They even bought a bottle to celebrate the 'real' start to our house sharing. Chatting over dinner, they pull out a bunch of pics of themselves in NZ. They'd popped home while I was away for a raucous long weekend with their mates. I flip through the pics politely, then notice that in every single one they are BOTH wearing my clothes! They've rifled through every bit of my wardrobe, including the boxes of ski stuff (and lingerie) and helped themselves to everything they liked. I went upstairs to find they still had my clothes on the floors of their rooms, covered in all sorts (mud, booze, biological residue, you name it). One of the girls was at least 4 sizes different to me, and had stretched my best jumpers out of recognition.

Short-lived sublet doesn't really cover the speed at which they left.

1. CF mother of DD's kinder friend befriended us, wanting far more contact than we preferred. We went with it for the most part, they were new to the country and didn't know many people. They begged us to help them get their DD enrolled in our local school, knowing that we had some sway in the community. Tricky, since they were actively a different religion to the school's. School has a good name for results, and their CFness started to show when we reported we were having trouble advocating for their dd to get a place. We got harangued, beseeched and sobbed on. We were surprised and pleased for them when we got word that their dd had been accepted, and texted them the news. NEVER HEARD FROM THEM AGAIN. They arrange their drop-offs and pick-ups to avoid us, move their dd if she gets scheduled a class with ours and instructed their dd to cease contact with ours in the playground. This last one is the kicker- just how do you enforce this with a 5yo?

Skittles that NZ story isn’t paltry, that’s appalling! How do people think they can get away with things like that?! I’m glad you kicked them out!

I’ve just remembered another flatshare one. End of my very first uni flatshare and the letting agent had given us a massive great long list of things we had to do to get our deposit back. CF flatmate’s exams finished a few weeks before the rest of us so she buggered off home, leaving the other three of us to do all the deep cleaning: defrosting the freezer, scrubbing the oven, washing the windows, cleaning inside all the cupboards and so on. I texted her while she was at home asking if she was going to come back and help, and she said no, sorry. She’d cleaned her own room but wouldn’t be able to do anything else.

The letting agent came over to inspect it after we’d all gone and called me to say that they were withholding some of our deposit due to various things including the ‘dirty oven’ and ‘dirty dishes left in the dishwasher’.

It transpired that CF flatmate, who didn’t live that far from our uni town, had come back to the flat for a long weekend with some other friends after the rest of us had gone, and hadn’t bothered to clean up properly after all our hard work!

I've got two from Monday this week!

I was coming back from a weekend overseas and was travelling on Eurostar. When we got out of the tunnel I heard a phone ring, and then I realised the guy behind me was playing with all his ring tones. When I asked him to stop he told me the world didn't revolve around me and he could do it if he wanted to, and anyway, the guys sitting opposite us had been chatting all the way from Brussels and that was annoying too. I said it was completely different and he was being really annoying - anyway despite moaning, he stopped playing with his phone, so maybe not such a CF.

Anyway, I then had to switch to my UK train home. Just before the stop before mine, which is about 5 minutes away, I smelt a really horrible smell and saw people wrinkling their noses. I thought someone had been to the loo and the door had been left open. I got up to get off the train about 5 minutes after smelling this and then turned round to check I had everything. Just behind my seat in the aisle, there was a dog, and a pile of poo! The owners had clearly made no attempt to clear it up, unless the dog had "been" twice. Couldn't believe it.

I did a favour for a couple I vaguely know by taking them on as tenants with 2 small dogs. I don't normally allow pets but they were in a bit of a bind with their existing rental & my property had just become empty. They seemed genuinely grateful because no one else would take them with the dogs.

6 weeks into the tenancy I had to go & see them because of an issue & they are now breeding the dogs. The property had just had brand new flooring fitted downstairs & very quickly had 6 dogs living there. I really couldn't believe their cheek. Needless to say the whole thing ended badly with them leaving owing money & trashing the place.

Used to go to the local church with my parents. The church would put on these 'worship dinners' once a month after the main Sunday service to raise money for church repairs. It was basically a buffet sort of deal where a few volunteers would make a load of food and whoever wanted to come would pay a fiver and eat as much as they like. There were bible games, presentations, talks etc. Each time had a different theme and it was held in a hall adjacent to the church.

A huge family started coming to the church - I'm talking about 20 adults plus their children - and one Sunday the vicar reminded the congregation about the worship dinner after service that day. "Those who've paid, don't forget to come along and share the meal with us. In fact, if you haven't got a ticket but want to come for the worship, feel free to join us'. Cue this huge family (who had NOT paid for the meal) going straight through to the other hall and loading up plates with huge piles of food. They took so much that by the time the fee-payers got in there there wasn't enough for even half of them. My parents and I didn't get any food at all.

‘My two daughters wanted to go shopping so my husband and I drove them to the shopping centre and waited in the car park with our son while they went to Superdrug. My son started to complain that he was thirsty. When they came back my daughters both had drinks with them and I noticed that HunterofStars, aged 21, had two bottles of Coke. She said they were buy one get one free, so I asked her to give one to her brother. She refused and complained that she had bought it ‘with my own money’. I told her to stop being ridiculous and made her hand it over.

She is still furious and to this day still goes around talking about her “cheeky” mother who gave away her free Coke.’

That’s better.

My NDN is a bit of a CF. He shares access to his garden with our neighbour 2 down. Technically his land, but it's never been a problem. Anyway, neighbour 2 down had work done on their house and the workmen used the shared access to get to the extension they were building. No problems, CFN is a bit of a grumpy busy body but he was fine with it. 3 months in and nice neighbours go on holiday. First day they were away CFN tries to charge the builder £500 for using his access. Cheeky fucker! The builders just laughed at him and told him to jog on.

Christmas Eve - I had no plans, just to stay at my parents and put my feet up. I'd been working really hard and just wanted to sit still and rest. Mum had not only volunteered my services as babysitting for 3 very spoilt, badly behaved brats; she said I'd be happy to do it for free!

No. I really wasn't. I ended up doing it but made it clear - never again. My mother has always been very generous with my time. When she says 'It's no trouble' it really isn't.... for her!

Small party for 8 children all same age.

One child's partner informs us that all 3 of the boys - the youngest one - who was invited and two much older step brothers will be there as they don't do things separately. I told her no, it was a small party catering only for the young children. My child didn't want two older boys she didn't know at her party and the age difference was also an issue for me. She said none would be coming then.

She brought all 3 boys to 'drop' off a card and present at the time the party started and tried to guilt me into inviting them in. We had to stand in front of the door and stop them coming in and then very firmly tell her goodbye and shut the door. Other parents and their children were arriving and it was very embarrassing and sad for the three boys.

Was helping sort out bags full of food for the local food bank when this old lady turns up all dressed up to the nines with pearls and the like says in a very posh voice "oh can I just help myself then? mmmmmm no it's for the poor people in our community I said! She was well put out she was CF 😱 and stomped off!!

beyondworriedmum Appearances/accents can be deceiving, especially for the elderly. She may have stomped off in embarrassment, not outrage that she got caught abusing the system. She may have been well off at one point but no longer - and it is mortifying. Getting dressed up may be a way of life for her, or a way of shoring up her self esteem. She may not have enough money to go buy "poor looking" clothes. She may also be a CF - but....

If the food bank doesn't require means testing, then it should be open to all who ask - not having the volunteers judge neediness based on clothes and accent, and turn away those found wanting.

@Bitsy1968 wow! What did the mother say??

paranoid I bet that you are one of few who actually said no, and the very first to actually go through with it after her sneaky tactics! Well done, it's so hard when DC are involved but CF know that and aren't afraid to use them to their advantage

A few years ago when still living with my parents the street had a party to mark the queens jubilee. One household refused to pay towards the hot pot as all five did not like it- guess who was first in the queue
They did not bank on me saying "oh have you suddenly decided you like hotpot? that will be three quid each then"
The dad handed it over with a red face and the mum shot me daggers, she still does.

Mind you this was the same CF neighbour who used to rifle though neighbours skips at night and collect any toys that had been left in the street, one saw her have a huge argument with another family over a bike they had "found" in the street. The CF women said she had bought her son the same one and the neigbours son must have lost his. Luckily said bike was serial marked so they gave it back sharpish
I also remember her standing up in church and announcing she was breastfeeding and if anyone had a problem with that tough and then proceeded to totally whip her top off (okay fine bit strange the whole top but hey ho) but she then proceeded to talk to baby and make slurping noises really loud (her not the baby)

Now I can honestly say no one did have an issue with her breadfeeding but the slurping noises were so loud

Washbaskets You sound angry.... Overly angry.... It’s a lift?!

Hunter I have never known anyone get so wound up over a bottle of bloody coke and as for refusing a couple of teabags?

CF friend of mine used to always borrow money then never pay it back. One night we were about to go out to a bar, she asked to borrow $50. I said sorry I can't spare it, but she said she would go to an ATM as soon as we got to the bar. So I gave it to her.

We walk to the bar (ten minute walk), as soon we get there I ask if she can go to the ATM. She claims she never borrowed any money! I am so pissed off I didn't let it go all night. At the end of the night she gives me $25, saying "Look I'll give you this but I never took any money off you".

I never give her anything now, even if she is ten cents short I just say "oh well that's bad luck!".