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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Regale me with Cheeky Fucker stories

858 replies

TellMeItsNotTrue · 24/09/2017 15:31

I'm stuck in bed feeling ill, bored and pissed off with the whole situation, AIBU to ask you to entertain me with your tales of CFs?

BTW daily fail and other websites/newspapers can fuck off, my fee for this piece of journalism is 2 million pounds and a takeaway pizza, non-negotiable so if you don't agree to those terms then kindly FTFOTFOSM

The only one I can think of at the moment is last year when a neighbour knocked at our house, we get on great with most of our neighbours but this one looks down her nose at everyone and keeps herself to herself. She told me that I needed to make sure I was home the following day Confused I asked why and was told I needed to be in for the delivery Hmm wasn't my birthday and didn't have anything ordered so I asked what was being delivered and how did she know "oh it's not for YOU tinkly laugh no, its from laura Ashley you see" still none the wiser I ask who it's for then and why do I have to be in "well because they said it will be tomorrow and I have appointments! I will be getting my hair done and of course my nails, so I've told them to deliver it here" she then walked off leaving me with my jaw on the floor. I made sure I was out the following day and just put the we missed you card through her door when I got home, not spoken a word to me since, but that isn't unusual for her anyway

OP posts:
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LapdanceShoeshine · 15/10/2017 23:22

Roussette, your bloke deserved a smack Angry

(I just knew it would be the funeral thing with VC, I heard it on the radio recently. I was very sorry she decided not to do the fake Ormerod service!)

Ginosaji · 17/10/2017 11:30

Just remembered one, a few years ago i was waiting in for an boiler engineer, had one of those annoying appointments that were anywhere between 7 - 7 so couldn't leave the house, which was a pain as i went to make a coffee about 10am & id run out of sugar Sad

While surfing the net i put a jokey status on fb about going mad about not being able to have coffee due to lack of sugar & not being able to leave the house to buy some

20 mins later there was a knock at the door, not the engineer, but a friend who lived a couple of streets away, holding a bag of sugar Grin

I was so happy i could of kissed her, instead i invited her in, made her a cuppa & got out some yummy biscuits, after a while i asked her how much i owed her & she said instead of paying her back could i do her a favour instead? I said sure, not thinking much of it, assuming it was something simple like babysitting her little boy while she went food shopping or something

No such luck! Turns out the favour was to give her an alibi that weekend so she could meet up with some guy for sex, behind her husbands back!

I refused point blank to get involved in anything like that and gave her £2 which would def cover the cost of the sugar, she then made her excuses and left & i never heard from her again

Original poster
TellMeItsNotTrue · 17/10/2017 13:34

Gino I started that confused as to how it was a CF story, ended it feeling sad and pissed off. Her poor husband Sad good on you for refusing and also giving her the £ so she had no further hold on you

OP posts:
UnicornRainbowColours · 17/10/2017 13:47

Years ago before I moved to London I owned a house in my home town. When I moved to London we (my parents and I) rented it out fully furnished. Fast forward two years ago we sold it so u could buy a place in London.

The tenents wanted to buy the furniture as I was looking to sell it. And we never got any money for it. Cheeky gits!!

UnicornRainbowColours · 17/10/2017 13:48

They kept the furniture that is without paying.

WashBasketsAreUs · 17/10/2017 14:06

Posted about this before. A friend of ex's came out with us every Friday night. He was never ready when we picked him up but that's another cf story!
My ex used to drive to the pub, I didn't drink so I'd drive everyone home. Cf used to hop out the car, thank my ex for the lift but never me. This went on for some time until I seriously lost my shit one time ( probably after having to wait in a cold car for half an hour as cf friend wasn't ready AGAIN)
Anyway, I stopped at our house, told cf to get out and walk home from ours, pointed out his rudeness and lateness (in for a penny, in for a pound) ex got really shitty with me and said he'd drive cf home, stupid idea as he'd drunk too much. I drove him home to save ex being an idiot, cf did say thank you that time ( good job or I'd have run him over!) and I swore I'd never drive him again. Ex got really sniffy, following week when he was about to order another drink he asked me if I was gonna drive everyone home, nope.
Never did it again, for years I still didn't drink ( don't like it) and for years I never drove cf home. Never. Ever. Ever. Ever.

velvetcandy · 17/10/2017 14:51

Gino 🤣🤣🤣🤣😋

Orangebutterfly · 17/10/2017 15:07

This didn't happen to me but to my sister:

My sister-in-law decided to celebrate my nieces birthday in a weekday. Celebrations were due to start at 6pm. SIL called my sister in the morning and told her(not asked her) to come over to the house and cook the food with my mum while she went off galavanting for the day!!! My sister is a muggins and did it! She cancelled her work for the afternoon and went and cooked! Boy did she learn her lesson that day. The favour was never repaid!

Ginosaji · 17/10/2017 15:51

@velvetcandy I know 🤣 i didn't even ask her for the bloody sugar! I guess after seeing my jokey fb status she decided to use that as an excuse to come round and ask for the favour 😡

Nandoshoes · 17/10/2017 15:58

Sorry but I literally could not feel less sorry for some people. CF take the piss because non of you have a back bone and say no.

As for the random child on door step I would have called social services aswell.

@Andromache77 .... no words 😩

Bitsy1968 · 17/10/2017 15:58

I live next door to a cafe. We get a lot of day visitors as we live in a seaside village, and I have, on occassion, had to ask cyclists to move their bikes off my front garden. Never an issue with them when I tell them to move, but I do think it's kind of cheeky to dump 20 bikes on someone's honeysuckle and roses, trampling on my pinks and lavender in the process.
However, I can top that. This summer I looked up, one lovely sunny afternoon, from my living room sofa to be greeted by the glorious sight of a 5 year old, being held up by his loving momma whilst he sprayed urine over my window box. He was pissing in my garden, all over my lavender, so I was treated to the full show of naked undercarriage.

Nandoshoes · 17/10/2017 15:59

And people who give over goods before being paid.... zero sympathy

Bitsy1968 · 17/10/2017 15:59

ps I did open the door and ask the woman what the eff she thought she was doing......the cafe has a bathroom....

UnicornRainbowColours · 17/10/2017 16:51

**Nandoshoes they were living in the house lol so using the furniture and it was not worth much so really no point in going and getting it.

kaitlinktm · 17/10/2017 18:03

WashedBaskets reminded me of one from years ago. Before we married XH didn't drive and I did. I didn't have a car of my own but as I still lived at home was allowed to drive my Mum's at weekends.

Ex was very generous with offers (for me) to drive his friends home from the pub. That's fairly cheeky but not the main CF. One friend used to check with ex as soon as we arrived if I would be driving him home. Ex always magnanimously said yes. Then CF friend would tell Ex to tell me to pick him up from the Indian takeaway down the road, as, since he didn't have to pay for a taxi, he could buy himself a curry.

Never offered any petrol money - and never once asked me to my face if I would give him a lift.

Lulu2515 · 17/10/2017 22:50

When I was in a houseshare, it was one of my housemates bdays. She had lots of friends staying over so i said id stay at my bfs house after night out and she could have my bed.

...she brought back a random guy and when i came back the next day, noticed weird stains on my bed- they'd been through my sex drawer and used my massage oil and lube before doing the nasty on my bed Angry

HunterofStars · 17/10/2017 23:46

When I was 21, I went on a shopping trip with Dsis. We visited Superdrug where Dsis was stocking up on nail varnish and I bought a bottle of diet coke. It was buy one, get one free so I had another one, which I thought I would keep for another day.

We get back to the car where my parents and dbro were waiting for us. Dmum sees both me and Dsis with drinks and then says Dbro hasn't got a drink. She then takes my spare bottle of diet coke and hands it to Dbro saying "Don't be greedy, Hunter, you've got two.

It was cheeky because I paid for those drinks with my own money and it wasn't hers to give away.

TitaniasCloset · 18/10/2017 04:44

There are a few previous posters on here that ARE the cheeky fuckers in someone else's life and they just don't realise it Grin

mnpeasantry · 18/10/2017 06:30

Hunter - that's a spoof post right?!

paxillin · 18/10/2017 11:04

I saw a CF this morning at Tesco. He walked in at the exit and proceeded to fill a large bag from the Food Bank trolley. He was quite picky, didn't take pasta or soup, but tinned meat and fish, carefully and slowly picking up and inspecting every item... He had a hand free when his bag was full so also took a large panettone. Amazing to have so little shame.

kaitlinktm · 18/10/2017 11:21

Paxillin Shock Shock Shock

paxillin · 18/10/2017 11:24

Indeed. He didn't get away with it, but didn't seem hugely embarrassed when stopped.

prettybird · 18/10/2017 12:06

Shock Hope he got charged for shoplifting or theft. The goods might no longer have belonged to the store (in that they had been bought by other people Angry) but they had been gifted to the Food Bank and were therefore its property. ShockAngry

paxillin · 18/10/2017 12:17

Nope, the security guard just took the goods off him. He shrugged it off with an "oh well..." gesture and marched on. I think the guard was more worried about getting the stuff back than apprehending the guy. But what astonishing cheek. If in need of food, we have a good food bank around the corner (which is why Tesco are collecting every day).

I did wonder if he really needed the food, but then the users of the food bank do, too. And he was really picky about what he took (Kellog's cereal, not home brand, tinned pies, nice chocolates, not rice and soup etc).

RiotAndAlarum · 18/10/2017 13:00

Stealing from the FOOD BANK?! My God, was that person a psychopath? It certainly shows a worrying lack of empathy!