Regale me with Cheeky Fucker stories

[TellMeItsNotTrue]

I'm stuck in bed feeling ill, bored and pissed off with the whole situation, AIBU to ask you to entertain me with your tales of CFs?

BTW daily fail and other websites/newspapers can fuck off, my fee for this piece of journalism is 2 million pounds and a takeaway pizza, non-negotiable so if you don't agree to those terms then kindly FTFOTFOSM

The only one I can think of at the moment is last year when a neighbour knocked at our house, we get on great with most of our neighbours but this one looks down her nose at everyone and keeps herself to herself. She told me that I needed to make sure I was home the following day I asked why and was told I needed to be in for the delivery wasn't my birthday and didn't have anything ordered so I asked what was being delivered and how did she know "oh it's not for YOU tinkly laugh no, its from laura Ashley you see" still none the wiser I ask who it's for then and why do I have to be in "well because they said it will be tomorrow and I have appointments! I will be getting my hair done and of course my nails, so I've told them to deliver it here" she then walked off leaving me with my jaw on the floor. I made sure I was out the following day and just put the we missed you card through her door when I got home, not spoken a word to me since, but that isn't unusual for her anyway

Made a slow night shift go much faster

this kitten, I was and :o. Astounding effrontery.

I don't know how these people even think these things up, nevermind have the guts to go through with it!

Oh I have another one .... guy that I know ( kind of classed him as a mate at the time ) he had just been paid 3/4 of million pounds ( inventor pc related ) I saw him as no different, why should I ? He was still the same down to earth guy that I was friends with. Went out for lunch whilst at work, I was down to my last tenner & it was the last week in the month before payday ... anyways arrived for lunch & started ordering, he said he had forgotten his wallet & could I pay & he would pay me back, said yes, he never paid me back & had form for being tight even before his £££ payout. I was livid, didn’t ask for it back but dropped several hints, it was under a tenner that he borrowed but I really needed that as I was mega skint at the time. Little old me buying lunch for an overnight almost millionaire : / Never got it back. And he wonders why he’s single, most unattractive trait = stinginess.

My sister got married this year. My mum’s batty cousins drove to the church, claimed they couldn’t find parking and so drove to the house where my sister (who barely knows them) was getting ready and asked if they could travel in the bridal car with her. Erm no.

most unattractive trait = stinginess.

It really is.

My OH and I were the first to have a baby on his side of the family.
We received no gifts cards etc from any of my OHs immediate family.

When my baby was 5 months old my MIL and SIL turned up at our house and said SIL is pregnant and isnt she lucky that she wont have to buy anything because she can have all our stuff.

I said no she can't ,we spent lots of money on new things so will be selling them on to get some money back to go towards the next items needed......I said I would give them a list with prices on,they said no thank you.

MIL ended up buying everything new for SIL baby,who was a married woman and both her and her DH worked.

I am the first to give things to people if I can help them, but I hate people just expecting it and it makes me less likely to do it

Freida - there is a notorious "friend" in our social circle who is known for not paying his fair share for meals out. He is no longer invited to such events ever, I don't know if he was/is aware of his "crimes"? When he got married last year he and his bride requested donations to their honeymoon in lieu of gifts and he had the temerity to call up some of the higher earners in our peer group afterwards to complain that they didn't give more money since they were wealthier. For the record , everyone gave a monetary amount of at least 100 pounds upwards, per guest!

Rainbunny how do these people even look at themselves in the mirror?

I've just remembered another one from my uni days. I was organising a birthday meal at a place which did a set menu for something like £12 a head, i.e. pretty damn cheap. CF complained bitterly beforehand that it was too expensive (so don't come?) While we were there three of us ordered a bottle of wine to share between us. CF was sitting at the other end of the table but came over to say hi at some point and asked for some wine, so we gave her a glass.

When the bill came she carefully counted out exactly £12 in loose change. We said that people who had wine should put in extra and she got into a strop and started saying 'but I didn't order wine! You guys ordered it and I only had one glass!' A bottle between four of us only equated to about a glass each anyway.

I could maybe understand it if she was really struggling for money but of course she was the most well-off of all of us and would come home on a weekly basis laden with TopShop bags showing off her latest purchase and laughing about how quickly she was burning through her student loan.

That's how rich people stay rich, I guess!

I have two more to share

I went to visit a close friend at her university and a couple of days before just bought myself the then brand new pink razor flip phone (showing my age now) I only purchased the actual phone as I already had a contract but really wanted the pink phone anyway one of the girls who shared my friends dorm kept asking to look at my phone she would take photos of everyone while we were out etc and I'd end up having to ask for my phone back - it was just odd like it wasn't a pair of shoes or jacket it was my phone!! the day before I went home we were having dinner as a group she asked to use my phone then dropped it in a glass of water at the table. I 100% still to this day am convinced that she did that on purpose. The phone was buggered - all photos gone - and was never replaced. Visiting my friend a few weeks later nptoced her room mate had got herself the same pink flip phone I made a point of saying to her room mate oh I USED to have one of those phones you know untill you fucked it

On my estate we were all given crap little patios outside our backdoors think 5x10 patio tiles and a small pathway. A lot of my neighbors have gone onto have their gardens redone and offered their old patio tiles to anyone who wanted them. My ndn was always first at getting in their and ended up over a year collecting a lot of tiles from probably 12 properties in total. She never used them and they are just piled up in their garden. They put their house on the market recently and I asked if she's not going to use the patio tiles of I could have them and she said yes for £400! They were all given to her FREE! FREE!!!! The CF!

Land grab of public verge to extend garden. Looks,like they're waiting for the new hedge to grow taller and will then chop their old hedge down.

Bluecows I would report that to the council / roads service

CF exNeighbor.

We live on a road with 7 houses. Each house has atleast one cat. Neighbor round the corner had her granddaughter living with her a few months ago. Around the beginning of August we began noticing about 4 6 month old kittens running around. They were very friendly. They each seemed to adopt a house on the street. Orange and White (Casey) adopted my house. Black and White (Ty) adopted house to the west. Gray tabby (Ash) adopted house across the street. Black cat(Spook) runs between all four houses.

Fast forward to begining of September we find out that the cats had belonged to Neighbor around the corner and she had just kicked her granddaughter(CF exNeighbor) out. She told all of us if we wanted the kittens she was happy to have us take them.

Beginning of October, I come home from work and lady to the west is driving by, letting me know Ty had been to the doctor and wasn't feeling well. I might want to watch Casey. At this point I realized I hadn't seen Casey in a few hours.

I come back from the store and there is a teenage girl and guy standing in our street calling for Ty. This is CFXN she is trying to steal all the kittens. Says they are hers.

I run to neighbor and let her know they are trying to take Ty. She comes out and we both try to find him. CFXN is told to leave. She doesn't. Police are called and come round (as well as the Neighbor who gave us the cats). Police tell CFXN that she can't have the cat and that she needs to leave. She does. (Boyfriend had been in car the whole time Police were there).

Blue house neighbors come over after she leaves and tell us the Ty was in the car the entire time Police were there.

My DD happened to recognize the girl and boyfriend and knew where they had moved too. So the Police went around and a few hours later brought back Ty. The CFXN still have Casey as DD has seen him in the window of the property, but she says he is healthy and seems happy so we aren't going to try to get him back too badly. (Although we loved him we only had him around for a short time.)

Was asked by a neighbour if I would watch her daughter as she was going to have to work an hour later then normal, and said no problem. The daughter turned up again the next day for me to watch her.... the CFN had omitted to tell me that working an hour later was a permanent arrangement! She politely gave t told to do one!

SIL once had the nerve to ask DH what his salary is. MIL has done the same on a separate occasion - His family are hard work and that's being polite.

Recently moved home. On moving day we found our garage full of junk including lumps f concrete. Called the solicitor and complained who in turn told CF Vendor to sort it out sharpish. Her exact words were "f they leave the garage door open I'll take a bit each day in my car" err no you won't!

Que 6 months later our life very new neighbour pops round with a request from CF Vendor.... she had left some white emulsion paint in the garage could she possibly have it? ...... errr no it went in the skip the estate agent had to arrange and bill you for....

I'm going to update my CF story.
It's the guy who muscled his way into someone else's birthday party.
The friend of mine organising the party had spoken to CF bloke many months before when they were in the early stages of planning the birthday party for the nice lady. His birthday was 4 weeks after hers, so my organiser friend asked him if he'd like a party organised for him.
He said no. He was very emphatic about it. He Was Not Interested, he didn't want to celebrate his age etc etc. Subject drops.
Two weeks before nice lady's birthday party is when he approaches organiser friend to insist he is included. This is what I mentioned in my previous post.
Organiser friend did try and politely say no, but nice lady whose party it is said she didn't mind. Mistake.
He tried to take the whole thing over. I'd been asked to decorate the room and I was using a lot of pinks and lilacs as they're birthday ladies favourite colours. CF tried to make me put up union jack bunting.
I don't have a problem with union jack bunting, but it didn't go with anything so I said no. This kicked off the shit.
He and his wife got out a massive trestle table from the church hall, shoved it in the middle of the room and covered it in pictures from CF. It took up half the room.
He was persuaded that it might be better to put it in the entrance hall as there wasn't a lot of room and lots of people were coming.
He wasn't happy, but we moved it anyway. He was asked if he could leave some room on the table so some pictures of the actual birthday lady could go on. We got a very blunt no.
He then went off on one, going on about how hard he'd worked on it (but why, nobody asked him it and IT WASN'T EVEN HIS PARTY) and he then said "Fine, just save them for my funeral then!" and stormed off.
We'd been putting up with his annoying jibes, dreadful singing and shite the while time we were setting up so funnily enough we didn't chase after him.
My organiser friend asked his wife if she could talk him down a bit. She said "Oh well, you'll just have to forgive him." then left.
My organiser friend got a phonecall about an hour later from him saying "You're utterly unreasonable and I'm not coming now."
Unreasonable. To reiterate - it's not his party! He just muscled in and even admitted that! Also, having decided to muscle in so last minute, only one of his relatives had said they might come.
They turned up anyway! It was nuts.
Actual birthday lady had an elaborate pink cake, expertly iced and covered in candles. We all sang for her.
Lights go on, then straight off again as wife of CF comes in with CF cake, a 6" fruitcake that wasn't even iced. Singing is rather constrained sounding as many people didn't really know what was going on.
CF then spends the next hour repeatedly saying "When can I do my Johnny Cash then?"
I heard someone say to him "I really don't think it's a good idea."
Turns out he wanted to sing. He randomly thumped on a table, got everyone's attention and proceeded to sing a rather unknown Johnny Cash song, acapella.
It was terrible. Then he recited some bad poetry. I remember looking around the room and there were so many WTF facial expressions!
It wasn't his party, he'd even said he wasn't going to come. Bloody Johnny Cash!
Thankfully he shut up after that.
He has form for similar behaviour as I have found out since.

1999 aged 16 I worked as a waitress. Got friends with the pot wash Charlotte who was also 16. As i earned slightly more than her I would always buy her drinks and pay taxis on our nights out (probably over the 3 years amounting to £300 of goods) never bought a thing back off her.
We both left the place and lost touch

Fast forward 2010 she is now a partner of a solicitors firm and loves to brag about her riches on Facebook. We chat and arrange a night out to reminisce.
She buys me one drink.
Next pub she gets to the bar and orders herself the most expensive drink in the world then turns to me and said “not being funny but can you pay for this because I bought you one in the last pub” (a cheep small rose wine)

CHEEKY FUCKER

I actually would have bought her one as that’s the kind of person I am but as she asked I’ve never seen her again.

Ex-friend was nice up until it came to wedding planning. She asked me to be a bridesmaid, I was delighted and accepted. No mention of dress shopping or what I could do to help with planning etc. Then, she realised that I was a fairly decent photographer and asked if I could do the wedding photos. She didn't say that I would be a bridesmaid and photographer, but I think it's fairly tough to be both! I declined as there was no way I could take on the pressure if they didn't turn out ok, and it was clear that there would be no payment (this was pre digital cameras). Needless to say, I never heard from her again.

A family members neighbour bought a huge car and couldn't drive it properly and couldn't get it on the small drive without going on his garden. So they took down the wall separating the two drives (my families and theirs) so they could fit it on the drive ergo using half of my families drive.

I hope they put a stop to that & made them put the wall back up?

I think this story by Victoria Coren in Guardian is the ultimate in CFness. Just goes to show it can happen to us all ! Here it is

My story to me is still gobsmacking.

I volunteer at something. We have to do a 3hour group meeting once a year and then it's followed up by a delicious tea with home made cakes made by all the volunteers.

One of the guys does his best to avoid the chore bit (the meeting beforehand) and just turns up to stuff his face. He always wants the tea to be before the meeting but we know he'd just bugger off after tea if we did that. He piles his plate with all the cakes and just eats non stop. Huge amount

This year I was stood near him and he said "Enjoying the cakes, it's a good job I brought this with me"

He proceeds to get out of his pocket a huge folded up piece of tinfoil and then lays it out on the table and loads it up with a massive amount of different cakes.

I did say "What are you doing? Stop that", he just winked, folded down the edges and made a quick exit.

I'm so glad that this is still going, getting me through a tough time please do keep them coming

Rousette!
That link is awful! What terrible people!

I know Fishface77.... professional freeloaders!