Regale me with Cheeky Fucker stories

[TellMeItsNotTrue]

I'm stuck in bed feeling ill, bored and pissed off with the whole situation, AIBU to ask you to entertain me with your tales of CFs?

BTW daily fail and other websites/newspapers can fuck off, my fee for this piece of journalism is 2 million pounds and a takeaway pizza, non-negotiable so if you don't agree to those terms then kindly FTFOTFOSM

The only one I can think of at the moment is last year when a neighbour knocked at our house, we get on great with most of our neighbours but this one looks down her nose at everyone and keeps herself to herself. She told me that I needed to make sure I was home the following day I asked why and was told I needed to be in for the delivery wasn't my birthday and didn't have anything ordered so I asked what was being delivered and how did she know "oh it's not for YOU tinkly laugh no, its from laura Ashley you see" still none the wiser I ask who it's for then and why do I have to be in "well because they said it will be tomorrow and I have appointments! I will be getting my hair done and of course my nails, so I've told them to deliver it here" she then walked off leaving me with my jaw on the floor. I made sure I was out the following day and just put the we missed you card through her door when I got home, not spoken a word to me since, but that isn't unusual for her anyway

My CF moment:

I keep guinea-pigs usually 2-3 but has been as many as 5.
A work aquaintence (not even a collegue) had a guinea-pig in the family they needed to rehome.

At the time I had just taken on 2 females and had my boar neutered so in the words of Pheobe from Friends "I could but I didn't want to"

I said no. She went on, she pestered "Oh we can't keep it/ have to get rid of it"

Eventually I agreed to foster the animal till it could be rehomed.
Turned out the piggie was an entire male so couldn't live with mine but I could keep it in a seperate cage (so three cages - my females/my boar going sterile/ foster pig)

Even better, piggie was a Skinny (hairless) so would have to live in the house (mine don't)

My FOTTFSOF moment was when she said they cost £80+ to buy , she wanted £50 for him.

Erm, no. If I'm co-erced into a favour I'm bugggered if I'm paying you for it.

What did you say?!

I'd never heard of a hairless guinea pig, so here's pic. I rather think my arse will look like that one day, if not now:o

‘So called friend/ work colleague ‘ stayed at my house for almost 2 months. I invited her as she was having a tough time residing with relative. Charged her no board as I thought it was a nice thing to do & I kind of wanted the company anyway. Said friend proceeded to smoke all my cigs ( only bought her own when I prompted & asked for her £20 back that I owed her ( kind of thought it would have been a nice gesture to write that off considering my kind favour I did for her ) came back from work one day to her wearing my clothes as she didn’t want to dirty hers as she was going on holiday. Then told me how much money she’d saved by not paying usual board & how much she’d saved on petrol bcs my place saved her almost an hours drive there & back daily. I just could not believe that she had her hand out for the £20. Needless to say ditched her!

Luckily I never met the piggie in question, I saw a photo of him (I Might've caved if I met him)

I just said (a tad loftily) that I couldn't put an entire male with mine.

And I was a bit Whaaat at the ££ - luckily I was at work so couldn't go off on one.
They feel like cuddling a scrotum I'm told. £80 worth of scrotum

Mmmmm.......scrotum cuddling.:o

Another CF - not mine this was dParents CF

He was movig from his house and had huge goldfish in a pond (not Koi , just massive goldfish) He asked DParents if they'd FishSit.

So a massive tank (about 9' long) was installed in DParent lounge. They paid the electricity to run the pumps and filters.
I quite like fishtanks but these were no attractive fish.

He also took to turning up at mealtimes including my DM birthday ( I was cooking) staying for meals.
Never brought anything with him, just ate the meals.

He offered DParents a manky old picnic hamper and tried to fob the fish onto them as he couldn't find a new house with a pond.

DBro got his own back , when CF arrived "Oh is the kettle on" he gave him coffee with ginger, mixed spice, pepper goodness knows what else and stood there daring him to not drink it.

Never mind the thread, I think 70isa just won the Internet paying £50 to cuddle a scrotum

I think i want a skinny pig- just to see for myself! I have an awful CFN, any ideas on how to deal with them??

'Friends' who borrowed baby equipment from us. Definitely a loan not a gift. Told us they'd be selling it on to make money for their second child as our secondary infertility meant we wouldn't be needing it again

Another one;
On my estate there's about 40 houses and three small ish apartment blocks. Every property such as my house pays £400 a year management fee as the local council won't adopt new estates, but the apartments pay around £160 a month service charge plus this fee. Anyway there's currently a debate on the residents Facebook group basically stating that the apartment service charge should be divided and absorbed between ALL properties on the estate as it's apparently unfair the apartments pay so much more even though their service charge is for their buildings insurance and mainlining communal areas etc... The main CF apartment owners behind this are young first time buyers so I don't think they really "get" it but it's epic cheeky fuckers! I made the point that if they want to play that game I'll send them the bill for my cleaners and home insurance then

We had that velvetcandy. We’re on a leash old estate, some houses some flats. Management charge is very carefully split so we pay for what we need. An apartment owner demanded that the cost for maintaining his lift (serves 9 flats out of 157 properties) be split between the entire estate as he didn’t see why he should pay for it. I was tempted to send him the bill for the scaffolding to fix my roof!

Serious CF action!

It's funny how CF are the first to complain when they believe they are losing out by the smallest of amounts, yet totally take the piss and expect everyone to be fine with it

E.g. Suggestion that you just split the bill but they refuse because that would be £20 per person and their meal was only £19....Yet other times they suggest it after having 3 most expensive courses plus alcohol, having watched you just have cheap main and 1 soft drink, and are put out when you say no!

CF never tip either do they

some people are absolutely ridiculous!

70IsALimit, you've reminded me of my fish-renting story! It was a house with a garden, which had a fishpond, but the accidental landlords weren't going to move the fish, nor cover the pond (despite its being a family-sized house which would likely attract families with children). I asked the letting agent about this, and he was all, "Oh, yes, you're welcome to cover it." and also, "The fish need feeding twice a day except in the colder weather." When I objected to that, too, he suggested the owners could (grudgingly) come and let themselves into the (rented) garden to feed the fish.

I used to be in a friendship group full of cheekies. People used to take to leaving their cash and going before the bill, as the amount would always be out. It was because those who ordered a starter, main, pud and brandy would split the bill, despite everyone else saying we would pay for our own meals.

OhWotIsItThisTime that reminds me of the time when I had a birthday meal out with about eight friends and after 'everyone' had put in their cash we were £30 short. I asked over and over again if everyone could please double check their wallets as someone clearly hadn't paid and would presumably still have the cash on them. Everyone swore up and down that they had, so I ended up having to put in the extra myself, paying over twice as much as everyone else on my own bloody birthday.

I have my suspicions about who it was but obviously couldn't accuse her.

My sister and I had a cheeky fucker relative, she had children the same ages as ours.
She seemed to spend her entire life trying to get us to look after her children every weekend, coming up with all sorts of reasons why we HAD to have them, she even told us at one point she'd been diagnosed with fibromyalgia so she couldn't look after her kids on the weekend.
She hadn't btw.
The last straw came when I was in slow labour, I'd been having pains for about a day and had been sent home to progress.
She rang in the morning asking me to have one of her kids, I explained that I was in labour and not able to provide childcare for a 2 yr old. She seemed to take it quite well I thought, until about 6 hours later I started having increasingly desperate phonecalls from her mate who had to go into work and who she had managed to dump the 2 yr old on. My relative had given her my number and told her I would be picking him up!
Then followed a massive farce where I had to pick up this toddler as my Sis and mum were at work, try and track down my relative while getting increasing pains.
I found her sashaying down the street to her house after a boozy lunch and handed the 2 yr old over.
I don't really know what I said to her, as I completely saw red, but it involved a shit load of swear words and a threat about social services. We never spoke again. Now and again I snoop on her FB page, she's still putting up status's begging other people to have her kids

I honestly never thought I'd have a CF story but it happened this evening. DD has a friend who lives in next town and DH and other parents regularly drop her home. Particularly at moment as there's a bit of gang trouble between our town and theirs.

She went over to friends house this evening, first time in about 3 years with two other girls. CFdad who owns a taxi said he would drop the girls home. He got to my house and said he was delighted that he first job of the evening started from his house. I laughed and said thanks for dropping DD home and closed door.

That was when DD told me he was serious and had actually charged the first girl he dropped off 1/3 of fare at that stage.

No idea yet if he charged 3rd girl or not.

A friend broke up with her boyfriend so I gave her my Netflix details so she could binge watch some tv and fill her evenings.

She got back with him and gave him my Netflix password...

Frieda that's what always happened! A few of us had to continually stick in extra to make up the difference. It was infuriating!

My mums NDNs- they were friendly but NDN had only lived there for a few months so didn't know each other well. NDNs (husband and wife) would just turn up "for a chat" and my mum would make them a cuppa and supply some biccies and cakes (she's a wonderful host). NDNs would then fall asleep on the sofa and my mum wouldn't have the heart to wake them so they slept for a few hours (my parents and NDNs were all retired so this happened any day of the week). My parents just went about their business and ignored it all (they are too sweet). Eventually they told my mum that their grown up children had moved in with them and pushed them out and asked to move in with my mum and dad for a little while. My parents said no (but they really struggled with this as they are very kind people). Eventually it transpired it was not their family that were living there and they had let all the rooms in their house out to students and it seems they just thought they could live at my parents for free while raking it in on their own house... cheeky fuckers

We went for a goodbye dinner for dhs friend and 3 couples, me and dh, dh's bf and his Dw and the cfs.

Me and Dw were both pregnant, me 11 weeks and she was 5weeks, neither had much appetite.

Our dhs had small meals and we had a bowl of chips each.

Cfw had a big meal and cfh had a 20oz steak

They wanted to split the bill so we all payed the same.... Er no

I hope they didn't get away with it weasley