Regale me with Cheeky Fucker stories

[TellMeItsNotTrue]

I'm stuck in bed feeling ill, bored and pissed off with the whole situation, AIBU to ask you to entertain me with your tales of CFs?

BTW daily fail and other websites/newspapers can fuck off, my fee for this piece of journalism is 2 million pounds and a takeaway pizza, non-negotiable so if you don't agree to those terms then kindly FTFOTFOSM

The only one I can think of at the moment is last year when a neighbour knocked at our house, we get on great with most of our neighbours but this one looks down her nose at everyone and keeps herself to herself. She told me that I needed to make sure I was home the following day I asked why and was told I needed to be in for the delivery wasn't my birthday and didn't have anything ordered so I asked what was being delivered and how did she know "oh it's not for YOU tinkly laugh no, its from laura Ashley you see" still none the wiser I ask who it's for then and why do I have to be in "well because they said it will be tomorrow and I have appointments! I will be getting my hair done and of course my nails, so I've told them to deliver it here" she then walked off leaving me with my jaw on the floor. I made sure I was out the following day and just put the we missed you card through her door when I got home, not spoken a word to me since, but that isn't unusual for her anyway

My dad encountered a CF once. He fitted a bathroom for the guy, who then refused to pay. My dad told him he had to pay for all the work done. When CF still refused, my dad got out a lump hammer and smashed the basin, toilet, bath etc. He still didn't get paid...but he felt great after it lol.

Don't even care if this is outing.

Dh was made redundant. We had a lifelong friend who ran his own business, friends Mum was taken ill around the same time so friend struggled to keep up with his work. Dh and friend were in the same industry so friend asked DH to do a few surveys for him whilst he was dealing with family and he'd see him right. Amounted to about 2 weeks work.
Ten years on we're still waiting.

A few years later Dh had been asked to do some work for someone which involved printing drawings to A1 scale. Friend had an A1 printer. Dh asked friend to print 2 A1 pages for him. Friend charged him £20.

We don't see friend anymore.

I have another one:

It was my DM 60th birthday and we all went out for dinner to a posh chinese restaurant. It was me, DH, DM, bil and dsis. The bill came to around £250 and my CF dsis and bil only put in £30! I was too shocked to say anything! It did come to a lot more than I I expected thanks to DM ordering expensive wine but I'm a still pissed off as the meal was our birthday treat for DM so I just expected it to be split in half with me and dsis.

CF friend and her family were moving away. As they were having a big clear out and we had a people carrier/van she asked if my husband would help her husband take a few things to the dump.

My husband arrives at the house at the agreed time to be told her husband had gone out for drinks with his workmates so couldn't help, and sorry, but she couldn't help either as she had her friends over for a goodbye drink, and with that she shut the door on him. So my husband struggled to get their crap in the van and drive it to the dump. Only they'd got a bit more than they said and it took three fucking trips to get rid of, with no help.

No thank you, no bottle of wine, no petrol money. And I got to find out I wasn't a good enough friend to be invited for the farewell drinks. Bitch!

I've a new one to add.
A lady at my church is celebrating a very significant birthday soon. She isn't the cheeky fucker, she's just about one of the loveliest people you could ever hope to meet. She's much loved at our church and we all wanted to give her a good party to show her!
It was announced a few weeks ago, as all were invited and help was requested. I'm decorating the hall. Lovely.
Cue cheeky fucker moment. He bounds up to the person organising the party and pretty much barks straight in her face "I hope you're going to be celebrating MY birthday at the same time!"
Had it been me, I'd have politely told him where to go. The organiser was too polite and be basically went on at her a bit.
So, he's basically highjacked someone else's birthday party. The lady in question is a quiet soul, she gives so much time and energy to others. Mr Cheeky Fucker is the exact opposite and will probably monopolise anything. I'm going to have to spend the whole party biting my tongue really hard lest I say something I will regret.

@Getreadyforit I’m gobsmacked at yours!! How rude 😱😱 how awful for you! I’d have been livid (and taken my wine back on my way out)

Loving this thread! I haven't really had to deal with a serious CF luckily. The only time I can remember thinking someone was cheeky would be my ex-supervisor and her pathologically cheap DH (If we ate out somewhere and I finished eating but still had food left on my plate he would take my plate and eat the rest - good that food isn't being wasted but he never even asks!)

At one point her DH's car was on it's last legs and instead of buying a new car, they decided to make do with one car while they saved for a house. Fair enough except that we live in a city that has very poor public transportation generally and non-existent public transportation where our workplace is located. Naturally the result of this was that my supervisor's DH claimed permanent usage of her car and she started bothering her subordinates for lifts everyday. I did it a few times but since she lived 8 miles the other way in our city and it took me an extra hour to get back across the city to my home afterwards I quickly changed my habits so that I always had a gym class or appointment after work preventing me from giving her a ride. She still bothered others though and being her subordinates they mostly felt like they couldn't refuse. She never offered petrol money either. This went on for 9 or 10 months before even the meekest employee was ready to blow, so they got together and politely informed her that she needed to reimburse them for patrol going forward. Within a week she had a new car.

The thing is she was never cheeky like this before she got married, after marrying the cheapest, most brass necked man on the planet she started copying his habits sadly. Since I was no longer at the company and basically her peer in any case I told her bluntly how her behaviour was unreasonable and she was walking a dangerous line by imposing on subordinates who felt like they couldn't say no. She tired of her DH's pathological miserliness (and I actually think it was a mental condition for this man) and divorced him a few years later.

A friend of mine lent a special piece of jewellery which had been given to her to wear at her wedding to her friend for her wedding.

8 years on the piece of jewellery has never been returned. Despite 2 house moves which is always a good chance to go through stuff, CFF has ignored repeated pleas to return such a hugely sentimental item. She's got form for being a CF so I'm not surprised but hugely disappointed for my friend. She basically said 'oh yeah dunno where that is' when asked last time. No 'sorry' no 'I'll look for it this evening' What a CF!

If the piece of jewellery meant that much to me, I'm afraid I would be at her house helping her look for it. Why would you not?

I recently gave my tiny front garden a much needed weeding and bought that broken slate stuff to cover it all, membrane correctly put down, new pots and plants, etc.

Took a few hours, looks okay.

Got a 'Thank you' card from neighbours around the corner, profusely thanking us for 'transforming your garden... it cheers us up every time we walk by, especially after the mess it was before'

I laughed a lot, DP was slightly miffed.

It's my friend not me. She's less confrontational. It's going to be seriously hard to find after 8 years though! Friend has put friendship with CFF over item. Not sure it's a fair deal for my friend.

This is going to sound like a brag to start with but it's relevant to the story so bear with me!

I used to work somewhere where I was quite popular and as a result, when I left there was an unprecedented turnout for my leaving drinks.

As standard, the company put some money behind the bar to get everyone a drink. Unfortunately we burned through that in about 15 minutes and so my manager very kindly put some more money from his own pocket behind the bar. That also ran out quite quickly, so another manager opened a tab using his personal credit card.

A new guy had just started the previous week. This guy went up to the bar at some point (after the second manager had opened a tab on his card) and a while later a huge steak and chips appeared at the table. We just assumed he'd bought it for himself. He ate the whole thing on his own while everyone else was just having drinks.

A while later the numbers had dwindled and those of us left decided to go get some dinner. CF loudly announces that he isn't hungry (no shit!) and proceeds to proudly tell us how smart he was for ordering food 'while there was still tab left' and gives us a lecture about how we should all learn to 'play the system'. We were all speechless! He had very knowingly just put his expensive dinner on someone else's tab and then brazenly eaten it in front of everyone.

The next day I thanked my old manager again for putting his card behind the bar and he said it was fine, 'but I looked at the bill and I seem to have paid for a steak dinner?!'

I don't think that guy lasted very long at the company.

I live in the middle of an exceptionally expensive city. Hotels/AirBnBs nearby run to several hundred pounds per night. I bought in the area when it was "up and coming" so very fortunate to have a home in such a nice place.

A close relative developed a habit of turning up, with her partner, to stay with me every second week or so. She had no qualms about telling everyone that she was saving a fortune by staying with us. They would eat us out of house and home while they were here. Several times, I'd get home to find she's invited other people over and was entertaining them on my booze and food.

So, I put a stop to it and told her she was no longer welcome.

Things were a bit cool for a while. I didn't mind. Then she started booking herself cheap Groupon deals for hotels outside of the city. Really cheap chains in industrial estates for £40/night kind of thing.

She rang me one Sunday morning to say she was in the city and wanted to visit. I was hesitant but agreed she could come over. She arrived with her partner at 10am and, within 5 minutes, started complaining that they were hungry as the hotel deal they'd booked didn't include breakfast and they'd have had to have paid £10 each for the meal.

I twigged what was happening and basically said "oh, well I have nothing in so can't offer you breakfast" but, before I could even finish my sentence, she opened her handbag and took out bread, jam, and teabags that she's brought with her FROM HER OWN HOUSE!!!

Pre-meditated cheeky fuckery!!

The bathroom fitting story reminds me off DH.

He’s a gas engineer. Called out to a boiler not working. He diagnoses the fan being faulty. Owner tells him to go ahead. DH fits a new fan and while doing the safety checks owner grins at him and makes it clear he has no intention of paying and walks away laughing. So DH removes the the fan, replaces the broken one back in and finishes off the safety checks and leaves.

Hears the guy on the phone bragging that he got his boiler fixed for free. DH hot foots it away and calls the office to make them aware of what’s happened. Tells them to put the name and address on the blocked customers list.

Customer realises that night it’s not working and phones to complain. DH is the one on call. He takes great delight in telling him that his broken fan is still in the boiler. We would have loved to see his face when the realised his plan had not worked.

Another one was transco as it was called had capped the gas to a flat. DH couldn’t do anything until they uncapped it and they said it might be Monday( this was Friday at 2pm). DH finished at 4 on a Friday. 5.30pm comes and a call comes through from the flat. Woman claims the guy told her he would sit in the pub until she could get it done and that there would be no extra call out. DH laughed and said “the pub, I should be so lucky. I’m at the dinner table with my family!” She then tried the “I have a baby!” And DH asked where that materialised from as he had been in every room and there was no sign of children there. She eventually asked for a first call on the Monday which she got but she told him she was in a mood with him! DH replied “that’s fine! I’m used to it between my wife and 3 year old daughter!” She didn’t know how to answer that.

Some people have a right cheek

A CF (who lives the other side of the city) once tried to register his brand new car at my address.

(That is I'm going say...as it will out me).

My 3 dc have spent many years doing a full year sport - involving many hours of training multiple days per week. A girl they knew also did the sport, and I volunteered to supervise the child from 330 -630 at the venue so the nanny could leave - I was there any way. The father was supposed to pick up at the venue at the end time. Most nights I'd be standing in the parking lot with 4 hungry kids needing to get home to do homework/dinner/bedtime while trying to get hold of the parents on the cellphone. Father would usually say that he was 20-30min away, and that he would pick up at our house. Couldn't safely leave her at the empty venue. Leading to me feeding an extra child, and disrupted homework and bedtime. This girl liked to play my kids off against one another - not an easy guest.

Any discussion with the mother (a doctor working pt) led to tears about how useless her DH was/how stressed her life was - this said to me, knowing I was on disability and barely coping health wise.

Other times I would drop her off as arranged, but no one would be home. Dropping her off involved an additional 30min transit for me. Cell phone either not answered, or "at the grocery store, be there in 15 or so".

Mom would always start off a new season with "we should share driving/pickup", but would always bail on her turn. I began to dodge any pre-arrangements so she changed her tactics to "last minute emergency" calls, and then to getting her daughter to ask my kids for a ride.

Worst was at a pool party for friends from the sport. The mom asked me part way through what I was doing afterwards - I said driving to a different part of the city (I actually wasn't, but had started to prepare reasons why I couldn't have her child). She flipped, screamed at her child to get out of the pool because I wouldn't take her home later, and bitched to the host that I was a selfish bitch who never helped her out.

Another time we were at a venue about an hour from home. Girl was there with her dad. At the end she asked me for a ride home as her dad had left to go shopping and couldn't make it back. I said I'd drive her to ours and he could pick her up from there - he took an extra 4 hours.

I felt very sorry for the girl as she knew where she was on their priority list. She's incredibly self sufficient as a young adult, having been abandoned by her parents once able to take the bus/get a job. Wonder if she'll be a CF, having learned the CF skills from a young age.

CF attempts only slowed when the kids ended up training with different clubs - still happened at competitions, where we'd end up driving her home.

This sport tends to breed CF parents who are always looking for someone else to do the volunteering, supervising and driving duties for them. I can now spot them a mile away and am prepared with a "nope, won't work for me" as I have no desire or duty to commute hours every week with kids mine don't know/like so their moms can go to exercise class, get their shopping done, etc. I save my efforts and energy for friends, even if no reciprocation is possible.

I took my DC to a competition during school hours and agreed to take someone else's as well. Competition was over in time for the end of the school day so we agreed to meet at school pick up. Parents weren't there. After 20 minutes I handed their kids to the after school club and went home. They were really furious about having to pay, but were punctual next time because I said I wouldn't wait even those 20 minutes.

Oh, and there was never thank you, a gift, or gas money offered from this family.

As opposed to others for whom I've done far less - one woman, whose daughter I drove her daughter once a week (no effort as she was on our route and very nice) drove my kids to and from the sport for several days when DH and I were out of town. I found out later that her daughter wasn't doing the sport those days due to school events.

Ah- one last thing...the sport schedule changed 3 times a year. CF mom used to try to find out what I was going to register my kids for so she could do the same for her dd/ tag onto my driving. Urgh. I may have intentionally given her incorrect info

paxillin I wish there were someone I could have left the girl with, for pay - that would have been a consequence that might have changed their behaviour more effectively.

Old, but not close friend (we are closer to other members of their family) who now lives abroad. Their DM took seriously ill, we live close to the hospital so offered this friend our spare room if they needed to come over, feeling it was a good deed & one less thing for them to worry about as accommodation here is expensive & we know their siblings don't have room.

Turned out from the replies they took this to be us offering our spare room for them to live in & they are desperate to move back here but couldn't afford to & so grateful that we've made that possible

Had to put them straight that it was for a few days or so whilst DM was in hospital & haven't heard from them since, would have put them up longer, but didn't dare say that given they thought they were moving in😐

Giving something away on Facebook which said collect only and then someone commented please could I drop off they were desperate etc I agreed to drop off.
I said I would be able to drop off the next day and then I got a reply 'why can't you drop it off now?'😮
No thank you or anything for the free item I'm dropping off just why can't I come now!

DH has reminded me of a few;

CF neighbour who lives on the other side of my estate who's also a dog walker for a living let her own dog take a shit literally outside my front door! We don't have front gardens on our estate so it was on the pavement right outside my front door! CF knocked on my door and asked me to clean it up as she didn't have her poo bags with her, to which I absolutely refused to do and told her politely to come back and clean it up. She then went onto the residents Facebook group and slagged me off saying there's no neighbourly spirit on the estate and everyone should help out with issues. I then replied stating it's simply not acceptable to ask someone to clean your dog shit up. It then got smeared everywhere and her even more CF husband asked me on Facebook so everyone could see it, if I wanted to borrow his pressure hose to clean it up!

Another CF neighbour; we live on a relatively new estate think trades people coming and going etc. Long story short there was an accident and CF very expensive car got white paint all over one side of it. I then received a knock at my door later that day with CF waving a post it note in my face saying "velvet you don't work (I'm a sahm so obs I do nothing ) can you call this number and get my car sorted please as I'm at work all day today" I took the note put it in the bin

Loving these, I needed some light relief tonight

velvet tell your DH that Mumsnet thanks him