Regale me with Cheeky Fucker stories

[TellMeItsNotTrue]

I'm stuck in bed feeling ill, bored and pissed off with the whole situation, AIBU to ask you to entertain me with your tales of CFs?

BTW daily fail and other websites/newspapers can fuck off, my fee for this piece of journalism is 2 million pounds and a takeaway pizza, non-negotiable so if you don't agree to those terms then kindly FTFOTFOSM

The only one I can think of at the moment is last year when a neighbour knocked at our house, we get on great with most of our neighbours but this one looks down her nose at everyone and keeps herself to herself. She told me that I needed to make sure I was home the following day I asked why and was told I needed to be in for the delivery wasn't my birthday and didn't have anything ordered so I asked what was being delivered and how did she know "oh it's not for YOU tinkly laugh no, its from laura Ashley you see" still none the wiser I ask who it's for then and why do I have to be in "well because they said it will be tomorrow and I have appointments! I will be getting my hair done and of course my nails, so I've told them to deliver it here" she then walked off leaving me with my jaw on the floor. I made sure I was out the following day and just put the we missed you card through her door when I got home, not spoken a word to me since, but that isn't unusual for her anyway

I think my DD1 is developing CF tendencies.

She texted me from school this morning saying she'd forgotten to put her watch on & could I drop it over. School is a 20 minute drive away....I don't think so sweetheart 🙄

At least she didn't argue but said "I guess I can live without it😪😢😭"

There are some shockers on here!

Miracle - the sad thing was I actually thought about doing for a few moments until I came to my senses!

She's only just started in Yr7 so if it had been her PE kit, a missed book that would have meant detention I would have done it but a WATCH - no way.

I'm going to have to keep an eye on her🙄

Talking about this with friend on phone and she reminded me of one that happened to her and said I could post it. MF = My friend, CF = Her cheeky Fucker friend

CF - droning on and bragging about how much she was getting for just putting some stupid leaflets through doors while she was out walking her dog anyway
MF - nods along trying to make all the right noises
CF - "why don't you get your DC to help? It would get them off screens for once!"
MF - mildly irritated as they were an outdoor sort of family anyway, but thinking it would be an OK idea "I will ask them, I'm sure they will be glad of the extra pocket money"
CF - laughs "well what you do is your choice"
MF - silence "well surely you will give them something for helping?"
CF - "what? No why should I? I'm doing you a favour getting them out of the house!"
MF -
CF - "you know, they could walk stupid dogs name - think, sir poodlepants the fifth while they did it, DC love dogs and I don't mind"
MF - "well I'll ask them but I think they have a lot of homework they should be concentrating on"

She didn't even ask DC, hounded by CF for a few days until she said they had said no because of school commitments. CF was really annoyed and said MF was raising workshy DC. Moved on to someone else and barely spoke to her again until she wanted something else.

Work shy!!! Pot meet kettle!

'She texted us that evening asking for petrol money for driving to airport.'

Tell me you gave her FA.

All these stories, did anyone actually pull up the person on taking the piss? Not make excuses or fob them off till they went away but say 'Wow, you are pisstaking chancer, aren't you?' If you don't tell them, they continue to get away with it or think it's okay.

Ha ha CF alert!
We purchase a property, transpires the sellers cannot exchange or complete the purchase except for specific dates (this being due to their religious beliefs that certain numbers and therefore dates are bad) we were .
Come completion day we get a phone call to say congratulations you've completed the property is yours, please go and collect the keys! We roll up to the solicitor to collect the keys that afternoon only to be told only one set is available since CF's are still moving out! We thought no bother, no rush we'd go and have dinner and pop back and view property later. 8pm came round to find them STILL moving out! Of course by this time solicitors and estate agents are closed.....
Keys eventually make it to the estate agent the following day.......

Check the place out to find still loads of sellers crap in it , not cleaned or even hoovered!
Fast forward two weeks, comes round to our tenants due to move in only to find CF's are still using the bloody secured parking space and have been doing so since they 'moved out' .
The sheer cheekyfuckeryness of them was beyond belief

This is a very long one, and a bit complicated.

I just recently returned from a cultural exchange program in an Eastern European country. It's a very good program, groups of six visitors from surrounding countries who have a particular hobby in common are given a week's worth of specialist workshops and team-building activities, accommodation and food is provided and travel expenses are compensated. I've been on the program twice as team leader for my country, this year something happened to our paperwork and we couldn't have a team, but I was asked to come over by myself as a general assistant and to look after the teams to a degree. I ended up doing a hell of a lot more than that.

At first, I thought the girl who was put in charge of the program was just struggling a bit and I was happy to help out. We had dropouts from some of the teams and while she was wringing her hands, I compiled a list of other candidates and contacted them until we found replacements. It turned out some of the workshops had not been finalized (they should have been done MONTHS in advance) and there were gaps in the schedule. I fixed this by going through my contacts and finding alternatives which worked out fine in the end, but it was rushed and could have been better with some advance notice.

When the teams arrived, we hardly saw her. She disappeared halfway through the introductory event to collect food. She left at the start of the first workshops, so I had to monitor and time the person presenting the thing while knowing next to nothing about the plan for the rest of the day. When problems cropped up, she panicked and left me to sort them out.

The board in charge of the overall program had been made aware that I'm immuno-compromised and have a disability that sometimes means I walk with a stick. I still ended up ferrying all the groups halfway across a foreign city on public transport then getting them back for another workshop, all of which involved a lot of walking on fairly unstable terrain. I begged off the workshop to go lie down for a while, but twenty minutes into my lie down she was calling me back because the workshop was going badly and she couldn't cope. I ended up pulling an old workshop of my own out of storage to fill in the space.

By midweek, I had a throat infection and a permanant crick in my hip. I was begged by her to help her with one of the evening events and I had to refuse, because I needed a night to power through some of the illness. In return, I promised to run the program the entire next day because I did feel sorry for her, I thought she was overwhelmed. That night I steamed out my lungs, medicated up the wazoo, drank three hot toddies to help put me to sleep and woke up marginally better. I got a knock on the door by one of the participants to say that breakfast had not arrived, did I know anything about that?

Turns out the program runner had gotten drunk that night and went off with her boyfriend, stayed out till 7am and slept in. I kept my promise to run the entire schedule the next day but I was fuming (and still very very sick.)

CF ended the week by saying she needed some 'alone time,' despite having had more alone time than anyone else. Luckily for me, the participants had pegged what was going on and they were very grateful and sweet towards me for managing what I could. I am still coughing nearly three weeks later and I have three huge wounds on my feet that the kids I look after are always looking at and going 'ew' in a kind-of concerned way.

Honestly, I could have actually run the whole thing single-handedly with less effort, the biggest problem I had was that she had the plans and resources and I had nothing but wisecracks and talented friends who owed me favours.

TellMeItsNotTrue

Woah, woah, wait... so she wanted your friend's kids to walk HER dog, while doing HER leafleting job for her, for which SHE would then collect the payment?!

Bloody hell!

Do you think these people know they're being cheeky cunts? Or do you think they actually go through life genuinely believing their own bullshit? Like, do you think she actually believes she was offering your friend and her kids some kind of amazing opportunity which they were fools to turn down?!

Woman at the supermarket this week. First encountered her in the frozen aisle where she 'entertained' us with her oh so hilarious and wacky trolley manoeuvring antics, complete with a vocal commentary - completely oblivious of anyone else in the aisle.
Fast forward a few moments and I was following her towards the checkout. She was motoring on ahead and then stopped dead in front of me, performing one of her about-trolley manoeuvres. The edge of my trolley clipped her foot and she had a complete meltdown. 'Ow, ow you've really hurt me' I did try to explain that if you stop dead in front of someone without warning, chances are someone may bump into you.
She made a huge show of rubbing her ankle in the checkout queue and doing the whole woe is me thing. She waltzed out afterwards, no evidence of limping. Complete drama queen attention seeking cunt.

frieda correct, they were work shy for not taking on a role she was being paid for, plus walking her dog, for free. She didn't even know them, my friend worked with the cheeky fucker and friend had photo of them on her desk

I used to own a house near a pub, my then ex boyfriend mothers ex partner used to park him car in my car parking space ... so he didn't have to leave it locked in the pub car park and then he could pick it up at his conscience!

I had no idea to begin with whose car was constantly parked in my space every Saturday night. I blocked it in and got a shed load of grief from the "well we are family aren't we".... well no, not in the bloody slightest. I told him it was safer to park in the pub car park as our car park lights were always out & we got loads of trouble/damage & I couldn't be responsible for his car - cop out I know / but it worked. But ffs my ex boyfriends mothers ex boyfriend is not classed as family in any shape or form!

Convenience not conscience - flaming auto correct

Rememberd one from years ago. My cff a day I were single parents. We agreed that we would take it in turns to do Sunday lunch. The one hosting the lunch would provide the meat. The guest would bring the veg. On my turn I cook a chicken.. She brings veg.. Which she has got free from. Boyfriends market stall.. On her turn she cooks a chicken for her grandad and we get scraps of the meat in loads of gravey to go with the veg supplied by me. . .

just remembered one from years ago a close friend was splitting with her husband and moving out into a flat and asked me and my boyfriend now DH to help her move. we drove 25 miles to be there for 7am on a Saturday spent the entire day lugging boxes and furniture out of the shared home up the three flights of stairs to new home scrubbed and cleaned to about 630 7 pm. the doorbell goes and it's her two mates from work and she tells us they're here to help celebrate the new home and they'll be getting a Chinese DH SAYS GREAT I'm starving and she smiles politely. the girls come up get the tour and one says I've got wine when are we ordering the take out and my "friend" does the polite smile again and says we will order later once me and DH have left.... I mean really !

"D"Sis (NC now) and "spirited" nephew (her words) invited themselves to stay for a week.

The first I knew about it was when I called DH (he should have been back an hour before- there had been an accident five minutes away from his work, before I get flamed for being paranoid- to be told he was on his way to pick DS and DN up! She'd texted him and told him I was ok with it, and that I'd asked her to make the arrangement with DH as I was "busy".

So they arrive. I'm a bit of a pussy at this time- mainly because I've always had a turbulant relarionship with my siblings. DN proceeds to Frankie Doyle the flat within five minutes. Climbing up bookcases, letting the gecko out, tearing up my DD's painting while laughing. All while she just sits there and laughs.

She doesn't lift a finger for three days. In our house, there are no "guests " as such. Everyone pitches in, my cupboards, toiletries, etc, are theirs too iyswim- that kind of house. She knew this, having sneered at a friend a few weeks before when I'd dropped something and my DF just got the hoover out and cleaned it up! We were expected to be up all night with "the baby" (4yo, who still wasn't sleeping through" becauae it was her "down time".

She went to the off licence next door to where we live, for cigarettes. I was distracted, with two 4yo running around, and trying to cook, so didn't notice she hadn't come back fot about 20 mins. It's IMPOSSIBLE to get lost (can draw a diagram if needed😅). I was preparing to go and check on her, when I got a text. "Nipped to see b. Back soon"...at the other end of the city! She'd called a cab and fucked off!!

Tbh, I actually enjoyed that time with my DN. I have a way with "spirited" kids if I'm left to it (I was a little fucker myself all through my child/teen years, so I can sort of relate). Within an hour, both DC were sitting on bean bags, chilling while DH read them a story. A different kid- he even tried to "help me wash up" (this is not me slating her parenting at all...it's relevant!)

EIGHT HOURS LATER she came sauntering through the door, and complained that dinner wasn't ready.

She then stomps into her room (tiny apartment, me and DH in the lounge, both kids in DD's room, her in our room). You can hear everything that goes on in every room.

I could, therefore, hear EVERYTHING she was saying on the phone to her friend (the one she'd spent the day with). Including...

-the fact that I'd been "treating her son like a slave:
-I'd "subdued him" somehow (he was sitting coloring when shw came in)
-I hadn't bothered to do any food, her kid was starving, and my poor, poor DD had to forage for food (I'd sent DD to get two yoghurts from the fridge)
"Radley just lazes around in bed" (I'd been on the "night shift" with her DS the night before, and, yes, I was still in my pjs- I'd curled up in DD's bed for an hour for a nap).
-my DD was going to grow up screwed up because I gave her so much (insert disgusting, racist word beginning with a p) food. My DD (DS now too) has always loved spicy food, and she'd eaten chicken tikka.

I listened to this for ten minutes, then started packing her stuff. When she emerged an hour later, I said that DN was welcome to stay, but she was leaving...now!

The usually-chilled DH refused to drive her back- she had cab money. We knew this, because she had boasted about how much money she was saving by being here!

Cue lots of slagging off on social media, bitching about what a bad parent I was (I was still suffering from PND at the time, so this stung) etc, etc...

Until three weeks later, ehen I got a text. "Me and DN are coming to you for Christmas."

Thank fuck I'd discovered MN by then, and ODFOD was in my vocabulary 😅😅

Jesus Radley! She is the queen of cf!!
Glad to hear you have a happy peaceful and nc ending!

Think radley attracts cf

The Christmas before, I'd made sure it was magical for her and DN...loads of gifts, etc. She'd sneered then, too, about me being "lazy". Christmas Eve and Boxing Day are usually hectic for us. People pile into ours because I'm an awesome cook they like my food a bit. It's a "pitch in" on those days too... I'll have probably been cooking since 5 that morning, so when someone DOES finally get me sitting for more than five minutes, other people sort of jump to get me too pissed to move staying there...one of our guests will shove a glass in my hand, maybe take over finishing the veg etc. All of us- guests included, are a sort of tag team. I dump the kids on whoever is there at the time. DH swings bwtween kids, sorting out my tantrums in the kitchen, and regular trips to find an open store because we've bought 18 different cheeses but no milk!

She sat on her ass, sneered at people running around after me, then complained that DN (who had demolised a plate of ribs and candied yams) would only eat waffles, where were the waffles?

Whenever someone would get up to refill my wine (admittedly, I get treated like a quewn after the meal, even though it makes me cringe a bit) she'd swing between lectures about drinking in front of the kids (guilty) and bleating "where's mine? Am I invisible?

Still miss DN a little though 😐

Expat

To my shame I paid (after ranting to my dad for 20mins), found out CF is looking at moving next year so figured it wasn't worth the damage it would do to our friendship group if I called her out. Loves to play the victim and it have ruined our friendship group because as I mentioned she does not let things go.

She was also saying about other times people had upset her. One of our friends said her (CF) holiday wasn't her type of holiday, when discussing favourite holidays about 8 yrs ago. She still talks about how it upset her. 🙄

I've got one: Same person for all. They live about 40 minute drive away:

Childcare: For context my eldest is 9 years older than their first. They never offered (nor did I expect) to look after any of ours.

1. Got a phonecall 8am in the morning. The dw was ill (cold, nothing bad) and they wanted me to look after their 1yo for the day. Conversation went like this: (so I had a 10yo, 7yo and 3yo)

Me: Fine bring them over with a car seat and pick them up at the end of the day. Them: I can't bring them over you'll have to fetch them. Me: Then I won't be over until 9:40, as I've got to drop dd1/dd2 at school. Them: Can't you pick baby up first-they can be late to school. Me: No, they can't be, shall I come for 9:40am? Them: Well baby naps at 9:30-10:30, so come at 10:40. Me: If I don't come at 9:40, I won't be with you until 12 as ds does (his one class of the week). Them: That won't do. He'll have to miss it. Me: No, he's not missing it, I'll be there at 12:00, and you can pick baby up in the evening. Them: Well you'll have to hang around because baby has lunch at 1:00 and she'll only eat in her own highchair. If you go to the park and being them back quietly so you don't disturb dw. Me: That's not going to work with ds, feed them early and I'll pick them up at 12:30. Them: They can't change their routine it has to be at 1:00. Me: I'm not coming to hang around, so I'll come at 1:00, and take baby home after lunch. Them: But baby only sleeps in the pushchair after lunch, thy can't sleep in the car, it's their routine. Come at 2:30. Me: I have to pick up from school at 3:00 I can't pick them up then... Them: They can use an afterschool club. Me: Okay I'll pick them up at 3:40 and have them until 5:30 when you can pick them up. Them: I'm not coming to pick up, you'll have to bring back. Me: In that case it will be about 6:40, because I'm helping at Rainbows tonight. Them: They need to be back for 6:00 for their dinner. Can't you cancel Rainbows. Me: This isn't going to work, hope you find someone else. So they expected me to drive over at 8am, pick baby up, deliver my dc 40 minutes late to school. Then go back at 1pm to feed baby, and bring them back at 5:30, cancelling Rainbows for 20 children.

1. Having paid no interest in our dc at all, we met up when their oldest was about 2yo. My dd1 is very motherly and took her off and basically looked after them for the whole time.

Shortly afterwards we got an email saying that they thought it would be nice if dd1 came to stay with them during the holidays. Totally see-through at getting easy child care.

1. Related to that, dd1, and dd2 used to stay with mil for a week (separately) over the summer. Mil said that they were requesting dd1 stayed over the time that they were staying, clearly again thinking dd1 would do the child care while they sat round and gossiped. I pointed out the thing the dc really liked about staying was the 1-on-1 attention, so that wouldn't work.

1. Just after their second was born we had an email saying that they thought it would be really nice if we shared baby sitting on a mutual arrangement. When we said that we had lots of local baby sitters and 40 minute drive was not suitable for that, they got a bit stroppy and said no one would babysit for them wonder why!

Christmas:
Removing minor niggles, we had these few years:

1. Announcing to dh (I wasn't there) in front of various family members that Christmas was at our house. Everyone would be staying with them, but we'd actually host Christmas. So basically we do all the work and they leave us for Christmas evening with all the clearing up. Moreover we were actually the last to be told this was happening-the others had been told a couple of months earlier and had assumed we'd invited everyone.

On Christmas eve we were told that they were expecting Christmas lunch to be at 12:30 as that was baby #2's routine (just 6 months so hardly weaned). We pointed out that we would be at church until 12:00 and were not going to eat Christmas lunch at that time to suit a baby who wouldn't care.

1. A couple of years later it was suggested that Christmas would be at another relatives house (that CFRelative would be staying at), we were expected to stay with pil and bring them over. They would all be descending on pil on Boxing day, which me and dh would need to do most of the organising.

A couple of weeks beforehand we got an email from CFR saying that he'd costed up the meal and we (ie us) all were going to give £40 towards it. I responded with saying that we would give exactly what they had given when we hosted (small contribution). Dh said we should have also asked for £40 for doing Boxing Day. It wouldn't have been £40 each anyway.

Other things:

1. The 8am call one Saturday to say pfb had walked a step so they needed our stairgates and we should bring them over straight away. Answer of no to both.
2. The present list we got unsolicited with instructions not to deviate from the list. Nothing was under £40 except possibly a "modern art picture in red and purple to match the front room" which I suggested we got dd1 (3yo at the time) to do. We usually spent around £15 at the time (we were still students-they weren't) and they spent less.
3. They did do an ask for "all the spare clothes". Told them we already gave them to someone, which we do.

Witchend I think you've just proven that - once a cheeky Fucker, always a cheeky Fucker - you've not even allowed them to get away with it and they still do it!

When I was on maternity a colluege asked if I'd dogsit her puppy 5 days a week for £40. The puppy was dropped off at 7am and collected at 6pm, obviously wasn't housetrained/chewed stuff/harassed my dog. After a week I politely mentioned they money and was told the dog would be left home while they worked from now on as her husband thought I'd do it for free as I wasn't working and loved dogs .

This has brought back memories of a close relative. Happy for me (pre-child days) to sit his 3 kids. When I asked if his wife (a nursery nurse and TA) could look after my one child as well as theirs for one day, I was told no, she couldnt cope with 4 kids. Never asked again.

Same relative, asks me a present list for us, so I put one on Amazon, loads of cheap items, to be told, nope he wont get us any of those, as he doesnt like them. I got a scarf (second one from him). I dont and have never worn scarves.