Regale me with Cheeky Fucker stories

[TellMeItsNotTrue]

I'm stuck in bed feeling ill, bored and pissed off with the whole situation, AIBU to ask you to entertain me with your tales of CFs?

BTW daily fail and other websites/newspapers can fuck off, my fee for this piece of journalism is 2 million pounds and a takeaway pizza, non-negotiable so if you don't agree to those terms then kindly FTFOTFOSM

The only one I can think of at the moment is last year when a neighbour knocked at our house, we get on great with most of our neighbours but this one looks down her nose at everyone and keeps herself to herself. She told me that I needed to make sure I was home the following day I asked why and was told I needed to be in for the delivery wasn't my birthday and didn't have anything ordered so I asked what was being delivered and how did she know "oh it's not for YOU tinkly laugh no, its from laura Ashley you see" still none the wiser I ask who it's for then and why do I have to be in "well because they said it will be tomorrow and I have appointments! I will be getting my hair done and of course my nails, so I've told them to deliver it here" she then walked off leaving me with my jaw on the floor. I made sure I was out the following day and just put the we missed you card through her door when I got home, not spoken a word to me since, but that isn't unusual for her anyway

Was talking to DH about this thread and he mentioned my first wedding. Prepare for extreme CFery!
First husband and I buy a house and decide we should get married. We'd been together about 3 years by this point. Anyway, we were intending to do a quiet registry office wedding as quick as we could (21 days at the time). We ended up telling my parents and his and they forced us into more of a celebration. Other half calls his brother, who lives at the other end of the country to be best man. And so it begins. Bear in mind we have 3 weeks and we're not planning a party. Bil says he'll need to stay at ours with his Mrs. I say not likely on our wedding night but we'll shout them a room. Mil then says she'll need a room and can we book for her friends she's invited? In laws we're mean sods and loaded but at this point I'm thinking, anything for an easy life. We decided a nice meal with close family after the service and then a party at night.
Next bil calls. I had to buy a new suit. Can you send me £200? Pointed out we didn't spend that on suits etc. Then he thinks petrol money will be £x can we send it so he can come up? Oh and his Mrs work wont give her the Monday paid, so can we send the money for that. Pointed out the wedding was on the Friday, so we were expecting them to be gone by the Monday! Then he calls his mum complaining that he hasn't had a written invitation and he's not coming unless it's in writing! WTF! So mil calls me, I call bil and tell him to stop being a tit. There is a week and a half to the wedding, grow up.
My ex idolised his brother, no idea why but so did his parents.
Fast forward to the wedding day. Sil asks where the wedding party are booked for hair and makeup as she has some ideas of how she'd like hers to look. Point out we're not, this is meant to be low key. She had a strop.
At the registry office they had faced like fizz. We got a free wedding photographer and flowers from our home builder and she declared she'd be taking the flowers home then.
Ex's nan appears and tells us she's just popping in (she was meant to be at the whole thing) as her boyfriends grandson is getting engaged.
We go for the meal. We say, order off the menu. It's covered. Bil and sil proceed to order duck to start, steak and a posh pudding. They ask if drinks are covered? I've already got wine on the table but say sure. He orders expensive brandy. Which 25 year old do you know that drinks expensive brandy. Sil starts eyeing the wine menu and tells the waiter which wine she will have with each course! I tell waiter to bring her a glass of house red or white accordingly and he was great. Doing a big show of bringing it out and asking if she could taste autumn flavours etc. He was the best bit of the meal! Bil insists on a liqueur at the end of the meal. By this time he's upset everyone from the registrar (we do this better in England) to the photographer (what exposure are you using?). Get to party by this time I'm done. He says he's not making a speech. No one is, so suits me. He then stops before the buffet grabs the mike and starts with "cuttlefish didn't want me to make a speech.." He then rambles on about how he left Scotland as it was naff. To this day, no idea why. They barman comes to see me, as we'd said first hour of the bar was free to tell me that bil is insisting on bottles of wine etc before the free bar closes. I cut him off.
He was such a waste of space. I then find out the next week, that they've bought a pair of designer kittens, that cost nearly a grand and they tapped mil for loads of money. Oh and no wedding present, no even a card!
That was cathartic lol.

For mil birthday we took when for lunch. . Suggested she orders whatever she wanted as we were paying. .
Fi also - too tight to eat out so knew we would pay whole bill. Fine, nice to catch up etc
Mil ordered the steak. . Half way through her meal she wrapped it up in a napkin to take home for her dog!!

Not sure if this is really cheeky or just plain cunty but...

Friend had moved to another city where she had befriended lots of new posh, rich twats friends. Her 30th birthday came round and she begged a bunch of us from home to come visit her for her party, so we did.

Got to the birthday meal and we were all sat together right down the other end of the table from her, and she didn't acknowledge us throughout the whole meal other than to say hello when we arrived.

After dinner the whole party moved to a bar nearby. After an hour or so popped over to say hello to us... or so we thought. What she actually said was 'my friend Giles wants to buy me a bottle of champagne so we're just heading to over the road but I'll see you in in a bit, OK?'

Then when we got to the club we found her younger sister, who'd gone with her to the champagne place, just sort of wandering around on her own. We asked her where the birthday girl was and she said 'oh someone offered to take her into the VIP lounge but they couldn't get us all in so she just said to wait out here'

Then the next morning we all went for brunch and the cow actually had the cheek to complain that we hadn't made enough of an effort to mingle with all her new friends!

Not sure who is the biggest CF in my example...dm or dsis.

My dsis is very tight when it comes to spending money. She moved abroad about 10 years ago and always makes a big thing about how expensive it is coming back to the UK. In reality it actually isn't expensive at all if you book a few months in advance.

Anyway, a few years ago she booked to come back for my dm's birthday at the last minute. Her ticket was more expensive than usual because she'd only decided to come back last minute. Anyway, my dm was over the moon that my dsis was coming back until my dsis gave her a sob story about how expensive her ticket had been and she had no money anymore. My dm, who has always had a rocky relationship with my dsis and tends to pander to her to keep the peace, then offered to split the cost of the ticket between me, her and our other dsis!!!!!! No form of discussion was had prior to this announcement on our WhatsApp group chat I was at the end of maternity leave so money was tight, my other dsis had just started her own business and was only just covering her outgoings and my dm had just retired and was living off a fairly small pension. My dm was obviously a CF to offer other people's money without any form of discussion with me and my other dsis, but to make matters worse, the dsis abroad accepted! She has form for being tight with money (except for when it comes to clothes holidays and going out, and then money is no option). It wasn't until I pointed out that my dsis was earning €50,000 a year (at least 4x greater than what me, dm and other dsis had combined that year), she had a huge amount of money in savings and she had just got back off her 4th holiday of the year that it dawned on my dm and other dsis how unfair it was to expect us to pay for dsis' ticket. My dsis ended up paying for her own ticket with a minor contribution from my dm.

feemcgee I might have misread or just had a long day but don't understand why you were put out by what your friends did??

Me neither,gloria

Vouchers = cash, surely. Why should half the vouchers go to fee? That would mean fee paid 1/4 & the others paid 3/4!

Unless I'm missing something

I think it depends what kind of vouchers feemcgee is talking about.

If you mean gift vouchers that someone had given them with a cash value then I wouldn't expect them to split that with you, although I might find it a bit odd if they didn't mention beforehand 'let's go to Blah Restaurant, we got some vouchers for Christmas that we'll use to pay our half'.

If we're talking vouchers as in a special offer from the newspaper that they didn't offer to share with you then I'd find that pretty rude!

I understood the vouchers to be buy one get one free. In other words they were cheeky because they only could use them because the others were paying full price. Among friends it would be more normal to divide the actual cash paid between the number in the group.

I thought of another - friends with a couple, started going out for meals and agreed to take turns paying

We took them somewhere really nice and fairly expensive- in return they took us to a pub miles from where we live which looked nice but food frankly was crap. There was a deal on the food making it very cheap....

Asked when we were taking them back to the nice restaurant again....we didn't bother....

My daughter has a limited diet (allergies) we had gone to a kids party at theirs. I took her a packed lunch, made the mistake of putting it down and they gave the fucking food to another child because 'he wanted it' then were really offended because we had to leave as DD was fucking starving....

I had a friend who invited herself to mine for the evening and turned up with a bottle of wine, we opened my wine and shared that as hers was warm, we then opened another bottle of my wine as hers was still in the side not chilled. She then swiped her wine when I wasn't looking and took it home again with her next time she came round with wine I kept my chilled bottle to myself and let her drink her lukewarm wine.

She'd also order doubles when it was someone else's round, but have half a lager when it was hers.

Thankyou, this thread is keeping me going!

My theory is that there is only so much CFness to go around and these people take more than their fair share, which is why you get people like this and people who don't challenge them!

Some of it is probably the way they've been brought up but some CF I know have lovely parents and siblings who were treated the same growing up

Name changed for this.

When on a girls weekend away. Was done on the cheap as none of us had s lot of disposable income. Booked six months in advance and as part of the conversation we discussed and agreed an amount for spending money.

Roll on to week before hol cf says they only have 2/3 of the spending money. We end up subbing her on holiday and have to buy her lunch on the last day, taxi to airport etc.

It's only when she starts talking about our mutual friends that she no longer likes because five years ago at a birthday meal she and her husband had a cheaper meal and we split the bill evenly (we were all quite tipsy and we always split the bill this way) that I realise she has been buying the more expensive menu items/having extra drinks for the duration of our weekend away.

To cap it off, we get to the airport and she finds some money ten minutes after we have scrapped together taxi money. Says she will save that for next time.

She texted us that evening asking for petrol money for driving to airport. Subbing her cost me my £40 emergency money!

I used to babysit when I was at uni to earn some extra money. There was a woman who was a colleague of a friend who asked me to sit for her. She was three hours late back and then said she only had x cash on her which was about £20 short of what she'd agreed to pay me. Gave me a sob story, I was tired and wanted to go home so I let it go.

She booked me again a few weeks later, same thing, except this time she said she thought I would understand if she didn't pay as she was a single parent on benefits etc etc. I disagreed and she grudgingly gave me a tenner and a half eaten box of chocolates. It's fair to say I was pretty pissed off and told her it wasn't on.

Tried to book me a third time and I said no. She went batshit, called me selfish and grabbing, accused me of discriminating against her (!) because she was on benefits, turned on the waterworks, the full monty. I found out a while later that she is well known for pulling these kind of stunts.

Mine was a CF Director at work. I'd worked as an exec assistant in the NHS for about 6 years when I got pregnant. Whilst on mat leave my (lovely) manager retired. Her post was not filled. So I come back part -time to an office with no manager and have to get on with my work and some of hers too. At this time I worked in an office attached to the ward where the clinical director was Head. About a year later he moved on and a new Director took his place so I moved up to head Office as she was based at an out of town hospital that made no sense for me to commute to. In the bosom of the other exec assistants it transpired that I was working well above my pay grade so I applied for a re-grading. Anyone who is NHS knows this is no easy thing.

2.5 years later (yes, I am a mug) it was decided that I was indeed doing work a grade above what I had been on for 10 years. I maintained that it was thus ever since I came back from mat leave but I was talked into agreeing that it would date back to when I moved up to head office (a year's difference) so I would only get 2.5 years back pay, not 3.5. I thought that was a bit shit but wanted to get the higher grading so agreed to 2.5. Staff-side and the regrading committee signed the form to make it official so my back-pay was in train to be paid out next payday. The day after they signed my new line manager says that our corporate director asked her to ask me if I would agree to only being paid for a year of back-pay. I just looked at her and laughed, snorted and said "no". This poor woman looked very uncomfortable asking me because she knew that our Director was a slimy piece of shit that only cared about balancing the books and getting his name on plaques.
I started looking for a new job immediately and left a year later.

Agreed frieda and chartreuse

The restaurant bill issue is always contentious it seems. I read an agony aunt story once from a lady who used to dine with her husband and other couples and they split the bill per couple. But after her husband died and she continued to dine, the other couples expected her to still contribute as a couple. That's outrageous. My friends and I generally split equally but if a friend is driving and not drinking we always reduce their share. I don't understand the mentality of Cf'ers

volunteered for 6 years with my friend making coffee after church service including getting all the shopping washing the tea towels cleaning up after while we worked full time and looked after a young family. cheeky madam regularly came in to chat to priest while kids took cake and biscuits off the counter reserved for those paying for coffee but without buying coffee or juice another time she ordered a coffee and told me she had no money but helped herself to two plates of biscuits and asked for a top up ... never did get the 50p for the coffee btw all money goes to charity of the volunteers choice. Another two women regularly complained about the strength of the coffee, size of the mugs were constantly rude plus proceeded to tell us we were out of order donating to our choice of charity and that next time we should donate to her choice - we regularly rotated who we donated to surely if she wanted a say in who the donation went to she should make an effort to volunteer herself but the icing on the cake was the day a queue was going out the door and she told me her table was wobbly and to find a screw driver to mend the feet. my friend and I were stunned into silence and resigned our free services immediately. we now happily have time to spend with our own families and find time clean our own houses. only good thing to come out of it was finding a great friend.

whyami I'm sorry that happened. I hope you still got to enjoy church though if that's what you liked x

Thanks pax, I bet they soon got the message

Oh I just remembered another one!

Two friends of mine were out for drinks and Friend 1 bought the first round, with Friend 2 saying 'I'll get the next one', as you do. While they were drinking those, a guy Friend 2 knew came over. Friend 2 introduced him to Friend 1 and they all chatted for a bit. The guy asked then if he could buy them both a drink. They accepted, he bought them drinks and then went off to talk to someone else.

Friend 2 turns to Friend 1 and says 'So that's us square then, right? He's my friend and he bought you a drink so that can just count as my round.'

Mine is pathetic compared to some on here but riled me for weeks!
I had stopped at garage to get petrol, and when I went to pay my kids asked for a drink, the bottles were £1.40 each or two for £2.
When I got back to car I decided I wanted one as well, so went to go back in, CFF with me in car gave me 60p and asked me to get her one too! When I pointed out that they worked out £1 each she said "Well you would be paying £1.40 if you only bought one so I only need to pay the difference!"

onlythewelsh I hate your friend and all of the other CFs described on here. I wouldn't dream of ripping off a stranger let alone a friend

Shagzilla...nuff said!

Onlythewelsh that would make me so angry. It isn't the money but being taken for a mug.

My own DM is a CF at times. When I was dating my DP he lived in a nice city centre apartment, my DM on the second time she met him asked if she could stay in it whilst we were on our first holiday together! She asked in front of several other family members, of which it was the first time meeting DP. He being the gent he is felt obliged and said yes. I still cringe at this