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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Regale me with Cheeky Fucker stories

858 replies

TellMeItsNotTrue · 24/09/2017 15:31

I'm stuck in bed feeling ill, bored and pissed off with the whole situation, AIBU to ask you to entertain me with your tales of CFs?

BTW daily fail and other websites/newspapers can fuck off, my fee for this piece of journalism is 2 million pounds and a takeaway pizza, non-negotiable so if you don't agree to those terms then kindly FTFOTFOSM

The only one I can think of at the moment is last year when a neighbour knocked at our house, we get on great with most of our neighbours but this one looks down her nose at everyone and keeps herself to herself. She told me that I needed to make sure I was home the following day Confused I asked why and was told I needed to be in for the delivery Hmm wasn't my birthday and didn't have anything ordered so I asked what was being delivered and how did she know "oh it's not for YOU tinkly laugh no, its from laura Ashley you see" still none the wiser I ask who it's for then and why do I have to be in "well because they said it will be tomorrow and I have appointments! I will be getting my hair done and of course my nails, so I've told them to deliver it here" she then walked off leaving me with my jaw on the floor. I made sure I was out the following day and just put the we missed you card through her door when I got home, not spoken a word to me since, but that isn't unusual for her anyway

OP posts:
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KERALA1 · 28/09/2017 08:44

On days out with us in laws carefully do not bring their wallet / purses.

Who heads out for a big day out at the zoo or theme park without their purse Hmm. They go on frequent Caribbean cruises so don't think money is the issue just the presumption that dh has to pay for them...

thecatsthecats · 28/09/2017 09:13

One of my friend's exes used all his three strikes the first time we met him, hosting a party at ours.

He arrived with her, bringing a cheap bottle of red wine (no judging, drink plenty of cheap wine myself!). We already had a few nice bottles open, poured him a glass, sat him down, and brought out food.

We're having a themed party, with a themed music playlist. Before the other guests arrive, he says 'Why don't we switch on MTV instead?'. Sorry, is our entertainment not good enough for you? Strike one.

We have one of those 'scratch off world map' things on the wall. The man is a travel agent in his dad's business, so he's been around the block. He's also 36 at the time - a good 12 years older than us. Nonetheless he carefully stares at the map, showing where we've been and says to us in a smug way, "I've been to loads more places than you.". Cause you have you smug fucker, it's your job, and daddy pays, and aren't you too old to be showing off like that? Strike two.

Finally, at the end of a night happily drinking ours and other's booze, he takes his bottle of cheap red home with him! Strike three!

Turned out when they broke up that he'd been hiding massive debts from her. Everyone was glad to see the back of the smug arsehole, and to learn that all his front was BS.

nakaji · 28/09/2017 09:24

On a family night out an elderly family member was kindly treating everyone to the meal.

When he asked at the end would anyone like a coffee CF said I'll have a double espresso and a brandy.

Same fella was told to help himself to some wine when staying with relative and they had to go out one evening. He went to the very back of the wine cupboard and picked out the most expensive bottle which was being kept for a special occasion

paxillin · 28/09/2017 09:41

I'm amazed CFers get away with it. It isn't my experience.

The CFer party girl who invited her kid on endless sleepovers no longer goes out at all because nobody will have him even for a brief playdate, since you never knew how many nights he'll spend. The tip thief and greedy pig had no further dinner invitations. The vegetarian family who came to picnics without food found all the picnic meat based soon enough.

expatinscotland · 28/09/2017 09:54

Exactly, pax. I never had enough money to sub CFers and just say nothing because 'too polite' or 'gobsmacked'. Can't afford to pay for your wine or let you walk off with a container of half my dinners for the week whilst I live in a dump of a studio flat. That same gal who tried to nick my food got nowhere with a cheeky, 'Oh, no, I don't have my purse, mind spotting me this time?' at a meal. 'Sorry, I can't. I don't have the cash in my account to buy another meal.'

I do remember the cheeky veg family who showed up at picnics with no food.

paxillin · 28/09/2017 10:05

I also found others get warned about CFers, expat. I warn others, too. "Watch John pays his fair share" or "remind Jan to pick up Nat by 6 or else she'll go on an all-nighter".

You can spot them, they are the family of a 10 year old you (or your DS) wouldn't know from Adam who claim their DS wanted a sleepover with your 4 year old. They ran out of mugs they know 2 weeks into term.

notsobeachready · 28/09/2017 10:37

Being told we should be grateful for being allowed to park in our allocated space, as it was technically owned by the local housing authority (we rent privately so our landlord bought the house) and as she was "disabled" she could get LHA to make the entire 4 car space a disabled one.

Hortonlovesahoo · 28/09/2017 10:49

This happened to my best friend. She was speaking at a conference and invited her Dsis along. Dsis agrees and says: as long as she pays for her flight, hotel etc. All sounds good so my friend books everything.

Day arrives, they fly over and Dsis has brought no spends or local currency (!). Friend only changed enough money for her so had to fork out for all meals as Dsis 'forgot' and wouldn't pay because "her card charges her to withdraw".

Friend ends up spending double what she expected as Dsis ordered the most expensive food, room service, everything and did not offer once.

Arrive back in the UK and Dsis says how much of a lovely time she had but no mention of the money spent. Friend adds up everything and asks again: Dsis, can you give me the money? Excuses, excuses follow.

Dfriend mentioned to her parents that Dsis hadn't paid a single penny after a few months and they pressured her to pay but not without considerable moaning about "it being a treat" and "why should I pay?"

Suffice to say. Friend hasn't extended the invite again.

Coffeeandcherrypie · 28/09/2017 11:21

Pax, expat, is there a thread on the vegetarian family?

paxillin · 28/09/2017 11:33

No, Coffeeandcherrypie. They are a family I know. We used to do lots of picnics with a few families. They used to come without food and said they'd go shopping later. Then they ate and ate and said something like "no point going now- look how much is left over still" and proceeded to take some of it home. Very quickly everybody started replacing cheese with ham, chocolate with haribo so they couldn't do it any longer.

PastryOnMyMind · 28/09/2017 11:45

I recently posted about my CFN using my drive way for 3 months and then when I asked them to move it (tba is to the help of MN) they came banging on my door shouting the odds at 2am. since then they always try to start an argument with DH but don't say anything to me. they're really annoyed we haven't pit gates up as the police told them we wanted to. now I know it's getting to them I think I'll wait a little longer to gate it!

Puzzledandpissedoff · 28/09/2017 11:51

A colleague at work borrowed £250 from me to pay her rent as work payroll had messed up her tax and she needed money to tide her over ... she still didn't pay me back ...she said as I was senior to her, the money I lent her was a "penalty" for getting her wages wrong

Somehow this one really stood out for me. We can all get it wrong by accident sometimes, but it's almost as if folk like this spend time actively thinking of excuses to do someone over

What kind of mentality do you need to have to do something like that? Hmm

RaeCJ82 · 28/09/2017 12:00

The one time I have stood up for myself involved my MiL who I don't really get on with, but that's a whole other story. We all went out for Mother's Day (my DM died 3 years ago so it's a crappy day for me and didn't want to sit in on my own). My OH has two other brother's, one of whom has a son, so there were 6 of us.

One brother kept saying to his mum "order what you want. Go for the steak," which she did. I was pregnant at the time and didn't fancy anything on the menu so just had a cheese and pickle sandwich. The MiL had a dessert and then a liqueur coffee.

When the bill arrived the same son said "well mum isn't paying, so we'll divide it by 4." Absolutely no way was I paying £25 for a cheese and pickle sandwich and no way was I paying for my MiL's meal so I just put my £6 for my sandwich and a small tip. 😆

YellowFlower201 · 28/09/2017 12:25

The day we completed on our house we arrived to find the whole upstairs full of furniture and the seller desperately trying to get her children (adults) to pack up their stuff. We said they had till 6pm but could come back the next day as that's when we were moving in.

CF son of seller said 'not being funny but I'll just keep the keys then and come back later'. I told him no and took them off him.

It took them 10 days to move everything out.

m0therofdragons · 28/09/2017 12:27

Most of these really do seem to be cheeky fuckery at its worst but tbh if I took dm or dmil out for Mother's Day dinner I wouldn't expect her to pay Confused "hey mum we want to take you out for a Mother's Day treat... oh but we don't really like you so you'll have to pay for your own" doesn't really sit well with me (and mil drives me nuts). Either don't go or pay up imo you were tight - guess it shows we all look at things through different eyes.

expatinscotland · 28/09/2017 12:33

Do you and your husband not share finances, then? Was it agreed you'd pay for MIL's meal - generally that's the deal on a day like Mother's Day.

HarrietKettleWasHere · 28/09/2017 12:36

I think I probably would have paid for my MIL's (if I had one!) meal on Mother's Day- it's a treat for her! it wasn't her fault you only wanted a crappy sandwich.

feemcgee · 28/09/2017 12:43

Me and DH went out for a meal with another couple to a restaurant they suggested was nice. When the bill arrived, they whipped out vouchers to the amount of their half and paid their half of the bill. I was a bit Shock that they didn't offer to split the whole bill with the vouchers.

RaeCJ82 · 28/09/2017 12:46

My OH paid for her along with her two other sons. If they had partners too I wouldn't expect them to contribute separately if their OH's were sharing the cost of their mother's meal.

RaeCJ82 · 28/09/2017 12:47

And no, we don't share finances. I say MiL for ease but we aren't married.

Jen1090 · 28/09/2017 12:54

I have one that makes me sound like a total mug, which I was!

I was living in New York for a year and my company had put me up in a lovely studio apartment. I repeat, a STUDIO apartment. Plenty of room for me to live comfortably but definitely not intended for more than one person.

Three of my girlfriends decided to come visit, which I was thrilled about as I'd been quite lonely. Originally they asked if they could crash with me for a few nights to cut down on accommodation costs, then it somehow morphed into them staying for TWO WHOLE WEEKS with me in my tiny flat. I'm still not sure how this happened.

Two of them were quite sweet and understanding about the whole thing, and kept acknowledging what a massive ask it was and thanking me for saving them so much money. They assured me that they'd be fine on the floor and would bring camping stuff, their own towels etc, and would do their best not to be too disruptive (as I still had to work). The other, the CF, would just make non-committal noises throughout these discussions and make vague comments like 'oh but I don't think I own a sleeping bag'.

Anyway, I ended up borrowing some air beds and spare towels for them so they didn't even have to bring anything themselves in the end. And like a mug, I offered CF my bed on the first night as they'd had a long journey and she seemed particularly tired. Even though I had work the next day and they were on holiday.

I didn't get my bed back for over a week! And even then it was only after one of the Nice Friends insisted that I should have a night in my own bed, at which CF moaned and complained and then eventually agreed that she would be OK on the floor 'for a night', after which I was back on the air bed until they left.

She also complained over and over about the size of my flat and how cramped it was with the four of us, despite me having been very clear from the start that it was a studio flat. Every morning she would ask me what 'we' were doing today and, when I reminded her yet again that I was going to work, she would moan about being bored and me not having planned anything for them to do. In freaking New York!

She would always want to go to bed stupidly early, and because it was a studio flat this meant that the rest of us couldn't watch TV or even chat much because we would keep her awake.

She would also refuse to tip properly in restaurants when we ate out. I kept having to explain that the prices on the menu didn't include tax (as is usually the case in the US) so the bill would actually be a few quid more than whatever she'd ordered. But every time she would still say 'but mine only cost $X!' and then throw in an extra couple of dollars which barely covered the tax, let alone any kind of tip. This meant that I consistently ended up putting in more than my share to avoid insulting the waiting staff.

To top it all off she must have spent well over 3 grand shopping for expensive designer clothes while she was there and had to buy a whole extra suitcase to take home all her purchases... i.e. she was definitely not too skint to afford a hotel room, or to tip waiters!

A CF through and through, and a miserable cow to boot.

mydogmymate · 28/09/2017 13:14

My next door neighbour and her family are CF. last night one of her visitors parked behind my car completely blocking me in. When I went out and told him not to do it again, he said he was only there for a minute ( it had been an hour at this point) as he was just dropping off weed and had other people to deliver to, so it didn't matter that he blocked me in.
I was so gobsmaked I just stood with my mouth open. If he does it again I'm going to get the police

expatinscotland · 28/09/2017 13:38

Jen, you do realise that none of those bitches is nice, don't you? It's never nice to invite yourself into someone's home, or take their bed (even if it's offered), or over stay your welcome after you've invited yourself. It's always a twat thing to do.

Hortonlovesahoo · 28/09/2017 14:27

@pastryonmymind: what happened in the end with your CFN? Did they remove the car when they said they would? Did the police come back?

Jen1090 · 28/09/2017 15:00

Yes expat, you're right of course. I was speaking relatively, I suppose! They were all pretty cheeky but the other two at least made all the right noises about how grateful they were and how much they appreciated it. Whereas CF just spent the whole time sulking as if she'd expected a five-star hotel.

Of course I also should have not been such a drip. At the very least, I should have had the balls to say 'right guys, I need my bed back as I have work in the morning and you guys can have a lie in after I leave'.

I've definitely grown a pair since then and would NOT let that happen again!

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