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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Regale me with Cheeky Fucker stories

858 replies

TellMeItsNotTrue · 24/09/2017 15:31

I'm stuck in bed feeling ill, bored and pissed off with the whole situation, AIBU to ask you to entertain me with your tales of CFs?

BTW daily fail and other websites/newspapers can fuck off, my fee for this piece of journalism is 2 million pounds and a takeaway pizza, non-negotiable so if you don't agree to those terms then kindly FTFOTFOSM

The only one I can think of at the moment is last year when a neighbour knocked at our house, we get on great with most of our neighbours but this one looks down her nose at everyone and keeps herself to herself. She told me that I needed to make sure I was home the following day Confused I asked why and was told I needed to be in for the delivery Hmm wasn't my birthday and didn't have anything ordered so I asked what was being delivered and how did she know "oh it's not for YOU tinkly laugh no, its from laura Ashley you see" still none the wiser I ask who it's for then and why do I have to be in "well because they said it will be tomorrow and I have appointments! I will be getting my hair done and of course my nails, so I've told them to deliver it here" she then walked off leaving me with my jaw on the floor. I made sure I was out the following day and just put the we missed you card through her door when I got home, not spoken a word to me since, but that isn't unusual for her anyway

OP posts:
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Pinkkahori · 27/09/2017 04:19

At Christmas my dc's school has a fundraising fair. I was on the waffle stand - it's really aimed at kids with chocolate spread, maple syrup and other sticky toppings. Kids love it.
A man came over and got arsey with me because we didn't offer cream and fresh strawberries as a topping! At a fundraiser! In December!

He decided not to invest his 50p in our inferior product. Grin

EllieThornton · 27/09/2017 06:17

I was just telling my DH about this thread, and he told me about the time he was embalming a man, (yes, he was an Undertaker), when the 'phone rang in the mortuary. It was the manager from a distant branch who asked him if Mr X had been brought in. My DH said "Yes, in fact I am embalming him at this moment". The manager said he had Mr X's relatives with him, and then asked my DH to check if Mr X had 3 gold teeth. My DH thought this was for identification purposes, so had a look, and said "yes, he has". The manager then said that the relatives wanted them returned, to which my DH said that it would be unethical for him to do such a thing, but if the relatives wanted 3 gold teeth so desperately, then he would loan them his instruments so that they could do the extraction themselves. They decided to leave the teeth where they were.

FairfaxAikman · 27/09/2017 06:42

Just remembered another one.

I was supposed to go with DF to a function for a hobby of his I had a vague interest in m, but really I was going so he could have a drink and I would drive his massive 4x4 Home.

He then asked if I would let his DP use my car while we were away.

To say I was reluctant was an understatement- she had multiple drink drive convictions (and had just finished a 5 year ban) and even her sober driving left a lot to be desired. If she had crashed my car I would have been without one, and she would never have paid for any damage (that kind of person), plus adding her to the insurance for one day would have cost a bomb.

DF threw a hissy fit and said his DP had given me her old car when she got banned so I could learn. True but it was worth what I paid for it to be honest and was sold for scrap after I passed.

My now-DH was very firm with him (for some reason he’s allowed to stand up to DF and I’m not) and DF ended up going to the event on his own.

honeylulu · 27/09/2017 06:48

Fairfax so he wasn't keen on going to the event in your car and leaving the 4x4 for his partner to drive? I wonder why ...

FairfaxAikman · 27/09/2017 06:52

His point is it would cost even more to add her to the 4x4 than my wee Micra.

We also needed the 4x4 to negotiate parts of the road (very country, in winter). It was a hunting/fishing Christmas do.

Rudedog · 27/09/2017 07:02

Sad I have to go to work and can't read this Sad

curlilox · 27/09/2017 08:04

About 30 years ago our neighbours asked if they could give the school our phone number for emergencies. I agreed and gave them our number. They then proceeded to give it to everyone as their phone number. The final straw was when one of them ended up in prison and I had a phone call from the prison!

user1473069303 · 27/09/2017 09:14

This is quite mild on the scale of CF-ery but it pisses me off nonetheless.

Advertised my old food processor online once and had someone ring up wanting me to hold it for them until they could get down to collect it at the weekend. Naively I said OK. They self-righteously reminded me to let them know if anything was to come up in the meantime, as it's only polite. They never got back to me.

Same when trying to sell our flat. A couple seemed interested but had to go and check out local schools, etc. They said they'd get back to us within a few days but to let them know were we to find another buyer in the meantime, as it's very rude otherwise! Never heard anything from them.

Politeness works only one way, it seems.

Doramaybe · 27/09/2017 09:41

A "friend" messaged me recently to see if I could loan her £1,000 to have repairs done in her house.

The text came from the Canaries where she is on holiday for two weeks.

I did not reply. CF.

Some people have hard necks and no shame at all.

HarrietKettleWasHere · 27/09/2017 09:43

My previous boss was a CF.

I'm a nanny and had been in the job a month (live out role, single parent, one 9 year old as I do housekeeping and PA stuff on top) when she announces she's just 'popping' to the States in a business trip for three days and could I move in for that time. I got paid hourly back then and was glad to have a chance at earning quite a bit of extra money. She left us a bank card and a fridge full of food so that was ok.

On her way to the airport, I got an email saying the 9 year old couldn't sleep alone so she'd have to come in with me, she also needed to be 'soothed' to sleep and the two little dogs they had would always sleep on the bed too.

I was a bit Hmm and we had a long chat about big girls sleeping in their own rooms etc (I said she could have the dogs, I read stories and left a night light) but at bedtime she kicked off and cried big time and I ended up doing the full super nanny routine every night (WITH A NINE YEAR OLD!) but she'd always climb in with me in the night and thrash her limbs and grind her teeth so I wasn't getting any sleep at all. I'd sneak off to her bed but she'd always wake up and the whole process would start all over again.

Mum then announced that she wasn't coming back as planned and the 'office was in crisis'. This coincided with the first day of the summer holidays...

SHE DIDN'T COME BACK FOR THREE WEEKS.

I felt sorry for the girl (who incedently was a very stroppy difficult and rude child for the most part but that was hardly surprising given her CF mum) and we just tried to make the best of it but I was practically having a nervous breakdown by the time the mum finally got back (after pushing it one more night at the end because of flight delays) I was exhausted, and the only time I was getting to myself was when I went to the loo.

I got extra money but NOTHING for the overnight bits (pay stopped at 10pm and kicked back in at 7am) where I was up and down comforting her child.

She did buy me a three pack of L'Oréal lipglosses from Duty Free though Hmm

Pregosaurus · 27/09/2017 10:48

I am genuinely shocked by the last post! Who leaves their child with the nanny like that?!!!!

HarrietKettleWasHere · 27/09/2017 10:56

Pregosaurus I know. I stuck that job out for way, way longer than I should have done because I felt awful for that girl.

She doesn't have a nanny anymore- she was sent to boarding school Sad

Sweetpea55 · 27/09/2017 11:08

What did you do,?

caringdenise009 · 27/09/2017 11:17

CF neighbour. Cut down a tree which was next to his driveway, about ten feet of it. Dragged it to the bottom of the back garden, over a six foot spiked fence onto private land, dragged it past my next door neighbors to dump it at the bottom of the garden. He's a bit of a psycho so I let it go. He takes revenge on those he suspects of wronging him. Used to push down another neighbours double gates with his car over some slight.

Our road has terrible parking problems. He made his driveway into a double, but there was a tree on the pavement blocking access to half of it, though he could've managed. Someone ring barked the tree ( just like someone ring barked the tree in the garden between us just after he built an extension). He built himself a dropped driveway using an angle grinder to break up the kerbstones at 1am. Reported this to the council, they made him pay them to do it properly,but the tree came down. A 100 yr old tree.

To cap it off he painted his own,too long, white lines in from of the drive. Despite now having 4 parking spaces, he puts his car elsewhere in the street whenever he can.

caringdenise009 · 27/09/2017 11:18

CF neighbour. Cut down a tree which was next to his driveway, about ten feet of it. Dragged it to the bottom of the back garden, over a six foot spiked fence onto private land, dragged it past my next door neighbors to dump it at the bottom of the garden. He's a bit of a psycho so I let it go. He takes revenge on those he suspects of wronging him. Used to push down another neighbours double gates with his car over some slight.

Our road has terrible parking problems. He made his driveway into a double, but there was a tree on the pavement blocking access to half of it, though he could've managed. Someone ring barked the tree ( just like someone ring barked the tree in the garden between us just after he built an extension). He built himself a dropped driveway using an angle grinder to break up the kerbstones at 1am. Reported this to the council, they made him pay them to do it properly,but the tree came down. A 100 yr old tree.

To cap it off he painted his own,too long, white lines in from of the drive. Despite now having 4 parking spaces, he puts his car elsewhere in the street whenever he can.

Puzzledandpissedoff · 27/09/2017 12:15

Yet another, this time from a school where I used to volunteer

The treasurer stole the contents of the PTA's bank account and howled out numerous sob stories when caught. Stupidly the school let it go and worse still they allowed her to carry on in the PTA, so she went right on snitching donated items for herself, somehow "misplacing" smaller amounts, etc

Worse still, they allowed her to collect the stall fees at a large car boot sale they held. Without actually mentioning the theft, I refused and said I'd pay it direct to the school secretary and she went MAD ... apparently she was going to involve her solicitors, report me to the governors and more

At least it had a happy ending though; she kicked up such a fuss that the Head eventually told her not to come again

endofthelinefinally · 27/09/2017 12:21

I lent my slow cooker to a neighbour who was considering buying one.
I made it clear that it was a wedding present and I wanted it back.
After numerous attempts to retieve it - she never answered her door or phone - she moved house and took my slow cooker with her.
Didnt leave any contact details.

frieda909 · 27/09/2017 12:30

I've been very lucky and managed to get a job in quite a sought after industry. I'm always really keen to offer advice to younger people just starting out and I have done some voluntary mentoring and that kind of thing. However, sometimes people get in touch with me who definitely cross the line into CF territory!

I had one girl, a recent graduate, get in touch to say she'd been applying for jobs at my workplace but hadn't been getting anywhere and could I give her some tips? Fair enough, but then she went on to say she 'doesn't do admin' and didn't want to do anything that might be repetitive. I was Hmm but tried to be helpful anyway and suggested some postgraduate study options that might help improve her chances. She then sent me quite a huffy reply saying that she knew all about those already but she just wanted a job. Then she sent me her CV and asked if I could pass it around my workplace and 'put in a good word'. All from someone I had literally never met before and exchanged about 3 messages with.

She's young and I'm sure she'll learn soon enough, but I would never, ever have thought to be so brazen with a total stranger!

Sweetpea55 · 27/09/2017 12:32

My latest CFN is elderly so I do feel a bit bad about calling her that. Both her and her DH are disabled. We have been called numerous times to pick them up from the floor / garden. Eventually they have the Carelink system installed but she still persists to ring me for a emergency situation. The Carelink people ring me and say that she has given them my number as a point of contact. But she never asked me if this OK with me.. The final straw came last week when she rang me to get me to clean up the bathroom as she had shit all over. She is nasty and ungrateful and she want have a regular carer because she has to pay for it.. I mean... Why pay when the mug next door will do it..

drinkswineoutofamug · 27/09/2017 12:38

The friend who asked me to ask my daughter if there were any jobs going in the prison my daughter was in!

ViviPru · 27/09/2017 12:49

When we bought our house, the vendor asked if it would be ok for her to take a few cuttings from the garden. We're planning to have the whole place re-landscaped in a couple of years so said that was ok.

When we moved in, there were some very obvious gaps in the borders with newly dug earth where they'd clearly dug up shrubs. Hey ho we thought.

She came back a few days later to "get a few more bits from the garden she'd missed" Still thinking nothing really of it I said that was OK.

Some 6 months later, she called to ask if she could come back and get some more "cuttings" from the garden. So flabbergasted was I that I just said "er...ok?". Alarm bells rang when she turned up and proceeded to empty her boot of gardening equipment, trug and assorted paraphernalia and changed into gardening boots, gauntlet gloves and hat. She then proceeded to spend the entire day pottering around our garden. We'd been out all day but when we got back and found she was still there I gave her short shrift and assumed that would be the last I'd hear of her.

She called a few weeks later to let me know that MY rhubarb would need harvesting soon and there would be more than I'd know what to do with so please could I let her know when it would be convenient for her to come and collect some. I told her that I would drop some round if I found I had too much. And then proceeded to make 4L of rhubarb gin.

Unreal.

ItchyFoot · 27/09/2017 13:06

My dsis is a cf when it comes to lifts. She doesn't drive and expects our stepdad, younger sister and my dp to ferry her around whenever there's a family gathering which is usually once a week at our mum's. They don't mind the lifts really but she never asks. She just assumes and then sometimes she decides to leave early and they have to drop what they're doing. She lives about 30 minutes from me and dp as well so it's not a quick trip to go there and back.

SunshineLollipopsRainbows25 · 27/09/2017 13:08

Sweetpea55

I'd stop answering her calls. I agree with helping old people but she is just using you so she doesn't have to pay someone. my friends old dear NDN knocks on constantly for her DH and if she answers she just asks what's the time or something but if it's her DH she asks so much of him he gets stuck at her house for hours helping her out because he feels bad and she also gave his number as a POC for the carers

caringdenise009 · 27/09/2017 13:14

A relative sold his house after his wife died. He went back to the house a few days after completion, let himself in to collect his post. Couldn't understand why I was so horrified.

RaeCJ82 · 27/09/2017 13:22

My OH and I went out for a meal for a friend's birthday. There was a couple there who we didn't really know who proceeded to order an expensive bottle of wine at the table (the rest of us were still on drinks that we'd bought at the bar prior to being seated). A little while later the waiter came over, topped up their glasses and then went to start topping up the next person's glass from their bottle. The wife nearly had a fit and shrieked at the waiter that it was just their bottle of wine and the waiter immediately stopped having hardly poured any of the wine. That's all fine, it was their bottle of wine. However, when the bill came the wife said "shall we just split it?" and we all ended up paying for their bottle of wine because we were all too stupidly polite to say anything.