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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to consider reporting this family for having lied to the school?

818 replies

mnbvcx445566 · 23/09/2017 22:12

Two parents and one child. They live nowhere near the primary state school they applied for and got into. I think - am pretty sure - they used a different address to the one they live at.
School very sought after. Shall I report them?

I've looked carefully into myself and this is what I think:

1- I am not jealous. If I had the chance to do the same I would not. I would like my child to go to a great state school so they are lucky for that but I would not play the way they did.

2- If I report them the child will have problems at school (? don't quite know what happens in those cases). The parents might have a breakdown or something having to face the backlash. Obviously they have brains and made their choice and would only pay the consequences of their actions but - I - would have precipitated the situation by reporting them. Maybe the system is so fucked anyway that what they did is not that big of a deal. Surely the school should have done 1000 checks before awarding places so there might be something I do not know. What I do know is that they live miles from that school, which has a very very small catchment area.

3- I should report them because if my child did not get into that school 'legally' I would despise people who took advantage of a loophole and took 'my child's place'.

WWYD?

I am a long-time poster/user but I have opened a different account as I do not want to be recognised. (If I do not want to face them and tell them that they are committing an illegal/immoral action does it mean that I am in the wrong thinking of calling the school anonymously?)

OP posts:

Ivy79 · 23/09/2017 23:01

@MammaTJ

As someone who is not happy with the choice of 'local' schools, I am seriously considering moving my DD to her GPs, to enable her to access a decent education.

I would be furious if you did this to me, if I made that massive sacrifice!

Massive sacrifice? What massive sacrifice?

All you are doing is lying and cheating and conning the school, (and the other children in the area) if you do this!

I don't like the idea of 'grassing,' but at the same time, why should people be allowed to lie and cheat and deprive a child who lives closeby, out of a school place? And that WILL happen, even though someone said earlier that it 'won't necessarily' happen.

As I said, the OP does sound a little bitter, but if her child didn't get in the school, and someone else's child got in who lives in another town, then she has every right to report it. Never mind 'keep your beak out!'
It becomes everyone's business if other children are not getting into the school because of liars.

Saying 'it's not fair on the child who has settled..' doesn't wash with me. It's only 2 weeks into the school year!

As was said earlier, if the family are legit, they have nothing to fear, do they?

JonSnowsWife · 23/09/2017 23:01

The fact that she says it so openly at the playground makes me think that there's got to be something I do not know

Maybe she's saying it so openly because she isn't doing anything wrong?

She also sounds like she could do with reviewing her friends?

JockTamsonsBairns · 23/09/2017 23:03

Christ, this all sounds exhausting. Can anyone explain the benefits of the school system you have in England? As opposed to just attending your local school?

WorraLiberty · 23/09/2017 23:03

The child does not have special needs. Of that I am sure.

We are not friends, otherwise I would want to talk to her, but we talk.

So how can you be sure the child doesn't have SN?

Original poster

mnbvcx445566 · 23/09/2017 23:03

I apologise if I sounded whatever with the 'keep talking to me'. I mean it. I have no one else to talk to. I am not going to spread rumours among my friends who live locally because it might not be what it looks like to me. I would never do that to anyone. My husband does not have an opinion.
I have been thinking about this today so I thought I'd ask.
I do not feel that I have power over them. I am not trying to hurt them as a family or their children, hence my asking. And I do not know the system myself (in the sense of what happens if there is fraud).

OP posts:

engineersthumb · 23/09/2017 23:05

It's done and dusted just leave them alone. You claim not to be jealous but it's either jealousy or spite.

BakedBeans47 · 23/09/2017 23:05

If you are sure of your ground then yes I would report them. I have definitely heard of cases where it's come to light that the parents have given a false address and the child has been kicked out of the school.

But you would need to be very sure OP

JonSnowsWife · 23/09/2017 23:05

It becomes everyone's business if other children are not getting into the school because of liars.

Do you mean like all the liars that go to mass for a few weeks to get their DC into the good catholic school? or a christening for the good CofE school? Then have the fucking audacity to moan when their child is made to attend mass or say prayers because they're really atheists? Is that sort of lying okay then? Just not this Mums. Who's apparently being that fraudulent, she's telling people about it in the playground freely. She's either really stupid or maybe, just maybe, it's all legit.

Wtfdoipick · 23/09/2017 23:07

That could almost be me you're talking about however I'm not 3 miles away. I lived in house A then bought house B, for various reasons house A is rented out rather than sold so because it was my original address and I still own it my council refused to accept my new address for school admissions. my original address, house A, is in catchment for an outstanding primary so yes that's where my dd goes house B is touch and go(she'd have got a place using either address the year she started)

RainbowPastel · 23/09/2017 23:07

OP please report them if you have concerns. If they have done nothing wrong then great. It is so unfair if a child has missed out because of fraud.

tiggytape · 23/09/2017 23:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

JonSnowsWife · 23/09/2017 23:08

The child does not have special needs. Of that I am sure.

We are not friends, otherwise I would want to talk to her, but we talk.

^So how can you be sure the child doesn't have SN?

Good question WorraLiberty!

HarveySchlumpfenburger · 23/09/2017 23:09

I think it would win an appeal, JonSnow. In this case it's not necessarily the LA that made the mistake but showing that one of the places available had been taken up by a child who shouldn't by law have had it would be enough for the child whose place it is to be admitted.

If the LA know about it and don't then offer a place to the correct child then they will have made a mistake and you would win an appeal on the basis of that.

AnnieAnoniMouse · 23/09/2017 23:09

OP I'm not actually sure how to say this without offending, but I honestly mean well...you don't sound well. Your posts are very 'manic'/obsessed. Have you recently changed meds or something?

BakedBeans47 · 23/09/2017 23:10

I don't get the "none of your business" argument either. If (and it's a big if) these parents have acted fraudulently they have done wrong and obtained a place at a school for their child by deception. Another child may have been deprived of a rightful place at the school. Damn right I would see it as my business to report potentially illegal and immoral behaviour like this. It might not impact me personally but it's still potentially damaging to society for people to lie and defraud to get what they want.

CotswoldStrife · 23/09/2017 23:10

From the OP's update

They - have - a place they rent where the school is.

So it's likely that they applied with this address for the school place. If you think they have never lived there (is it a second property that they rent out) then report them if you wish.

Are you hoping that it will open up a place for your child? Because you haven't said they are at the same school (I have already said I don't think they are).

WorraLiberty · 23/09/2017 23:11

I think the oddest part of this OP is your woeful lack of backbone.

You're too cowardly to post this in your normal username - to the point where you've actually re-registered rather than name change.

You're too cowardly to contact the school other than anonymously.

You're too cowardly to ask her, 'how can you be there if you live here?'

That for me is the game changer. You're quite happy to play the prefect, potentially lose these children their place in a school they would have just settled in because you think that's morally the right thing to do.

So why don't you see sneaking around behind people's backs as immoral?

If you believe you're doing the right thing then own it. But spending time with this family while sneakily reporting them is imo beyond immoral.

Ivy79 · 23/09/2017 23:11

Yes I mean ALL liars.

People should have to be regular Churchgoers for at least 3 years before their children are allowed into a faith school. Makes me sick when people attend Church 2 or 3 times and then think their child is automatically allowed into a faith school.

Therealslimshady1 · 23/09/2017 23:12

I think if you dob them in, you will have to live with the fact you are the sort of person who dobs other people in. Posdibly unjustly so. Why do that?

It is between the LEA and the parent.

You don't know the full story.

My child is in a school, sought after, out of our catchment. Some busybody mums have made comments to me about that, fishing for info and one saying outright it is not fair she has paid for the catchment through her house price, and me just waltzing in from out of catchment. Followed by a tinkly laugh. I smiled and shrugged. But I don't owe them an explanation.

Wonder if she tried to report me, silly woman. We did nothing illegal or immoral btw.

She knows nothing. And neither do you.

Ivy79 · 23/09/2017 23:13

And if they have only just moved into the village/town, they should need the Vicar from their previous Church to verify they were at Church regularly for at least 3 years. Also pisses me right off when non-Church going people, (especially atheists!) want to get married in Church.

Mamabear4180 · 23/09/2017 23:14

So you don't know her well enough to ask how her child got a place there and it could be legit but you have some weird conscience that if it isn't legit you're going straight to hell for being party to some terrible fraud?

JonSnowsWife · 23/09/2017 23:15

So it's likely that they applied with this address for the school place. If you think they have never lived there (is it a second property that they rent out) then report them if you wish.

If this is the case. She might be an accidental landlord. She might have even had the audacity to put her OOC address down. If someone was going to be fraudulent you'd think they'd be savvy enough to not discuss it so openly in the playground with people they barely talk to.

HarveySchlumpfenburger · 23/09/2017 23:20

Why Ivy? Many faith schools set their own criteria, if they have a problem with people who meet the stated criteria but might not be as regular worshippers as others taking places of regular members of the congregation, then they can adjust the criteria to make them more stringent if they want.

Although insisting that children must be regular attenders for three years before they are allowed in would be illegal. They can have priority over less regular attenders but you can't refuse less regular attenders a space if there is one.

Trueheart1 · 23/09/2017 23:21

YABU Leave this family alone. This is nothing to do with you. You act as if you are the morality police when you are actually an interfering and judgemental person.

Mumoftwoyoungkids · 23/09/2017 23:22

Religious schools have fuck all to do with religion in my opinion. Religious schools are all about selection:-

Do the parents care enough to investigate how to get into the school and organised enough to do it enough in advanced.
Do the parents care enough about education to jump through whatever hoops the school fancies setting.
Is the family life suitably middle class without any issues in order to enable the hoops to be jumped through

It is basically like a grammar school test but for parents. Because those are the parents who back up the school on discipline, encourage and enable homework, get a tutor if Tilly is looking like she won't get an A* in Maths and help out at the jumble sale. Religious secondary school near me is actually funny it is so blatant. Genuinely religious family would not get their child in. Well off, over invested family that really values education (that describes me btw) - no problem - you just have to read the rules and follow them!

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