To be mad at my partner for drinking during pregnancy

[coldair]

Our second baby is due in a few months and all through pregnancy my wife has drank alcohol. Not a lot, but at least one alcoholic drink every other day. A glass of wine or a beer - we aren't talking tequila shots.
I feel so strongly against it. I really do not understand why any parent would take any risks that could harm their baby or child.
She says I am over reacting and that one drink a day is fine - I've found many research papers that disagree with this.
For context, she did have the odd glass of wine with our 1st but we are talking maybe 4 glasses over 9months. But I think because he is fine (but as i have discovered probably too young to really tell) I think she feels
Like he's fine so I can push harder this time?!

What would you guys do in this situation?
Should I just chill out?

That could have been me polly but under the name blackberryQ . It could be someone else but I've been interested in this thread.

To be fair though, lots of people said it would be fine on my thread.

'People are hypocrites on here though'

Right, so the exact same people who have posted on this thread also posted on that one and voiced completely different opinions to those they laid out here?

Or is it more likely that actually, there was a) a mix of opinions stated by b) another mix of people? In other words individuals and not some mumsnet hive mind?

Of course the responses to the pregnant woman are different than the responses to the partner. It is absolutely the responsibility of the pregnant woman to weigh risks, asses the cost:benefit, work out her risks levels and see how she feels.

That is NOT the job of her partner. Her partner's job is to support her, take on jobs that would be hazardous or harmful, pass the sick bucket and hold back hair (large feature of my pregnancy ), and generally try to make life easier. Not to cajole and control and keep on and on about choices that are only the pregnant woman's to make.

For the millionth time; it's her body and she makes all the decisions about it.

I totally disagree that partners of pregnant women have to silently bow down to them throughout and avoid having any opinion on anything that affects their baby. If my husband had expressed concern about anything I was doing during pregnancy I would of course have considered his opinion and sought to reach a compromise, provided neither of us were being totally unreasonable which I don't believe op is. That's because I respect my husband and saw us as a team bringing our child into the world even though I was doing the physical part. Why shouldn't any caring parent have an opinion (if not final decision) on anything that could affect their baby?

I simply can't get my head around the number of posters on here who apparentlythink that drinking alcohol EVERY OTHER DAY through a whole pregnancy is totally fine. I'm stunned.

Thankfully my DH respects me enough to know not to interfere with my body. He may have offered ideas to manage symptoms once in a while but he certainly doesn't get a vote on what I put in my body.

Do the people that think this also think men get a vote on abortion? Because it's analogous.

That could have been me polly but under the name blackberryQ . It could be someone else but I've been interested in this thread.

Weren't you asking about one glass of champers though? OP is concerned about regular alcohol intake.

I thought the one glass you were asking was fine btw.

I also don't get this "her body, her decision". Hmmmm his baby too. Baby is out of control of her decision too.

I understand that pengggwyn, but I'm talking about situations where the couple is together and going through the pregnancy together like the op is. In that situation I do honestly believe it is (or should be) a team effort to some degree. In any case, of course the woman has the final say of what she puts into her body and the op can do nothing but as I said in an earlier post, that level of drinking when clearly the op is uncomfortable with is (as I think many would be) indicates either an alcohol problem, a total lack of respect for their partner or worryingly contrasting attitudes to parenthood. So the woman can indeed do what she likes but I sympathise hugely with the op and wouldn't blame them if it made them see their partner in a different and not good light.

No one is saying the non pregnant partner can't have an opinion. But they don't get a veto or a say on what an autonomous pregnant woman does with her own body.

If my OH had raised concerns about anything to do with my pregnancies I would of course have taken his views on board. But if there had been a conflict on anything - my views would have to trump his. What's the alternative? Other people having rights over pregnant women's bodies?

You don't get it, or you don't agree with it? If the former, people can explain it pretty easily. If the latter, how much control do you think people should have over a pregnant woman?

I don't agree with it actually. OP sounds very much in her life and obviously cares about his unborn child.

Control or caring?

And yy to the pp who pointed out that the baby also has no choice about being regularly fed alcohol for 9 months as its developing. Who is advocating for the baby as we're all fawning over the autonomous pregnant woman?!

They have found children of women who had the occasional drink during pregnancy develop foetal alcohol syndrome but also ones who were heavy drinkers

Can you provide a link to back up this statement? As far as I am aware, in any study on the subject, FAS has never been observed in a child of a woman who drank moderately during pregnancy.

If my OH had raised concerns about anything to do with my pregnancies I would of course have taken his views on board. But if there had been a conflict on anything - my views would have to trump his. What's the alternative? Other people having rights over pregnant women's bodies?

No. But alcohol regularly during pregnancy is not ok. If your OH was concerned about you doing this, would your need for a drink trump his opinion on such a thing?

(Not saying you did of course!!)

I get the "my body, my choice" BUT I think when you knowingly get pregnant you are agreeing to share so should probably just knock the drinkin, smoking etc in the head. It's 9 months and a good reason. I never expect dh to give up anything I had to... I wouldn't in reverse! But they say misery loves company

polly if you'd read the thread you'd have seen the op is a woman.

Here, here Amatree - a baby doesn't have any choice about what it's going through. I think the huge focus on 'living my life' is selfish to a certain degree when it's to do with things that could be potentially harmful. And I don't understand why it's not ok to say 'yes, you're being selfish'. To clarify, I'm talking about regular alcohol consumption here - not a solitary spritzer.

polly if you'd read the thread you'd have seen the op is a woman.

Ah I missed that!

No difference though to me. Sorry OP!

Yea I know that pengggwyn I guess it just makes me a bit sad when some babies get the benefit of so much more sensible choices than others. A shame to have a caring second parent who is trying to protect the baby and being totally ignored Consistantly drinking at this level is not a good choice for a developing foetus surely.

It's her body yes, however it isn't HER baby. It's THEIR baby! Don't know why people are talking like because she's pregnant it's HER baby. Doesn't matter who's carrying the child, the child is THEIRS! congratulations by the way op.