To be mad at my partner for drinking during pregnancy

[coldair]

Our second baby is due in a few months and all through pregnancy my wife has drank alcohol. Not a lot, but at least one alcoholic drink every other day. A glass of wine or a beer - we aren't talking tequila shots.
I feel so strongly against it. I really do not understand why any parent would take any risks that could harm their baby or child.
She says I am over reacting and that one drink a day is fine - I've found many research papers that disagree with this.
For context, she did have the odd glass of wine with our 1st but we are talking maybe 4 glasses over 9months. But I think because he is fine (but as i have discovered probably too young to really tell) I think she feels
Like he's fine so I can push harder this time?!

What would you guys do in this situation?
Should I just chill out?

*Polly "this women's body stuff" jesus christ.
How can you have that attitude?
So when pregnant you did as you were told by your dh yeah?
Women aren't incubators.
Yes it is there body and there is fuck all anyone can do about it thank God.

I don't understand how people don't realise how important this is.

Legally and morally no one has any say over my body.*

But it's not all about her body when there's another body inside it!

seriously get over yourself! did you stop drinking when you were trying to conceive this baby? did you get your sperm an overhaul??

As a parent it becomes your responsibility to put your child first: this will obviously often mean making sacrifices and doing things to the detriment of yourself. It's the same in pregnancy in my opinion. You want to have a glass of wine? Tough!! Your life will be no worse for not having it but your baby's may well be. Time to stop being selfish.

It's not about 'rights' though, it's about taking responsibility.

I didn't and wouldn't @Pengggwn . Purely selfish reasons you had alcohol - satisfying a greed.

Peng of course legally you are correct and it is a muggy area to infringe women's right to do what they want with their body. However you absolutely have to accept that somepeople will judge you whether you like it or not and that is their choice and nothing you can do about it.

The medical research (albeit limited due to reasons previously discussed) actually states that there is no evidence of harm to an unborn baby from low to moderate maternal alcohol consumption. That is irrespective of our nhs guidelines.

It's not difficult to understand why some women may decide to abstain and why others would see the risk as negligible and choose to consume low levels of alcohol on occasion.

I don't understand those that argue against the evidence with odd counter arguments such as "it's worse than smoking" - says who?What study?

To those that say "why take the risk?", if you don't perceive it to be a risk then you're not (in your own mind) taking a risk.

Of course abstaining will be less of a risk than even a little. People choosing to bury their heads just want an excuse for their selfishness. It's such a widely debated issue and no one can ever say 100% that there is no risk. Guidelines are constantly changing but can't go wrong with no alcohol consumption at all.

@clarkl2 I think maybe you haven't read the thread. I'm female, which we have all already debated whether that even matters, but for your info i went through the IVF (hell and I feel for anyone that's had to go through it) and no, i did not drink through that and still don't as trying to be encouraging.x

Catsarenice

Bury their heads from what? Those that have spoken about their choice to drink on occasion have also spoken about how they came to that decision.

They've come to that decision because they don't want there to be a risk. There is no definitive proof that there isn't even the tiniest risk. The only reason they have for having a drink is that they want it. They don't need it: they want it. Selfish.

seriously get over yourself! did you stop drinking when you were trying to conceive this baby? did you get your sperm an overhaul??

RTFT. The OP is female.

Make your mind up @Pengggwn - do you go running or do no exercise??

Some of us had babies while the guidance was one or two units once or twice a week. The change in guidance does not mean that parents who followed that guidance at that time are irresponsible or selfish.

I do these things because I am an autonomous individual, not an incubator.

But if you follow that logic then one might as well do magic mushrooms in Amsterdam and go bungee jumping while pregnant cause, y'know, my body my rules.

IMO, while you're pregnant your role as an "incubator" sort of overshadows your personal choices to do what you like, because there's another life to think about. And if I drank in pregnancy my boyfriend would be well within his right to criticise/refuse to buy alcohol, because the child is his responsibility and his concern too.

As someone said above, responsibility > rights. If people are so focused on what THEY have a right to do (drink every day), maybe they're not ready for a baby.

You asked for opinions.....

Absolutely not artisancraftbeer - you followed the advice given when you were pregnant. Nobody could criticise you for that.

Should drivers be permitted to drink behind the wheel? What about pilots?

Should doctors be allowed to practice whatever their lifestyle and/or state of health.

Bodily autonomy and all that