To be mad at my partner for drinking during pregnancy

[coldair]

Our second baby is due in a few months and all through pregnancy my wife has drank alcohol. Not a lot, but at least one alcoholic drink every other day. A glass of wine or a beer - we aren't talking tequila shots.
I feel so strongly against it. I really do not understand why any parent would take any risks that could harm their baby or child.
She says I am over reacting and that one drink a day is fine - I've found many research papers that disagree with this.
For context, she did have the odd glass of wine with our 1st but we are talking maybe 4 glasses over 9months. But I think because he is fine (but as i have discovered probably too young to really tell) I think she feels
Like he's fine so I can push harder this time?!

What would you guys do in this situation?
Should I just chill out?

I work in a nursery. One (fairly senior) member of staff was sent home after she came into work under the influence.*

I assume she should have the right to look after children after a couple of drinks.

*Quite how she wasn’t sacked on the spot is beyond me.

I am a person. I will do what I want.

With another person inside of you who gets directly affected by the things you want.

Absent parents should be able to piss off and not financially support their kids. Yay autonomy!

@hasitcometothis33 but we aren't talking about illegal activity or going to work steaming. We are talking about a glass of wine. Which is why it's a blurred/grey area I think.

That's quite a leap from discussing women's bodily autonomy when pregnant to a drunk airline pilot.

No leaps of logic necessary.

Asserting ‘bodily autonomy’ requires either a) some caveat to balance ones rights against the rights of others (which is what being an adult involves) or b) allowing ‘bodily autonomy’ to be a universal principal.

I haven’t talked about being ‘drunk’ behind a wheel have I? Best to stick to what’s being written

Either the foetus has rights or I do. And if the foetus has rights; no abortion, locked up for doing anything risky in pregnancy, every miscarriage investigated as a potential crime... And if you think this wouldn't happen, look at those places where it does.

I think we have netted out in a place where we are arguing a right vs a responsibility. I believe we have right to freedom, the right to have children. However we have the responsibility to do this in the best possible way we know how. And that is where me and OH differ. But hey as pretty much all the (normal/coherent) MNs have said I can't make her do anything and rightly pointed out - certainly shouldn't. That would be abuse.

It would be abuse op - unfortunately you have no choice but to let her abuse her own body and that of your unborn baby.

I know it's worrying and you probably feel powerless. But in the end I hope that evil, repulsive, selfish MNers who have written about the evidence that light drinking in pregnancy hasn't been shown to cause issues have reassured you a bit.

That rather depends on whether you consider 3-4 times a week light drinking doesn't it?

@Pengggwn omg people write thesis on that sort of statement 🤔 too much! 😂
All rights come with responsibility. How you are looking at this, they do conflict.

Like voting. You have the right to vote, but the responsibility to do so to the best of your judgement. Some people spoil their ballot or bully others into voting a certain way - that's is not being responsible.

I had all 6 of my children when the guidelines were 1-2 units once or twice a week. ALL of them are absolutely fine. As pp have pointed out many countries in mainland Europe have different views.
In America I believe the limitations are even more crazy. I believe that HB is considered very irresponsible.
The accepted views on what constitutes full term also vary from country to country.
it is NOT an exact science.

@MrsTerryPratchett My mind was put more at rest pages ago when I realised we could probably come to a better balance - like 2 100ml glasses of wine a week and monitor the units. Complete restriction would be setting us up to fail - yet to have that conversation will bring it up gently. Thank you x

Excellent example OP. We may have the right to do whatever we like with our body, but one would hope that a sense of responsibility would prevail and make you think twice about endangering the other being living inside of it. So I'm not saying it should be illegal or enforceable, just that we shouldn't really need telling? And I repeat, I'm talking about moderate drinking now, not the odd glass of wine.

Either the foetus has rights or I do.

It's not as black and white as that - for starters, the abortion limit is 24 weeks, so after that time the foetus has a right to not be aborted. And if you drink like a fish/take drugs during pregnancy, SS can take the baby away.

Women are not stupid. Women are not children. Women do not need to be led by the hand and treated as incompetent incubators who must be told, and reminded, and monitored. YOU can make whatever decisions you want for yourself and your pregnancy. You don't have to like the decisions that other women make, nor do you don't have to agree with them. You just have to accept that you cannot police them, at all, ever, because the road that will lead us down finishes up in a really really frightening place for women.