To be mad at my partner for drinking during pregnancy

[coldair]

Our second baby is due in a few months and all through pregnancy my wife has drank alcohol. Not a lot, but at least one alcoholic drink every other day. A glass of wine or a beer - we aren't talking tequila shots.
I feel so strongly against it. I really do not understand why any parent would take any risks that could harm their baby or child.
She says I am over reacting and that one drink a day is fine - I've found many research papers that disagree with this.
For context, she did have the odd glass of wine with our 1st but we are talking maybe 4 glasses over 9months. But I think because he is fine (but as i have discovered probably too young to really tell) I think she feels
Like he's fine so I can push harder this time?!

What would you guys do in this situation?
Should I just chill out?

coldair.

I find it unsettling that a foetus has to potentially suffer. Surely as a pregnant mother there is some concept of doing the right thing even if it is inconvenient? We have a responsibility whether we like it or not. There are lots of things that are inconvenient about having a baby and that's just how it is.

I would say that stressing out your wife would be more of a concern to the health of your unborn child.
Let her find time to relax in a way she enjoys. If you have time on your hands to seethe maybe help out more around the house instead and also foot rubs etc.

It's a baby, one who deserves the right to be nourished without alcohol, pregnancy is a precious thing why would you want to taint it with the possibility that drinking alcohol may have and effect at any point in that child's life, we bring children into the world through love and why should that not be from the very begging with how we nourish that child in the womb. You would not give your baby diluted alcohol out side if the womb(not nowadays).

And people say that men are entitled??! 'I am a woman therefore I can do whatever I like and fuck the consequences for anyone else!' Taking care of yourself in pregnancy and changing certain lifestyle choices does not make someone an incubator! Must be great fun living with some of these 'I can do what I want' women!!!

pengggwn so long as these same people don't judge people for not breast feeding. That would be a bit ridiculous.

People assumed you were male hence the double standards.

This^ for the entirety of every thread on Mumsnet

I'm confused about why people are defending the right to have 1-2 drinks per week.

OP's partner is drinking 4 times a week! And a glass of wine/ beer is not equal to 1 unit. Even by the most liberal definitions of "light drinking" in pregnancy that's not what's happening here.

@Pengggwn think I'll stick to my own interpretation of what you've said seeing as men cannot have babies.

There again is the issue, you denounce women who have made the choice to not completely abstain as having the attitude of "fuck the consequences", but if you are of the opinion that there are no adverse consequence (or minuscule risk) how are you being reckless or selfish?

How is choosing to form your own opinion based on evidence difficult to accept?

Personally I don't judge others on their parenting choices, I'm too busy concentrating on my own.

It just seems like a straw man Pengggwn

I haven't seen anything anywhere that says more than 1-2 drinks a week is acceptable. So let's focus on the actual issue which is while this woman has the right to drink 4 times a week, the behavior is against even the most liberal medical guidance. Therefore OP is right to feel upset even though there's not much she can do about it.

But making responsible decisions isn't being treated as an incubator especially assuming you've chosen to become pregnant or have decided to continue with the pregnancy? Being treated like an incubator would be the human equivalent of a puppy farm! Oh boo hoo you can't have alcohol for a few months - can you really not live without it?

I think that's ridiculous @Pengggwn - our whole lives are enshrouded in rules - should we ignore all of them because we think we know best? You think alcohol cannot harm a foetus? There is no concrete proof that it doesn't. Surely the only way to not cause alcohol related problems is to ensure alcohol is not consumed at all? But as long as you say it's not a risk then that becomes fact? Ridiculous. I really hope no problems develop later in life that you end up regretting.

@Pengggwn yes you never said it didn't cause damage but you didn't consider it a big risk despite not actually knowing.Back to being selfish and irresponsible again whichever way you look at it. But as long as you choose what goes in your body then sod the potential consequences. What did you seriously get from the odd glass of alcohol that made a risk (however small) worthwhile? Or was it a case of 'I can so I will'?