To be mad at my partner for drinking during pregnancy

[coldair]

Our second baby is due in a few months and all through pregnancy my wife has drank alcohol. Not a lot, but at least one alcoholic drink every other day. A glass of wine or a beer - we aren't talking tequila shots.
I feel so strongly against it. I really do not understand why any parent would take any risks that could harm their baby or child.
She says I am over reacting and that one drink a day is fine - I've found many research papers that disagree with this.
For context, she did have the odd glass of wine with our 1st but we are talking maybe 4 glasses over 9months. But I think because he is fine (but as i have discovered probably too young to really tell) I think she feels
Like he's fine so I can push harder this time?!

What would you guys do in this situation?
Should I just chill out?

Really surprised by answers on this thread. Probably from people who drank aswell during pregnancy.

ALCOHOL IS NOT A NECESSITY.

Scientist CANNOT actively test on pregnant women and supply them with alcohol for the purpose of research because it is immoral and illegal. The research out there are from people who chose to drink and have been collated and studied after the fact!

Pregnant women who drink alcohol is totally beyond me. Give your children the best start in life!

I would be worried too. Why would you want to take the risk even if its low, this is your unborn child's life. I don't think it's too much to stay away from alcohol for nine months.

If the op had come on as a women saying their husband drank every other day (obviously not pregnant) and refused to stop

Everyone would be crying alcoholic
Ltb

Love the double standards sometimes

FWIW OP I think Yanbu.

As others have said FASD can happen on the sort of levels you're talking about - I'm not an expert but I suspect if your foetus already has a genetic vulnerability to a mental disorder the alcohol interacts with those genes to cause the disorder, which is why some people's kids are fine but others aren't.

Here is an example -

www.google.co.uk/amp/www.mirror.co.uk/news/uk-news/a-few-glasses-of-wine-during-pregnancy-702690.amp

The issue is that you just don't know, especially if you have used donor sperm.

Think the fact you are female is maybe relevant, as I don't know how you chose who was going to have ivf to have the child, but I guess it could have been you rather than her.

I think the only things you can do are firstly gather evidence to show it sometimes isn't OK so why take the risk, and secondly at least try get her to switch to low alcohol beers, wine sprizers so the units are reduced, plus drinking slowly with food etc.

I'm not sure what stage of pregnancy you're at either, but my understanding is that that alcohol has less impact as the pregnancy progresses, but I still think it's worth it is worth having the conversation to get her to reduce it / stop.

Anyone who tells you you're 'controlling' for not wanting your pregnant partner to drink alcohol is a fucking idiot.

I'm a "your body your choice" type, with the proviso that this applies when the women in question have the capacity to consider and assess the risks to their satisfaction.

One thing I'll add here as it's not been mentioned (no idea whether it's relevant to you OP, but just in case) - I'd speak to her about why she's drinking. "I feel like it and it's within the limits" - fine. But if it's a way of coping with (pregnancy related or otherwise) stress etc, it needs drawing out.

A very good friend drank similar amounts and smoked weed during T2 and T3 - she was hugely depressed and that's how she coped. Far from ideal but it's more common than you'd expect.

If it’s her body why on threads about does my husband drink too much
The answer is always yes and always talks to him to get them to tackle it ...

LanaKanesLeftNippleTassle Are you the partner of the op? I don't usually ask that as a rule, but you seem to be doing your level best to shout any who disagrees with your point of view down! To such a degree that you are being quite rude, when there is actually no need to be. The only reason for that is that you are feeling attacked, and perhaps judged?

Otherwise, you might want to calm down (something I never say on here) because you are sounding completely unreasonable and ranty and your message is getting lost among your anger. Which is a shame, because some of it is actually quite interesting.

Funnily enough, most of them (inc me) are not worried by the OPs partners drinking levels. That's more to do with the fact that it isn't your baby she is carrying. Op is allowed to be concerned.

Pengggwn And LanaKanesLeftNippleTassle posts aren't? In fact it was lana who called those who agreed with op "perfect & judgemental" ...

The New advice now is no alcohol is safe to have during pregnancy so I would be pretty upset if it was me

If you can refrain from alcohol for 9 months for the sake of your unborn child then don’t have one and spend your time boozing instead.

Just chill out.

OP have you stopped drinking entirely during the pregnancy?

*cant
Not can

Personally I’d be worried too. That’s a fair amount of alcohol a week. It’s only 9 months I’m not sure why you’d take the risk.
Unfortunately though OP there is very little you can do about it - you’ve made your concerns known it’s now up to your wife

I was just reading a Danish study which found those mothers who consumed low amounts of alcohol ended up with BETTER outcomes than those who abstained completed (in terms of lower blood pressure, less pre-eclampsia, fewer interventions at birth and greater cognitive ability at age 4).
I'm not drinking in this pregnancy (because the thought makes me feel ill), but please can some people try and open their minds just the tiniest amount? There is NO evidence that LOW alcohol consumption has an impact. In fact, using science and you know, logic, you could argue those completely abstaining are not doing best by their health.

Pengggwn are you seriously arguing it's too much of a sacrifice for the average woman to not drink in pregnancy?!

It's one thing to speak up for women's bodily autonomy, but come on.

OP have you stopped drinking entirely during the pregnancy?

Do you think he/she should?

OP have you stopped drinking entirely during the pregnancy?

I think she said she did, many pages ago.