Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I'm sorry but boarding school at 8...

451 replies

TheVanguardSix · 23/09/2017 13:36

I just don't get it.
Not in this day and age.
I don't mean to come across as antagonistic but as I watch DD's best friend prepare to leave next year for boarding school at the age of 8, it just feels sad. It's amazing how the dynamics of their friendship have changed already. And I can't help but assume it has to do with her knowing that she's leaving... preparing to board (she will only come back for Christmas/Easter/Summer hols... not even half-term. Her parents will visit her over half-term).
Don't get me wrong. I'm not against boarding school at all even if it's not in our plans. I get why people send their older kids to boarding school. We know lots of our older DC's friends who started boarding school at 11 and 13. But 8... it just seems so young.
There must be something positive about it. Otherwise, why would people choose to send a young child to boarding school?

OP posts:
Familyof3or4 · 23/09/2017 14:45

Hmmmmmm. Schools don't keep kids at half term for visiting because, you know, the boarding staff need holidays too.

thatwouldbeanecumenicalmatter · 23/09/2017 14:46

My DF went to boarding school at 8 (he was the eldest and where he grew up there was a massive culture surrounding the importance of the eldest son) the local school wasn't good enough but good enough for his younger siblings! and he was getting into trouble a lot with other local kids (tbf he was spoilt and cocky even by his own admission). He absolutely loved it although that was the type of child he was -adventurous and confident. My DF grew up to be close to his parents although it did take til adulthood to build a close relationship with his siblings. My DF does act like a big kid a lot of the time but he's definitely not emotionally stunted, he's very generous, kind natured person.

Personally its not something I would do not that I can afford it but I'm not going to judge others, horses for courses and all that.

Qvar · 23/09/2017 14:47

I will not be quiet until someone defines the non-financial difference between going to a social services run children's facility and going to a boarding school

Spikeyball · 23/09/2017 14:48

I know of a few primary age children who are weekly boarders at specialist schools. There are no suitable schools within daily travelling distance of their homes. It will have been a very difficult decision for their parents to make.

PandorasXbox · 23/09/2017 14:48

You obviously don't have the first clue about either.

Mittens1969 · 23/09/2017 14:49

I went to a private school as a 'day girl', i.e. I stayed at school until 7pm but I didn't board. The youngest girls were 8/9, which was too young imo. It was damaging for some of them but others coped just fine.

I didn't fare so well. I was sent there because of bullying in the state system but in the event I was bullied even more in the boarding school.

I'm sorry that your DD is losing her best friend, OP, that's hard. But it doesn't necessarily mean it will damage her in any way.

lynmilne65 · 23/09/2017 14:51

I was sent to boarding school aged 9, there are simply no words to express my misery there.

I will never forget it.

Qvar · 23/09/2017 14:51

Define the difference, pandora, I fucking challenge you

Spikeyball · 23/09/2017 14:52

Specialist meaning special needs by the way.

Increasinglymiddleaged · 23/09/2017 14:55

Hmmmmmm. Schools don't keep kids at half term for visiting because, you know, the boarding staff need holidays too.

Mallory towers did Wink

WashingMatilda · 23/09/2017 14:55

qvar and pandora calm down, good lord!

kittensinmydinner1 · 23/09/2017 14:56

Can someone please explain to me what 'special circumstances ' could ever make boarding school 'ok' or 'understandable' at the age of 8 ???

As for the beyond incomprehensible platitude of 'I'm sure they've ehougjt about it and it's right for them'

Yes. I'm sure they have thought how convenient it would be to shove a 8 yr old off , out the way so that they don't interfere with the parents !

Vinomcstephens · 23/09/2017 14:57

I went to boarding school at the age of 10 and I fucking loved it. My parents did (and I presume still do Smile) love me very much so no belated SS intervention needed on my part.

I would venture that those who are very opposed to boarding school education at a young age - while your opinions are entirely valid - didn't go themselves so can't have a true understanding of it.

That's not to say everyone who goes to boarding school young will enjoy it, but that's true of any school I think.

WankStainWasher · 23/09/2017 14:58

What is a social services run children's facility like? I have no idea. If I knew, I might be able to have a go at comparing them. Qvar, can you enlighten us please?

Trethew · 23/09/2017 15:01

I went at 9. Absolutely loved it

Montgomery00 · 23/09/2017 15:01

I went to boarding school at 7, a school of 120 boys and only 8 girls. It was awful - I ran away and got beaten for that.

I'm glad things have changed now though and I do believe that they are very different places to when I was there.

LazyDailyMailJournos · 23/09/2017 15:02

School used to shut for half term - long distance (forces) and international students used to go to stay with friends or there were a couple of host families that used to put students up.

PandorasXbox · 23/09/2017 15:03

Are you really that thick Qvar?
Honestly? Hmm

lynmilne65 · 23/09/2017 15:03

kittensinmydinner

Was sent to boarding school because my mother was dying of cancer. Which they didn't tell me.

danTDM · 23/09/2017 15:04

An ex/bf went to a very famous boarding school at 8.

He was utterly successful but totally screwed up. In therapy about it etc at 35. Could be very detached most of the time, very depressed too.

He dreaded going back after Christmas or exeat weekends.

kittensinmydinner1 · 23/09/2017 15:06

Lynemiln65 That is incredibly sad. But was it really better to be 'out of the way' rather than with Dad, or Grandparents/Aunts and your dying mother ?

Qvar · 23/09/2017 15:07

Sure thing.
In a social services run children's facility, you are taken from your home and cared for and educated by people who are being paid to do so because your family either can't or won't. This is considered to be for your own good.

So as PandorasXbox seems unable to define how a boarding school is different, perhaps someone else would like to have a go?

PandorasXbox · 23/09/2017 15:09

Ok so why haven't the children who attend boarding school been removed from their parents?

kittensinmydinner1 · 23/09/2017 15:09

Ex bf went at 7. (Father high up in the Army). Perfectly normal man . Until I met the parents. He called his father 'sir' and actually sat on his mothers lap and cuddled her 4 times over a weekend. He was 24 at the time.
Taxi for Kittens..

SleepFreeZone · 23/09/2017 15:09

DP went to boarding school from 7. I think it has definitely shaped his character but he says it was a positive experience overall.