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Original poster

I'm sorry but boarding school at 8...

451 replies

TheVanguardSix · 23/09/2017 13:36

I just don't get it.
Not in this day and age.
I don't mean to come across as antagonistic but as I watch DD's best friend prepare to leave next year for boarding school at the age of 8, it just feels sad. It's amazing how the dynamics of their friendship have changed already. And I can't help but assume it has to do with her knowing that she's leaving... preparing to board (she will only come back for Christmas/Easter/Summer hols... not even half-term. Her parents will visit her over half-term).
Don't get me wrong. I'm not against boarding school at all even if it's not in our plans. I get why people send their older kids to boarding school. We know lots of our older DC's friends who started boarding school at 11 and 13. But 8... it just seems so young.
There must be something positive about it. Otherwise, why would people choose to send a young child to boarding school?

OP posts:
gillybeanz · 23/09/2017 16:02

No bullying at my dd school, they are one big happy family. There are occasions where somebody will get on your nerves, or you fall out but next class they are best mates again, like any normal school.

I tell my dd I love her everyday whether she's at school or home.
I see her daily as we skype, sometimes for 5 mins if she's busy or it's late, other times we chat for half an hour or more.
I know plenty of day school kids who don't even see their parents at night as kids allowed in their rooms after school. My friends with dd's the same age as mine can't get over our closeness and time we actually spend together.

orlantina · 23/09/2017 16:03

No bullying at my dd school, they are one big happy famil

Well that's ok then.

MsGameandWatching · 23/09/2017 16:04

No bullying at my dd school, they are one big happy family.

I just don't believe that. There's conflict even in the happiest of families and there always a hierarchy where large groups of children are together.

millifiori · 23/09/2017 16:06

dolly I can imagine 2 nights a week would be brilliant at that age. It's enough to feel excited without being away long enough for homesickness and a sense of abandonment to set in. Hope it all goes well for you.

minifingerz · 23/09/2017 16:09

I'm with you OP.

I was at boarding school at 11. I would go WEEKS without being physically touched by another human being. Sad

And actually I wouldn't have wanted to be touched by some of the very odd individuals whose job it was to supervise us after school.

My children get hugged and kissed every day. Including my teenagers. Positive touch and physical affection is like food and drink to my family. Hate to think of very young children being without it for long periods of time.

RiceBurner · 23/09/2017 16:09

orlantina but your kid will let you know if they are unhappy! (Cos they have phones and email and stuff!)

The schools are red hot on stopping any bullying as they would lose too many paying pupils otherwise? Parents would be quick to complain ... and would pull their kids out if necessary.

The schools thrive on their good reputation. And they need the money so would kick out any difficult kids who they can't handle.

I know a lot of ppl who sent their kids to board and hardly any of those kids did not enjoy the experience and the few that didn't like boarding had problems which I think would have been same at a state school too, as think there is probably more chance of getting tormented in a state school? (And social media means it can easily continue after school hours now?)

So not sure why you think boarding school would be any worse than a state school? I would say the opposite!

Maybe back in the 1950s there was more bullying/hardship, as that was the norm. But it is quite a different experience now, as parents now want their children to be happy/enjoy their school days, esp when they are PAYING HUGE amounts for it?!

LazyDailyMailJournos · 23/09/2017 16:09

Gilly There is no way you could possibly know that - and if you genuinely think that it doesn't happen at your daughter's school then you are deluded. Every school has bullying in some way, shape or form. What differentiates good schools from the shit ones, is how it is dealt with.

mogulfield · 23/09/2017 16:09

I know of forces families who've done this, but it's usually to be with siblings and usually because the parents are moving every 12-18 months, or because both parents are deployed for 6 months.
I can't really understand 'normal' families doing it... unless a single parent with no choice.
The boarding schools my friends kids go to seem very hot on pastoral care and it's amazing what they get now.

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 23/09/2017 16:10

I've never understood why these parents have children to just get rid if them. My dd only had to stay out over night and I'd be sobbing for her.
Its beyond my comprehension how anyone could be away from their child for that long by choice.
That little girl is going to grow up very bitter toward her parents, and feel like a third wheel, which is understandable. I would do. You would do getting sent away at 8 years old.

gillybeanz · 23/09/2017 16:10

Yes, of course there are times when the kids don't get on, but bullying doesn't exist.
It's something I report that parents and children tell me, when I'm talking to new parents.
They couldn't afford bullying, but of course not everybody always agrees and if one person isn't really your type of person you do what you have to do with that person, act professionally and don't go out of your way to socialise with that person.
So I've been told.
There is no hierarchy the older kids mentor the youngest and look after them "Guardian Angels". They all work together so you could have Y4 the youngest working alongside 6th formers.
My dd loves being in classes with the older ones.

minifingerz · 23/09/2017 16:11

Oh, and I always made my parents think I was happy at school because 1. I didn't recognise the constant feeling of unease I had when I was there for what it was - anxiety and 2. They clearly do wanted and needed me to be on there.

orlantina · 23/09/2017 16:11

but your kid will let you know if they are unhappy

Really? Even if the parents have had no choice to send you to boarding school and it's a good school and you don't want to get into 'trouble' for telling people that you are being bullied??

Behindthedoor · 23/09/2017 16:11

I had a very unhappy childhood and would have jumped at the chance to go to boarding school.

MyBrilliantDisguise - me too!

orlantina · 23/09/2017 16:13

Yes, of course there are times when the kids don't get on, but bullying doesn't exist

This thread isn't about your boarding school. Some children get badly bullied at boarding school and they don't tell their parents - for a variety of reasons.

That's why boarding school is great for some but crap for others. I spent 7 years being bullied. I didn't tell my parents.

It was crap for me. But good for others.

orlantina · 23/09/2017 16:14

and if one person isn't really your type of person you do what you have to do with that person, act professionally and don't go out of your way to socialise with that person

It's a boarding school. You can't hide from them. They find you.

LaughingLlama · 23/09/2017 16:15

Social Services do send some children to private boarding schools. The private schools provide the place free/reduced as part of their charitable status.

Children are sent to boarding schools by their families for many varied reasons but very rarely just because the parents cant be assed to care for them themselves. Weekly and flexible boarding is much more common these days with working families. Unlike after school clubs - boarding can provide a proper routine, friendships, supervised homework, clubs/activities and a routine all on one site. For children of parents who reply on clubs or nannys until late evening several times a week, it can be a workable option.

In my experience young boarders came from military/diplomatic families leading a very nomadic lifestyle, single parent families - more commonly single Dads. A lot of single parents were widowed. A few families used boarding when coping with serious illness to a parent and yes there were some that were sent boarding at 7 or 8 because it was the done thing in their family for whatever reason.

My daughter flexi boarded at age 9 - Every Thursday night for a whole term. It started because she wanted to join a certain club and due to my work commitments and my husband being deployed abroad it meant our usual after school arrangements wouldn't work. She had a choice - DO X activity but need to stay at school on a Thursday or don't do X activity until next term when we could accommodate it. The school let her try and I booked it on a week by week basis. She never once didn't want to go. She used to get super excited about sleeping over at school with her friends and begged to be allowed to board full time by the end of the term. She didnt though as there was not the need. In my opinion flexi boarding is a world away from full boarding but the experience certainly taught me not to judge - there are varied reasons why there are young boarders and a lot (but not all) is down to circumstances and need more than free choice.

OlennasWimple · 23/09/2017 16:15

Call SS? Put your kid up for adoption??

Over-reaction much? Confused Hmm

Butterymuffin · 23/09/2017 16:17

It's the examples of kids going at 4, like MsGames said her sister did, that make me Sad. 4 yos are still so little.

becotide · 23/09/2017 16:19

People send 4 year olds to boarding school because they didn't want them. There is no other rational explanation.

gillybeanz · 23/09/2017 16:22

It always astounds me the shit that is spouted on boarding threads.
And I always bite Grin

it is a shame that it isn't right for some children and they feel they can't speak to their parents and tell them they aren't happy.
That's shit parenting though and not part and parcel of boarding schools.
I'm sorry for those on here who had a bad experience Thanks

But those who have never attended a boarding school themselves who are adamant they are evil places, educate yourself, go and visit one on an open day.
They are so different these days and parents are a lot more involved in their child's education than many other schools.
We know exactly where are children are socially and academically.

JigglyTuff · 23/09/2017 16:22

I live near a boarding prep. There is a high proportion of kids from Asia there. I feel so sorry for them - they're thousands of miles from their parents and in a strange country and a strange culture, all in the name of a British education :(

JigglyTuff · 23/09/2017 16:23

They are so different these days and parents are a lot more involved in their child's education than many other schools.

What a crock of shit Grin

gillybeanz · 23/09/2017 16:24

I've never heard of a 4 year old being accepted to board.
It must be very rare, there are very few 8 year olds nationally.
As you would expect the highest number come from 6th form.

LaughingLlama · 23/09/2017 16:24

Where are these schools that accept 4 year olds? Do they still exist today?

orlantina · 23/09/2017 16:26

That's shit parenting though and not part and parcel of boarding schools

No - that's what can happen in some boarding schools and the feelings children have in not being able to open up. And the people in charge not really knowing what's going on.