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AIBU?

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Original poster

I'm sorry but boarding school at 8...

451 replies

TheVanguardSix · 23/09/2017 13:36

I just don't get it.
Not in this day and age.
I don't mean to come across as antagonistic but as I watch DD's best friend prepare to leave next year for boarding school at the age of 8, it just feels sad. It's amazing how the dynamics of their friendship have changed already. And I can't help but assume it has to do with her knowing that she's leaving... preparing to board (she will only come back for Christmas/Easter/Summer hols... not even half-term. Her parents will visit her over half-term).
Don't get me wrong. I'm not against boarding school at all even if it's not in our plans. I get why people send their older kids to boarding school. We know lots of our older DC's friends who started boarding school at 11 and 13. But 8... it just seems so young.
There must be something positive about it. Otherwise, why would people choose to send a young child to boarding school?

OP posts:
DottyBlue2 · 23/09/2017 14:15

Apart from myrtle.

existentialmoment · 23/09/2017 14:16

I'd call social services. Dreadful behaviour

they'd tell you stop wasting their time.

TurquoiseDress · 23/09/2017 14:17

YANBU

I would never willingly send a child of mine away to boarding school at the age of 8!

User843022 · 23/09/2017 14:18

'All these people who know other people who were damaged specifically by their schools sounds like rubbish.'

'sounds like rubbish?' Confused

I have a relative who boarded from 7yrs. At nearly 50 he has done very well for himself. He has a huge chip on his shoulder though and has never forgiven his parents.
Primary school age is far too young to board.

DottyBlue2 · 23/09/2017 14:19
MsGameandWatching · 23/09/2017 14:19

My mother sent my sister at age four. This was back in the early eighties. I was 9.

MsGameandWatching · 23/09/2017 14:22

Sorry my Father sent us too, but my Mum persuaded him it was fine.

LazyDailyMailJournos · 23/09/2017 14:24

I went at 11 as a weekly boarder and then FT from 13 - seeing my family at exeat weekend for the first year. After that I only used to go home at half term and end of term - I'd stay at school for the exeats along with other international students etc., because the travel and distance wasn't worth it for 48 hours.

I don't have DC of my own. But if I did and if - IF - they wanted to board, then I would allow it from the age of 13 but only on a weekly basis. I enjoyed it in my teens because I got to spend lots of time with my mates and it was good fun. But certainly not FT.

FT boarding means you miss out on so much of family life. I always felt like a visitor in my own home - you'd notice new pictures, new cushions, new ornaments, things had been moved around. People had new clothes, haircuts, different stuff. All the tiny weeny things that happen in daily life that you don't give a second thought to until you aren't there any more.

Airbiscuits · 23/09/2017 14:25

I'm about to go pick up my 8 year old from boarding school right now.
He boards Thursday and Friday nights, with his sister. No worse than a sleepover.
Next year they could be weekly boarding, so I'm warming them up to it gradually. It's that or change school, and I think this is the best way to manage it for them and give them stability, and a fantastic education.

My husband and I both boarded. Both of us liked it. Neither of us are damaged or weirdos.

LazyDailyMailJournos · 23/09/2017 14:25

Sorry forgot to say - B/S at 11 was prep school. B/S at 13 was a different senior school (post Common-Entrance exam) which was much further away - which is why I had to go FT.

bluit · 23/09/2017 14:29

Dotty, flogging a dead horse?

fatowl · 23/09/2017 14:31

We're currently deciding whether to send my DD15 (now in Y11) to boarding school for 6th Form because DH is likely going to have to move job (and country) in late 2018 or 2019.

Feel horrible but she's looking forward to it and has chosen the school.

Couldn't imagine sending her in y7 (like quite a few of her friends did), let alone at 8.

Justoneme · 23/09/2017 14:32

It's each to their own really ...

Andrewofgg · 23/09/2017 14:34

I'd call social services. Dreadful behaviour.

PMSL at the idea of calling social services about your child's friend's parents' choice of school.

OP do you not know that for some children it's the least worst? For the children of diplomats, for example; it's the only way to provide some stability and continuity.

scrabbler3 · 23/09/2017 14:36

I know teenagers who board. I also know a teenager who's in a Premier League football academy and lodges with a family, receiving schooling nearby. At age 11+ I see no problem as long as the kid knows they always have a secure home. 8 seems very young though.

ohreallyohreallyoh · 23/09/2017 14:37

Surely the majority of boarders of any age are the children of people in high up military positions, diplomats, those people in jobs in highly dangerous areas where children would be at risk of kidnap etc. Or are we suggesting that people who do these jobs should be denied a family life?

TealStar · 23/09/2017 14:38

My two are in their teens and even though I'm sure they'd cope fine in a boarding environment I don't think it would do them any good. Evenings are for them to chill out away from their friends, and to talk vent about their day to us parents in an environment where they can truly be themselves. And sleep in their own room.
I can see the merits of weekly boarding at sixth form, especially if the dds have a busy schedule that revolves around prep and after school activities that are based at school. Otherwise I think young-mid teens are as vulnerable as younger children - more so sometimes as they have hormones, heavy workloads and friendship dramas to deal with - and parental support should be the best pastoral support available to them.

alfagirl73 · 23/09/2017 14:38

Surely it depends on a number of factors: The type of school and the opportunities it offers, the family structure/dynamic, the child him/herself etc...

Both my best friend and my partner went to boarding school - different ones at different times. Both speak very positively about it, both are from very loving families; my best friend is very close with his family and he loved his time at boarding school.

My partner's parents are both dead now but he was very close with them and he also speaks very fondly about his time at boarding school. He took me to his old school and proudly showed me around in fact. He's a very successful, intelligent, funny, happy guy - it's not fucked him up in any way shape or form.

That all said, I'm sure there are some children who would be more likely to thrive at boarding school and some who would struggle. It doesn't make boarding school itself wrong, it's just a better fit for some children than others.

Montsti · 23/09/2017 14:38

It is young to be a full boarder at age 8 but it depends on the child and the parents circumstances. I know people who live on very rural farms (not in the uk) where there are no schools closeby so have had to send their sons to boarding school.

My mum & an ex boyfriend both boarded from age 7 and hated it at that age but I know others who loved it. I think weekly boarding would be much better so you're with family every weekend and every holiday etc...

Qvar · 23/09/2017 14:40

It's just the care system for the rich, that's all. Normal people who can't cope have their children taken into care. The rich get to choose and pay for their child's foster parents.

lemonsandlimes123 · 23/09/2017 14:40

Not that different to nursery/childminder at 6 months IMO.

PandorasXbox · 23/09/2017 14:42

Fuck me.

Dotty was being sarcastic.

strongasmeringue · 23/09/2017 14:43

My 14 year old was interested in going to boarding school last month. Dh said an immediate flat no way. I said if she wants to look into it I will listen to her thoughts. But eight, no chance.

Sometimes it might be the only way a child has a settled place to live if the parents travel often for work. It's not all for selfish reasons.

PandorasXbox · 23/09/2017 14:43

Qvar be quiet. What absolute bollocks.

Enb76 · 23/09/2017 14:44

I boarded from 9. For my parents it was a choice between apalling local provision and sending your child away. I came home weekends until I expressed the desire to board full time. I loved boarding through primary, with your friends all the time, it was fun. I wouldn't send my child but I have no need to as I live in the catchment for fantastic state schools. My parents lived very rurally.

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